by Eden Maguire
'Of you?'
Phoenix nodded. 'She knows I total y gave myself to you. She felt
squeezed out of the picture.'
'I didn't aim to do that,' I protested.
'It doesn't have to be planned. It's just what happens any mother wants to hold on to her son.'
'I guess.' Feeling that we'd headed down a cul de sac, I changed direction. 'You know what I often dream?' I asked.
He grinned. 'You mean, the one where I didn't die and we're stil together on the far side? Or the one where you believe we can cheat this twelve-month deadline and carry on the way we are for ever?'
'That one,' I nodded and twined my arms around him. 'Why not? We could run away right now. Why don't we?'
'You mean - drive in your red car, head west until we reach the ocean, live on a beach in California where no one can ever find us?' Phoenix put his arms around my waist and spoke softly into my ear, teasing and lul ing 3 me with the music of his voice.
'I'm not kidding,' I protested. 'What's to stop us from planning our escape?'
He pul ed back and grew serious. 'The world isn't big enough, Darina. We're in the you-can-run-but-you-can't-hide scenario. Twelve months is al I get, no matter what.'
'We can't even try?' I murmured. In my dream, Phoenix and I always found a place where the overlord couldn't find us, where Phoenix cheated death and we were free.
He closed his eyes, drew a deep breath then opened them again. 'Don't tempt me. And don't think I wouldn't love to do it, because I would -
more than anything, believe me.'
Then, abruptly, he pointed along the ridge to where Dean was walking
through the aspens towards us. Our thirty minutes are up,' he said.
As I drove the interstate from Foxton to El erton, I rehearsed what I would say to Sharon Rohr. I want you to know that the new car was Brandon's idea - I never asked him for it. It's his way of keeping his promise to Phoenix that he would take care of me. And I hope you don't think I ever wanted to come between you and Phoenix when he was ... No, skip that. Plus, I've heard there are a few issues with Zak lately maybe if Is,.11,17
hil ], he would relate to me. Nope, too cheesy. In fact, whatever I came up with, there were serious flaws, knowing as I did that Sharon would most likely
answer the door, take one took at me and close it in my face.
Was there another way? Did I have to drive straight to her townhouse in the row squeezed between the cinema and the computer repair centre, or could I be more subtle - write her a note asking to meet up for coffee, or track down Zak and ask him to pass on a message?
Only ten days to go, I reminded myself as I drove between the sheer granite cliffs to either side of the highway, coming out of the mountains, through Centennial on the outskirts of town. Deciding in the end that the direct approach was best, I headed for the parking lot behind the cinema.
A44 big sci-fi action movie was showing and a long line curled right around the back of the building and along one side of the car park, on the waste land where they'd recently pul ed down an old office block.
'Darina!' Zoey's voice cal ed from the middle of the line, fol owed by a cheery hey and a hi from Jordan and Hannah. 'Come to the movie with us! We tried you on your cel phone. Where've you been?'
'Hey. I've been busy.' I smiled at Zoey it was good to see her in town on a Tuesday afternoon, stil too skinny for sure, but looking relaxed and, wel , normal. And these days she was out of her wheelchair, walking with
two sticks. 'Sorry, I can't join you.'
'Why, what's so important?' Hannah acted like she thought it would do
me good to see a blockbuster movie. 'Give yourself a break.'
'Sorry, but no.' I was ready to walk on across the parking lot, round the back of the Rohrs' house. The line edged forward.
'We can buy you a ticket,' Jordan suggested. ' Do whatever it is you need to do then come join us.'
'No, sorry.' Now I real y was turning my back and walking away, knowing they would stand in line analysing what was stil wrong with me and what they could do to fix me. 'See you tomorrow,' I told them.
I crossed the tarmac and turned the corner, taking a deep breath before I walked down the row then swung through the gate into Sharon Rohr's back yard. I saw the metal bench where Phoenix and I used to sit on summer evenings, noticed that no one had bothered to weed the smal patch of garden below the kitchen window.
The door stood open and I could hear voices from inside the house - a man's and a woman's. Then Zak burst out of the door, threw me a quick glance and hurried past without speaking.
'Hey,' I said. But he stil didn't stop. I went up three steps and raised my hand to knock.
'Which part of "Please leave" don't you understand?' Sharon demanded. A conversation was taking place out of sight, in the narrow front hal way. Ps stressed-out man's voice replied. 'Sharon, I only want to ... listen to me, please!'
'You think you can walk in here asking for Phoenix's stuff? No way.' 'I know how you feel, I understand.'
'No, Michael, you don't. Not the first thing. See - I'm picking up the
phone, I'm cal ing the cops.'
My hand was stil raised, but when I heard the name Michael the knock
didn't happen. Realizing that Phoenix's dad was the unwelcome visitor, I stayed where I was.
'Al I want is to walk away with something that belonged to Phoenix,' he muttered. 'A shirt, a bag, a book, anything. Why is that such a big issue for you, Sharon?'
Personal y I could see why - the guy cheats on her then disappears for almost ten years, he doesn't even make it to his son's funeral, and now he shows up on the doorstep, begging for mementos. Then again, I'd seen him in the flesh, knew what he was going through. And he'd shown me the
photograph.
There was a gasp of anger from Phoenix's mother. I guess she threw something at her ex maybe the phone. I heard it clatter to the floor.
'Michael, for years we had nothing - not even a phone number for you.
So how in God's name could Phoenix cal to tel you he made the school
footbal team, or his best buddy was hurt in a car crash, or his big brother got sent to jail?' Sharon hurled a whole tidal wave of blame at her ex.
'Did you ever once think about any of that? How a kid needs a father, and needs him most in the bad times. Did you ever think of me dealing with the kids by myself, Michael? I had no one to turn to when Brandon got caught fighting in the street over some stupid girl and they put him in reform school. His little brothers were scared that they'd lost him for ever, just like they lost their dad. Soon Phoenix starts to fol ow in Brandon's footsteps.' She paused for breath and for him to take in what she'd just said. 'You want to know more about your golden boy? That's the main reason you're here,
right?' I heard Michael give a stuttering reply that I couldn't make out. 46
'You think it's al good news?' Sharon chal enged. 'Poor, angelic dead boy who never put a foot wrong!'
Ouch! I flinched, almost turned and ran.
'No,' he stammered. 'I know it's not. I've asked people in the neighbourhood. Phoenix was mixed up in things he shouldn't.'
'Just like Brandon.' Sharon's sigh turned into a sob that caught in her throat. 'Those boys grew tal er than me, Michael. I don't remember the exact time when I lost control, only one day I realized they didn't listen to me any more. They went out nights instead of doing school work, stayed out late, got into more fights.'
Not true, not Phoenix! I wanted to step forward into the hal way to clean up Sharon's picture of her second son. But I didn't because some kind of nasty curiosity had wormed itself to the front of my brain. What exactly was Phoenix supposed to be guilty of?
'It drove me crazy. That was why I moved the family back here to El erton - the boys were bad news up in Cleveland. Brandon was out of the correctional facility but he couldn't find a job. Then the school cal ed to tel me that Phoenix had lost his cool and punched another boy during a footbal g
ame - they excluded him for half a semester.'
'I'm sorry,' Michael told her. 'I wish I'd known.'
'That is so feeble,' she groaned, sighing again and stretching the four simple words for maximum effect. 'You wish you'd known that you had two kids skidding off the rails so fast no one could catch then? And I had to stand by and watch it happen, not once but twice.'
'What about Phoenix's girl?' Michael asked.
'Daring.' A ton of scorn weighed down Sharon's next sentence. 'You
want to hear that your son was saved by love? Is that it?'
No! Now I real y had to step forward and stop her, before she said something that scythed me down and left me dead.
'I already spoke with Darina out at Foxton,' Michael told her. 'We're <?7 year on from Phoenix dying and the poor kid is stil grieving.'
'I have news for you - Darina didn't save Phoenix,' Sharon scoffed. She'd stopped her rant and had become cool and merciless. 'You think she kept him focused on his school work, away from the street gangs? Think
again.'
I love him. He loves me. That's enough.
'That's not how it worked,' she explained to her ex. 'You have to realize that Phoenix wasn't real y in love with Darina - or at least not in a healthy way. It was more like an obsession. That was his personality - he had an addictive streak, he craved Darina like a drug. He couldn't be away from her for a single minute. He had to go wherever she went, do whatever she wanted him to do.'
A jolt of surprise shot through me and I shuddered.
Phoenix's dad tried to soften the picture. 'That's what it's like when you're seventeen years old remember?'
'No, Michael - you're not hearing me. Darina had a bad kind of power over your son.
'What do you mean?'
Sharon paused, preparing herself before she handed him some important facts. 'Daring was waiting to meet Phoenix out at Deer Creek the night he got stabbed. He stopped at the gas station to buy gas, and he was in too big a hurry to get to Darina, so he edged a kid cal ed Nathan out of the line. There was an argument. Brandon happened to be hanging out there with his buddies, he saw the fight flare up. He warned Phoenix not to overreact.'
'Brandon says the fight was over Darina?'
I took a step forward, hesitated, felt the words hit like hammer blows.
'According to Brandon, Nathan told Phoenix that Darina would have to wait, that's al . Phoenix flipped. He punched Nathan right in the jaw, sent him sprawling against a gas pump.'
'Other kids joined in?' Michael muttered.
'Nathan's brother, Oscar, was there. He stepped in to help his kid brother
then Brandon moved in to take care of Phoenix. One thing led to another -
punching, kicking, yel ing. Then more of the older guys from out of tows n8 showed up on their Harleys. That's when the gas station manager cal ed the cops.
'Who were these older guys? What did they have to do with anything?'
'They were the ones with the weapons,' Sharon told Michael flatly, her voice fading to a whisper. 'Oscar's buddies. One of them pul ed a knife.'
'I hear you,' Michael said after a long pause. 'They hunt in packs. Phoenix didn't stand a chance.'
'And if Phoenix had just waited in line instead of fixating on meeting with Darina at Deer Creek, he'd stil be alive today,' Sharon said.
My fault. Total y my fault.
Try tel ing me it wasn't, that no way did I plan for it to turn out the way it did. I won 't hear you. I'l just remember what Sharon said, I'l recal standing by the creek that night, impatient, looking at my watch, thinking, Phoenix, where are you? And I'l blame myself for ever.
After Sharon said this and the guilt had time to hit, events moved fast.
Footsteps came running down the al ey, across the yard, and Zak and
Brandon burst into the kitchen.
Zak must have warned his big brother that I was there too - the second
unwelcome guest along with their estranged dad - so Brandon didn't act
surprised. Instead, he took hold of my wrist and dragged me through the house towards the hal way, where we found Sharon stil trying to persuade Michael to leave.
It wasn't working Michael was heading upstairs towards Phoenix's old bedroom, to grab the memento he'd come for. And it was ugly. Sharon had clutched her ex's foot and was using her ful weight to drag him back. Michael was kicking out, but had tipped forwards and lay ful length on the stairs. In one second, Brandon had leaped over his mother and taken hold of his dad from behind.
Michael was halfway up the stairs, trying to swing round to face Brandon, but he lost his balance a second time and the two guys tumble09
down into the hal way, where they wrestled on the floor.
Sharon yel ed for them to stop then, seeing Zak, pushed him out of the way, back towards the kitchen. He crashed into me, leaving me in a heap on the floor while he sprang up and ran to wrench open a drawer by the sink.
Meanwhile Brandon and his dad were evenly matched - they rol ed on the floor, grunting and swearing, Michael's arm locked around Brandon's throat as they thrashed against a flimsy hal table meant for keys and bags.
The table went up in the air, making contact with the mirror above it, which fel down and splintered.
'Watch out - broken glass!' I warned. Already a cut on Michael's forearm had begun to bleed. 'Make them stop!' I yel ed at Sharon.
Then Zak reappeared, knife in hand.
I saw the blade, long and curved - a knife for carving meat. And the
scary look in Zak's eyes.
Sharon wasn't looking at Zak. Her back was to him and she was treading over shards of mirror, stooping to wrench Brandon away from his dad. 'Someone wil get kil ed!' she shrieked.
Blood was streaming from Michael's arm; there was a cut on Brandon's jaw.
'Zak's got a knife!' I yel ed.
Brandon and Michael looked up from the floor. Sharon spun round. Zak was walking down the hal way, wielding the carving knife in front of him like a sword, looking from me to his niom then down at his brother and dad. We al stopped struggling, yel ing, even breathing and stared at Zak.
His eyes were wide; he drew jerky breaths.
Calmly Michael broke free of Brandon and stood up, blood dripping from his arm. He took two steps towards Zak. 'Son, put the knife down.'
Zak gasped, looked confused, glanced at the knife then dropped it like a hot coal. It clattered to the floor.
Sharon darted forward to pick it up. Silently Michael turned away, stepped past Brandon and out of the front door.
I fol owed him. There was no point staying to explain. No point at al .
50
I was halfway across the cinema parking lot when Zak Rohr caught up with me. He came with a message from his mom.
'Tel Dad to stay away from the house,' he warned. 'Mom means it about
cal ing the cops. Next time she won't be fooling.'
I didn't slow my pace, just kept on walking.
'You hear me?' Zak insisted. 'You and Dad need to stay away from us!'
'Tel him yourself,' I snapped. 'I don't even know the guy!'
For a second Zak hesitated, giving me the chance to reach my car and open the door. But then he ran towards me and grabbed the door handle, resisting my attempt to slam it behind me.
I tugged hard and won the battle. With the door final y shut, I turned the ignition and was already moving off when Zak vaulted in beside me. He landed neatly in the passenger seat and grabbed the steering wheel. As the car veered towards a row of parked cars, I slammed on the brake and
squealed to a halt half a metre from the back of a Ford truck.
'Are you crazy?'
Zak kept his hand on the wheel, gripping it tight - the hand that two minutes earlier had been brandishing the knife. 'Is that true? You didn't hook up with my dad?'
'I met him once early today. That's it.'
'So why visit the house with him?'
'That wasn't planned, it happe
ned by chance. He and your mom were already fighting when I showed up, remember.'
It took a while, but gradual y Zak realized I might be tel ing the truth so he relaxed his hold on my steering wheel. 'So again why the visit?'
'I wanted to talk to your mom about Phoenix,' I admitted.
He shook his head, raising his hand like a traffic cop. 'Uh-uh.'
'Not a good idea?'
'Don't even go there.'
For a while we sat in silence, the car slewed at an angle and looking like it had been abandoned between two neat rows. I realized that dusk was fal ing and was glad that the queue for the movie had disappeared. At lease Hannah, Zoey and Jordan wouldn't be witnessing this. 'Sharon blames me,' I muttered. 'I heard what she told Michael - if it wasn't for me, Phoenix would stil be alive.'
'She gave him the story about Phoenix running late?' Zak's eyes narrowed. His mood had altered suddenly, from crazy, out-of-control kid to been-there, got-the-T-shirt cynic. It made me look him in the face for the first time.
'She said that was how the fight started - Phoenix pushed a kid cal ed Nathan out of the line at the gas station because he was in a hurry to see me. That was the flashpoint.'
'The gospel according to Brandon,' Zak muttered, opening the car door and putting one foot on the tarmac.
I grasped at a straw of hope. 'You're saying it's not true?'
'I'm saying you don't listen to everything Brandon says.' He was out of
the car, flipping up the hood of his sweatshirt, shooting one last glance in my direction as if he almost took pity on me and wanted to make me feel better.
'Right. So what are you saying, Zak?'
'Maybe that wasn't exactly the way it was.' His voice was hardly audible as he turned to walk away.
I jumped out and fol owed him, grabbed him by the arm. 'And you know different? How come?'
'Because I was there,' he admitted before he ran off. ' I saw the whole
thing the start of the argument, who was there, who said stuff, who joined in ... everything.'
'You were there?' I cal ed after him. 'So you know how Phoenix died?'
My question hung heavy in the air as Zak sprinted between the rows of cars. Somewhere way down on East Queen Street, an ambulance siren began to wail.