by Rosie Clarke
‘Then do whatever you wish,’ he said and produced a key. ‘I’m putting the apartment in your name, Rachel. If anything happens to me, it will save you a lot of bother…’
‘Nothing will happen,’ she said and lifted her head for his kiss. ‘We shall be married and live happily ever after.’
‘In fairy tales,’ William said but laughed. ‘I know you had a hard time after your first husband died, Rachel, and I don’t want that for you again. I’m going to protect you and spoil you, because I’m lucky to have found you, my darling.’
‘We’ve both known unhappiness,’ she said and smiled into his eyes. ‘Now we have the rest of our lives to be content and care for each other…’ She hesitated, then, ‘Minnie asked me if I wanted children the other day. I told her yes if it happened – and I know you said it won’t matter if I can’t, but…’
‘Dearest one…’ William touched a finger to her lips. ‘It’s you I love, Rachel. If God gave us a child, I should love that child, but I shall not regret marrying you if it doesn’t happen. Until you came into my life, I felt so alone – and now I sing in the bath…’ His eyes danced with mischief. ‘I may not be able to hold a tune, but it makes me happy and I only sing when I am happy.’
‘Good.’ Rachel smiled and turned to survey the room. ‘I think blues and greens in here instead of these muddy fawns – and damask pink in the bedroom…’
‘It’s time these colours were changed,’ William agreed. ‘Father bought the place from a retired colonel and he hadn’t decorated for years. They were both ill and then he had a heart attack and Mother died suddenly. I meant to do it, but I couldn’t bring myself to …’ He frowned for a moment. ‘My sister wanted me to change everything after my wife died, but Mary doesn’t really care much for anything but appearances and she thought this place old-fashioned.’
Rachel shook her head. William didn’t talk about his family much, but his sister was Lady Martin and moved in circles way above Rachel’s experience. She supposed it was the reason he hadn’t asked her to meet his family before this and steeled herself for what came next.
‘My sister, aunts, uncles… they can all be a bit forbidding,’ William told her. ‘However, there’s no getting out of it, I’m afraid – we have been bidden to lunch next week.’ He reached out to touch her cheek and then kissed the tip of her nose. ‘I’ll protect you, my love, but they keep asking to meet you and if I don’t take you, it looks as if I’m ashamed of you.’
‘Are you?’ she asked, realising for the first time that there was a vast gap between her world and his.
‘You know I’m not,’ he said. ‘I’m as proud as a dog with two tails – but I know how spiteful Mary and Lady Honoria can be – she’s my father’s sister. My mother’s family were much nicer, but they’re all gone.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘so was I – but Mama and Aunt Jane both died of a lung fever, within a few months of each other, though at the time we had no idea. It was just so sudden. I thought it was the shock of my father’s death – but she’d been ill for years and told no one.’ His eyes darkened with pain. ‘I lost my wife a few months later…’
‘That was a terrible time for you…’
‘Yes, it got a bit dark for a while,’ William said. ‘But then I visited Harpers to buy some gloves and the whole world changed for me…’
‘I do love you,’ Rachel said and lifted her face for his kiss. ‘I shall enjoy making this into our home.’
‘One day we’ll get a nice house in the country,’ William promised, ‘but this apartment will always be yours so you can come to town and visit friends whenever you wish.’
Rachel nodded and smiled, because it was a nice thought and meant she didn’t have to say goodbye to her friends when she left Harpers. In the meantime, there was the visit to William’s family and that made her slightly nervous, because she knew she wouldn’t be the kind of woman they would expect him to marry…
15
‘Isn’t it beautiful here?’ Minnie whispered as she and Jonathan sat together in the ancient church, attending the rector’s service. It was a sixteenth-century church and the precious stained-glass windows sent a myriad of colours over the worn stone flags. In her white-gloved hands, she held the little prayer book Papa had given her for her fifteenth birthday, which she’d used every Sunday with Mildred for years, and two beautiful red roses, the very first to bloom from his garden and he’d given them to her. ‘I always feel so at peace in church, don’t you?’
Jonathan Stockbridge nodded and for a moment he placed his hand over hers. Then they were on their feet and singing the last hymn of the early morning service before following the small congregation outside to the April sunshine.
‘Shall we walk in the park for a while?’ he asked and Minnie smiled.
‘Oh yes, please, just for a while. I know you have friends for lunch and dear Becky will be expecting you.’
‘Why don’t you come back with me?’ he suggested, but she shook her head regretfully. ‘I’m sure Becky would be delighted…’
‘Not yet, my dearest Jonathan, not without an invitation from Becky. You must talk to her and tell her about me – ask her if she would be hurt if we were to become more than friends…’
‘I’m damned if I’ll lose you again,’ he said. ‘It broke my heart when you sent me away, Minnie. I couldn’t go through that again…’
‘You will not lose me,’ she said and squeezed his arm gently. ‘However, I should hate to make Becky feel as if I were pushing her out or trying to take her mother’s place.’
‘I’m sure she already loves you,’ he said and his eyes shone with tears. ‘How could she not? You are the most gentle, sweet and loving woman I have ever known, Minnie, and I know my daughter will want to make me happy… and it will make me happy to have you in my life permanently.’
‘Then speak to her and I’ll come to tea with Maggie a few times so that she gets used to me. I’ll always be your friend, even if she cannot bear me to be your wife, but I will not hurt her…’
‘You always think of others,’ he said and kissed her hand. ‘Perhaps it is why I adore you, Minnie Lumley, but whatever anyone says, you will marry me one day, because I don’t think I could bear it if you didn’t.’
After Jonathan had left her to keep his appointment with his daughter and the friends she’d invited to lunch, Minnie went to visit her friends at the boarding house where she’d lived for so many years with Mildred.
Her old landlady welcomed her and invited her for a cup of tea and a ham sandwich, which she accepted graciously and spent a pleasant hour reminiscing. As she left the boarding house afterwards, Minnie felt sure that she had made up her mind – and she had a quiet, warm feeling inside, as if Mildred’s spirit had approved her decision. She’d felt very close to her sister in their old home and, in her mind, she’d spoken to her.
‘Am I doing right, Mildred?’ she’d whispered.
‘Of course, you are, Minnie. You wasted enough years on me; take your happiness while you can – don’t waste your life the way I did…’
Tears wetted Minnie’s cheeks. Mildred had been a confirmed spinster, but perhaps there had been a lost love in her life too – one that she’d had to give up for their father, a love she had never confided to her sister. Minnie wondered if that was what had made her so bitter against men in general.
She would never know the truth now, but she felt that her sister was urging her on, telling her not to waste another moment of her life, and she knew that she would tell Jonathan very soon that she would be his wife. She had to trust and believe that Jonathan’s daughter would be happy with the idea…
Rachel and Maggie had returned from their own activities when Minnie got back from her visit to her old lodging house. They were full of what they had seen and done and Minnie let them talk. She wasn’t ready to tell them her news – and until she had Becky’s blessing, she wouldn’t be sure it was really going to happen, even t
hough Jonathan vowed it would.
He was so impatient for her to say yes, and that made Minnie a little afraid. For so many years, he’d been just a dream to her and she’d shed so many tears in the darkness when Mildred was sleeping – but now he was there, large, masculine and very passionate. She’d been brought up to be a proper young lady and though in her dreams she’d succumbed to her lover’s feverish kisses, her dreams stopped there, because she had no idea what happened in the marriage bed. No one had ever told her anything. Her mother had died when she was still a child; Papa wouldn’t have dreamed of mentioning any such thing; and Mildred had never spoken of the intimacy of marriage, except once.
‘Ladies do not enjoy that kind of thing,’ she’d said when Minnie had asked her what she ought to expect from her husband. ‘It is necessary for children, but once you have them – it is preferable if your husband finds his carnal pleasures elsewhere…’
Why had her sister said such a thing to her? Had she hoped to put her off marriage because she wanted her to remain a spinster? From hindsight, and with the maturity of years, Minnie thought it might have been the case. She’d also begun to suspect that more lay behind Mildred’s bitterness than she’d ever guessed and wished they might have talked more while her sister lived.
However, Minnie had been young and careless then and the touch of Jonathan’s hand had sent shivers of pleasure down her spine. She’d dreamed of her wedding night, because she loved and trusted him, but the years since had planted doubts in her mind. She’d seen unhappy marriages, where the wives were beaten and badly treated, and Mildred had complimented her on her lucky escape.
‘Now you can see what I have saved you from,’ she’d told her sister on more than one occasion, and despite Minnie’s instinctive rejection of her claim, the memory still lingered.
Would she enjoy being a wife? Sometimes she wondered. Yet her heart still raced whenever Jonathan was near and she still liked the smell of his soap and the trace of hair pomade. He always looked and smelled clean – good enough to eat, someone had once said to her with a wink.
Minnie smiled at the memory. She did not think that particular lady shrank from the physical side of marriage.
‘You look very thoughtful,’ Rachel said, bringing Minnie’s thoughts back to the present abruptly. ‘Is something the matter?’
‘Oh no, nothing at all,’ Minnie said. ‘Did you enjoy your day, Rachel?’
‘Very much,’ Rachel said. ‘William’s apartment is lovely. He says I can change anything I want – décor, furniture, curtains but most of it is beautiful…’
‘He is generous and kind,’ Minnie said. ‘Is that why you decided to marry him?’
‘Partly,’ Rachel agreed and looked thoughtful. ‘I believe I can trust him, Minnie, and that is a big thing for me. The physical attraction was there right from the start – it is something that either happens or it doesn’t. I know that William will make me happy and the rest is just a bonus.’
‘He must love you very much,’ Minnie said and smiled. ‘I’m so pleased for you, Rachel.’
‘I shall make certain you and Maggie have somewhere to live,’ Rachel told her. ‘You mustn’t worry about the future, Minnie.’
‘Oh, I’m not,’ Minnie assured her. ‘If you will excuse me, dearest Rachel, I have some work to do – for Becky’s dress. I’m doing it in my own time, so I need to work when I can.’
Minnie smiled and went to her own room to take up her sewing. Rachel was worried about her, but she couldn’t tell her the news that would reassure her. No, she must make certain that Becky was happy first – and also, she did not wish to overshadow Rachel’s wedding. At the moment, the whole of Harpers was buzzing over it and Minnie’s own news must wait.
16
‘So, when do you think the wedding will be?’ Sally asked when Rachel went up to her office to tell her about her plans.
‘We are thinking sometime in July or August,’ Rachel said. ‘I want to redecorate and buy new curtains – but I shall not be leaving Harpers for a while. William’s work is in London for the time being and so we’ll live in the apartment. If we have a family, then I expect we shall move to the country…’
‘Yes, that is a good option if you can afford it.’
‘William says it is good for his political image to have a working wife – shows he’s a modern man and he’s right behind the Women’s Movement now, Sally. I’ve converted him and he intends to speak in parliament for us – but he doesn’t agree with the militant wing blowing things up, and I feel the same.’
‘We always did disapprove,’ Sally said and smiled at her. ‘Ben feels the same – and it makes sense. People listen if you repeat your message often enough, but militant action only makes them angry.’
Rachel nodded. ‘Well, I must get on, Mrs Harper. I noticed that the umbrellas and walking sticks are a little depleted. Perhaps you should mention it to Mr Stockbridge. He seems a little absent-minded at the moment. I told him that men’s suits needed more stock and I don’t think he heard me; he certainly didn’t answer…’
‘In that case, I’ll take a look myself. Mr Brown does most of the ordering for the men’s department and I’ll check with him – but I’ll speak to Mr Stockbridge about the walking sticks.’
Rachel hesitated, wondering if she should mention her suspicions about Janice Browning, but Sally started talking about some new stock and the opportunity was lost. After all, she couldn’t be sure the girl was a thief and it would be awful to cast aspersions if Mr Brown had made a mistake – he hadn’t even been sure of the girl’s name, just that she worked in the hat and bag department.
Deciding to leave it until she had more to go on, Rachel smiled and took her leave. She saw Mr Marco leaving the lift and smiled at him.
‘Good morning, Mr Marco…’
‘Mrs Craven,’ he said and smiled at her. ‘You are looking very beautiful, if I may say so, and may I congratulate you on your engagement, though I should wish you happy and congratulate the lucky man.’
‘Thank you…’ She hesitated, smiled because he was not the first to congratulate her that morning, then, ‘Have you finished the latest window?’
‘Not until tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I’m working on an idea with Mrs Harper.’ He smiled secretively. ‘It’s going to be a bit special.’
‘I shall look forward to seeing it,’ she said and moved on.
Leaving the lift at the next floor down, Rachel headed for the dress department, catching sight of Mr Stockbridge as he left the alterations room. He was smiling and looked a bit bemused, as if he was lost in thought. She hesitated, wondering if she should have a word about the walking sticks, but he seemed distracted, so she decided to wait and speak to him in his office later.
‘It’s a secret,’ Marco told his employer a few minutes later when he saw him on the second floor. ‘Sorry, Mr Harper, I can’t tell even you – Mrs Harper would have my tongue cut out if the secret got out before we’re ready.’
Ben Harper laughed. ‘All right, I shan’t push you, Marco, because Sally would never forgive me.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t ask – but is everything all right with you now?’
Marco felt the ice at his nape and for a moment he felt the bleakness of loss sweep over him. He would never forget the moment he’d learned that Julien had hung himself out of shame – the shame of loving another man instead of the girl he was expected to marry. Julien’s father had scorned their love, called it vile names and made his son feel unworthy and, torn between the two, Julien had taken his life in despair. The man had destroyed his own son – how could he live with that guilt? Surely it would hang like a dark shadow over his life forever?
How did anyone get over something like that? For a time, Marco had wanted to die too. Perhaps he should have done – it might have been better than carrying this load of guilt and pain, and yet something inside him was determined to live. He wouldn’t let that bastard win. Julien’s father had destroyed him, but he
wouldn’t destroy what they had while Marco lived, because it had been good and pure and true. He would cherish his memories of Julien and not allow his father’s prejudice to tarnish them through narrow-mindedness.
‘I live,’ he told Ben now, because he was his friend and he couldn’t lie to him. ‘One day I may love again, but not yet. To lose the one you love as I loved Julien shatters your heart into a thousand pieces. It doesn’t go away – imagine losing your Sally and you’ll know how I feel…’ He drew a deep breath. ‘But thank you for asking, I’m told time will heal the pain. I can only hope so.’
‘I can’t even contemplate losing Sally,’ Ben said. ‘Sorry doesn’t help – but if there is anything ever…’ Their eyes met for a moment, sharing their understanding and friendship and then Marco raised his head, his strength reasserting itself.
‘Much appreciated.’ Marco’s mouth smiled even though his eyes still held the bleakness. ‘I’ll let you know. I don’t think I could have got through without Harpers. The windows are my life and all my real friends are here, Ben. The crowd I hang out with at night are just that – it’s you and your wife and Fred in the basement amongst others. They are the ones I would give my life for.’
‘Don’t speak of dying. I need you alive.’ Ben looked at him intently. ‘Sally needs you. We both love you – come and have supper with us soon, please.’
‘Thank you, I shall,’ Marco said and smiled properly. ‘I know you are my friends, you and Sally – but I was thinking of the country…’
Ben frowned, ‘You think a war is coming, too? Fred Burrows is certain of it.’
‘There may be a war if the trouble in the Balkans keeps flaring up,’ Marco said, grimacing. ‘If it happens, I’ll fight, Ben – because good friends are worth dying for if you have to…’