“Fuck.” The word came out a groan as she licked and sucked, taking him deep into her warm, wet mouth.
She added a hand, cupping the base of his shaft and squeezing, as she pumped her hand back and forth, following along with her mouth. She moistened his dick, making for a smooth glide as she worked him over.
He groaned and grasped on to her head, threading his fingers through her hair and guiding her as he pumped into her, careful not to hurt her as he took the pleasure she offered.
He glanced down, meeting her wide gaze, her eyes glazed with desire, showing him she wanted this as much as he did. She picked up the pace, and he couldn’t help but pump his hips along with her rapid motion.
A rush of desire washed over him; his balls drew up tight. He was going to come, and he didn’t want it to be in her mouth. He pulled back, taking her by surprise.
“What’s wrong?”
“When I come, it’s going to be inside you.”
Her eyes darkened with pleasure. “Oh yeah?” She rose to her feet and sat back on the bed, peeling her panties slowly down her legs.
Too slowly for his liking, and he yanked them down hard, need driving him.
She spread her legs, giving him a glimpse of her damp sex. He climbed over her and grazed his dick over her clit.
She whimpered at the soft contact. “I need you inside me now.”
He wasn’t about to argue. He arched his back, ready to thrust deep inside her when he remembered. “Fuck. No condom. I didn’t know I’d be coming here.” He braced his arms on the bed, sweat trickling down his back.
“I don’t keep them here anymore.” She closed her eyes in frustration for a brief second before opening them and meeting his gaze. “I haven’t been with anyone since you. And at my doctor’s suggestion, I’ve had regular checkups. I’m okay… if you are. Plus I’m on the pill now.” Pure need shone on her face, along with a hope and trust that was humbling.
“I haven’t been with anyone, either. I swear.” He’d been too devastated by his actions, by how he’d hurt her and what he’d done, to even think about dating another woman. Let alone having sex with one. “I’m clean. I promise you.”
She blew out a long breath, her gaze holding his. “I want to feel you. Every bare inch.”
He let out a low groan, raised himself over her, aligning his cock and gliding home. “Oh damn, baby, you feel good.” Slick, soft, and cushioning him in warmth. He felt her everywhere, so different from when latex separated their bodies.
Nothing kept them apart now.
They moved as one, the sounds, the groans, the soft sighs all melded together as desire grew faster and more furious between them.
He pumped in and out, getting closer to Kendall with each successive thrust.
He kissed her face, inhaled, breathing her in as she shook around him, her fingernails scoring his back, the pain mixing with pleasure as he climbed higher. Closer to climax.
“Julian, please,” she panted in his ear. “So close. I’m so close.”
He gritted his teeth, holding his climax, helping push her toward her own. He eased back, sliding his hand between them and pressing his finger against her slick clit.
“Oh God.” She arched into him, and he pressed harder, moving his finger in small circles until she began to shake beneath him.
“That’s it, I’m coming!” She cried out and he thrust deep, pounding into her until she stiffened and started to tremble once more.
Knowing she was coming again set off his own release, his climax detonating. He came, a mixture of physical release and intense emotions rocking him to his core.
* * *
Kendall woke up first, her skin wrapped in heat. Julian had pulled her into his arms, cocooning her with his big body. She sighed and snuggled back into him, still amazed he was back in her life.
Last night it had been evident he still struggled with his demons, but also that he was determined to fight them. AA was necessary to his well-being.
Apparently, so was she. She liked knowing when he was down, he came to her. And she felt bad for what he was going through. His past returning had to be tough.
She didn’t want Billy around Julian any more than she wanted him around his sister. Kendall wasn’t worried about drugs or Julian resorting to old ways. They’d come too far and she trusted him too much for that. But she was worried about how Billy’s return affected and upset him.
She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, surprised it was after nine. They’d both overslept, which wasn’t a problem for her. It was her day off. And she knew why she’d needed extra sleep, she thought with a grin. He’d kept her up last night with his hands all over her, doing amazing things to her body.
All the fear she’d had of their sex life changing, being less exciting because she was more mellow and calm, had been for nothing. Between the fun spanking the other night and the intensity of last night, she knew she had nothing to worry about. They were beyond compatible in bed.
And this time around, she’d learned they were also good for each other in other ways, as well.
She rolled out from under his arm, and he snagged her back, pulling her beneath him. “Going somewhere?”
“Nope.” Not now that he was awake. “Are you feeling better this morning?” she asked, partly afraid she was doing the wrong thing by bringing it up again.
“Much better. But I feel bad that I left Alex. When I called last night, she said not to worry about it, but I don’t want to make it a habit.”
“I understand.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “We’ll just call it extenuating circumstances and leave it at that.”
“I did tell her I wanted to have dinner with her tonight. I need to spell out the kind of man her brother really is. It tears me up inside to hurt her, but I want to protect her, too.”
Her expression saddened. “That really is awful, but honestly she’s better off. Would you like me to come along? Or would you rather be alone when you tell her?”
“I’ll take all the support from you I can get.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.
She kissed him back, parting her lips and letting his tongue inside to tangle with hers. She felt the hard press of his erection against her stomach and was about to reach for him when the doorbell rang.
“Are you expecting someone?” he asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “No. Ignore them and maybe they’ll go away.” She kissed him again… and the doorbell rang again. Oh damn.
“Argh. Don’t go anywhere.” She jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats she’d left on the floor, grabbed a sweatshirt that was hanging on the chair by her vanity mirror, and rushed into the other room.
Just as she walked into the hallway, the door opened and her sister walked in, key in hand.
“Lexie! What are you doing here?” And how could Kendall get her to leave as soon as possible?
She panicked, knowing that though she wanted her sister to know she was seeing Julian, she didn’t want her to walk in and be shocked by seeing him. But Lexie had let herself in using her old key. Which was now an emergency key. Which she’d never had a reason not to be able to use because if Kendall had a guy in her life, she’d tell her twin. And then her twin would know to use some discretion and not let herself into the apartment without warning. When not just any man but Julian was in her bedroom.
Yes, she wanted to tell her sister she and Julian were involved, but she’d wanted to talk to her, ease into the conversation. She’d planned on explaining how amazing Julian had been to her now, how much he’d changed, and what had prompted some of his behavior to begin with. And she could still handle it that way if Lexie left now, before she saw Julian.
“I’m sorry to just show up, but I knew it was your day off and how sometimes you sleep in. So I figured I’d just wake you with your favorite hazelnut coffee and muffins!” Lexie held up a bag with the logo from Kendall’s favorite shop.
“Thank you,” Kendall said, ac
cepting the bag of her favorite food.
“I’ll just put the coffee on the kitchen table and we can eat. And talk.”
“But—”
Lexie turned toward the kitchen, but before she could take another step, Julian walked out of the bedroom.
“Is everything okay? Who was at the door?” He stepped out in his jeans, pulling his shirt over his head as he spoke.
Kendall closed her eyes as the inevitable unfolded.
“What in the ever-loving hell is he doing here?” Lexie yelled.
Kendall winced at her sister’s sharp tone.
Julian stepped up beside Kendall. “I can explain.”
Lexie frowned. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” She turned to Kendall. “You, on the other hand, I want to hear everything. Talk to me. Are you off your meds?”
Hurt flowed through Kendall. “That’s insulting.” She’d come so far, for long enough now that her sister should have some faith. “I wanted to tell you, but I knew you’d react badly.”
Lexie folded her arms across her chest. “Tell me what, exactly? That you’re sleeping with him again? What’s wrong? He didn’t hurt you badly enough the first time? He didn’t hurt Kade enough? You had to go back for seconds?”
Every word was a dagger to Kendall’s heart. Her sister didn’t know how she felt about Julian; she didn’t understand the man he really was. And she clearly didn’t give Kendall any credit whatsoever. Maybe she’d deserved that at one time, but she’d been proving herself over and over for almost a year. Longer than ever before.
Surely she’d earned some leeway in her choices. “Lexie, I’m sorry and if you give me a chance—”
“Not happening.”
Kendall’s stomach churned at the obstinate tone in her twin’s voice. “Julian, let me talk to her alone.” She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms, chilled inside and out.
“I’m not leaving you to handle this alone.” He stood beside her, determined and strong, and she appreciated the effort. But there was no way she’d get through to her sister if Julian didn’t leave.
“Oh, because I’m going to hurt her?” Lexie asked, sarcasm dripping in her tone as she folded her arms across her chest in a direct replica of Kendall’s.
“You already did hurt her. More than once in the last few minutes alone.”
Kendall groaned. She didn’t want these two going at it. It wouldn’t accomplish a thing.
To her surprise, Lexie’s angry face crumpled. “I shouldn’t have asked if you were off your meds. But really, Kendall. Him?” She gestured to Julian. “What are you thinking? Or are you?”
Kendall put a hand on Julian’s back. “Go, please. I’ll call you later. I need time alone with Lexie.”
“But—”
There was only one way to make her point, to Julian and to her sister. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips. “I’ll be fine. I’ll explain and I’ll call you later.”
“God.” Lexie stormed off, headed toward the kitchen.
Julian grasped her shoulders, holding on tight. “Don’t let her convince you I’m someone I’m not. Or someone I used to be. You know me,” he said, the worry in his gaze making her realize she wasn’t the only one feeling anxious.
If Lexie didn’t come around, if she couldn’t convince her sister to talk to Kade, the life Kendall wanted wouldn’t exist. And she’d have to make choices she couldn’t bear to make.
Chapter Eleven
The coffee grew cold as Kendall waited for her sister to calm down enough for her to explain how she’d ended up back in a relationship with Julian. Lexie paced the small area of Kendall’s kitchen, muttering to them both. Kendall knew her twin well enough to know that until she got her frustration out, Kendall wouldn’t be able to get a word in edgewise. Not one that would penetrate Lexie’s brain, anyway.
“I don’t understand. He broke your heart. He dug into Kade’s past and brought out someone who accused him of date rape in college. All for money. How could you take him back?” Lexie finally turned to her and asked. “Make me understand.”
Kendall took her sister’s hand and led her out to the family room. “Let’s sit.”
Lexie chose the far end of the couch. “So I can see your face. I need to be objective and it’s not easy.” She twisted her hands in her lap and met Kendall’s gaze.
She could only imagine what her sister was feeling, and knowing she had to go home and tell Kade… Kendall shuddered.
Kendall sat down, hands in her lap. “Julian adopted Steve,” she said as her opening explanation.
Lexie blinked. “Seriously? He adopted a dog to get to you?”
“Owning a dog is a big responsibility. I’m pretty sure he must have wanted him,” she said, not hiding her sarcasm. “But I’m not saying seeing me didn’t factor into where he adopted from.”
“I’m glad that cutie found a home. Go on.”
“At first I refused to talk to him about anything other than the dogs. Then Steve got sick and he had no one with experience to call. The vet wasn’t on call, so he contacted the shelter and I answered.”
Lexie rolled her eyes. “And of course, soft-hearted Kendall had to help him in person.”
“Yes.” She stiffened at the implication that there was something wrong with doing the right thing. “The dog was sick, and I knew where to go and what to do. And then we started talking again. He apologized. From the heart and not just for hurting me but for what he did to Kade. He didn’t offer up any excuses, either. He takes full responsibility and he regrets it, Lexie. He really does.”
“It doesn’t change anything,” her sister said stubbornly. “What kind of person does those things?”
“The kind who was hurting and made mistakes.” She’d come to understand Julian so much better, and it was up to her to get her sister to see the same.
“Hurt that he was left out of a big IPO because he was an addict?” Lexie asked.
Kendall blew out a deep breath. “Can you please lose the sarcasm?”
“Sorry.”
Kendall had only one route possible to reach her twin. Although Julian’s past wasn’t her story to tell, without revealing the truth, her sister would have no reason to understand where he’d been coming from or what he’d endured.
“No, the kind of hurt that resulted from his sister being in a car accident when his mother was drunk driving. Back when they were in college, his mother was killed and his little sister had a traumatic brain injury.”
Lexie’s mouth opened wide. “I didn’t know that. Does Kade?”
“Nobody knew. Julian bottled up his feelings, kept the facts to himself, and started doing drugs to numb the pain.” Kendall ran her hand over her sweat pants, bunching the cotton and releasing it again in a nervous gesture.
“Why didn’t he tell his friends?”
“I don’t know. But his mother was an alcoholic, so addiction runs in his family. And his father was long gone by that time. His grandparents took over his sister’s care and encouraged him to go back to school and graduate so someone could make money to help. Because, oh, did I mention his mother had let their health insurance lapse?”
“Oh my God.”
“That’s a lot of burden on a twenty-year-old, right?” Kendall asked.
“Yes. I get that. And I understand that’s when he became an addict. But from what I was told, he was clean at the time he hooked up with you and when he did what he did to Kade. When he sued the guys for a piece of Blink.” Lexie spread her hands wide. “So…”
“So he screwed up. He admits that. He was buried in debt, and he wanted his sister to have some kind of monetary cushion especially since she has residual issues. And he was so filled with self-hatred for walking away from the guys and Blink, losing out on the opportunity because he’d turned to addiction.”
Kendall scooted closer to her sister and took her hands. “He never once used it as a reason. He said he won’t ever try and use his past
as an excuse for being a total asshole.”
Her sister looked at her, helplessness in Lexie’s gaze. “What changed then? What makes him a different man now?”
“He said he fell for me back then. And when he found out I was… am bipolar, that he’d used someone who had their own issues, who wasn’t emotionally capable of dealing with what he’d done, he hated himself. He looked in the mirror and really saw himself for the first time. And he didn’t like who he’d become.”
When Lexie remained silent, Kendall went on. “He goes to AA meetings. Often. He has a sponsor and I’ve met him and his wife. They vouch for him, Lex. They see a difference in him. Please. Just open your mind toward him a little. Please.” She held on to her sister’s hand, begging for her life. Because being forced to choose between Julian and her twin just might kill her.
“Kendall…”
“Please? Just sit with this for a little while. Let it settle. Don’t make any snap negative judgments.”
Her sister pulled her hand back and rubbed her eyes. “You’re killing me. And I have to tell Kade.”
Kendall swallowed hard. “I know.” She didn’t expect Lexie to keep secrets from her husband. “I’m just hoping maybe with a little background and perspective, Kade can… I don’t know. I’m not asking for him to accept Julian with open arms, but I’d like him to give Julian a chance, to see the man that I do now.”
“This wasn’t the fun breakfast I had in mind,” Lexie muttered.
“I know.”
“Do you? Do you have any idea the position I’m in?” She shook her head. “Never mind. I can’t make any promises.”
“I know.” But she wasn’t outright refusing to even consider the possibility that Julian had changed. That he had conquered his demons.
Lexie rose to her feet and Kendall pulled her into a hug. “Thank you.”
Lexie hugged her back. “I love you, K.”
Tears formed in Kendall’s eyes, fighting past the lump in her throat, because she honestly had no idea how this all was going to end. “I love you, too.”
Lexie stepped back. “I should get going.”
Going in Deep Page 12