‘You didn’t even want me to say goodbye to her,’ I said.
‘I was still in a state of shock after having to collect you from the police,’ said Mum.
‘You never liked Tanya, though. You didn’t ever want me to see her,’ I said fiercely.
‘You’re being a bit hard on your mum,’ said Dad. ‘We only said you couldn’t see her after the shoplifting business. And it’s silly to say we didn’t like her. She was a smashing girl in many ways, so lively, and basically good-hearted—’
‘She is. Don’t talk about her as if she’s dead,’ I said. ‘She’s still my best ever friend, you know, even though she’s gone. And Mum didn’t ever want us to be friends, did you?’
‘Now, now,’ said Mum. ‘All right, I didn’t think it was very sensible. And I was proved right, too. But there’s no need to look at me like that, Mandy. I didn’t have anything against Tanya personally. It’s just that she wasn’t the right age for you, and she didn’t come from the right sort of background.’
‘Melanie is the right age, the right background, you thought she was the right sort of friend for me. And she was ever so mean to me and ganged up with Kim and Sarah against me. They were hateful. Tanya was always lovely to me.’
I didn’t just say it. I shouted it. I thought they’d get cross then. But they just stared at each other, looking helpless.
‘That’s a good point, Mandy,’ said Dad, sighing.
‘It’s not as simple as that,’ said Mum. ‘But I wish I’d tried a bit harder with Tanya.’
‘It’s easy to say that now, when she’s been taken away,’ I said.
I stamped off to my room and slammed the door. I lay on my bed for a while, clutching Olivia Orang-Utan, pretending her orange fur was Tanya’s hair. Then I sat up and dressed her in Tanya’s violet sequin top. It fell way past her paws, an amazing evening gown.
I tried on the top myself. I took off my glasses and peered short-sightedly into the mirror. I could just see a swirl of purple sequins. I could kid myself I looked amazingly glamorous, a real Miranda Rainbow. But then I put my glasses back on and everything shifted into focus. I was Mandy White again, and I went in and out in all the wrong places. The violet top puckered loosely over my flat chest and showed off my babyish round tummy.
‘Mandy?’ It was Mum, knocking at my bedroom door.
I tried to rip the top off quickly, because I couldn’t stand the thought of Mum laughing at me. My head got caught and when I pulled, my glasses went flying. They fell with a clatter on my chest of drawers and broke in two again.
‘Oh, no!’
‘What’s the matter, Mandy?’ said Mum, coming in.
‘My glasses! They’ve broken again.’
‘Well, we’ll see if Daddy can fix them with Superglue like he did last time. But I think we’ll have to get you a new pair some time this summer,’ said Mum.
‘Really grown-up fashionable glasses?’ I asked.
‘Yes. So long as they’re not too expensive.’
‘And can I have my hair cut so that they won’t look stupid with my baby plaits?’
‘Mmm. I’m not so sure about that,’ said Mum. ‘If it’s really important to you then maybe you can. I suppose it’s your own hair after all.’ Mum paused. ‘But I tell you one thing I am sure about, Mandy. I don’t want you wearing that purple sequin top. Certainly not outdoors.’
‘It doesn’t fit right, anyway,’ I said. ‘But it looked lovely on Tanya.’
‘Well,’ said Mum.
‘I miss her so,’ I said. ‘She said she’d write, but she hates writing, so I don’t think she will.’
‘I know you’re missing her, darling. And I understand. But believe me, you’ll make some other friends soon. Tell you what, why don’t you get in touch with that nice boy who rang you up after the accident? Arthur.’
‘No! I couldn’t. I’d feel stupid.’
‘I’ll get in touch with his mother if you like.’
‘No, Mum! I don’t want to. I don’t want to do anything,’ I insisted.
Dad took time off work and kept suggesting we go to the pictures or the park. He spent one day taking me round the museums in London and I pretended I was enjoying myself – but I’d have been just as happy lying on my bed at home doing nothing.
Mum scoured the local newspaper for holiday activities and eventually talked me into signing up for a story-writing session at the library.
She took me shopping on Saturday and said I could have new glasses. I tried on hundreds of pairs: tiny owly ones, great big bold specs, glittery party glasses. I wished Tanya was there to tell me which suited me most. Mum liked a baby pink pair with a little white rabbit at either end. I knew I never wanted to wear anything with a rabbit on it ever again. Particularly in pink.
‘But pink suits you so, Mandy,’ said Mum.
‘Not pink, Mum. Any other colour. Red. Orange. Purple.’
I peered through glasses all the colours of the rainbow. And then I spotted a perfect pair. Not too little. Not too large. With striped frames. Rainbow stripes. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.
‘Oh, Mum! I like these best. Can I have the rainbow glasses?’
They weren’t too expensive so Mum said yes. We went and had an ice cream in Maxwell’s while we were waiting for my glasses to be made up with the right lenses for me. I chose a strawberry special, sprinkled with rainbow dots. Mum had one too, even though she was supposed to be on another diet.
‘I wish I’d taken Tanya here now,’ said Mum.
We finished our strawberry specials in silence.
Mum decided to chance going into work late the next Monday so she could deliver me at the library for the writing session. She wanted to come in with me but I wouldn’t let her, in case any of the children thought me a baby.
I needn’t have worried. There was only one other person my age. Arthur!
He was already sitting at a table at the back of the room with two other boys. There wasn’t a spare chair at his table. And I didn’t want him to think I was being pushy. He didn’t seem all that thrilled to see me there. He just nodded nervously at me, going pink.
I didn’t want to embarrass him further in front of the other boys. They were maybe his friends.
I didn’t know who to sit with. I didn’t want to squash up with the very little ones printing in wobbly wax crayon.
There were two girls about seven at another table.
‘Maybe you’d like to sit with Sarah and Julie and work on their Woodland Bunny story with them?’ said the library lady.
‘No, thank you,’ I said. ‘I don’t really want to write about rabbits. I’ll make up my own story.’
I sat at a little table by myself. The library lady offered me paper and pencils and wax crayons, but I had my own drawing book and my new tin of rainbow felt-tips with me. Arthur was looking at me so I hurriedly started writing. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to catch his eye.
I wrote down the special story Tanya and I had made up together, about Love Tanyanita and Miranda Rainbow sharing a flat together. It made me feel very lonely and sad remembering it. I kept hearing Tanya’s voice as she made it all up.
‘Are you all right, Mandy?’ the library lady asked, bending over me.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I said, feeling stupid. I put my arm over my page. I didn’t want her to read our private story.
She moved on to the boys’ table at the back. The boys who weren’t Arthur were scribbling stories based on video games. They’d got a bit bored and were flicking rubbers at each other, going Zap and Pow and Kerplunk. The library lady sighed and skirted round them towards Arthur.
‘What are you writing today, Arthur?’ she said, smiling expectantly. Arthur was obviously a regular at the story-writing sessions.
The Zap-Pow-Kerplunk boys rolled their eyes and made gagging gestures.
‘It’s nothing. It’s just . . . No, honestly,’ Arthur mumbled.
‘“The Knight Who Wouldn’t Fight”,’ the libr
ary lady read out loud.
‘The knight who wouldn’t fight!’ said Zap.
‘What a dumb wimpy title,’ said Pow.
‘By a dumb wimpy boy,’ said Zap.
‘Dumb, wimpy, nitty-Knighty Arthur,’ said Pow.
‘Now then, you two, stop being so silly,’ said the library lady. ‘Don’t take any notice of them, Arthur.’
Arthur said nothing. He didn’t look at the boys. He didn’t look at the library lady. He didn’t look at me.
I looked at him properly through my new rainbow glasses. Then I got up and walked over to his table.
‘Can I see what you’ve written, Arthur?’ I said. ‘Here, I bet those two haven’t even heard of King Arthur and all the knights of the round table. They’re still way down at the Super Mario and Sonic stage.’
Zap and Pow spluttered and squealed. The library lady blinked. Arthur went bright red. But he pushed his book towards me.
‘Here,’ he said. He sounded gruff. But I knew it was OK.
I got my chair and sat at his table for a bit, but Zap and Pow kept bombarding us with rubbers and jogging us whenever we wrote, so Arthur and I moved over to my little table.
I decided I wanted to go to the story-writing sessions all week. Arthur and I sat together every day. We started to work on a new story together, about a beautiful medieval witch, Mandiana the Magic, and an all-powerful wizard called Dark Art. We took turns writing the story and drew a picture for every page and coloured it all in with my rainbow felt-tips.
I knew that Arthur was pleased I’d turned up at the library out of the blue. He hadn’t said much because he was shy, like me. He didn’t want me to think he was pushy.
Arthur’s mum came to meet him at lunchtimes. She studied in the library archives while we did our writing class. She had the same pale face and untidy fringe as Arthur. They even wore identical navy anoraks. She was a different sort of mum but ever so interesting when you talked to her. She gave us some brilliant ideas for evil spells and knew all about poisonous potions and herbs.
My mum got on well with Arthur’s mum. They made friends too. Arthur’s mum said I was very welcome to go round to their house in the mornings when the writing sessions stopped.
‘That would be good, eh, Mandy?’ said Arthur, going pink again.
‘Yeah. Right,’ I said.
It wouldn’t be as good as being with Tanya of course. Nowhere near. But Arthur was OK. He was a friend.
But I didn’t go to the Kings’ house the next week after all.
I knew something terrible had happened when Mum came to collect me on Friday. Her eyes were red and her face was all puffy. My tummy went tight.
‘Mum, what’s wrong?’
She tried hard to be brave in front of Mrs King and Arthur.
‘Nothing’s really wrong, dear. I’ve just had a little shock, that’s all.’
‘Have you heard something awful about Tanya?’
Mum stared at me as if I was mad.
‘No, of course not. No, I’ve just been forced to join the massed ranks of the unemployed,’ said Mum.
She was talking in such a strange way I didn’t get what she meant at first. But then when Mrs King started talking very sympathetically about redundancy I realized. Mum had lost her job.
When we were indoors, away from the Kings, her face went wobbly and she started crying again.
‘Don’t cry, Mum,’ I said timidly.
She cried harder, her eyes screwed up, her mouth open. I’d never seen her cry that way before. It made me feel awful and embarrassed and scared.
Mum went up to her bedroom and I hung back for a minute and then followed her worriedly. She’d taken her good suit off and was lying on top of her duvet in her petticoat, crying and crying.
‘Mum?’ I said, and I sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed.
I reached out and patted her soft, shaking shoulder.
‘Oh, Mandy,’ Mum sobbed, and then she scrabbled around for a hankie and tried hard to stop crying. ‘I’m sorry, darling. Don’t look so worried. It’s not the end of the world. I don’t know why I’m making such a fuss.’ Her voice wavered up and down, and every so often there was a sob she couldn’t stop, like a hiccup.
‘You’ll get another job, Mum,’ I said.
Mum shook her head. ‘I’m not so sure, Mandy. Oh dear, it was so awful. I had to clear my desk and get out straightaway. I couldn’t believe it was really happening. Everyone looked at me as if I’d got some horrible disease. My boss said it was because I was unreliable. He kept on about all the time off I’d had, what with my teeth playing up and then when I had to look after you—’
‘So it’s my fault?’ I said.
‘No, no! Of course not, Mandy. And anyway, he was just using that as an excuse. He practically admitted it. He said I didn’t really fit into a busy modern office. My way of thinking was all wrong. He said I was too old-fashioned. But what he really meant was that I was too old.’
‘Oh, Mum. You’re not old. Well. Not that old.’
‘Yes, I am,’ said Mum. She blew her nose and sat up properly. ‘Goodness, I must look a sight. I am old, Mandy. When I look at the other mums down at your school I can’t help realizing I’m old enough to be their mum.’
‘You’re not anyone else’s mum but mine,’ I said, and I put my arms round her.
Mum went after lots of jobs that summer but for a long time she kept getting turned down. She got very depressed and she even started to get thinner, because she didn’t feel like eating much. I’d always longed for Mum to stop being so fat, but now I wasn’t sure. It was as if the Mum I knew was slowly wearing away, like a bar of soap. I wanted her really big and really bossy again, because that was the way she was supposed to be.
But it was OK after all. The week before I started back at school Mum got another job. She’d gone after an office job in Maxwell’s, but she hadn’t been able to cope with their computer. They suggested she apply as one of their part-time sales staff instead. She got a job going in Ladies’ Separates, and she took me for enormous knickerbocker glories in Maxwell’s soda fountain to celebrate.
‘It’s a lovely department. I like the look of the ladies I’ll be working with. It’s less money, but I’ll get a good discount on goods, even though I’m only part-time,’ said Mum, licking ice cream from her lips and scraping her tall glass. ‘Pity I don’t get discounts on ice creams, eh?’
Mum was happy again. I wished I could feel happy too. I still missed Tanya so much. I had Arthur now, but he wasn’t the same. And school was starting on Monday, and I’d begun to have nightmares about Kim and Melanie and Sarah.
I kept telling myself it was a new school year, a new class, a new start. But I still felt sick and sweaty when I walked into school. Kim and Melanie and Sarah were already in the classroom, at the back. Kim whispered something and they all burst out laughing, looking at me.
It was starting again. I stood still, not knowing where to sit. All the girls had friends already. I was stuck without anyone.
Arthur was sitting right at the front. He tapped the desk next to him.
‘Hey, Mandy. Come and sit here,’ he said.
I stared at him. None of the girls ever sat with the boys. You just never did it, not in our class.
‘I can’t sit next to you, Arthur,’ I hissed ‘You’re a boy.’
‘Brilliant deduction!’ said Arthur, raising his eyebrows. ‘So what?’
I thought about it. So what, indeed? I sat next to Arthur. Kim and Melanie and Sarah giggled and sneered. Some of the boys wolf-whistled and made stupid remarks.
‘Nutters,’ said Arthur.
‘Nutters,’ I agreed.
‘They’re the nutty ones,’ said Kim. ‘Two swotty little twits. They’re just sticking together because they haven’t got any other friends.’
She went on and on, but her words were just like little pinpricks, not great big daggers. I knew it wasn’t true. I did have friends. I had Tanya, who was the best friend
in all the world. And I had Arthur.
We stayed sitting together at the front, and the new Year Six teacher Miss Moseley didn’t mind at all.
Kim and Melanie and Sarah sat in a three-some at the back, all crammed together. Miss Moseley wasn’t having any of that.
‘Come on, you three. You haven’t got room to work all squashed up like that. One of you had better pop over to a spare table.’
Melanie and Sarah looked at Kim pleadingly, both desperate to stay with her. Kim sat back, smiling, looking from one to the other. We all craned round to see who she was going to pick and who she was going to send packing.
‘Kim?’ said Miss Moseley. She knew her name already. Everyone in the whole school knew Kim. ‘You go and sit at the spare table, please.’
We all stared at Miss Moseley, astonished. She didn’t understand. Or maybe she understood all too well.
‘No, I’ll stay here,’ said Kim. ‘Melanie can sit at the spare table. Or Sarah.’
Melanie and Sarah looked agonized.
‘I want to stay with you, Kim,’ said Melanie.
‘No, I’ve got to stay, I’ve been your friend much longer,’ said Sarah.
‘It’s not up to Kim,’ said Miss Moseley briskly. ‘I’m the teacher and I say who sits where. Melanie and Sarah, stay where you are. Kim. You move to the spare table.’ She paused. ‘At once!’
Kim got to her feet and moved all her things to the spare table. She had two bright pink spots on her cheeks. She glared at Miss Moseley.
Miss Moseley smiled. ‘Right. Now we’re all sorted out and sitting comfortably, we can start our lesson.’
We were all still a bit stunned. Miss Moseley was young with fluffy fair hair and she often wore fluffy pastel jumpers. We’d thought she was all soft and fluffy too. We’d got it wrong. She was as strong as steel.
I decided I was going to like it in Year Six with Miss Moseley. We started all sorts of new lessons. We were doing the Victorians all that first term and we all had to choose one special aspect to study with a partner. Arthur and I decided to do a project about this group of Victorian painters who liked doing pictures of King Arthur and all his knights and various damsels in distress. The others in the class chose stuff like Childhood or Servants or Fashion or Railways. Miss Moseley was very pleased with Arthur and me. She said we’d started a very original and interesting project.
Bad Girls Page 10