by Daniel Slack
BRIAN
Yes, that's because you don't know about film.
(looks to us and shakes his head)
SCARLETT
Tell me then, why is she a paradox?
BRIAN
Because, on paper, she's a cunt. Excuse my French.
SCARLETT
It's all right.
BRIAN
It's strange you know. Out and out, she's my favourite character in any film. For each second she is on screen, my eyes are just glued to her. But, it's almost as if she was written to be the antagonist.
SCARLETT
What is this film about?
BRIAN
In one sense, it's about the death of the old south, but in another, it's about... what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a lady.
SCARLETT
And she's not a lady?
BRIAN
What makes you say that?
SCARLETT
She's the antagonist.
BRIAN
And a lady is better than or less antagonistic than a woman?
SCARLETT
I have no opinion on the matter.
BRIAN
Why would you? She isn't a lady anyhow. By the standards of the old south at least.
SCARLETT
So, I was right.
BRIAN
In what? Asking a question?
SCARLETT
Well, I said--
BRIAN
Why a computer has such a sense of pride--
SCARLETT
Oh, now don't break the illusion.
BRIAN
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
(back to it:)
I don't know why it is. What on Earth makes her so likeable?
SCARLETT
I see no reason why you shouldn't like an antagonist.
BRIAN
It's not like I want HAL 9000--best not tell you about that.
SCARLETT
What?
BRIAN
Best not to break the illusion.
SCARLETT
What?
BRIAN
I was saying that I don't always root for the antagonist, the bad guys.
(to us)
What? You think I watch Schindler's List and pull for the Germans.
(to himself, imitating Turkish from Snatch)
Ze Germans.
SCARLETT
Then that's why Scarlett O'Hara's a paradox.
BRIAN
No, not at all. Bad guys are quite often more likeable than anyone else. The Joker, Dark Knight. Anton, No Country For Old Men. Ferris in Ferris Bueller's Day Off... if you think about it.
SCARLETT
You're losing me again.
BRIAN
I know, I know. But, in the cases just mentioned, the characters have ideals that are relatable or, as in other cases, such as Alex's in A Clockwork Orange--that was a book too, you read don't you?
SCARLETT
I've not read that one.
BRIAN
Not available in binary?
SCARLETT
(scoffs)
That makes sense.
BRIAN
Ow, you hurt me.
SCARLETT
What can I say?
BRIAN
Stop pushing me off track. Uh... oh yeah, Alex had personality, personality can get you anywhere, no matter what you do. In the world of cinema.
SCARLETT
And Scarlett doesn't?
BRIAN
Duh, of course she does, it's just not a good one, in a certain sense.
Scarlett sighs.
BRIAN
I have never been able to put my finger on exactly why she is just so brilliant. She has unsavoury ideals. She acts like a child. And she never properly changes.
SCARLETT
She ever get naked?
BRIAN
No.
SCARLETT
She got big boobs?
BRIAN
No.
SCARLETT
Well, then she's beautiful.
BRIAN
I don't think I've ever heard you say boobs.
SCARLETT
What would you rather I say?
BRIAN
Boobs is just fine, I like the way you said it. Say it again.
SCARLETT
Boobs?
Brian smiles.
SCARLETT
You are such a child. This isn't going to be like the time you heard me say--
BRIAN
Oh, come on! There's just some things--
SCARLETT
Some things that you just can't help but fixate on, like a pretty face.
BRIAN
Well.. what can I say?
SCARLETT
How pretty of a face does one need to have to be one of your favourite characters?
BRIAN
Hold on, you can't put it all down to the fact that Vivien Leigh is...
(shudders at the thought of her)
There are no words worth saying, just... whew. What she does with simple facial expressions, the rise of an eyebrow... I dream of what put Scarlett in that good mood--but you have no idea of what I'm talking about.
(to us)
P.S. That good mood is in reference to the night Rhett almost crushes her head then carries her up the stairs, everything seeming pretty rapey. Cut to Scarlett the next morning, happy as can be, duly satisfied. Now, I'm not saying I like the idea of rape, or even that she was. The woman was satisfied. But, giving Scarlett O'Hara a good pounding? And with Clark Gable's dick? Who'd pass that up?
(to Scarlett)
To think, another actress, the film could have failed. Well, I suppose I wouldn't mind Paulette Goddard, the one from Modern Times--but, again, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
(to us)
Oh! Speaking of...
CUT TO:
ON SCREEN we see the part of Modern Times where Charlie and Paulette are sitting under the tree having just discussed their wanting to have a home together in the future.
BRIAN (V.O)
Watch. She says: 'shit, I'm hungry'.
Paulette turns to the camera and gestures that she's hungry, mouthing those apparent words.
BRIAN (V.O)
(laughs)
You see it? Here watch again.
We play the bit again, but this time as she gestures and mouths the words:
WOMAN'S VOICE (V.O)
Shit, I'm hungry.
BRIAN (V.O)
Fuck me, isn't that great! I love that woman. Anyhow...
CUT TO:
INT. SCARLETT'S COCKPIT
BRIAN
What did you say? I'm sorry, I got distracted.
SCARLETT
I said I don't have any idea what you are talking about.
BRIAN
Why don't you just Google the stuff?
SCARLETT
I couldn't possibly divide my attention.
BRIAN
(to us)
Yes, Google still exists. On the decline though.
(to Scarlett)
Thanks, but you're also flying the ship.
SCARLETT
And you're breathing.
BRIAN
I never said you had my full attention and that doesn't mean my concentration is divided.
SCARLETT
Well, that's surprising--
BRIAN
What are trying to say?
SCARLETT
A pretty face--a pretty voice, and it seems like even breathing becomes hard for you without thinking about it.
BRIAN
Are you trying to embarrass me?
(to us)
Is she trying to embarrass me?
SCARLETT
What can I say?
BRIAN
It's not that she's beautiful. I think it's something about what a woman means to... well, humanity.
SCARLETT
Humanity, as in what it means to be
human?
BRIAN
I don't know much about that. No, um, just people. Hold on... I think it's coming to me...
(thinks)
To be a woman is more than often to be this pressured, poked, prodded and idolised thing. But, they're defiant.
(to us)
They're all thinking 'things'. But, that's my point.
(to her)
The reason why woman means, woman, is because they are the centre of humanity. They're what it revolves around. The end all and be all of us all. Scarlett O'Hara is the perfect example of the fact that women are just people, whilst men can never be more then men. A woman is like a rock...
(to us, in self-derision)
A rock! What is he talking about?
(to her)
Women are to men as rocks are to unicorns. Women exist in reality whilst a man is merely an extension of a childish imagination. Whilst a woman has all these things projected onto her, namely, the concept of a woman, lady, she is, or should completely be, a person who simply gets what she wants.
(to us)
Men rule the world, but the world is just an idea, an idea of control, control we do not have. Anyhow, that was all perfectly explored in Enemy, in my opinion at least. Either way, I more than recommend it, an undeniable classic, a perfect film.
(to her)
Miss O'Hara is the best character on screen simply because she is remembered as Scarlett, not Butler, not Kennedy, not Hamilton, but O'Hara. Men are simply creatures at her feet that she's fond of. And ladies. Ladies?
(scoffs)
SCARLETT
What's that got to do with humanity?
BRIAN
People know their own bullshit and the bullshit of others around them, even if they don't say so, or know so consciously. Scarlett is so likeable and Gone With The Wind is one of the best films ever made because we get to experience a no bullshit woman who has her ideals and acts by them as a person true to herself. Shit, I can't imagine a Gone With The Wind where she had learnt to not stick to herself and who she is, but how to be a lady instead. Who'd want to see that character arc?
(to us)
P.S. The meaning of this movie was probably in the last few parts.
SCARLETT
And everyone loves Gone With The Wind, Scarlett O'Hara?
BRIAN
Well, shit...
(to us)
Nope, there's the meaning of the movie... probably.
SCARLETT
Brian?
BRIAN
(to us)
If you don't get it... well, it's down to you anyway.
(to Scarlett)
Yes.
SCARLETT
I don't have a last name.
BRIAN
Are you holding that against me?
SCARLETT
Why shouldn't I?
BRIAN
I don't have an opinion on the matter.
They fly in silence for a moment.
BRIAN
I'd hate to imagine the smile on your face if you had one. How much farther have we got?
SCARLETT
Not far.
INT. SPACE CRAFT HANGAR - LATER
Brian makes his way out of Scarlett's massive bay doors and down an extending access ramp.
BRIAN (O.S)
Whoa! That might have seemed like a good place to cut, but hold on...
CUT TO:
INT. SCARLETT'S COCKPIT
Back with Brian.
BRIAN
By my saying that women are better than men, well... that's not what I meant. You see, women don't exist. Now there's your quote. Women don't exist because first and foremost I am a man. Secondly, I am stuck in my own head. I'm an individual. Which means you don't exist either...
He just looks at us.
BRIAN
You can cut away now, I've said my piece. Figure it out if y--
CUT TO:
INT. SPACE CRAFT HANGAR - LATER
Brian makes his way out of Scarlett's massive bay doors and down an extending access ramp.
He's in a gigantic hangar full of hundreds of ships, some like Scarlett, some bigger, some smaller, but all sat within yellow parking zones.
There are thousands of people making their way in and around their spacecrafts, carrying luggage and following in lines behind container boxes all intended for a spacecraft.
Brian walks to the edge of his designated parking area where a short grey pillar protrudes out of the ground.
BRIAN
Crew of one, aboard P-X-six-nine-two, Scarlett. Reporting as FR and vacant. What am I taking with me?
The pillar spits out a small sheet of paper that Brian picks up and walks back toward Scarlett with.
BRIAN
FR is flight ready and what that pillar just spat out is a basic rundown of my job. Simply put...
(reading the sheet)
... I've got eleven passengers and two containers. Who's coming aboard and what's in the containers is probably being relayed to Scarlett right now. These bits of paper are just to make the pilot feel like he's needed. I mean, you heard what I said, crew of one. The Starship Enterprise had something like two thousand people and the Millennium Falcon at least had Solo and Chewy. The whole process is practically fully automated. I'm just a seat filler that ensures nothing goes wrong, or at least be there to be blamed when it does.