by Eden Maguire
I understand. Above our heads, wisps of white cloud trailed after black.
Hunter gazed at me with deep tenderness. 'I have always believed in you.
I saw the inner light fade to nothing, felt his strong hand tremble. Determined to stand until the end came, he braced himself against a sudden wind that gusted across the yard.
Stricken and helpless, I lost hope.
Hunter's eyelids flickered. A light seemed to surround him - that
miraculous glimmer.
'It's time to say goodbye,' a voice told me.
I glanced round and saw Dean stride out of the barn towards us.
Hunter's grip final y loosened. He was stil gazing at me as his body
melted in a halo of silver light.
105
here's no reason to be sad,' Dean said. He stayed with me after Hunter departed, leading me into the barn, «p the stairs into the loft where we
quietly watched blue skies take the place of storm clouds over the aspen ridge. 'This is part of the unchanging cycle - Hunter's time is finished, I take his place. And you're right, Darina it can never be the same.'
'I didn't even think that,' I protested.
'Not yet,' Dean agreed. 'But you wil . What you feel for Hunter is unique. Keep it in your heart and cherish it.'
I glanced at the new overlord. His voice seemed to have deepened, his face was sterner than before. His short hair was steel grey, his greyish-blue eyes shone from under a straight, strong brow. Like al the Beautiful Dead, his skin was white and smooth as ivory.
Dean held my gaze. 'Do you want to continue?' he asked. 'What do you mean?'
'To go on with the task. I talked with Phoenix just now and he expressed his doubts. So I need you to tel me honestly, Darina - do you stil want to use the days we have left to release Phoenix from limbo and send him safely on?'
'Or ...?'
'Or stop now. Go home and be safe.'
'You already know the answer,' I told him. 'Phoenix means everything to me. I don't understand why you even have to ask.'
' Because, whether you acknowledge it or not, there is a choice and I need you to think about it.' Dean spoke like the cop he used to be when he was alive - slow and measured, aiming to take the heat out of my angry reply. 'I do realize how much Phoenix means to you.'
'I love him,' I said fiercely.
'And there's the old saying about love being blind. Al I'm pointing out is the other side of things, like the fact that this time around Phoenix isn't one hundred per cent certain he wants to continue.'
'Neither was Summer,' I pointed out. 'She thought maybe it was tor96 painful for her mom. And Jonas - he thought he was hurting Zoey. This is nothing new.'
'With Phoenix, the doubt is stronger,' Dean argued. 'Besides, this time you've placed yourself in real danger. Any more pressure from you, and who knows how guys like Oscar and Nathan wil react.'
'I've thought about it, I've talked it through with Phoenix. Why won't anybody listen to me?'
Dean fel silent for a while, pacing slowly between the window and the
wooden stairs then back again. 'Let me give you some background,' he said
quietly. 'These are things I learned through my job, working alongside Henry Jardine in the Shepherd County sheriff's office. Number one, the drug scene in El erton is run by ruthless professionals. Behind Oscar Thorne there's a network of international suppliers who possess nothing you or I would recognize as a decent moral code - zero honesty, loyalty or
compassion. Around here Thorne might act like the big guy, but in the
world of drugs running he's expendable one bul et to the head and bang!'
'So?' I demanded. 'Why are you focusing on this? What has it to do with who stabbed Phoenix?'
'A fight like that, flaring up between rival gangs in a petrol station forecourt - it might seem spur of the moment, but often there's a long history, fed by greed and revenge. Say, for instance, Oscar's kid brother, Nathan, is already a known drugs mule. The day Phoenix is kil ed, someone knows the kid's carrying stuff in his car. This someone - Phoenix maybe -
grabs a split-second opportunity to snatch the package - let's say it's worth a cool five grand - from the glove compartment. One of Oscar's guys catches him in the act. Five thousand dol ars is a lot of money - certainly enough to draw a knife for.'
The pit of my stomach churned as I pictured the scene. 'Phoenix wouldn't do that. He wasn't into drugs.'
'So someone else. Let's say it was a flashpoint.'
'Do you know this for sure, or are you guessing?' I wanted to know.
'It was a definite line of inquiry when I was alive.' 107
'But no one who was there at the scene wil open up to the cops.'
Dean nodded. 'That's how it works. And I'm tel ing you this because part of me agrees with Phoenix - this scene is way too big and complicated
for you to unravel. And even if you did and you make Nathan Thorne a
prime suspect, there are stil guys like Vince Hal and Robert Black to bring into the equation.'
Sighing wearily, I tried to prepare myself. 'So tel me the bad news about those two.'
'They're both heavy users of cocaine. Oscar supplies them, obviously.' 'And ...?'
They're into Harleys, as you know. But Hal was once the owner of the
black Chevrolet now driven by Nathan Thorne.'
'I know the car you mean.'
'Hal liked to get out of his head on crack cocaine then jump in the Chevy and drive up the jeep road to the summit of Amos Peak. He did it for kicks. It was just my luck that one day I was on duty out there when Vince chose to take Black with him on one of his joyrides. He saw my patrol car up ahead and was not happy about me stepping out to talk with him.'
You'd already radioed the registration number back to the office,' I murmured, digging deep in my memory for something Jardine had once told me. 'But somehow that information was lost from the record.'
Dean nodded. 'Vince was so not happy to see me that he total y forgot to put his foot on the brake.'
'He ran you down?'
'Without a second's hesitation,' the new overlord agreed with a wry smile. 'Stopping to talk would've spoiled their day, considering they had a quantity of il egal drugs on them at the time. Plus they never would've got to the top of Amos Peak without a clear run at the summit.'
'I carry on.' This is what I would say to Phoenix when he returned after the storm. I wouldn't need to speak the words - he would look into my eyes and
know.
I waited in the barn with Dean, watching the sky clear some mor(108 remembering Hunter's last conversation with me before he left the far side for good. 'Hunter believed in me,' I murmured. 'He told me that himself.'
Then you have a lot to live up to,' Dean said quietly. He stood in the doorway, watching the sun sink and turn the sky pinkish-gold. Rainwater stil dripped from the roof, steam rose from the wet, warm earth.
Behind us, in the dark space of the old barn, gentle wings began to beat. I held my breath and waited.
'We return to the far side,' Iceman and Phoenix chanted, emerging out of the magical light. 'We are back from beyond the grave.'
I gasped and ran to Phoenix, eager to have his arms around me.
'Hunter is safe,' Iceman told Dean. 'We watched him travel on. He was at peace.'
'The world turns,' Dean said. 'Nothing stays the same.'
'You understand what happened to him?' Phoenix murmured, holding me tight and gazing down at me.
'Kind of. He saved you but the storm was too strong to save himself.'
He held me close to his smooth, cold chest. 'Not only that. Hunter
learned the truth about Marie and his daughter so his time on the far side had run its course. Dean was ready to take his place.'
Stil it was hard to believe that I'd never again see Hunter's tal , strong figure stride along Foxton Ridge or set eyes on those features that seemed carved out of stone. 'I'l miss him more than I can
say.'
'I hear you.'
Looking into Phoenix's clear eyes the colour of the evening sky, I spoke out loud words he'd already read in my heart. 'I'l never forget Hunter.'
'Likewise,' Phoenix whispered. 'We - the Beautiful Dead - owe him everything.'
Thursday was almost here and everyone was texting me.
COME TO MY PLACE, 2NITE 6.30 LUV ZOE
U OWE ME COFFEE - HANN XOX
MEET 4 CATCH UP - JORDAN
Surrounded by packing cases, watching Laura take down pictures froi1P9 the wal s, I texted them back to say I was busy moving house.
GOD, DARINA, HOW COME? Hannah texted.
U CANNOT BE SERIOUS! Jordan said.
WHEN? WHERE 2? CALL ME! Zoey insisted.
I turned off my phone without replying.
'We have to be out of here Sunday,' Laura told me early Wednesday morning, after I'd slept on my return from Foxton. She handed me a black refuse sack. 'Go through your closet, throw out anything you don't need.'
I went into my room, sat on the bed and heard her scraping furniture across the floor and dumping stuff in boxes until Jim came back and took her off to sign papers in the realtor's office. Then I stared at the pots of make-up on my table and my necklaces hanging to one side of the mirror and for some reason, the smal white fear-stone with the hole in it - the one in Kim Reiss's dish of pebbles came into my head and wouldn't go away.
'Hey, you're only moving house!' I muttered. How could I be scared by putting things in boxes after al the Beautiful Dead drama I'd been through?
Exactly! Arizona-in-my-head said. What's the big deal?
Summer-in-my-head saw beneath the surface. Moving house is always stressful, she said gently. This is the last thing Darina needs right now.
'Thanks,' I told her. Then someone knocked at the door and I went down to answer it.
'Can I come in?' Sharon Rohr asked.
I swear she didn't come to my house with the exact aim of yel ing at me and tel ing me how much she hated me. She probably thought she could hold
herself together and have a rational conversation expressing her point of
view, but it turned out she couldn't.
She was hardly through the door before her voice cracked. 'I'm here for one reason, and only one,' she began.
I nodded, stepped back, let her walk into the kitchen. 'Zak's with his dad
- you got the news?'
'I heard. Don't expect any thanks from me.' 110
'I don't.' Trying hard not to provoke her, I switched on the coffee machine. ' At least it beats hanging out with Nathan Stone.'
'Says who?' This was Sharon's first ever visit to my house and she was looking around, taking in the packing boxes and bare wal s. 'Since when did my lousy ex suddenly gain the status of good influence?'
'I hear you, but if it's a choice between drug dealers and-'
'Darina, you don't get it.' She stopped taking in her surroundings and
came close. 'What you have to understand is that what you think doesn't
matter any more. What I came here to say is - you're out of our lives, if you were ever in it.'
'That's what you came here to tel me?' I got out coffee cups with trembling hands, swal owed hard. 'I'm sorry. I was only trying-'
Sharon raised both hands as if pushing me away. 'Don't try. Don't speak. Listen to me. You are responsible for a lot of bad things in my life, and this
latest is pretty hard to swal ow. I never in a mil ion years thought I would lose Zak to my ex-husband.'
In the background the coffee machine swished and gurgled. Sharon's words knocked me so far off balance I was speechless. I stared silently at her face - not pale and guarded as usual, but sparking anger. In fact, she seemed in al ways more energized, someone to take notice of at last, after a
lifetime of being walked over.
'I mean, where was Michael al these years? How can Zak walk out on me to be with him?'
'You wish I'd never shown Michael where Zak was hanging out?' I whispered.
Too right!' she hissed. 'Just like I wish you'd never gotten together with Phoenix in the first place.'
'Stop,' I pleaded. She'd crossed the line - no way was I staying silent after this. 'I'm sorry you feel this way - I real y am. But you have to stop blaming me.'
'Why? You trapped him. After he went with you, he stopped making his own decisions. He didn't live his own life.'
I shook my head and told it like it was. 'I didn't hook Phoenix on a line 111 he was free and he chose me. We were happy.'
Sharon reacted like I'd hit her in the stomach, hunching her skinny
shoulders and crossing her arms to protect herself.
He chose me,' I repeated. And Zak didn't just go to stay with Michael because I persuaded him. He went because staying in your house was messing with his head.'
She drew breath then sat down on the one chair that wasn't piled high with boxes. 'How can you say that?'
Those were his words, not mine. I don't think you know how tough this has been for Zak.'
'I look out for him, I work hard at it.'
'I'm not saying you don't. But I guess he's listened to one too many fights - between you and Michael before he left, then between you and Brandon, you and Phoenix, now you and him. That's it, he's through with
arguing.'
'So now I'm the bad guy?' she gasped.
'No. You were fighting to hold it together, raising three boys - I
appreciate that. But maybe Zak doesn't see it that way, not right now. And he was hurting and hanging out with the wrong people.'
What I was saying seemed to get through to Sharon. 'How come I couldn't find a way to stop it happening? It's like they slid into that, one by one first Brandon, then Phoenix, now Zak.'
'Al kids look for trouble,' I argued. 'A few get caught.'
Sharon bit her lip and looked back over the recent family history. 'They stuck a label on us right from the start. "The Rohrs are back in town.
Watch out, it means trouble."'
'I think that's right. That's the way Phoenix saw it too.'
She sat up straight and looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. 'He talked to you about family problems?'
'Yeah, we covered just about everything, him and me.' That's love. That's finding your soul mate. ' I was lucky.'
' I never knew that,' she sighed. 'Sure, I could see why he was attracts 2
to you you're a beautiful girl. But I thought it was skin-deep.'
'You didn't think it would last?' I smiled sadly. It's lasted way beyond the grave, let me tel you.
'He was so young. You were his first real girl.'
'So you have to forgive me,' I told her with a shrug. 'For what?'
'For coming into Phoenix's life.'
Closing her eyes, Sharon let out a short laugh and in that moment some of the bad feeling she had towards me seemed to melt away. 'Yeah, I guess I
do.'
'And I'l tel you something else.'
She opened her eyes and looked expectantly at me.
if you want my opinion, Zak won't stay long in Michael's apartment. He'l come home to you I bet you a mil ion bucks.'
Sometimes the voices in my head speak louder than real life. After Sharon left for Michael's apartment to enter into negotiations with her ex, I drove
out of town to the eco-burial site where Byron Lavel e had laid Logan to
rest.
Why here? Arizona-in-my-head asked as I parked my car among the tal redwoods and walked up the hil .
Back off, Arizona. Darina needs some time to think. This was Jonas talking from the place where the Beautiful Dead final y go. She loves it here, it's so peaceful.
It's true - I do. The tal trees rise straight and meet overhead like a cathedral roof, the granite rocks sparkle pink, silver and white.
I feel close to Logan here.
'Who'd have thought it?' I murmured to him. 'Sharon Rohr is speaking to me. At la
st I'm not the enemy.'
Logan wasn't Beautiful Dead but that didn't stop me talking to him. When he was alive he was the closest thing to a brother I'd ever known. He was the grounded, sensible one whose advice I resented, the kid I'd known since kindergarten.
'She's visiting Zak as we speak,' I went on, gazing up at the swaying branches. 'She and Michael wil have to work together to help him through this period. Zak wil have to face a few facts about the way he's bee1113
acting.'
Crazy girl Darina, Arizona laughed.
Go ahead Logan hears you, Jonas urged.
'The rest is pretty scary,' I admitted. 'There's talk of civil war inside Oscar Thorne's drugs gang, and no one wil stand up and tel the truth.
That's what's getting in my way right now.'
Sitting cross-legged under the trees, I breathed in the smel of pine needles and resin. I remembered Logan - the way he drove me mad by showing up on my porch with advice and support. And I saw his face and
open smile under the mop of brown curly hair.
'What would you do?' I asked him. 'Would you go after the two Harley guys, or would you put more pressure on others who were there - Zak, Brandon, Nathan, maybe even the girl behind the cash desk again? I have two days to do this, remember.'
Logan would say, be safe. Look out for yourself Arizona was right, of course. She was always the smartest person I knew.
'Being safe isn't an option,' I argued. 'That's what I told Dean and Phoenix. Doesn't it seem weird to you, how Phoenix doesn't get how I feel?
This is the first time it's happened and it's driving me crazy.'
For once no one responded with an answer and I had to find comfort in
just staring up at the patterns the branches made against the blue sky. I
wanted support, advice, encouragement but it was clear this time that I would have to decide for myself.
In the end I left Logan's burial site and decided to track down the youngest Rohr. Zak had the most reasons to agree to talk to me, if only I could get him to see it this way after Sharon had paid him the visit she'd been
planning. What I didn't predict was that the thing had turned into a ful -
scale family conference, Brandon included.
I knocked on the door of apartment 209.
Brandon opened it. 'You should get a job at the United Nations,' he told me.