But I admire men. I do. Their strength and passion and how fatherhood bends them into compliance as bamboo in a moderate wind. How they stay childlike until their death, terrified and adoring of us in varying degrees. Will we always be blamed for the Original Sin I wonder? Is it fair to be held accountable for an act so many years ago? And Eve so new and in love, at her most vulnerable and only wanting to share something delicious with the love of her life. Why wasn’t Adam tested in the same way? Surely, he would have bent under temptation’s wicked stare.
A scream tears through the air. I turn blindly in panic searching, searching. Where is he? I run to the play area and push past the children gathered at the foot of the slide. And there he sits, face as white as untreated silk and screwed up with sobs and fear as he clutches his ankle.
I drop to the ground and snarl at the children to back away. I feel along his slender, greenstick bones and sigh with relief. There is no breakage that I can feel but I will not take any chances. I ring for the ambulance as I soothe him the way Ma’am has instructed in any Rory-related emergency, and I text my Ma’am with the news but try to be as positive as possible.
Rory moans into my arms. ‘I thought I could fly, Lulu, I thought I could fly.’ You will, I think to myself. One day, my darling, you will.
And as I hold my wounded boy close I think that maybe freedom is enough to fly. That self-respect is enough to fly.
I don’t think it has to be complicated.
Just invested in.
Like the business of breadfruit.
Or a meander of tears.
Or me.
Helpers’ Song
(rough English translation from Burmese – the maid who wrote this would like to keep her anonymity)
We come from the Land of Smiles and villages of shacks and laughter,
from Burmese firelands and the memory of Pol Pot’s slaughter.
We arrive in cities of neon and glass that are hard-edged and very fast.
Full of hope, us women who clean and mop and tidy
surrounded by suspicion and people who despise us.
We care for and nurture your most precious children.
And daily we feed and hug and keen for our own babies left behind
remembered in tattered photos rarely seen.
We try to smile for you every day,
heads held high even when forced to keep four steps behind.
An unpaid packhorse and slave in a supposed free land.
I am strong and vibrant. I have stories to tell.
I am wise and beautiful and deserve freedom, not a cell.
And still you fail to notice the smudges beneath my eyes.
My rail-like thinness beneath cheap cotton ties.
Your eyes gloss over me; I’m simply not there.
I am a woman just like you, my Ma’am.
But I am a woman who cares.
Glossary
Akar Saga – highly poisonous seeds
Andaliman pepper – hot Indonesian spice
Ang moh – westerner (literal translation: red-haired)
As-Salaamu Alaykum – peace be upon you (Arabic greeting)
Aswang – ghoul/evil spirit
Bakla boy – gay
Bapa – father (Indonesian)
Bloody Banglas – unkind term for Bangladeshi men
Bojing and Peacock emperor – a very vain man, who thinks he is much more attractive than he is
Bubur candil – Indonesian sweet porridge
Dian Masalanta – Pinoy goddess of love
Ebu – mother (Indonesian)
Fajr – dawn, one of the five daily prayers offered by practising Muslims
Ganado xiuchi – livestock
HBD – Housing Development Board
Hokkien – people inhabiting South Eastern China
Hungry Ghost – Chinese festival to honour dead ancestors
Ingat – take care
Karanji stray – wild dog from the Karanji part of Singapore
Kumasta ka – how are you?
Longan – fruit from Southern Asia, also known as Dragon Eye
Mahal kita – I love you
Mahal din kita – I love you too
Maganda – beautiful
Meihua – plum blossom (term of endearment)
Miànzi – reputation, ‘face’
Mogui – ghost/evil spirit
MRT – Singapore underground railway
Multo – ghost
Pabango – perfume
Pàntú – traitor (Chinese)
Pinoy – relating to the Philippines or Filipinos
Rajah – king or prince of India
Rangda – demon queen of Leyaks
Sabi – idiot
Salamat po! – thank you
Suplada – unfriendly
Suso – bust
Taisui – Chinese deity
Tembusu tree – large evergreen tree native to Southeast Asia
Tristesse – sadness (French)
Uncle – Singapore taxi driver
Wah piang eh – Hokkien phrase meaning surprise or disappointment
Wakwak – vampire
Xiào – filial piety, a virtue in Chinese culture
Xiǎochǒu – clown (chinese)
Yībān shāngdiàn – small shop
Yīnghuā – cherry blossom (Chinese)
Yǒu – being (Chinese)
Yuki Onna – Snow Woman spirit
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Bitter Leaves Page 23