I rubbed over the underwear for a few seconds, until I couldn’t take it any longer. I slipped my finger underneath, into her slippery folds. When I touched her clit, she went off like a rocket.
Her hands clutched my shoulders, and her upper body reared off the mattress. “Mason! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God ... ohhhh.” She moaned, her body jerking as I kept stroking her, bringing her back down from her climax.
When her breath had calmed a little, she turned her head to look at me, eyes still soft. “Mason ... that was ... incredible.” She ran her hand down my chest, faltering when her fingers reached the elastic waistband of my shorts. “Can I make you feel the same way?”
I kissed her cheek and kept going down her throat. “Honey, I want you to. Believe me. But if you touch me right now, I won’t be able to finish what we both want.” Even as I spoke the words, my cock twitched, ready for action. Against my better judgment, I covered her hand with mine and slowly lowered it so that she could feel me through the nylon.
Her eyes widened. “You feel ... big. Are you sure this is going to work?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure.” I paused. “Are you sure, still?”
She nodded. “Very sure. Completely sure. Absolutely sure. Totally—”
“Okay, you had me at very sure.” I kissed her again, just to shut her up. “Hold on a minute.”
I rolled away from her to reach into the drawer of my nightstand. Retrieving a condom, I glanced at Rilla, smiling a little when I saw her watching me. Keeping my eyes on hers, I slid off my shorts.
She let her gaze wander down, and when she reached my dick, she licked her lips and swallowed hard. If it was possible, I got even harder.
But she didn’t look away. I tore open the wrapper and slid the condom over me before I crawled back over to hold myself above her.
She was nervous. I could tell by the thumb that had made its way to the edge of her mouth. I lowered my face to take that thumb between my own lips, sucking it into my mouth and letting my tongue circle it a few times.
“Did you know, when you’re worried, or nervous, you bite your thumb?”
Surprise showed in her eyes, more that I’d noticed than that she had this tell.
“And did you further know, that every time you do that, I’m dying to suck that thumb into my own mouth and do exactly what I’m doing now?” I swirled my tongue around it a few more times and then bit it gently. Rilla closed her eyes as pleasure filled her face.
“Remember that every time you do it, from now on.” I dropped my knees to the bed between her legs, nudging them a little wider. My dick was poised at her entrance, but I stopped, holding myself in check one more time.
“You’re ready, Rilla?”
She nodded. “It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?”
I exhaled. “I wish it didn’t. I’m going to do whatever I can to make it ... not. But it’ll get better. I promise.”
I took my cock in my hand and rubbed the head over her wetness, over her clit, and then finally slid into her, just barely.
She tensed. I knew that was going to make it worse for her, but I couldn’t do anything about it right now. My body knew heaven was inches away, and there was no holding back. I pushed in a little further.
Rilla sucked in a gasp, closed her eyes again and bit down on her lip.
“You okay, baby? Want me ... want me to pull out?” Oh God, please say no, please say no, please say no ...
“No. It’s—I’m okay. Just feels ... like I’m stretching. Burning a little.” She gripped the straining muscles of my arms. “Don’t stop.”
As if my cock took that as a mandate, I thrust into her all the way. God, she was tight. Tight like the best thing in the world I’ve ever felt, bar none and I never wanted to leave this spot or this moment.
I wanted to stop, give her a moment to adjust, but my control was shattered. Gone. I moved, rocking into her and then withdrawing, trying to keep the thrusts gentle but failing miserably as nature took over. Weeks of wanting this, dreaming of it, waiting for it meant that release came fast and hard. I emptied myself inside her, my entire body one huge, hard muscle as I growled out her name.
I had enough presence of mind not to land on her when I fell onto the bed. For the space of several moments, we both caught our breath, hearts pounding.
When I could move again, I lifted my head. Rilla’s eyes were closed, but she looked ... happy. Peaceful. Sated.
And thank the good Lord, so was I, at long last.
“You okay, darlin’?” I brushed hair from her face, wrapping a strand around my finger. “Do you hurt?”
She shook her head, keeping her eyes closed, but a smile curved her lips. “I’m a little ... not quite sore, but aware that I might be sore. You know?” She turned her head, meeting my gaze. “But totally worth it. Mason, was that as beautiful for you as it was for me? And is it always like that?”
I gathered her close, drawing her body onto mine so that her head rested on my chest. “Rilla, that was ... beyond any words I have for it.” I tipped her chin up with one finger so that she was looking at me. “You gave me a gift tonight, and I don’t take that lightly. Your first time, and the trust you have in me ... that’s sacred. Thank you.” I crunched up to reach her lips and kissed her gently. “And no, it’s not always like that. There’s all kinds of sex. There’s fast and intense, and slow and lazy, and there’s friendly sex, and then there’s making love.” I purposely didn’t mention the fucking kind of sex. It wasn’t applicable to this situation, and if I had my way, Rilla would never know that kind.
“Mason, thank you for tonight. I can’t imagine having my first time with anyone but you.” Her eyes shone at me, and her passion-swollen lips curved into a lazy smile.
I pinched her arm lightly. “I should hope not. As your husband, I am definitely against you doing this with anyone but me.”
She turned her head so that her chin rested on my chest and her eyes bore into mine. “Really? That matters to you?”
I frowned. “Of course it matters to me. It matters a hell of a lot. You’re my wife, Rilla. What we just shared is something that’s only between us. For always.”
She nodded, her chin digging into my muscles. “I just thought ... I know what you said, Mason. About Lu. How she’s the only woman you’ll ever love. And I just thought ... if you can’t feel that way about me, this ... sex ... might not make any difference to you. Not like it does to me.”
I gripped her upper arms and hauled her up until her face was level with mine, taking her by surprise. Her eyes were huge and her mouth a small O. “It matters, Rilla. What we just did was more than sex. I made love to you. You made love to me. It’s important, and you’re the only one I want to experience this with. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes.” She kept her gaze on me. “I only ever want you, Mason. I only ever want you to touch me. I only ever want you ... inside me.”
“Good.” I crushed her lips with a kiss. “Now that we’ve got that straight, all I want is to go to sleep with you in my arms. I’ve had a long-ass day. It ended on a high note, for sure.” I mock-leered at her. “But the rest of it was kind of crap, so I want to sleep until our daughter makes us wake up. And I want you close to me.” I rolled so that we lay on our sides. Wrapping my arms around Rilla, I hauled her against me, buried my face in her neck and fell into oblivion.
THE NEXT FOUR WEEKS were the most perfect of my life.
Nothing had really changed, except that one thing had, and that one thing changed everything. Mason had made love to me, and a whole new world had opened up.
He hadn’t said he loved me, but every touch, every time he brought me pleasure, every time I made him moan ... we were saying it to each other. I was sure of it.
I’d moved into his bedroom, which we now both referred to as our room. I slept in his bed every night, tangled in his arms. Piper jumped on us every morning, and if Mason hadn’t been out too late the night before, we all cuddled and
played until she demanded that we get up for breakfast.
I loved every minute of it.
There were a few things I tried not to think about. I pushed aside any hurt that my grandmother still hadn’t tried to contact me. I missed her with an ache that never went away, but I knew I couldn’t go back to the farm, not even to visit. Not yet. The pain was still too fresh and raw.
I tried to ignore the nagging voice inside that said I needed to go back to church. Not Burton Community, but somewhere. Over the last months, I’d had time to examine my feelings about the church, as well as my own relationship with God. I realized that the resentments and anger I felt were toward some of the people in the church, most notably Pastor Shand and my father. My dad at least had the excuse of my mother and how she’d abandoned both of us, but Pastor Shand ... the more I thought about it, the more it repulsed me that he’d led a group of people who trusted him down a road that was downright wrong.
I shared some of my mad with Mason as we lay in bed one night. My head was on his chest, listening to the slow beating of his heart. His fingers traced small circles over the bare skin of my back as I spoke.
“The thing is, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be holy. But the Bible says we can’t ever be perfect, and that God accepts us and loves us in our imperfection. Pastor Shand didn’t teach that. He told us that God couldn’t stand us if we weren’t holy. So he convinced a bunch of people to focus on trying to reach some impossible ideal. The more I look at it, the more I believe God wants us to focus on love, not on trying to make sure everyone else is behaving.”
“How can you see the splinter in your brother’s eye before you remove the plank in your own?” Mason’s words were muffled against my hair.
I twisted to look at him. “Why, Mason Wallace, did you just quote Scripture?”
He winked at me. “My talents are endless, darlin.’ And don’t sound so surprised. I went to Sunday school, remember.”
“Yeah.” I laid my head back on his chest. “Do you think ... can you ever forgive God? Would you go to church with me, if I found a place for us? Could I take Piper?”
“Of course you can take Piper. As for me ...” He sighed. “I don’t know, Rilla. I’m still not sure. I mean, how can I believe in a God who took away my wife? The woman I loved more than anything else in the world?”
An ache grew around my heart. I swallowed. “What about believing in a God who gave you Piper? Who gave you a wonderful mother?” Every ounce of me wanted to add, “Can’t you believe in a God who gave me to you? Who gave you a second chance at love?” But I was too afraid of what Mason might answer. As long as I didn’t come right out and ask him if he loved me, I could pretend that he did. I could find all the evidence and build a case for it. If I asked and he said no, I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“So you’re saying I should focus on what God has given me instead of what he’s taken away?” Mason mused. “I guess I see what you mean.”
“I’m not pressuring you. I just ... I just want you to be okay. Not bitter.” I kissed his shoulder.
“Speaking of God ...” Mason rolled over, pinning me to the bed. “Did you notice that you, Miss I-Never-Cuss-Or-Swear, take the Lord’s name in vain each time I make you come?”
My face heated, and I covered my eyes with one hand. “I know! I can’t help it. It’s just ...” I shrugged. “I tell myself it’s because it’s like a prayer. We say God’s name when we pray, and when you’re inside me, it’s almost like a holy experience.”
“What God has joined, let no man put asunder.” Mason nodded, putting on a serious look until I poked him in the ribs. “What? I was quoting scripture again.” He rubbed his lips over my throat. “How about we join together and see if I can make you break the second commandment?”
After a few setbacks and delays, Naomi finally came home from the hospital. I’d spent days cleaning the house, since we still had to careful of exposing her to germs. Piper and I made a big welcome home sign, and when Mason led her into the kitchen, seeing Naomi’s bright eyes made my heart sing.
“Oh, it’s so good to be home! Oh, my, look at how nice everything looks. Rilla, the house is sparkling. Piper, my sign is beautiful!”
“Are you all better now, Nan?” Piper cocked her head.
“Not quite, sweetie, but I’m on the road. I just need to rest up and stay away from sick people for a while.”
Mason helped me settle his mom in her room. We both fussed over her until she ordered us out.
“I need my rest. And you two have things to do. Mason, shouldn’t you go to work? Don’t you have a club to run? And Rilla, Piper’s been asking you to come play with her for ten minutes. Off you go.”
It was good to have Naomi home again. I liked being able to pop into her room and chat whenever I wanted.
“I have to say, honey, that I’m pleased as punch to see you and Mason together. Just tickled.” She beamed at me.
“I’m glad you’re happy about it. I wasn’t sure—we didn’t exactly have a promising start. I know Mason only proposed to protect my reputation. But he’s been so good to me, and I think ... I think we’re getting along all right.”
“Getting along all right? Rilla, my son is besotted with you. And I know you’ve been in love with him for a long time. It’s mighty nice when that works out, isn’t it?”
I nodded, but some of my worry must’ve shown in my eyes. Naomi frowned. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
I took a deep breath. “Naomi, I do love him. I’m in love with Mason. But I haven’t told him. And I’m not sure he loves me.” I bit my lip. “I mean, I think he loves me, but maybe not the same way I love him. He told me Lu was the only woman he could ever love like that.”
“Hogwash.” Naomi’s pronouncement was succinct. “My son’s an idiot, Rilla. He might not have told you—heavens, he might not’ve admitted it to himself—but he is head over heels in love with you. Trust me. Be patient.”
It was easier to believe Naomi was right at night, when Mason held me, kissing me until I was breathless. He was a patient teacher, letting me set the speed at which we moved, and I'd discovered the heady power I possessed to drive him crazy, just with my touch.
“Darlin'. . .” His voice sounded strangled. “Rilla. Oh, God, baby. . .”
I lay between his legs, with my mouth on his cock. Cock. It was a funny word, I thought, but it was the one he used when we were in bed. This was my first experimentation with taking him in my mouth, but since I knew I loved when Mason used his lips and tongue on me, I was happy to return the favor.
“Like this?” I moved my head, testing.
“Oh, God, yes.” His hands were tangled in my hair.
I sucked a little harder, swirling my tongue around the pulsing shaft. Gram's lessons had never talked about this, but I'd come to believe that anything that happened in our marriage bed was beyond reproach. After all, God had created us man and woman and declared it was good. I couldn't accept that in his wisdom, he hadn't wished us pleasure in each other.
“Rilla.” Mason's hands moved to my shoulders as he panted. “Come here, baby. I want to be inside you when I come.”
I crawled up his gorgeous, hard body, rubbing myself against him as I went. He groaned and hauled my face to his before flipping us over. Nudging my legs apart, he coaxed my knees to bend before he thrust into me.
I arched up to meet him, swept into the need to get as close as I could while he picked up speed, plunging over and over until I cried out, my fingers digging in his back.
Mason growled out something I didn't understand and then slid into me once more, his body tensing into solid muscle as he spilled himself inside me.
It wasn't until my breath had slowed to almost normal that I realized that for the first time, Mason hadn't used a condom. He was always careful about rolling it on, but I sensed tonight, urgency had been too much. I didn't know whether I should mention it or not. We hadn't discussed matters of birth control or wh
ether Mason wanted more children. I was almost afraid to ask him that question.
“I know.” His words were muffled under my shoulder. “I'm sorry, baby. I never forget to-well, I just wasn't thinking, I guess.” He pushed up onto his elbows to look down at me. “I promise, I'm clean. I've never had sex without protection since Lu.”
I nodded and swallowed. “Mason . . . do you think . . .we never talked about it. Do you want more children?”
He didn't answer right away, and I decided that was a good sign. Lowering his body next to mine, he skimmed one hand over my ribs to cover my stomach.
“Darlin', there's a big part of me that says, hell yeah. I want babies with you. I want to see you carrying my child, and I want the world to know that you are.” He ran his lips down my neck, kissing the pulse at the base. “But I'm not sure I want to risk you that way. Or whether I have it in me to love another child. I worry about Piper so much, about everything that could go wrong. Another one . . .” He shook his head. “I need to think about it. I need some time.”
I turned my head to touch my lips to his jaw. “We have plenty of that.” Running one fingertip down his arm to his fingers, I decided a change of subject was in order. “Mason, would you sing to me?”
He stiffened. “Sing to you?”
“Your mom says you have a gift. And I've seen your guitar in the closet. I mean, if it's too painful, I understand.” I sat up, pulling the comforter around me. “But I'd love to hear it.”
He studied me for a few minutes. “Okay.” Before I could say anything else, he swung his legs off the mattress and stalked over to the closet. I watched him walk, muscles flexing in his backside and legs. I'd never really understood what lust was until I'd seen my husband naked. Now, it was practically my constant state of being.
He picked up the guitar and came back to the bed, piling the pillows up so he could lean against them. I crossed my legs and sat quietly, watching him tune it.
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