“Careful?”
“He probably knows how much I like you. He’s just looking out for me, but you didn’t let me finish,” he said. He took hold of my hand and with his other hand he raised my chin and looked into my eyes.
“Oh, okay finish,” I said, rubbing my lips together. I could feel my cheeks turn pink, I was a little embarrassed maybe I did let my emotions get the best of me.
“I wanted you to know because eventually I’m gonna introduce you to him and I want you to be prepared in case he doesn’t come across real friendly, but I’d never let my dad stand in the way of us being together,” he said.
I breathed in deeply, relieved. My heart picked back up and I felt light as air again as all the bad emotions evaporated and left me only with a warm good feeling. His dad was still disconcerting, but he wasn’t something I had to think about or figure out right then. What was important was that for the second time that night Reign said “us”.
“Okay,” I said with a nod.
“Okay,” he repeated.
He moved closer to me and as I raised my head a little higher. I parted my lips prepared for him to grab hold of me and pull me near him for our first kiss. He seemed to be moving closer and closer, but then he stuck out his hand.
“So good night,” he said, awkwardly.
I looked down at his trembling hand with a little disappointment as I took hold of his hand.
“Goodnight,” I said as I shook his hand up and down and then I turned from where we stood and walked up to my house at a much slower pace and because I knew he was still standing behind me watching me, I came to a stop as I opened the front door, dipped my head and turned back only for a second and smiled. He placed a hand over his heart, dramatically, and acted as if my smile had knocked him over as he stumbled backward and slowly retreated to his truck to drive home.
When I got into the house Mom called to me from the kitchen that we would eat in twenty minutes. Hearing her voice reminded me about her own reservations about me dating Reign. She had told me that Viktor never liked Reign’s family and evidently Reign’s dad didn’t like us either. Reign and I were unfortunately too young to remember our families ever interacting and too innocent to be told my either parent why the families didn’t like one another, but we were also fortunate because we didn’t care about the past. Their past was not our past and instead we only cared about the present and the present was our future.
At dinner I kept to myself in my pleasant daze. All I could think about was Reign. I ate on automatic and mumbled answers to Moms questions without realizing it. With my head supported in my hand I sat slumped in my chair, though I felt as if I was not tethered to the ground. I felt like I was floating above the table like a balloon on a string. My eyes stayed glued on the white house which was becoming harder to detect the darker the night sky grew, but then a bright yellow light went on in the house and I smiled thinking that it was his room, though I still wasn’t positive about that, but it was nice to pretend that he was there in the upstairs looking out the window at me.
“Earth to Mickey,” Mom said from across the table.
I didn’t respond fast enough and soon both Josh and Eric were throwing their balled up napkins at me.
“What?” I asked, scowling at my little brothers.
“You looked out of it. Feeling alright?” Mom asked, biting her bottom lip with concern.
“She’s in loooooooooooove,” Eric sang.
Mom’s eyebrows rose as she turned her head to look at me. “With whom?”
Josh started making kissing noises with his lips puckered.
“They’re just being annoying,” I said, glaring at my brother.
“Well, not with the neighbor kid at least, right?” she asked, picking up a bowl of mashed potatoes and scooping a helping on to her plate with a spoon.
“No, not the neighbor boy,” I mumbled just as the yellow light in the white house went out.
17
The next morning, I woke from an intense sleep. The sun was already high in the sky and spilled into my room across the wooden floor boards and cascaded over me on the bed. I pushed my hair back away from my face and rose out of the comfort of my bed and slipped my grey slippers on before retreating down the stairs and toward the kitchen where I heard Mom making breakfast.
She was still in her pajamas and purple coffee stained robe the tight sleeves of which were rolled up to her elbows as she flipped sizzling bacon in an iron skillet at the stove. Rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand, she danced a little to the music streaming from the stereo unknowing that I had entered the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes, embarrassed, but I also watched her with some admiration at her self-assurance and confidence. Mom was never one to apologize for who she was and she always exuded comfort for being her individual self. I was jealous of this because, until recently, it seemed like I had lived my whole life constantly afraid of what others were thinking or saying about me, but now that I was worse than invisible at school I had realized it didn’t matter. Besides, I had entered a new realm that of bliss and only Reign and I existed in that realm.
“Mom,” I said, turning down the music.
Mom turned from the stove with a spatula in her had. She looked surprised to see me, but covered the surprise with a half-smile and setting the spatula down she walked over to the coffee pot where a white mug waited for me. She poured the black coffee into the mug and then carefully handed it to me where I sat on a round stool at the bar.
“Pancakes and bacon,” Mom said with a sense of pride. She didn’t make breakfast often. Usually weekends were her days to sleep in and sleep in she did well until late morning and I was the one who mixed the batter and flipped pancakes and cooked bacon on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
I realized as I sat on the bar stool drinking coffee that on a Saturday morning Kristen would normally be sitting next to me or dancing with Mom while cooking bacon. My heart strings tugged a little and I forced the memory of my old friend out of my head.
“Did I sleep late again?” I looked over at the clock on the microwave and was thankful to see that it wasn’t too late. Some days I’d sleep well into the afternoon.
“I felt restless,” Mom explained.
“So you made bacon?”
Mom shrugged and turned her music back up. She pointed at me and moon walked backward to the stove where she dramatically spun on one foot and then started flipping misshapen pancakes.
Glancing behind my shoulder, I noticed the backdoor was open. I could see my brothers fishing off the dock. Every so often I felt the breeze carry in off the water and bring with it bursts of fresh, cold air causing little bumps to raise along my arms.
“Get your brothers,” Mom said from the stove.
Unfolding my legs from underneath me, I dropped them to the floor and walked gingerly to the screen door. I pressed the palms of my hand lightly on the screen and raised my voice, but before I made a sound I noticed, Reign in his yard working on the white house. The full, bright sun highlighted his bare back as he kneeled by the side of the house hammering. He wore dark jeans and around his waist was a leather tool belt. Suddenly, I felt lightheaded and embarrassed. I didn’t want to call to my brothers and bring attention to myself while I still wore plaid shorts and an oversized t-shirt with yellow daisies printed on the front. My hair was clumped on the left side and resembled a bird’s nest on the right.
“Did you call them?” Mom said from the kitchen.
“Josh, Eric,” I whispered unable to find the courage to yell and risk being seen.
The dog, Phoebe, came bounding around the house and jumped on Reign, knocking him over. He laughed and grabbed hold of the dog. Then his father appeared in dirty jeans and a stained white t-shirt and black hat. He pulled on his beard as he talked to Reign and then whistled through his teeth and ordered the dog to follow him as he walked past the house and into the woods. Reign knelt looking after them.
“BOYS!”
&nbs
p; I jumped. Mom was standing behind me with her hands over her mouth. She was a bit shorter than me. Her head came up to my shoulders and I was tempted to reach over and cover her mouth with my hands, but it was too late not only did my brothers hear, throwing their fishing poles to the ground and running enthusiastically in our direction, but Reign heard too, of course. He stood, twirling around to face us. He lifted a hand over his eyes to shield the sun and seeing me he waved and smiled, but unsure if I saw him he stepped forward and started waving with both him arms above his head.
Mom patted me on the shoulder and left my side to prepare our plates while I did the logical thing and ran from the door out of sight.
After breakfast, I secluded myself in Mom’s room on the couch in front of her bed. I told Mom I was just watching her television that hung on the wall above her dresser since my brothers were in the attic, but really I had a perfect view of Reign who was still in his yard with a hammer and measuring tape.
A group of pale clouds covered the sun causing the temperature to drop and the breeze picked up, resulting in Reign removing the red t-shirt that hung from the back pocket of his jeans. He slipped it on over his golden head.
Occasionally, he would stop working and turn toward my house and stare with wide eyes and raised eyebrows hoping, probably, to catch a glimpse of me, but I stayed hidden in the dark room. I wanted to see him, but I was also paralyzed with nervousness. I was blissfully happy and terrified at the same time.
In the early afternoon, I watched as he undid the brown leather tool belt from around his waist and dropped it to the ground. Evidently he was done working, he gave my house one last look over and then with his head hung started walking toward the front door of his house, but suddenly he came to a stop and ran toward the water, stopping at the edge he puffed our his chest and tipped his head back and shouted my name.
I sat unsure of how to respond until I heard him call me a second time. I jumped up from the couch and ran to the dresser where I grabbed a round brush and pulled it quickly through my hair. I found my laundry basket on Mom’s bed with my clean clothes yet to be folded and I dumped it on the floor and riffled through the pile until I noticed my white, lace short sleeve baby doll dress that I quickly changed into. I pulled gently on the dress until it cascaded down to my knees and running my fingers through my hair I ran to the French doors and opened them. Stepping on to the beck deck, I squinted and raised my hand for him to see.
He stopped shouting my name and upon seeing me he waded a little in the frigid water and to the canoe which he pulled himself into and began rowing toward the wooden dock. I remained on the back deck until he, noticing I wasn’t walking toward him, called to me again from the canoe in the middle of the water. He stood and waved his arms enthusiastically. He motioned for me to meet him. I ran down the back steps of the deck and across the stony, hard ground to the end of the wooden dock. He kept his eyes on me and a smile on his face. I laughed.
When he got to the dock he jumped out of the canoe and turned to me.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Oh, I just wanted to say hi,” he said, scratching the back of his head.
“Hi,” I laughed.
“Hi,” he mumbled as he looked down at me. He bit his bottom lip as he ran his fingers through his honey golden hair.
This was the moment. The perfect moment with the clear blue sky, the breezy air, the crisp temperature, the radiant sun, everything in nature and within me urged him to lean forward and make the move. But because I knew he was too shy, and I couldn’t pass on this perfect moment, I raised myself on my toes and pulled his face toward mine and kissed him and when I did the entire world slipped away for a moment. All that was left were beautiful pastel colors and a warm feeling in my chest as my heart swelled and then I stood back flat on my feet and our lips parted and the world came back, though different then it was before. When I opened my eyes he was still standing with pursed lips and closed eyes, eyebrows raised. I laughed and nudged him a little. He opened one eye slowly, but was at a loss for words.
“Okay, see you at school,” I said and turned to walk away, but before I got far he grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me back into another kiss. And I think that was the moment the world changed for me because it was the moment we fell in love with the warm colors wrapping tight around us and interfusing us with a love we had yet to fully understand the extent of.
We were so wrapped up in each other and our own blooming colorful world that we didn’t notice either of our parents watching us with concern in the secure, dark comfort of their homes.
An hour later we were sitting at the end of the dock with our toes dipped in the cold water, when he unlaced his fingers from mine and commented that he had to return to his side of the water to finish his chores. He stood first then took my hand and pulled me up until I was standing, facing him.
We were more familiar with each other now, but I was still nervous. I glanced downward toward floating weeds instead of returning the intent stare of his dark eyes, but he cupped my face in his hand and gingerly lifted my face until I was staring up at him. I found myself closing my eyes and lifting my feet, moving closer to him as he bent his head lower and gave me one last kiss for the day before departing.
Kissing was so new to me and it made me uncontrollably giddy. I was lightheaded from the warmth of the bright sun and the warmth of all the new emotions that burst within me like fireworks and I started to giggle. Our lips broke apart and stepping backwards he gave me a confused look.
Embarrassed, I gave him a pathetic hug and turned on my bare feet and walked quickly down the dock. Once back in the stone yard of my house, I looked back and saw that he was in the canoe rowing toward his house. He saw me looking at him and raised one of the oars.
“Tomorrow,” he sang, loudly.
I nodded. We still hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, but I preferred it that way. There was a feeling of sincerity to our relationship that we met spontaneously and called to one another in person than over a machine. We didn’t need to set dates over a message. All we needed to do was look for the other on their side of the shore.
Dreamily, I continued my walk back to the house, but I came to a stop at the back deck. I didn’t want to go back inside, not just yet. After my lack of social life and long punishment of being confined to the property, my house had started to feel more like a wooden prison than a comforting home. It was a beautiful fall Saturday afternoon and in another life, I’d be in town at Toasted having lattes with Kristen, but I just had my first kiss, so my life wasn’t that dreary.
Regardless, an afternoon of watching my brothers play video games or playing Uno with Mom wasn’t something I was eager to go home to, so instead of going back inside I walked around my house to the front where I decided to spend some time collecting flowers near the entrance of woods.
When I walked around a bush to pick flowers from the back, I noticed him for the first time. At first, I stood frozen with my fingers outstretched over a dainty white flower. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and tried to size him up. He was taller than me and a boxy build. He had black, long hair and olive skin, green eyes that I could feel burning into me as he watched me. He wore black jeans rolled up at his ankles and a faded, worn blue button up shirt with a torn collar. He stood behind the hemlock tree with his arms crossed. I could smell him. He smelled like barley and sweat.
I resumed picking the flowers, pretending like I didn’t notice him. I figured this gave me an advantage to go on as if I didn’t know he was there and then I could run away to the house. To call for Mom or even Reign now would perhaps cause him to jump me.
My hold on the flowers tightened as I turned from the bushes, and humming a soft tune, I started to walk away, but just as I was about to drop the flowers and sprint to the house he stepped out from behind the hemlock tree and in two steps his hand gripped my upper arm.
He growled into my ear in a husky voice, “It’s time we talked.” He
was stronger than me, and my fear made me even weaker. He pulled me into the woods as the broken stemmed flowers fell from my hand.
18
At first I resisted, I tried to pull my arm free from his hold and run back to the house, but I was unable to get my arm free. I opened my mouth to scream and right as my voice was about to erupt and echo toward the house, he clamped his sweaty hand over my lips, stifling my panicked yell. He then picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me deeper into the woods.
Finally, he came to a stop and set me down, not gently, I toppled over on to the ground and landed in a pile of fallen, dead leaves. I stood to run, but he grabbed hold of me once again and ensuring I could not run or resist him he pinned my arms to my side. I studied him with fear, but as I looked into his face and into his greenish yellow eyes I melted a little. The fear was replaced with a sense of familiarity as he seemed like someone I recognized though I had no idea how that was possible.
“I’m gonna scream,” I said. “My boyfriend lives just over there.” I jerked my head backward toward the direction of Reign’s white house not very far from where we stood.
“Just hold it,” he said, calmly. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”
My instincts told me to believe him, but I didn’t want to let my guard down and I didn’t want him to see me as vulnerable so I continued staring at him with my eyes narrowed and a scowl on my face.
“Your father sent me,” he said.
What? It was good thing he was holding me up because his comment knocked the air out of me and left my legs weak. I almost fell back down onto the dead leaves in shock.
“My dad?” I said, slowly. “My dad’s dead,” I added as I heard Mom’s voice running through my mind telling me one of the many stories about my father.
“No, he’s very much alive,” he replied with a smirk.
“Why’d he send you?” I asked.
“You’re not gonna run away are you?” he asked.
I shook my head and relaxed my face a little to show him I wouldn’t try to scream or run. He released his hold of, stepped back a little, and crossed his arms as he stared at me.
Memoirs of a Girl Wolf Page 12