Taking Piper out to the farm. Be back in time for dinner. Mom’s fine.
Relief eased into me. If she was telling me their day’s plans, it didn’t sound as though she was taking off. Not yet, anyway. I needed to figure out my shit and talk to her. Smooth things over. See if we could get back to where we’d been before.
We had a full house for lunch, and enough lingering guests that we had to rush to get everything set up for the evening. I was helping haul cases of liquor from the storeroom when Rocky yelled out my name.
“Hey, boss! Your phone’s ringing.”
I gritted my teeth, struggling to keep hold of the crates I carried. “Who is it?”
“Unknown caller.”
“Ignore it.” I maneuvered behind the bar and set down the boxes with a huff of breath. Pulling the box cutter from my pocket, I sliced them open as Rocky helped me unload.
We’d gotten through two crates when I heard my phone again. Muttering a curse under my breath, I picked it up, checking the readout. Unknown caller again ... but now there was a voicemail, too.
Frowning, I hit the button to listen to my messages. The voice on the other end was unfamiliar.
Mr. Wallace, this is Elinor Robinson, and I’m a nurse at Bryan County Hospital. Please call me as soon as possible. There was an accident, and your wife and daughter are here—
Horror, fear and an unspeakable sense of déjà vu overwhelmed me. Other words from another time echoed in my head.
We’re so sorry, Mr. Wallace ... nothing more we could do ... injuries were too extensive ...
“Hey, boss, you okay? You look like you seen a ghost.” Rocky straightened, frowning at me.
I stared at him as if I didn’t understand what he’d said. “I—I gotta go. Hospital—Rilla and Piper were in an accident.”
Rocky’s face fell into lines of concern. “Okay. Come on, I’ll drive you.” He yelled over his shoulder even as he grabbed my shoulder and steered me around the bar. “Darcy, take over. We gotta go—emergency.”
Without waiting for a response, he pushed me ahead of him, out the door and into the waning sunshine of late afternoon. I stopped at the bottom of the steps and turned to him, gripping his arms.
“I can’t lose them. Rocky—I can’t do it again. I can’t lose them.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Mason. Come on. Let’s get out there and see what’s going on. It’s gonna be fine.”
“Mama, why are you in here? And Daddy’s not in his bed.” Piper climbed up with me, cuddling her small body alongside mine.
I glanced around the guest room, confused. And then it all crashed down onto me, and I swallowed hard before putting on a bright smile.
“Oh, I wasn’t feeling well last night, so I slept in here so I didn’t keep Daddy awake. He had to go to work early this morning.” I tickled her neck. “So Miss Thing, what’ll be for breakfast? Pancakes? Waffles? Fried possum?”
She giggled, and I scooped her up to nuzzle her neck. I loved this child with every ounce of my being. Sometimes I watched her and knew, without a doubt, that she couldn’t be more precious to me even if she’d come from my own body. I could never leave her. No matter how painful my relationship with her father might be.
We made breakfast together, both of us clapping when Naomi joined us at the table. Her diet was still restricted, thanks to her immune suppression, but she enjoyed the pancakes I made. We lingered around the table, chatting and listening to Piper’s funny little stories. I watched Naomi’s face, loving the joy I saw there, despite the gauntness of her body and the pain in her eyes. She too was dear to me, and I couldn’t leave her, either.
I was just finishing the breakfast dishes when my phone rang. I saw Meghan’s name on the caller ID.
“Rilla! I hope you don’t have any plans today, girl. Guess who just came back into town for a surprise visit?” In the background, I heard laughter and a familiar voice called my name.
“Rilla, come play with us! Bring Piper, I’ve got Bridget with me, too.”
“Ali’s here?” Despite my own aching heart, I managed a smile. “I thought she wasn’t supposed to come home for another month.”
“Flynn’s sister Iona had her baby, and they decided to fly down and meet the new nephew. They’re only here for two days, but we want you to come out and catch up. Can you make it?”
I glanced around the window. Part of me wanted to burrow at home and wallow in my misery. But I knew it’d be good for me to see Ali, and Piper would love playing with her daughter Bridget, even though Bridge was older.
“Okay. I’m in. Let me make sure Naomi’s okay, and then we’ll head out.”
“Yay! We’ll see you in a little bit.”
I closed the dishwasher and pushed the start button. “Hey, Piper, want to go for a ride?”
“Okay, so I leave for New York, and you’re our quiet little Rilla Grant, working at the stand, jumping at her own shadow, wearing clothes two sizes too big, trying to make her PR business work ... and I come back home and you’re Rilla Wallace, wife, mother and seriously smokin’ hottie. Wearing jeans. Married to Mason Wallace, for God’s sake. Meghan says you even went to a bar.”
When Ali put it that way, it really hit home how much my life had changed. I shrugged. “I didn’t plan any of it. It just kind of happened.”
“And you should see the two of them together, Ali.” Meghan grinned. “They might’ve gotten married for very practical reasons, but Mason is head over heels for her. I mean, like, it’s like scorched earth when he looks her way.”
Ali laughed, but when I didn’t join in, both girls narrowed their eyes. “All right, Rilla. Come clean. Something’s wrong. You’ve got shadows under your eyes, and you’re just going through the motions here today. What’s going on?”
I hadn’t intended to tell them anyway, but I heard the words erupting from my mouth anyway. “Mason doesn’t love me. Last night ... I told him I loved him, and he said he’d never feel the same way.”
“Bullshit.” Meghan didn’t even blink. “He loves you, Rilla. He’s lying to himself and he’s lying to you. I don’t know why, except maybe he’s scared shitless, but I’m telling you, sweetie. He loves you, he’s hot for you and he is crazy in love with you.”
“He might just need some time.” Ali reached across the table and laid her hand on my arm. “He’s probably afraid of what happens if he gives in to loving you. I can’t imagine what he went through after his first wife died.”
“Maybe.” I traced the grain on the wooded table with my finger.
“The question is, can you be patient that long? Let him get there in his own time? It might not be easy.”
I thought about Piper and Naomi. And I remembered Mason the first night he’d made love to me, his face and the way he’d touched me. Could I hold onto all of that and have faith that Mason would come around?
“It all comes down to faith, doesn’t it?” I glanced at Meghan. “That was drilled into me my whole life. It’d be a little ironic if I couldn’t manage to hold onto it now.”
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Ali smiled as Meghan quirked an eyebrow. “What? I paid attention in church.” She gnawed on the side of her lip. “Rilla, I wish someone had told me eight years ago to have faith in Flynn. To believe in him, even after he left. I wish I’d believed in him enough to tell him the truth about Bridget right away. But even after he came back this year, and we fell in love again—or realized we’d never stopped being in love—it still took some doing to believe we could make this work. But we can. We are.” She winked at me. “So can you.”
By the time Piper and I left the Reynolds’ farm, it was late afternoon. I was anxious to get home to check on Naomi, and my mind kept darting back to Mason, and to my talk with Ali and Meghan. A small nugget of hope had begun to grow within me again. I could do this. I could bide my time, wait until Mason realized that he was in love with me. Until he worked up the courage to admit it.
/> I turned onto the highway that led into town past The Road Block. I could stop in and see him, just bring Piper in to say hello, kiss my husband and remind him that no matter how much he tried to fight it, I loved him. I smiled a little. That was a perfect plan. It wouldn’t take more than five minutes, and Naomi would be okay for a little while more—
The crash was loud, sudden and shocking. My arm was pinned against me, and I screamed.
Everything went black.
“WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE the hell are my wife and daughter?” I towered over the woman at the nurses’ station, my hands planted in front of me. I was probably scaring the shit out of her, but I didn’t care.
“Sir, I can help you. But you need to calm down and tell me their names.” On the other hand, maybe I wasn’t scaring her so much. She seemed pretty calm, and that infuriated me.
“Wallace. Rilla and Piper Wallace.” I glowered at her as she punched some keys on her computer.
“Okay, they’re in room ten. Here in the ER. Go down to the end of this hall and make a left.”
I turned to leave, but I heard Rocky behind me thanking the woman. I forced myself to stop and look back.
“Yeah. Thank you. Sorry about—” I waved my hand vaguely.
“No problem. You’re not the first one to get worked up here, you know.”
I nodded and wheeled around again, almost running down the hall. When I reached room ten, I came to a halt and paused before going in.
Was I ready for this? What if ... what if ...
“Mason?” Rilla’s voice, sweet and clear as ever, jerked me aware. She was standing in the doorway, holding Piper in one arm.
Relief flooded over me, and my knees nearly buckled. If she was standing, she was okay. I took a closer look. Her hair was a mess, and she had a bandage on her head and another on the arm that didn’t hold our daughter. But she was whole and unbloodied and so blessedly alive.
“What happened?” I couldn’t make myself move yet, no matter how much I wanted to take them both into my arms.
Rilla shook her head. “We were on our way home, and some guy ran the stop sign and hit us. But we’re okay.” She seemed to know I needed to hear it. “The airbags went off, and my arm’s a little burned. And I bumped my head, but not bad. Piper’s absolutely fine, just a little scared.”
As if on cue, Piper burst into tears. “Daddy!” she wailed, holding her arms out to me. I took her, holding her tight against me. My baby, whole and healthy and untouched. I sent a mental thank-you to the inventor of the child safety seat.
“We’re just waiting for them to discharge us. I came out to see if I could find the nurse.” Rilla leaned against the doorway. “I’m so sorry, Mason. I know you must’ve been terrified. I tried to call you from here, but you didn’t pick up.” I heard the slight edge of hurt to her voice. Had she thought I was ignoring her because of last night?
I patted my pocket. “I think I left my phone at the bar after I got the call from the hospital.”
Rilla nodded. “The car got banged up pretty badly. I guess they towed it to Boomer’s.”
“I don’t care about the car.” I half-growled the words. “As long as you’re both okay ...”
“And they are.” A woman in scrubs breezed over to us. “Here’s the paperwork, Mrs. Wallace, and the discharge instructions. We recommend you see your primary physician for a follow-up, but you shouldn’t have any problems. If you show any signs of concussion, like vomiting, not being able to be woken, dizziness, call us. Otherwise, you’re good to go.”
Rilla thanked the nurse, and the three of us made our way to the lobby, where Rocky was waiting. When he saw us, his face blossomed into a huge grin.
“Oh, thank God.” He gave Rilla a gentle hug and patted Piper’s back. “See, boss, all’s well. Didn’t I tell you?”
“Yeah, you did.” I clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks, man, for getting me here.”
“Hey, I’m your ride back to the bar, too, right? C’mon. I even have a car seat for the little lady. Lucky the wife and I both keep one in our cars.” Rocky led us outside, glancing back at Rilla as we walked. “Rilla, you should’ve seen this guy. Never seen a man so freaked out. You ever doubt your husband loves you, just come to me. I’ll remind you about how he acted today.”
I slid Rilla a sideways look, but she didn’t say anything. As a matter of fact, she was quiet all the way to the bar and then during the ride home, when I’d moved them from Rocky’s car to my truck. Piper kept up a running commentary on everything that had happened that day—playing with Bridget on the Reynolds’ farm had made as much of an impression as the accident had—but Rilla didn’t speak beyond the bare necessities.
When we got home, we had to explain everything all over again to my mom. Halfway through the story, Rilla excused herself.
“I’m tired. If you don’t mind, I’m going upstairs.” She pressed a kiss to Piper’s head. “Be good, sweet girl.”
I watched her moving gingerly. The impact of the crash must’ve been catching up with her. I thought of how close I’d come to losing her today ... yes, she was fine, but if that car had been going a little faster, if he’d hit her in a different spot ... it could’ve been so different. A cold hand of fear squeezed my heart.
I kept busy for the next few hours, feeding Piper and my mom and getting everyone ready for bed. It was after nine by the time I finally opened my bedroom door.
I wasn’t sure if Rilla would be in there, or if she’d stayed in the guest room. But there she was, curled on her side, tiny in our big bed. Thinking she might be asleep, I tried to be quiet as I closed the door behind me and began to undress.
“Mason.” She spoke, and there was weariness in her voice that went beyond exhaustion. “We need to talk.”
“Are you feeling okay?” I went to stand next to her, shoving my hands into my pockets.
“I’m fine.” She pushed to sit up, curling her legs beneath her. “I want to talk about last night.” She bit her thumb, seemed to realize what she was doing and slid her hands under her legs. “About what you said.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Today, I was thinking ... maybe you just need time. Maybe once you see that I’m not going anywhere, that you’re not going to lose me, you’ll feel like it’s safe to love me.” She smiled a little, shaking her head. “I was even on my way to see you when we got hit.”
“Rilla, I—”
“Let me finish, please.” There was steel in her tone, and I shut my mouth.
“I thought if I just had a little faith—” She broke a little. “I thought with faith and time, we could make it work. But then we were at the hospital, and you thought we were really hurt. And you held Piper. I saw you hold her, close your eyes over her head, and just hug her tight. But you never touched me. You never held me.”
I closed my eyes and breathed out.
“Mason, you’re right. We didn’t go into this promising each other anything but companionship and help. We weren’t looking for love. And maybe it makes me unreasonable, but I changed my mind. I want love. I want the whole package. I love you, Mason, and I’m not going to apologize for it. I want what I see between Meghan and Sam, where he can’t help touching her and she lights up when she sees him. I want what Ali and Flynn have, where they’d both give up everything to make the other happy.
“And I deserve that. I might not have thought I did before, but I do now. I love you, and if you can’t love me, if you’re truly sure you can’t and you never will, then it’s not fair to either of us.” Tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t wipe them away.
I wanted to tell her that I loved her. I wanted to give her the answers she craved, but that same hand of fear that had clutched me earlier wouldn’t give up its grip. It wouldn’t let me risk hurt again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I can’t do it again. When I was driving to the hospital today, and I thought—I didn’t know how bad things were. And all I thought was I can’t fucking d
o this again. I’m sorry.”
Rilla nodded slowly. “I know.” She uncurled her legs and stood up. “Boomer dropped off a loaner car for me to use while your mom’s is being fixed. It should be out in the driveway. I’m going out to Meghan’s, for tonight at least. I’ll figure out what comes next, but for tonight, she said I can sleep in Ali’s room, since Ali and Flynn are staying with his mom.”
I stepped back as she skirted around me. That same agony I’d felt earlier had overtaken me, and I couldn’t do or say anything.
Rilla picked up her handbag and a sweater. “I’ll be back later to pack up my things, I guess. I—” She choked out a sob and turned to leave. I heard her going down the steps, and a few minutes later, the sound of the back door closing.
She was gone.
I didn’t have any place to go.
The thought occurred to me as I drove out of town, my stomach still roiling and my hands trembling. For tonight, sure, I knew Meghan and Sam would welcome me. But long-term? They were about to be married. They didn’t need a third wheel living in the spare bedroom. I couldn’t go to my father’s farm. It was no longer home. I couldn’t go to Boomer’s house; they didn’t have room for anyone else in their small home.
For a moment, I wavered. I could go back. The brick house on the quiet street in Burton was always going to be home for me, no matter what, because it was there that for a brief period, I’d loved and lived.
But I couldn’t live a lie, and staying there would be just that. I headed out into the country, focusing only on getting to the farm and not letting myself think of anything else. When I arrived, I pulled around to the back, and for a minute, I just sat there in the dark, in the silent car with the driver’s door open. Resting my head against the steering wheel, I waited for the tears to come. For the pain to drag me under.
“Rilla?”
I jerked upright. Meghan stood next to the car, concern knit all over her face. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and then shook my head. “I don’t know, Meghan. I’m sorry. I know I’m imposing ... but I just–”
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