by Renae Kaye
I pulled up and parked on the street. I would miss our gatherings when I was in Melbourne, but Ambrose and Daniel had both assured me it wouldn’t be forever. I was sad but knew I wanted to support Ambrose until he reached his retirement. And that meant moving to Melbourne. Dan and I juggled the food and alcohol because Ambrose was still on crutches. I opened the door and strode inside.
“Shane’s here!”
Kee was the first to notice me as usual. I wondered why I wasn’t as invisible to him as I was to others. Jamie happened to be wandering past me and grabbed the steaks.
“Great. Just in time for the all-important cooking. I’ll take these out to Liam.”
We could hear a cheer from a crowd on the TV in the living room as we moved farther into the house and spied Vinnie and Ricky—both football mad—clutching their faces and screaming for the umpire to award a free kick. Dan pushed past me to catch the replay on the screen.
“No way,” he defended the call. “You can’t award a free for that.”
“He didn’t try to dispose of it,” Ricky cried.
“He couldn’t. Look. Booker had his arm, and he couldn’t handpass.”
Soon the three of them were in a heated argument about whether it should’ve been paid or not. I looked around my friends.
Liam and Aaron were overseeing the cooking of the steaks on the barbecue on the back patio. They were chatting as they cooked. I couldn’t see what was in Liam’s hand, but it was sure to be some sort of fancy beer that cost three times what was in Aaron’s hand. Jamie had handed over my steaks and was draped over Liam’s shoulder, resting on him and watching as Liam wielded the tongs on the meat.
Hiram and Tate were chatting as they made something in the kitchen. It was probably something gluten free or vegetarian. Tate looked up and caught my eye, smiling his hello and giving a little wave with a hand that was covered in flour.
Vinnie and Ricky were still arguing with Dan in front of the TV. I couldn’t see which teams were playing, but it didn’t matter. Ricky and Vinnie watched all the games each weekend.
Kee pulled out a chair at the dining table and said to Ambrose, “Here you go.” He positioned another chair so Ambrose could prop his leg up and then took the opposite chair. I grabbed a couple of cans from the bag Dan had promptly abandoned, handed one to Dan—who was arguing the history of the rule that was in discussion—and then took a can to Ambrose. Kee was asking him about the ins and outs of his operation.
I took the remaining cans to the fridge, passing through the kitchen and seeing that Hiram and Tate were making some sort of spring rolls with minced vegetables rolled in pastry.
“Hey, Shane. Just what we need. Someone with clean hands. Would you be able to look in the pantry and see if you can find some corn flour?”
I found the required container and a clean spoon and bowl for Hiram and then wandered out to find my boyfriend.
My boyfriend.
Oh, wow.
I sat down on another chair at the table as those words sunk in—my boyfriend. Ambrose had asked me to move in, and I said yes. That technically made us boyfriends, didn’t it?
I hadn’t had one of them for a while, and I’d definitely never lived with any of them. In fact Ambrose was the only one who I’d ever lived with apart from Tracy and my mother, and even when I had been dating, I never stayed in their company as long as I did with Ambrose.
And I never got tired of Ambrose.
Oh, wow.
With the conversation about Ambrose’s knee exhausted, Kee turned to me and said, “So you know Ambrose because you used to live next door to each other?”
I nodded. “Yes. Ambrose and his mother moved in when I was about seven. Our mothers became best friends. You know—I talk about Tracy all the time.”
Kee obviously listened to me as well as saw me. “Sure. You talk about Tracy. You talk about your mum. You’ve never once mentioned the name Ambrose to me. It’s an uncommon name. I’m sure I would’ve remembered it.”
Yeah. Because I was hiding the biggest secret of my life. The secret wasn’t me being in the closet. The secret was me being in the bedroom… with Ambrose Jakoby, who just happened to be an elite-level athlete with the Australian premier league of AFL football.
“I’m not really one to talk about famous people I know solely for recognition from my friends,” I said apologetically. “Jamie probably wouldn’t have a clue who I was talking about anyway. And Vinnie….”
As though it were prepared, Vinnie immediately made my point by shouting at the TV. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, ump. Of course Gawn is going to be tackling Jake Neade high. You pit someone who’s six foot nine against Neade who’s only five seven, there is no middle ground.”
I didn’t have much of an idea who Gawn or Neade were, let alone their heights. But Vinnie knew all the stats.
“And me?” Kee asked with quiet determination.
I couldn’t lie. “I guess I just didn’t want to tell you guys.”
Kee’s eyes were a dark color, and I remember thinking when I met him that they were one of his best features. Why didn’t I feel attracted to him like I did Ambrose? It would’ve been so much better to fall in love with him than the complicated man beside me.
“So why are you telling us now?” he asked with sudden insight.
I swallowed. I had to start somewhere. I was going to be moving to Melbourne, and my friends needed to know. They deserved to know. When Vinnie told us he and Aaron were an item, he made a big announcement in front of everyone. But that wasn’t me.
Here goes.
“I’m going to be moving to Melbourne with Ambrose. He needs my support, and I think it will be good for me. I’m thinking about applying to university. Maybe an arts degree in literature or something.”
Interview Ten
Vinnie
“FOR ME it was knowledge tinged with sadness. You see, Aaron was definitively straight back then. He hadn’t tried any of the gay stuff. I don’t think he even considered it a possibility. The one thing you need to know about Aaron is he has no trouble getting women to date him. It’s whether he could keep them was the problem. So men never featured on his radar.
“But yeah, I fell for him pretty damn quick. He made me laugh. He put up with my peculiarities. I knew the Holy Virgin was giving me a big hint right then.
“An actual timeline? Oh, gosh. Probably about a year after I met him, about two months after I moved into his house to be his housemate. So yeah. Only about two months after I really got to know him.”
Chapter Thirty
KEE’S MOUTH fell open. He stared at me for a time and then said, “You’re leaving us?”
It was heartening to hear the despair in his voice. No matter what I thought about being Wallpaper Shane, the guys did care about me.
“Just for a bit. A couple of years maybe and only during the footy season. I’ll be back over Christmas.”
“But… but you’re the one who always checks up on us and is there with encouragement and… no. You can’t leave us.”
That shocked me. But what shocked me even more was Ambrose agreeing with Kee.
“He does, doesn’t he? After every game he’s on the text messages to me, telling me all the wonderful stuff I did during the game, even though I’d been focusing on the bad stuff.”
Kee nodded in agreement. “And he sends you messages to make sure you got home.”
Ambrose laughed. “Yeah, and sometimes you have to lie and say you did, even though you’re still out.”
“Or he’ll come and pick you up when your boyfriend assaults you in the middle of the night.”
“Or he’ll come and pick you up from the airport, even though you don’t deserve it.”
“And he remembers your birthday.”
“And checks up on you when you’ve had the flu.”
“And asks about her when you said your mum was sick.”
Ambrose threw back his head. “Or messages your mum directly.”
Ke
e’s mouth dropped. “Oh my God. Is that what happened?” He turned in his seat and called across to Tate. “Tate. Did you give your mother’s mobile number to Shane?”
Tate looked up from his cooking. “No. Why?”
“Remember how we got that call from your mother to check on your chest infection, and we couldn’t work out how she knew when she was in the middle of the Sahara?”
I turned bright red and dropped my face into my hands. Oh, no. They weren’t going to bring that up, were they?
Tate’s face took on an expression of wonder. “I remember. I’d been coughing for days, and neither of us had gotten any sleep. So the doctor finally gave me that medicine that knocked me out, and you and I slept for, like, sixteen hours without waking? And when we finally roused, there were ten messages from Shane, some from the other guys, and Mum was calling?”
“Yep,” Kee crowed. “Shane told her.”
Tate looked astonished. “How? Mum and Dad were in the middle of a study and had no communication. Mum had to borrow a satellite phone from some army guy.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped I wouldn’t have to answer. In the silence I peeked from between my fingers. Tate, Kee, Hiram, and Ambrose were all looking at me. I sighed, dropped my hands, and gave them the information they wanted.
“Fine. I emailed her university email address. Okay? You guys weren’t answering your phones, and I was getting worried, so I looked up your mother at the university you told me your parents worked at and sent her a quick message to ask her if you were all right. I didn’t realize she was in the Sahara. Apparently she had no phone, but she had a computer, and she logged in to check her emails from work.”
Hiram stared at me. “And the time my brother contacted me out of the blue when I was having trouble?”
I pressed my fingers to my brow bone. My secrets were coming out. “Facebook.”
“How did you even know his name?” Hiram asked.
I shrugged. “You mentioned it once, back when we were dating.”
“Once, maybe.”
Vinnie wandered over. It was halftime, and he was looking for another drink. “What are we talking about?”
“About all the times Shane helps us out and checks up on us,” Kee answered.
Vinnie dropped down into the chair beside me. “Shane’s a great secret keeper. He was the first to know about me and Aaron, but only because he guessed. And he never told. He was supportive of me.”
“He was there for me when Matt the Rat hit me,” Kee said. He no longer feared that jerk. We’d all rallied around him when he needed time. And yeah, we steered a number of people away from dating Matt. It wasn’t just me.
“He tutored me in maths through high school because he didn’t want me to fail,” Ambrose said as though he were reminiscing about good times. I couldn’t believe Ambrose would think those sessions in torture were good times.
“He stayed my friend even after we broke up,” Hiram put in. “I never felt awkward remaining friends with him.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m going to miss you, Shane,” Kee said.
Vinnie’s head swung around in Kee’s direction. “What? Miss him? Are you going somewhere?”
Kee tipped his chin in my direction. “No. Shane is. Shane’s going to Melbourne to live.”
Tate, Hiram, and Vinnie answered immediately.
“What?”
“No.”
“Really?”
“Oh my gawd!”
I turned when I realized Jamie was behind me and had heard Kee’s announcement.
“You’re going to Melbourne? Why?” Jamie looked dismayed.
I was going to miss Jamie the most. “Because I’m going to live with Ambrose while he finishes his career with the Hawks. Then I’ll be back. Because you guys are my friends, and I’ll miss you too much to keep away forever.”
Jamie rushed forward and engulfed me in a hug. “You’re going to live with Ambrose? Well, that’s okay, then. I can give you up for that. I couldn’t give you up for anything else.”
I stood and hugged Jamie. He was my best friend, the one who had always been around, just like Ambrose had. And yet I’d fallen head over heels for Ambrose and stayed in love with him for over twelve years, and I’d never felt that way about Jamie.
Then Kee put both of his arms around us and hugged us both. I felt more arms and bodies join in—Vinnie, Hiram, Tate, Aaron, Liam.
I felt the tears prick. “I’ll only be in Melbourne, guys. I’ll expect regular updates, lots of photos, and don’t you dare drop me off the group chat like you did this morning.” My voice was muffled by the many bodies crowded around.
“Sorry, Shane.” Jamie sounded contrite.
“We won’t do it again.” That was Kee.
“We’ll miss you.” That was Tate.
“Wait. What?” Aaron’s voice was shocked. “Shane’s leaving? I thought we were doing the group hug because it’s something gay guys do.”
That broke us up, and we dispersed as Jamie explained the situation to the latecomers who’d been outside. “Shane’s moving to Melbourne to be with Ambrose.”
Aaron looked shocked. “Like… be with Ambrose?”
Obviously some of them hadn’t quite caught on.
“Yes,” Jamie said firmly.
“Du-ude,” Liam said astonishment.
Aaron turned shocked eyes to Ambrose, and I wondered if it had somehow lessened Ambrose in Aaron’s eyes to know he liked guys. But then Aaron turned his eyes to me. “Holy cow.”
“What?” I asked. Aaron wasn’t shocked at Ambrose at all. It was me. What had I done?
“Do you mean to tell me, you’ve been getting jiggy with Bro-Jak all this time, and you haven’t once said anything?”
The boys all had a bit of a laugh at Aaron’s turn of phrase.
“Oh my gawd,” Jamie suddenly shouted. “Handy Andy. You told me you had a crush on A. It wasn’t Handy Andy at all. It was Bro-Jak.”
Tate stopped him. “Uh. Bro-Jak doesn’t start with A. It’s BJ.”
Aaron fisted the air. “It was BJ TJ after all.”
“I told you guys Shane was getting regular sex. You didn’t believe me,” Hiram said.
“We didn’t not believe you, Hiram,” Kee laughed. “We simply never imagined it was someone like Bro-Jak. Way to go, Shane.”
“Way to go, Ambrose, I reckon,” Vinnie said loyally. “Ambrose is getting the better deal.”
Aaron stood with his hands on his hips. “Aw, man. I can’t believe my friend has been bumping uglies with Bro-Jak and never told us. I could’ve been telling the guys at work.”
“Well, technically you still can’t tell anyone.” Dan joined the conversation.
“What?” Vinnie said with a frown. “Why not?”
“Shane is Ambrose’s oldest friend, and he’s going to live in Melbourne with him while he goes to university. Any relationship beyond that, Ambrose and Shane are neither confirming nor denying.”
I looked at my friends. Some seemed sad at that news and some confused. A couple were angry and voiced that. Tate glared. “You’re not forcing Shane back in the closet, are you? Because I can’t agree with that.”
Dan was steady with the accusation. “No one is forcing anything. Shane’s gay. No one is denying that. And Ambrose’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with how well he plays football. That’s all we’re saying.”
Liam shook his head. “It won’t stay hidden.”
Ricky spoke for the first time. “Look what happened to Declan Tyler. Look at the shit Micah Johnson is going through. Do you guys really want that to happen to Ambrose?”
Tate looked worried. “If a media storm like that erupts around Shane, it’s not going to be pretty.”
I looked at Ambrose with sympathy. So far he’d been sitting in silence and listening to everyone discuss him. I was used to it, but he wasn’t. He obviously took some sort of courage from me and spoke up for the first time.
&nb
sp; “Look, if it happens, it happens. I’m not hiding. It’s just it’s never been a part of what Shane and I were about. I simply want to get through this injury and return to playing. And I want Shane by my side as I do that. I don’t think it’s anyone’s decision apart from me and Shane as to what we tell the media. I’m paid to play football to the best of my ability. It’s not fair on any player to have some stranger poke their nose into their lives and comment on stuff outside football. It would be different if I were making money other ways. If I were modeling, then you’d have the right to comment on my fitness and body shape. If I were selling my services as an interior decorator, then by all means, comment on my style and my home. But Shane and I will handle it the way we think best. I really don’t think either of us will be up to intense scrutiny. So, we’re just going to lay low. And I’d appreciate it if you helped us do that. Because no one should be forcing anyone in or out of the closet.”
My friends looked at each other. Clearly none of them wanted to be the first to speak. Finally Vinnie said, “I agree. It’s none of my business.”
“I don’t think anyone should go around labeling people,” Liam said. “I’m one of those weird people who has a label no one really wants to listen to me define. So if you want to label yourself as Shane’s childhood friend, then I’m in no position to argue.”
Tate shrugged. “As long as Shane is agreeable to it, I’m not going to rock the boat.”
Kee echoed Tate’s shrug. “And it’s not going to be forever, right?”
Hiram nodded. “I support Shane. If it’s what Shane wants to do, then I’ll do it.”
Ricky held up his hands. “Hey, like Liam said, I’m in no position to argue. My family were vilified for years for something society didn’t understand. I was born a secret keeper.”
Jamie smiled. “I’d do anything for love. If the alternative is you guys are apart, then I’m all for doing it your way.”