by Emily Sharp
“Well, I’ll be damned. I still can’t believe it. London. My little girl, some big shot boss.”
“Big shot, yeah right,” I said, rolling my eyes like he could see me.
“Hey, before you go, I want to talk to you about something.”
I sat up. “Sure, what’s going on?” I reached across and grabbed my hot chocolate and took a sip.
“I got back with Cathy,” he said.
I was silent for a few moments. “OK, well I'm glad,” I said. And I was. He deserved to be happy.
“We have been talking and are giving it another go. I don't want to say too much, but she’s come to realize a lot of things. She wants to apologize to you both but wants to do it face-to-face.”
I snorted. “Well, she doesn’t have to, and well Veronica, you know that’s not happening.”
“I know honey, I’m sorry. But Cathy really wants to, and I'm being honest here, she feels like crap for what she did. She really wants to make a new start. So, next time you come down, she wants to talk to you, if that’s OK?”
I took a drink from the mug. If she wanted to apologize, I wouldn't deny her that chance. Whether or not I could forgive her was certainly a whole other matter.
“Yeah, Dad, that’s fine. I’m glad you two are back together, and say hi to her for me.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Love you too,” I said, then hung up.
I reached over and grabbed the contract that was on the coffee table, going over it again. It was everything I dreamed of, everything I wanted. But I still wanted Veronica. When I signed it, if I signed it, it would be a final commitment. No going back, no changing my mind.
Grabbing the pen off the table, I went to sign it and then hesitated. Did I want to say goodbye like this? Did I want to never see her again? My heart hurt, and tears rolled down my face as I signed my name.
***
The following Wednesday after class, I drove from the school and headed to work. Today I was handing in my contract, my signature intact. As I drove, weaving through the traffic, I felt something pulling me. Following my heart, I pulled into Johnnie 80s. Driving slow through the parking lot, I saw her car parked in the back. I laughed thinking about her taking me out in it. When she let me drive and then trying to seduce the cop who turned out to be an old woman.
I thought of a lot as I sat there. I could park, walk in, and talk to her. She was just feet away somewhere inside that building. Was it too late? Was there any chance left? I thought back to what Travis had said when we came here to eat, wondering if I had done everything I could have. I started crying as I drove on past her car and then merged in with the traffic.
***
“Mark, I'm sorry, but something has come up. Can I meet you next week?” I said as I pulled up in front of Veronica’s house. I never even made it to the parking lot of his building.
“Sure, that’s not a problem,” he said, his voice concerned. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, there’s just something important I need to do, and it has to be done today.”
“Not a problem. I’ll see you next Wednesday.”
Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. The sun was shining, and I hoped it was a good sign as I rang the doorbell.
A minute went by, and giving up, I turned to leave, then heard the door open behind me. Alysa was there, a towel around her.
“Hey, stranger,” she said. “Sorry, I just out of the shower. Veronica’s not here…”
“No, I came to talk to you, actually.”
Her eyebrows rose but she said, “Well, come on in.”
“Thank you,” I said, stepping through the door.
“Let me go change. Head on into the kitchen.”
I walked into the kitchen, pulled out a barstool and sat at the island, putting my purse on the stool next to me. I looked around, a smile coming to my face. I thought of the Halloween party and the fun we had.
Alysa came back in a few minutes later, dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans.
“Coffee?” she said, grabbing the pot.
“Please, and black for me, no sugar.”
“Same as me,” she said smiling, then handed me a cup. Thanking her, I took a sip and set it down.
She was leaned against the counter, looking at me. “So, what’s going on?”
“I’ve been offered a job,” I said, looking into my mug. “It’s actually out of the country.”
“Congratulations! That sounds exciting.”
“Thank you. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of. But I know if I go, I won’t ever see Veronica again. And, I mean, we are not together anymore, of course, we don’t even talk. But it’s killing me I can’t get through to her. I don't want to walk away if there is still a chance.”
She nodded her head. “Come with me,” she said.
I got up, grabbing my purse and coffee, and followed her into the living room. I took a seat on the couch, and Alysa sat on the other end, her legs curled underneath her.
“I know you two broke up. She told me all about it. And yes, your father’s girlfriend was wrong, but her breaking her relationship with you was a bad decision. I love Veronica like my own daughter, but I want to let you know up front, I tried telling her to talk you.”
“Thank you. I have tried just about everything, and I'm at a loss. I mean, I want to make things right, but even when we were together, she hid so much from me. And I don't know what happened or what I did wrong to fix it.”
She took another drink from her cup, then sighed.
“I'm sure you have your own baggage you brought into this relationship. Veronica has plenty of her own. Did she tell you how we met her?”
“No,” I said. “And that’s what bugs me. I loved meeting you guys. That was the first time I was over here, and I said I wanted to come back. She wouldn't have it, and I don’t understand why.”
She nodded, setting her cup on the coffee table.
“It wasn't personal. She loved you, hell, I think she still does. But that was her way of protecting herself.”
“I'm not sure if I follow.”
“Let me explain. Dave runs a mechanic shop, has for twenty years. One day when he opened the store up in the morning, he found Veronica sleeping in the dumpster outside the shop.”
I was shocked. “I had no idea,” I mumbled.
“She had run away from another foster home. She was just a few months away from eighteen, and anyway, the sick bastard tried…well, you can imagine.”
My heart broke, thinking of her scared, running from someone trying to hurt her or do anything to her against her will. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t shared any of this with me, but then again, it was probably hard for her to even think about.
“So we took her in. Dave taught her to work on cars, and then she got that job at Johnnie 80s. She became a better person, you could see the change in her. She loved it, worked her way up, then she had that bad relationship.”
“With Debbie,” I said.
“Yep, that slut walked out on her. I mean literally said, ‘Sorry, I'm done’ and walked away.”
I shook my head. “What she did to me.”
“Her mom gave her up, social services shuffled her about, everyone that promised to love her ended up leaving her. She latched on to me and Dave, and she found her own stability here. Anything outside of it, she’s terrified of.”
My mind was reeling as I sat there listening to her talk about things about Veronica that I never knew but had so desperately wanted to know. We talked for the next hour, and once we were done, we headed back into the kitchen.
“I'm sorry how this turned out,” Alysa said. “You two seemed made for each other. If there was anything I could do, I would’ve in a heartbeat,”
I stood there, trying to deal with every emotion that was running through me. My own fears, my own realization of who I was myself and who I was with Veronica.
“There is,” I said. “D
o you know when her next day off is?”
Alysa smiled. “Sure, it’s actually tomorrow. We were supposed to go shopping. Why?”
“I have an idea, but I’ll need your help.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Snow adorned the trees, the landscape, and the sun shone on it, highlighting it all as other parts were cast in shadow. The sky was clear, and the perfect stillness of it was breathtaking. The mountains that rose above had been there for millions of years and would be there millions more. They saw generations come and go, travelers passing between and across them. Through wars and peace, and throughout happiness and sorrow, they sat back watching it all unfold in front of them. Only they recorded time like none other, the silent judges cloaked with the sun’s rays. And their majestic presence was eternal, their hourglass never ending.
Behind me was a large rock. A rock I had once sat upon and made a promise to someone. A promise to love them, to protect them, and to never leave. And now was my chance, perhaps my last, to honor that promise. I knew the odds were against me, and the thought of having my heart broken again scared me. But I had to do it, and that was why I turned when I heard the snow crunch from the footsteps coming toward me.
Veronica stood there in the coat I had bought her for Christmas. The fur around her neck keeping her warm, I hoped, from the light cold wind that was blowing. I stood there looking at her, my woolen hat pulled down, my scarf around my neck.
We were two different people with two different stories. But we had more in common than either of us knew.
“Alysa told me to come here. I didn't expect to see you,” she said as she walked up. She stopped a few feet away from me.
“I know, I had her…well obviously.”
She nodded her head.
“I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes, if that’s OK,” I said.
Veronica shrugged.
“I got a job offer and I'm going to be moving…to London,” I said. I clenched the contract in my hand.
“Congratulations,” Veronica said flatly. At first I wondered if she cared at all, but then, for a moment, I saw a flicker in her eyes. A flicker of hurt and pain and a look that needed healing.
“The thing is, I always wanted this,” I said holding up the contract. “It was my dream.”
“I remember you telling me,” she said.
“And you were part of that dream as well,” I said.
She nodded her head, her arms crossing in front of her.
“I don't want this if I have can’t have you in my life,” I said. “I will throw it away if I have even a small chance of being with you.”
She said nothing, instead looked at the ground.
I stepped up close to her. “Veronica, I made a lot of mistakes that day at my dad’s. My comment about your clothes, you were right and I was wrong in that. I had told you to be comfortable to be you, and then I went back on that.”
“It doesn't matter.” She kept her eyes down.
“It does matter because I love you and who you are. You’re the girl that got me to speed that day and show off my boobs. You’re the girl that had me step out of my shell and wear clothes that I would never have dreamed of. The girl that, when I fell roller skating, reached out and picked me up.” Tears ran down my face.
She shook her head, and I saw a few tears roll down her own cheeks as well.
“I wanted everything to be perfect,” I said. “And in that, I tried to take over, I guess. I thought I could make sure everything was great. But by doing that, by trying to control you, I screwed things up. And I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to. I hope you believe that.”
She looked up, her eyes red. “I know you didn't.”
“I know you have been hurt before, and you were scared.”
She nodded her head.
“And I can’t lie and tell you I know what it’s like to go through what you did. I had a loving home and parents who cared for me. But I can tell you what it’s like to bury pain and not deal with it. When my mom died, I couldn't handle it. And so, I tried killing myself overdosing on pills.” I had never told anyone that before. Only my dad knew, and I hated myself for putting him through that.
“I'm sorry, I didn't know.”
“I know because I held it back. Thankfully, the doctors saved me. I went to counseling and had to go through a lot to be stable again. Then when you left me, I started down that path again. Not of taking my life, but the sorrow and hurt, and it scared me that I would be pulled down that well of despair again.”
Veronica wiped her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you, I promise.”
“I know, and I didn't mean to hurt you either.”
She looked around, then back to me. “I can’t bear the thought of being hurt again. I'm sorry, I just can’t do it.”
I nodded my head. “In the past, to survive, you had to run at times, didn't you?” I said.
She began to sob.
“And that served you well, it protected you from danger. But it’s not serving you well now. Now you’re running from someone who loves you, that doesn’t want to see your hurt,”
We stood there for a minute in silence, both of us crying.
“I don't know, I'm so scared,” she said, looking at me.
“I know you are. I can’t promise it’s all going to go away. But I need to know if you still love me.”
She looked away, shaking her head.
“You’re a tough girl, Veronica, there’s no doubt about that. It’s a quality that I’ve always admired. It’s helped me realize things about myself I never knew, that you brought out. If you can look at me right now and tell me you don't love me, I give you my word I will never bother you again. It will crush me, but I can accept it. And I will walk away right this moment. But you have to tell me,”
Veronica turned back to me. My heart raced as I waited to hear the words, so I could hold her once again.
“I’ve always been scared of losing someone. My mom… I reached out to her three years ago, and she told me she didn't have a daughter. How can you do that to your own child?”
My heart broke, trying to fathom the thought.
“And when Debbie left me…it goes back before that. The foster homes, the promises of love, and they all went back on their word. Each one passing me to the next. And I ran away when the sick bastard tried getting into my bed that one night.” She was crying even harder now.
I reached out and took her hands in mine.
“I’m so sick of running, Julie,” she said between sobs. “I can’t do it anymore.”
“I’ll be here for you. I will help when I can, whatever it takes. You’re not alone.” I walked us back to the rock. “The same promise I made I still hold dear to my heart. And I know you do as well.”
“Julie, I…”
“Yes?” I said, looking into her soft brown eyes.
“I love you. Don't leave me. I'm sorry, please forgive me.”
I burst out crying as I pulled her to me and held her as she cried into my shoulder.
“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,” she said kept saying, as if in a chant.
“I am too, honey,” I said.
We held each other close with the wind blowing, the hourglass of time stopping to allow this moment. The mountains bore witness that day to a promise that was made in time gone by now being renewed. They watched two souls that were separated, now rejoined together as one, a bond as eternal as them. And as we held each other, I found peace in my own heart and a love that was always there burning brightly once again. And as we broke that embrace, I saw the fire in her eyes that had once been there, brighter than ever before.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“You got it!” Veronica said, cheering me on as I drove her car down the interstate. I had just picked up speed, overtaking a few cars.
“Look at me living dangerously!” I said. “The next thing you know, I may run through a yellow light.”
She laughed. “I know! Now we just have to get you some
tattoos and shave that hair.”
“Yeah, I’m definitely drawing a line there,” I said. It was early April, school was out for a week and we were headed to my dad’s in Veronica’s car. She had four days off in a row and we had talked and decided we both needed to go see him.
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” Veronica said, turning in her seat to look at me.
“Let’s see, it’s been a while. What? An hour?”
She held her hand to her mouth. “How could I be so mean? Well, you are beautiful,” she said, leaning in and kissing my cheek.
“So are you,” I said, reaching my hand out. “I love you.”
Her fingers wrapped around my hand and held it tight. “I love you too.”
***
We stood at the door of my dad’s like we had over five months ago. The weather was cool, in the high-forties, and Veronica was wearing the outfit I had bought her for Christmas. Including the heart pendant.
“Do I look all right?” she said.
“Yes, of course you do,” I said. “Stop worrying.”
“Oh, I'm not. I just like to hear compliments.” She grinned.
The door opened and we both looked over, Dad standing there wearing his favorite sweatshirt and jeans.
“Hey, guys, come in, come in,” he said. We followed him to the living room.
He turned to us. “Veronica, I want to say I'm sorry…” he started to say, but Veronica hurried over to him and hugged him.
“I'm sorry, Craig. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course,” he said. “All is forgiven and forgotten.”
She stepped back, and Dad smiled at us both.
“Veronica, you are family to me. And families, well, sometimes we get into it. But you are always family no matter what, don’t ever forget that. So, if Julie is driving you nuts with her driving and you need to vent, just call or stop by.”
“Dad!” I said laughing.
“All right, but you know that don't you?”
“I do. Thank you, Craig,” she said, then giving him another hug, came over to me and sat on the couch.
“Guess what’s for dinner?” Dad said.
“Mexican food!” I said.