by Lucian Bane
Kane glanced at him. “What did you hear?”
Sade’s body trembled as he shrugged and looked out the window. “That it was an accident.” The words gushed out, hoarse.
Kane suddenly gripped his shoulder tight. “It wasn’t your fault son. And I can assure you that the last thing she’d want you to fucking do is hate the little boy she loved.”
“What else did you know about her?” Sade gasped, wanting more memories than he had. He had so few good ones.
“I know she was an amazing woman. And I know that I was going to help her get out. And I know I vowed to watch over you.”
He struggled to breathe. “You did?”
“I goddamn did,” he muttered with a little laugh. “They fucked with you, they died, it was so very simple. Whether they caught on to that or not didn’t matter. I was wiping the slate clean for you son. That’s all she ever wanted. Those were her words to me, ‘I just want him to have a chance.’ And so I made that happen.” He turned with a happy smile and nodded back at the road. “I fucking made that happen. Because I’m a doer Johnathon, I’m not a fucking thinker, or wisher, or prayer, or dancer, or whiner. I’m a fucking doer. Can’t expect God to do it all, now can we? The man’s got plenty to do, I’m just doing my part and cleaning up my side of the room.”
Fucking wow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I hoped you’d see it. I hoped you’d figure it out but I couldn’t take a chance of you figuring too many things out. And now this.” He hit the steering wheel. “We were this fucking close.”
Sade collapsed into the door, his body numb now. Except for that ache in his chest. And he wanted to cut it open and stab his heart over and over until it quit going on and on and on.
“Listen,” Kane said after a while. “I’m going to drop you and Bo off and leave, I can’t have Mercy knowing about me. Not until I’m done with Satan. So I need you to not tell Mercy. I need you to wait for me there and not move. If something happens to me, you’ll be notified. Can you handle that?”
Damn. “I can. And glad to know you’re not killing us.”
“Why would I rescue you to kill you?”
Sade shrugged. “Thought you were taking us some place special maybe.”
“I had plans but not these exact ones. But don’t you worry, I have plenty of back-up games to choose from, it isn’t over yet son. No looking back now, do or die, all or nothing. You can be sure of one thing. My life is for Mercy. Your mother. And you. That hasn’t changed and never will.”
Sade looked at him, baffled by that. “Are you… my real father?”
He angled a look at him then fixed a hard gaze on the road. “I won’t lie. Many times I wished I was.”
Sade’s head fell back on the seat. It didn’t really matter. It wasn’t a father he missed anyway. “She’s going to be so happy you’re alive. She really loves you.”
“Yeah, almost as much as she loves you,” he said, sounding offended.
Sade’s heart heated and went crazy with those unbelievable words. “I can’t… get why,” he whispered.
“Me either.” His insulted tone was soft and probably the closest thing to verbal kindness he’d get from the man. Which was plenty for Sade.
“But with Mercy,” he said. “We can’t make promises on life. She mourned my death once and I’d rather leave it that way until this is over. I had become worth too much money and was wanted alive by that fucker Abraham. Me being alive became unsafe for Mercy.”
Abraham. Name sounded familiar. “Who is that?”
“The brother of the owner running the largest flesh trade in the world.” He shrugged. “He’s probably more pissed I soiled his carpet than about me cutting his twin’s dick off. Or maybe he’s all bitchy because he ate the nasty fucking cock unknowingly for dinner, who knows. It’s another reason I’m working from grave side. Some things are easier done when you’re dead.”
Sade couldn’t stop his grin. He really liked this dude. His woman’s dad of all fucking things. A wave of shock rocked his body at realizing he was about to see Mercy again. Fuck, he had really believed he wasn’t going to see her again. That was nearly a given with his Karma track record.
“I trust you with her,” Kane said. But it carried a clear warning with it.
“Dying for her is as easy as breathing.”
“Yeah well don’t be a fucking hero, she needs you alive, not dead. We clear? No more lone wolf stunts for you.”
The anger in his tone sent a weird warmth through Sade. “We’re very clear.”
“Good. And same for Bo. And just so you know, he’s your half-brother.”
“What?” he whispered.
“He’s a son of your biological father from his younger days when he allowed his women to get pregnant. His intention was…” Kane stopped and shook his head a little. “Never mind what his fucking intentions were, they were not nice.”
“Does he know?” Sade tossed his head toward Bo.
“Not sure, but I doubt it. Maybe it was mentioned in speculation and he chose to believe the best.”
Pain stabbed Sade in his gut at wondering if that’s why Bo tried so hard with him. It all made Sade feel like such a fucking dick and useless human being.
“Don’t beat yourself up, you had no idea.”
“Yeah well even if he wasn’t, I could’ve had more…”
“Empathy? Compassion? Look, we can all stand some of that bullshit, but in your world those things aren’t flashed around. You do what you have to and guard the good stuff, or it gets ripped out of your chest along with your soul. So don’t go feeling too guilty. You were dealt a fucking lousy life and you managed your monsters fairly well I think.”
Managed his monsters. That’s exactly what he had done. “I’m sick of managing monsters, corralling them, trying to appease them.”
“That’s about to get a whole lot easier.”
“What about inside? Dead twenty times over, the bastard will still haunt my body. All my dancing and fighting and trying and I’m still just a prisoner and all visitors are at risk of getting the same fucked up disease I have.”
“Yeah well, if it can break it can fix,” he said, undeterred.
Sade didn’t even get how that was remotely possible, but he tolerated the words in that miserable second. He needed something to get through and he was desperate enough to grab any line, just so it kept him hanging on. But there was one thing he was not willing to do. And that was contaminate Mercy with his shit. His original idea of using her goodness to serve his addictions suddenly burned a path of disgusting shame through him. He needed to protect her from them. Protect her from himself. Not invite her in for a taste of something that could lead to hurting her fucking beautiful heart.
Chapter Twenty One
Mercy paced with her thumb nail in her mouth. Day two. He said he’d be back and he wasn’t. Every possible scenario said he had time to get there. Unless he had trouble. She was at the scenario of his body floating in the river. She couldn’t wait, she would die, what if he needed her? So what if she would die, how could she fucking live without him and her father?
She couldn’t. She didn’t want to.
Mercy grabbed the keys and her purse and flew to the door and opened it. Like an impossible dream, Sade stood there. She would think he were a ghost except he was so beat up and supported a sagging, half-dead looking Bo.
“Oh my God!” she gasped, covering her mouth. “I was coming! I couldn’t wait! I don’t care what you say anymore, goddammit!” She ran forward and got under his arm to help him in.
They hobbled to the couch and laid a trembling Bo on it. “What’s wrong with him?” she whispered.
“Electrocution I think.”
“Oh my God,” she turned to him now and looked him over. “You need to lay down,” she gasped, leading him to the small bedroom. He didn’t argue as she helped him to it. He sat on the bed and pulled her into his lap, hugging her tightly, his face buried in her neck.
“I was about to leave,” she choked. “I was coming to find you.”
“You promised,” he whispered.
“I don’t give a shit what I promised, I was coming!” she cried. “I won’t be left again, do you hear me? Don’t you ever ask that again. I’d rather die with you than die apart from you,” she wailed, letting it all out now. “I was so scared. To lose you. Scared you would die without me with you! Oh my God, how did you even get here?”
He groaned and laid down, taking her with him. “Hitched a ride. Walked a ways.” Slowly he covered her with his leg and pulled her close against his chest. “Mercy,” he whispered, already half out of it. “I missed you so bad. Feels like… years since I touched you,” he mumbled, barely conscious now.
“Shhh,” she whispered, looking for a place to stroke that wasn’t beat up. She settled for his chest. “I’m here, I’m not moving ever again.” She snuggled her cheek against his chest. “I love you,” she whispered softly.
****
Sade woke up to smell first. Bacon. He pried his eyes open and pain shot down his face then rippled throughout his body, letting him know the damage. Turning his head slightly brought a wave of agony that sent him back into a fetal curl inside where he hid in the darkness till the storm blew over.
But the storm lasted a while with Mercy appearing randomly in the dark waves, forcing him to drink warmth. That’s all he knew. He remembered Bo every time he surfaced and wanted to ask but wasn’t able.
The smell of something sweet woke him again, along with pain in his groin. Bits of memory came, the most important one being Mercy. She was with him. Taking care of him. And Bo. But where were they? He opened his eyes and released a breath at discovering little pain. She was no doubt medicating him. He looked left and narrowed his gaze at the oddly familiar child’s room. Where the hell was he?
It hit him all at once. His room. He closed his eyes as a mixture of dense pain radiated inside him. He was in his childhood bed. In his childhood home.
The door opened and his heart hammered at seeing Mercy slip in with something in her arms. Clothes? He became aware that he was naked at that point. Fuck, it was his bladder that was killing him. He waited for her to look his way, his chest hot with desperate hunger just to feel her in any way. She seemed to sense him staring and jerked her gaze to him. Sade’s heart tried to burst at the immediate tears that sprung to her pretty green eyes. She hurried over and laid her head on his chest, exactly where he wanted it.
She stayed that way, both of them silent as he stroked her head and body as far as he could reach. She finally looked up and kissed him all over his face, her tears still streaming with light whimpers now. Her fingers caressed with a tenderness and he’d never felt anything more heavenly. Ever.
He held her face then, staring into her eyes before pulling her to his lips for a soft, lingering kiss. He only stopped because of his pain. “I need the bathroom.”
“I’ll get something,” she said.
He held her arm and she turned. “Help me to the bathroom.”
“Are you sure?” She got off the bed and helped him sit. “Of course you’re sure.”
“How’s Bo doing?” he asked, pressing his weight on his feet to see how much strength he had.
“He’s so much better!” she whispered. “He’s not walking around but he’s eating on his own now.”
“How long have we been here?”
“You got here two days ago. I had to go into town and buy supplies, there was nothing here to accommodate two broken bodies. I used cash and talked to nobody,” she assured at seeing his concern.
“Nobody knows about this place you said?”
He shook his head but the look on her face said she thought otherwise. “Nobody,” he added emphatically.
“Okay,” she whispered, but the skepticism was there. Sade didn’t feel like explaining anything yet, his bladder demanded his full attention.
“I should have run a catheter for you, I’m sorry,” she whispered at seeing him grimace. “You’ll have to go naked, your clothes are clean but not on you.”
Sade would have smiled at the obvious but he needed the fucking bathroom too bad. He finally made it and braced a hand on the wall, his entire body trembling from the exhaustion of the short trip. Wow. He was fucked up.
“I’m going to draw you a hot bath, that will help speed up your healing. I’ve got the fixings for it but it’s upstairs.”
Upstairs? Was like the fucking moon to his body.
“Consider it physical therapy getting there. I’ll help.”
He sighed and allowed her to lead him. He liked how she read him like a book a lot of times, but by the time they made it to the top of the stairs, he didn’t like her at all. “Jesus Christ woman. Is this how you came by your name?” he gasped.
“I’m so sorry,” she whined, still insisting he move along. “Don’t stop now, you’re almost there. You got this Rocky!”
“If I fall down the stairs, I’m taking you with me,” he warned, out of breath.
“I’ll let you catch your wind, then it’s on to the tub.”
“Mount Everest for the win,” he gasped. “Wow, I’m fucking sweating.”
“Stop being a whiny baby,” she laughed, getting under his arm for the rest of the way.
Sade didn’t argue, he needed a crutch. He sat on the edge of the tub once in the bathroom, ready to pass out.
“You look like shit,” she cried.
He angled his head and found her staring at him with furrowed brows, hands on her hips while the water ran. He remembered her dad and let his eyes roll closed. He wanted so bad to tell her. It was like he had the power to resurrect her dad from the grave and wasn’t allowed to use it.
“You don’t look that bad,” she soothed, coming to stand between his legs.
He latched onto her small body and pressed his face into her stomach, his hands stroking her back. He let out a deep moan of satisfaction and need.
“You missed me?” she whispered, stroking his head all over.
He merely slid his face, mouth, and forehead against her in answer.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Her palms roamed his shoulders and back, making him shudder. “Let’s get you in the tub,” she whispered.
Again, he didn’t argue. He was ready to be stronger. This pussy shit was for the fucking birds. He was too vulnerable with no strength while needing to protect her and Bo.
He made his way into the hot water and groaned.
“Feels good I hope,” she said, pouring capfuls of something into the water. “This stuff is supposed to be good for injuries, a natural analgesic. Smells awful but they say it works.”
“Eucalyptus,” he muttered, taking a deep breath of it. “I love it.”
“Definitely a love or hate aroma.” She mixed it into the water and then gave him a wash cloth. “In case you want a little privacy.”
He eyed her, wondering. “Do you?”
“No,” she assured, “I just… I’m giving you the option that’s all. Oh,” she said, brows raising. “I’ve got a surprise. I’ll go get it and check on Bo while I’m at it.”
He closed his eyes and laid his head back, putting the washcloth over his face.
“K, be right back,” she said. “Are you thirsty?”
He shook his head, too tired to talk. Not trusting himself to talk really. She was acting… skittish with him. Hiding something it felt like.
She returned with a tray and set it down. “I went to the library in the town, don’t worry, I paid cash, and got…this.” She spun with two books thrust toward him. “Ta-dahhh. An erotic horror and mushy romance!” She held up one. “Please Don’t Leave Me, by Anita Lover, aaaand,” she held up the other, “The Pain Seekers by Lady Dom.”
He patted the edge of the tub and she came sat then hopped back up with an oh. She set the books on the tub then went to the tray and returned with a bowl and spoon. “Soup is good food, especially mine.”
Sade
stared at her, hungry for everything but soup. He was also needing reassurance on a few things. “Can I see you?”
She regarded him with wonder.
“All of you. I’m not hungry. For food.”
She set the soup down and gave all the signals that made his stomach knot.
“It’s okay,” he said, putting the rag back over his face.
“No, I don’t mind, I just don’t want…”
He pulled the washcloth off to see her expression. Confused. Unsure. Awkward. Afraid. His stomach burned as he slid the washcloth back in place. She was having second thoughts. Not a surprise. He didn’t fucking blame her. She had time to get her head straight no doubt. Realized she’d bitten off a little more than she could chew with her charity project.
“I’d like to just be alone please,” he mumbled behind the washcloth.
She was silent before finally managing a casual, “Are you sure?”
So she wouldn’t fight for it. “Very. Thank you. Maybe later on the reading.”
“Okay.”
His stomach knotted at the pain in her voice. She was still struggling with those empathy feelings. Damned things were hard to shake for an angel. He’d have to help a little.
“Take care of Bo,” he said.
“I am,” she said back, sounding defensive.
“I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t,” he mumbled. “I mean don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”
“Well… I’m sorry but I am worrying about you,” she said at the door. “You’ll have to deal with that.”
So why was she leaving? Sade sighed when the door shut. She’d make this harder than it needed to be. Maybe she was just shaken up from everything. Maybe he needed to give her a fucking break, a chance to prove she wasn’t sorry for… being with him.
Chapter Twenty Two
Sade made his way downstairs after his bath and found Mercy on the floor kneeling on Bo’s back. “Just be still, please,” she whispered.
A stab of possessive fury hardened his cock of all things. Stupid fucking body. Only his cock would get hard when angry. Would anger ever equal just fucking anger for him? Would a woman’s soft body equal needing to fuck? Ever? Likely not.