A sob of joy bubbles out of me when I reach the sanctuary of my kitchen. My whole being feels fuzzy and free and floating with his words circling around in my head.
“Travis loves me,” I whisper into the empty space around me.
I never thought I’d be loved by a man again. I never thought I’d find happiness in life again. I never thought I’d get to raise a child and see them grow. But here I am, having raised Jesse and seeing him become a man who I’m proud to call my own. Here I am, loving a caring man and having him return the same love to me. Here I am, with happiness surrounding me.
I’ve been given a second chance at everything I thought I’d lost and didn’t deserve. I see now that we can all be given forgiveness and second chances. Our pasts don’t define us. Our pasts help make us who we become. Who we become and what we do with our past hurts is up to us.
I can’t wait to see what the future looks like with Travis. To grow old with him. To let our love continue to grow. That seems like total happiness to me.
* * *
TRAVIS
“What’s got you so happy over there?” Penny asks me while we work on different ends of the car that was brought into Pretty Girl yesterday.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell her, biting back my smile.
“Whatever,” she grumbles. She’s been in a constant bad mood since Jesse left after his last visit for the holidays.
“You and Jess still good?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she sighs. “I just hate the distance. Our schedules keep changing and it’s hard to talk.”
“Sorry, LP. You two will figure it out. It just takes time,” I tell her, thinking about how long it took Tilly and me to figure out our shit.
“Are you and Tilly like, I don’t know, doing stuff?” she asks without actually asking, and I begin to panic, not ready to have this conversation.
“What do you mean?”
“Tate just made a comment when everyone was in that you two were together. I just figured you’d tell me if you were, right?”
“Uh huh.” I lie to my daughter for the first time because I feel like a kid in trouble and hate that I’m choosing not to tell her the truth instead of coming clean. It just doesn’t feel right. I’ll probably regret this later, but for now, I think it’s for the best.
“Alright. I just want you happy, Dad. Whatever has you looking all happy today, keep doing that,” she laughs.
“And what about you? You gonna go see Jesse sometime soon?”
“I don’t know.” She stands up straight from where she was bent over the car. “I want to, but it just seems different.”
“You aren’t kids anymore, Pen. You can’t just sneak into each other’s windows. You have to put in effort to make a relationship work. And trust me, they do take work.”
“Yeah…” she sighs again.
I think I might need to call Jesse and set something up without LP knowing. I make a mental note to call him later and try to work out when I can surprise her and send her out to see him. Those two need a little push.
Chapter Nineteen
Travis
Eighteen Years After Josie
Tilly’s laugh ignites a joy in me that I can’t get enough of. I tickle her sides until she can hardly breathe. These are my favorite times, when we act like we’re teenagers and not the mid-forty-year-olds we are. I toss her over my shoulder, fireman style, and carry her up to my room, throwing her on the bed with a bounce.
“What about Penny?” she asks as I strip off my shirt and start for her.
“Her flight isn’t due for another hour. Besides, I’m sure she’ll be tired and go to their place before coming here,” I assure her. “Now, stop making excuses and strip, woman.”
Penny left a few days ago for Vegas to see Jesse. We all agreed that they needed the time together, and between Jess and me, we surprised her with a flight out to see him.
Since she’s been gone, Tilly and I have played house, staying over and enjoying our uninterrupted time together. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ll miss waking up next to her.
“Dad!” The voice of Penny yelling from downstairs wakes me. Confused, I rub my eyes awake and then take in Tilly’s naked body next to mine in bed. Shit!
“Tilly, baby, wake up. Penny’s here.” I shake her awake in a panic.
“Dad!” Penny yells again, and this time Tilly’s eyes go wide, meeting mine.
“I know. This is going to look bad, Cookie.”
A laugh bubbles out of her, and I fight my own smile. “Guess it’s time,” I tell her, leaving a quick kiss on her lips. Tilly walks out first, still buttoning her shirt, and I hear Penny say her name questioning why she’s here.
“LP…” I start, but Penny starts to laugh. Uncontrollably laughing as she looks back and forth between the two of us and I’m not sure what to make of her reaction. “Penny, it’s not what you think,” I continue, walking to where she is, which makes her laugh harder.
She is barely able to breathe but manages to speak. “No, Dad, I think it’s exactly what it looks like. You two are sleeping together.”
My eyes dart to Tilly, who still hasn’t moved, unsure what I want her to say or do. “Can we sit down and talk about things?” I ask.
Tilly starts to walk toward us but pauses, her hand covering her mouth. Penny smiles and nods to her. “That’s why I stopped by.” LP looks to me then. “Jesse asked me to marry him.”
“It’s been fourteen years in the making,” I tell her, pulling her in for a hug, my heart feeling full. “Congratulations, baby girl,” I whisper in her ear, using the name Josie used to call her.
“Thanks, Dad,” she tells me, then stops, looking at me with a quizzical look. “And how many years in the making has this been?”
“Probably just as long,” I nervously tell her.
“I’ll go put on a pot of coffee,” Tilly says, walking to the kitchen. I catch her eye on her way out of the room and give her a wink and reassuring smile.
Penny and I sit down in the living room. “How long?” she asks me with a calm smile, and I know everything will be alright.
“How long for which part?” I ask her, rubbing the back of my neck, still a little nervous about this impending conversation.
“What does that mean?” she asks. confused.
“I think we’ve both been attracted to each other since the day she moved in next door,” I admit with a smile pulling at my lips.
“Go on…” she pushes.
“Much like you and Jesse, Tilly and I have been friends through all these years. I fought through a lot of my own grief over your mom and confusion for my growing feelings for Tilly, but I love her, LP,” I admit, not wanting to look at her face yet.
“If you’re happy, Daddy, I’m happy,” she tells me, and I look up then to see tears shining in my little girl’s eyes.
“Thank you,” I tell her, pulling her into another hug. “So…” I pull back then. “My little girl is getting married, huh? You moving to Vegas?”
She nods her head as Tilly walks in with a tray of coffee and cookies for us. Penny meets Tilly’s eyes and they both smile, happy for one another. It’s a strange moment when we’re all happy to love the people we are closest to.
“We’d like to get married soon. I want to get married at the pond,” she says, pausing to gauge how I’ll take that.
I smile and take her hand. “I think that sounds perfect.”
* * *
Even after telling Penny about my relationship with Tilly, we haven’t flaunted it or been super open with everyone. Partly because we aren’t used to it and partly because it doesn’t seem right to.
I’m so thankful Penny is happy for us and knows and wasn’t mad at me for hiding it from her for so long. But it still feels odd for her to see me with another woman like that.
“Cookie?” I yell into Sugar Stacked. It’s closed for the day, but I know she’s still here, so I stopped in on my way home from work.
/> “Back here!” she yells to me.
I find her in the kitchen decorating a cake that looks too good to eat. She’s so talented. “That’s incredible,” I tell her in awe before dropping a kiss on her lips.
“Thanks. I’m getting frustrated with this flower though. It’s going to be the death of me today. I’ve already redone it eight times.”
“Take a break with me. I want to take you somewhere.”
“Oh?” she questions, looking up at me with a mischievous look.
I roll my eyes at her. “Just come with me. I’ll bring you back here in a little bit, and then maybe you’ll get your flower right.”
She agrees, and I drive us somewhere I’ve never taken Tilly before. I pull in and put my truck in park, nervous to show her this place that’s so special.
“Travis, are you sure?” she questions, knowing where we are.
“You’ll be here soon enough to watch Pen and Jesse get married,” I tell her with a shrug. “But I want to show you myself first,” I add.
She takes my offered hand when we exit the truck and walk up the gravel path to the pond. I guide her to Josie’s bench and sit down with her there. My eyes go to the plaque, and without thinking, I drop Tilly’s hand and rub my fingers over it.
“Sorry,” I croak. “This is hard and weird for me to do.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m thankful you want to share this with me.”
I meet her eyes, and I’m so grateful for her constant patience and understanding with me. Leaning forward, I place a soft kiss on her lips, in the place that I shared with my wife.
“Fuck, this is hard.” I sit back and run a hand over my face.
“Take your time. We have all night,” she soothes.
“I first brought Josie here when I was still in high school and she was still pushing aside her feelings for me. She wasn’t willing to fight for us yet, no matter how much we loved each other. The next time I brought her here was after she’d finished chemo and had a mastectomy. We danced as the sun went down, and I felt like I had everything in that moment. She still had more treatments after that, but she was amazing through it all. Once she was feeling well enough to leave the house, we’d come here and eat ice cream and dance. It became our sanctuary together. We were married here. Like, right here where this bench is. One of the last good memories of Josie was dancing in the snow with her here not long before she died.
“After Penny was born, we’d bring her and let her watch the ducks and feed them once she was old enough. Then, when Josie passed away, I’d bring Pen here and we’d talk to her momma and she became my dance partner when we’d visit. We still come here every now and then together.
“The fact that Penny wants to get married here, where her mom and I were married, where we have always come to feel closer to her is going to be hard for me watch. But I’ve also never been more proud of her. She’s following her heart, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.
“You know that Josie wrote all of us letters.” I pause and pull the letter out of my back pocket. “Well, she wrote one to you.” I hand her the one that says “To The Woman Who Taught My Husband To Love Again.”
Tilly looks surprised, panicked a little too, as she takes the envelope from my hand. “You don’t have to read it here or now, but I wanted to give it to you here. In the place where I feel Josie the most. Maybe it’ll help you understand her more, or maybe it won’t…”
“Travis, let me read it,” she interrupts me.
She opens the envelope and pulls out the letter, and it takes everything in me not to snatch it from her hands and read it myself.
“To the woman who taught my Travis to love again,” she starts, and I close my eyes, letting this surreal moment sink in, the woman I love reading my other love’s words out loud.
“I’m sure this seems a little strange and maybe disturbing to be plagued by his late wife, but if Travis is still reading my letters and gave you this, then you need to hear me out…
“You already know that he is an incredible man. You know that he is caring and kind and will do anything to make others happy. He loves with an intensity that’s like walking toward a fire but enjoying the burn. His love soothes all things.
“I’m so happy that he found you. I’m happy that he chose to open his heart again to love another. And even above that, I know if he’s brought you into our daughter’s life, you have to be pretty special, and I’m thankful for that too.
“Treat him well. Love him wholly and unconditionally. Don’t hold me over his head. We have something pretty special, but if you’re there now, you must have something just as special. Don’t forget that. He loves you. He chose you.
“Thank you for being there and for taking care of my family, our daughter and the love of my life. I’m so incredibly thankful for you.
“All my love, Josie”
I hear Tilly sniff, and it brings me back to her as she wipes fallen tears from her cheeks. “She must have been unbelievable.”
“She was,” I say gruffly. “But so are you.”
Tilly lets a cry fall from her lips and I lean forward to take it from her, pulling her into me closer. I hold her there for a while as we sit in the solace of this place.
“I love you, Tilly. I don’t want you to ever question that.”
“I don’t,” she says, sitting up then to look at me. “I love you, too.”
“Josie was and is my always. I can’t ever deny that or her. But you, Tilly, you are something else. You’re my forever to eternity.”
TILLY
Minutes After Meeting Josie
“I don’t even know how to be your right now, Travis,” I laugh.
He places a kiss on my lips, and it’s one of my favorites he gives me. Simple and soft and filled with so much.
“You’re already doing it,” he tells me.
My breath catches in my throat. I love this man so much. It’s no wonder Josie loved him just as much or even more.
I’ve always wondered if I’d have to fight her spirit for my place in his heart. After reading the letter she wrote to me and hearing his words, I don’t fear that anymore.
“Dance with me?” he asks, and I’m surprised but take his hand to stand with him.
Soon we’re swaying to the sound of the pond and the wind around us, our feet on the grass under our shoes. It’s such a simple act, but has such a powerful meaning for him, for us.
Cupping his face in my hands, I look at him, searching his eyes for any doubt that he wants this and us right now, but there isn’t anything but certainty.
“Thank you for sharing all of this—her—with me. I love you so much, Travis. I don’t know what the rest of our lives will look like. I don’t know much other than I want to wake up next to you each day for our forever. If I’m your eternity, then I’ll gladly love you for as long.”
His lips meet mine, and in unison with our swaying bodies, our lips find their own dance like they always do. Travis has a softness about him, but he’s also passionate in a way that sets my body on fire. Josie was right; he’s the fire that I’ll walk into each and every moment I get with him.
Chapter Twenty
Travis
Nineteen Years After Josie
Our baby girl is getting married today. Wow! I can’t even begin to fathom that right now. Oh, how I wish I could see into the future. To see you, to see her. Does she still have your pouty lips? I bet she is gorgeous!
Maybe a better question is: on a scale of one to ten, how hard is today on you? To watch our baby get married and begin a life of her own. I know if I were there, I’d be at a thirteen. Haha!
When you walk down that aisle with her on your arm, just this once, I want you to think of me and remember our day. Our beautifully perfect day at our pond. That was the best day of my entire life. So, walking with Penny today, remember it’s going to be hers too. Know that you helped her become the woman she is, beautiful inside and out, I’m sure.
Can you do som
ething for me? I want you to give her my necklace. The one I wore at our wedding. The one that has the single word that described our love perfectly. She doesn’t have to wear it if she has something else already in mind, but I want her to have it regardless. I want her to have a little piece of our love to keep with her.
I love you, Travis.
Always,
Josie
Through the years, I haven’t kept many of Josie’s belongings, but I’ve always had three things within my reach to touch whenever I wanted or needed them. The first, my box of letters. The second, a bottle of her favorite perfume. The third, her jewelry box. It’s small since she never wore much jewelry, but it has sat on my dresser for the past nearly twenty years.
Opening the box, my brows bunch as I scan the contents inside to find what I’m looking for. I relax when I find it. Her necklace. The one I gave her when she went into remission. It’s a simple silver chain with a pendant with one word inscribed on it… Always.
I make my way to Penny’s room, knocking before I enter. My eyes meet her beautiful blues and take in the woman in front of me. She is gorgeous just like Josie anticipated. Except, she thought of me when she thought of Penny. Looking at the beauty in front of me, I see her mother.
To my surprise, Penny wants to wear the necklace today. Clasping it behind her neck, I can’t help but feel emotional watching her. Kissing her cheek, I turn to leave her to finish getting ready for her perfect day with Jesse.
I’m barely holding on by a thread when we arrive at the pond for the ceremony. “I can feel her here. Can’t you?” she asks me as we wait to walk down the makeshift aisle toward Jesse.
“I feel her with me every time I look at you, LP,” I tell her, kissing her forehead and thinking about the day I married her mom here many years ago. Taking Penny’s arm in mine, I close my eyes for a moment before I focus back on my LP. I give her a small smile, and then I walk my baby girl toward her always.
Always Series Box Set Page 74