by Mindy Hayes
I smile and lovingly nudge her shoulder. “Oh good. I was getting a little worried about you. I didn’t think you ever left Sprinkles.”
“I didn’t.” Sawyer chuckles and gently strokes her tummy.
The boys run up and down the field attempting passes. Dean runs alongside them on the boundary line, encouraging the players and offering pointers. I don’t see Brooks with the rest of the team though. Scanning the field, I spot him off to the side passing the ball to…Aiden?
My heart constricts. “What is Aiden doing with Brooks?”
“Oh, Dean decided having an assistant coach would help a lot, because all the teams expanded this year, and Aiden volunteered.”
Of course he did. “They don’t get enough of each other at work?”
“Surprisingly, no.”
“Well, why are they coaching Brooks’s team? Dean coached his age group last year. Shouldn’t he stay with that age group?”
“Felix,” Sawyer calmly says, trying not to laugh. “Cool it. It’s just coaching a soccer team. And it’s an eight-to-ten year old league. It is the right age group.”
Aiden and Brooks kick the soccer ball back and forth, stopping every once and a while for Aiden to give him suggestions. Their interaction makes me uneasy. What if Brooks grows to really like him? What if he gets attached? Nausea sets in.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“Everything,” I answer honestly.
“Oh, c’mon.” Sawyer nudges my shoulder with hers. “It’s good for Brooks to have some male interaction.” She says it like I should agree. And I do, except not from him.
“Then let Dean be the male interaction, not Aiden. He’s singling Brooks out on purpose. We haven’t talked in a couple weeks. He’s probably trying to get close to him to wind me up, force me to talk to him. He’s got to be all professional at work, and this is how he’s going to get to me.”
Sawyer laughs and bumps my hip. “Alix. Wow. You are so paranoid. Let it go. It’s just soccer practice. Aiden’s an assistant coach. He’s not trying to father the kid.”
I take a deep breath and watch Aiden with Brooks. So many emotions run through me. Fear. Appreciation. Panic.
Hope.
I crush it. “You’re right. I just…”
“I get it, Alix,” Sawyer says sympathetically. “But Brooks getting to know Aiden wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. The thing that would make it messy is you and Aiden taking things to the next level and then breaking up. But that’s never going to happen, is it? At least you’ve been very adamant that that will never happen. Because you’re just friends, or sorry,” she changes her voice to sound professional, “colleagues.”
Aiden high-fives Brooks when he knocks the soccer ball back and around him, evading Aiden’s advances. Brooks beams up at him. My heart bursts. “No. Never. It won’t.”
I can hear the smile in Sawyer’s voice. “Then there you have it. He’s just a friendly soccer coach.”
The boys wrap it up. As soon as Dean blows the whistle, Aiden stops the soccer ball with his foot and looks up. Somehow our eyes meet instantly. My stupid breath hitches. It’s the first time we’ve seen each other outside of the office since we started working together. And the first time we’ve seen each other since my fight with Dean. He smiles. The smile reaches down my throat and grips my lungs. It spreads like lava—wreaking havoc on my heart like it’s a small village that doesn’t stand a chance against its volcanic destruction.
Around the work place, he keeps his arms well-covered, for the sake of professionalism, I assume. Today he’s in blue soccer shorts and a white T-shirt that hugs him in all the right places. His tattoo sleeve is hard to ignore. I want to look away, but I can’t. He’s like vivid paint on a canvas. The bright blue of his irises, the short yellow strands of his hair glowing in the sunlight, the black ink swirling down his muscular bicep and forearm. My fingers yearn to paint him.
The once dormant embers spark to life, igniting a raging fire that starts in my chest and surges through my veins. Firefighters living in my veins break out the hoses to douse the flames, but it’s too late. They didn’t come soon enough. Try harder! Douse the flames! Douse them!
“Sawyer,” I utter. At least I think I said her name out loud.
Aiden jogs across the field toward Dean and the rest of the team. Aiden. Jogs. His short locks wave in the light breeze, and his arms subtly flex as they pump forward. Aiden. Jogs.
“Yeeeaaaah…” she croons. “You’re just figuring it out now, aren’t you?”
“Figuring out what?” I swallow and try not to look at Aiden.
“That you can’t ignore Aiden Ballard anymore.”
She’s wrong. I’m just enjoying the view of one of life’s creations that was put on this earth for a reason. The fact that it’s Aiden means nothing. I’m just looking.
When Aiden gets to the team, he snags his water bottle from the grass and takes a gulp. His Adam’s apple bobs as the water goes down. A little bit trickles down the side of his mouth, and he swipes the back of his hand across it. I’ve never wanted to be water so badly. Then he rubs his hand across his forehead. Wiping away sweat?
Jogging. Swallowing water. Wiping sweat. What in the world is wrong with me? These are normal everyday activities that every person does at one time or another. Why is my body being affected right now?
Aiden caps the bottle and peers over at me again. The tiniest of smirks plays on his lips. He knows. My mouth goes dry.
It hits me.
Heart racing. Stomach fluttering. Breath quickening.
Sonnova biscuit eater. Sawyer’s right.
AIDEN
“ALL RIGHT,” DEAN starts, “we’ve got a game on Thursday night. You guys are ready. You’ve been working real hard. Just be here no later than six o’clock. The game starts at six-thirty. Walker, you have the snack. I’ll be sure to touch base with your mom.”
Dean continues talking, but I stop paying attention and peer over at Alix again. Her eyes are darting all over the place, but they keep landing on mine. I smile again, but she still doesn’t smile back. It’s like she’s in a daze. Since we first saw each other she’s been expressionless. I don’t know what I did this time. I’ve hardly talked to her all week. I keep smiling, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of her, but nada.
Sawyer is at her side talking out of the side of her mouth, but I’m not close enough to hear what she’s saying. It’s clear they don’t want me to know what’s being said, which makes me that much more intrigued. I can’t tell whether Alix wants to puke or jump my bones. It’s a clear toss up.
“Have a good night, guys,” Dean says, and the boys disperse, running to their parents.
Dean grabs a bottle of water, takes a swig, and walks over to me.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” I ask, and he looks over at the girls.
He shrugs and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sawyer’s probably telling Alix how hungry she is, and Alix is probably droning on about how much she can’t stand to be around you. Or me. There’s really no telling now.”
Brooks reaches Alix and wraps his arms around her waist. She absently wraps her arm around him and continues talking to Sawyer. Her fingers rise up and brush the hair at back of his head.
“She’s a natural.”
“What?”
I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I clear my throat. “I mean, natural motherly instincts. You know…I’ve always heard that it’s like ingrained in all women, but I wasn’t quite sure about Alix.”
“She’s definitely questionable.” I scowl at him, and he chuckles. “I’m only confirming exactly what you were saying.”
Maybe, but I suddenly feel the need to defend her. “But you see it too, don’t you? She loves that kid.”
“Of course she does. He’s her brother.”
“And she’s basically his mom now.”
Dean nods solemnly, and we make our way to them. This is my chance to fina
lly talk to her outside of the office. I can finally drop the professional guise.
“Well, you guys have fun at dinner,” Alix is saying when we approach. No. She can’t leave already. “Brooks and I need to get going. Gina’s just watching my mom long enough for me to pick him up and get some groceries.” She’s stumbling backward, practically dragging Brooks with her.
I give her a look, but she won’t look at me. I know I told Bridget I was going to let her go, but I’m not ready. Is Alix really that disgusted with me now? She doesn’t even attempt to throw out any insults. Is this indifference? Did we reach that point? Maybe I should listen to Bridget.
She waves and doesn’t look back.
“What did I do?” I ask Sawyer.
“Huh?” She innocently bats her eyelashes, doing a horrible job of playing dumb.
“Why did Alix bolt?” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Alix get in her car without a glance back and drive away.
“You heard her,” Sawyer replies. “Gina’s only taking care of her mom for a little bit. She needed to get back as soon as possible.”
“Was it really that dire that she couldn’t even talk for a minute?”
Her eyes nervously shift from Dean and back to me, like he’s going to save her. I’m not having it.
“Sawyer, c’mon. What did I do? Is she mad at me? Is this about her thing with Dean? Is it because of the Hendersons? Is she mad she had to redo the plans? I told them they have to pay extra. They’re fine with it.”
“What?” Sawyer’s eyebrows scrunch together, clueless.
My shoulders relax. “If it’s not that, then what? We’ve been fine for months. And now she can’t stop to even say hi?”
“She just had to go, Aiden.” Sawyer’s a horrible liar. I’ve always known that.
“Sawyer,” I push.
“Just—” She stops and exhales a frustrated sigh. “Just give it time.” The calmness in her voice doesn’t appease me.
“Give what time?”
“Give Alix time, man,” Dean interjects and places his arm around Sawyer, pulling her to his side. He kisses the top of her head. “Just as I’ve been saying.”
Sawyer smiles eagerly and bites her lips to fight it.
“Don’t dangle hope, Sawyer. A man’s ego can only take so much.”
“I would never do such a thing,” she says, smiling wider.
“You’re killing me, woman.”
“Why don’t we do a double date?” Sawyer suggests. “Or phrase it to Alix as hanging out. The four of us can hang out. We could all use a night out, I think.”
“You think she’d go for it?”
“If you don’t treat it like a date, just maybe.”
ALIX
NO. NO. NO.
This is not happening. I haven’t worked this hard to keep my distance just to screw it all up because of some tattoos and a water bottle. No. Nope. Not happening. He’s not worth it.
Even as the words replay in my head I know they aren’t true, but I’ll keep repeating them until I believe them. Lying to myself is easier than facing the truth.
“…and he showed me how to make my basic pullback better, and he said next time he’ll teach me how to do a double scissor. Aiden’s the coolest.”
Oh great. “Did you ask Aiden to help you? Or did he volunteer?” I do my best to keep my voice casual, not that Brooks would know any different, but he’s too young to be dragged in the middle of our drama.
“Well, I wasn’t getting my basic pullback in practice, so Coach Dean asked him to help me. I like him better than Coach. Aiden’s funny.”
Aiden’s the coolest. Aiden’s funny. Aiden should be my new dad!
Okay, so he didn’t say that.
It’s happening already. I feel myself starting to sweat. I have to stop this before it goes any further. At least now I know who to blame. Dean. I should have known. He’s to blame for most everything. Sawyer drama. Aiden drama. World hunger.
Brooks doesn’t stop talking about soccer practice and Aiden the whole way home. I try to keep my cool and nod like I’m listening and love hearing about Aiden invading our lives, but I can’t stop thinking that this could either be the biggest blessing or the biggest curse for Brooks. As soon as I open the door to the house I hear the commotion.
“Katie, it’s okay,” Gina’s trying to placate her. “You’re home, and I’m just visiting.”
“What am I supposed to be doing? Who are you? Why are you here?” Mama’s voice is heated. “What am I supposed…?”
“We’re chatting, Katie,” Gina tries again, doing what she can to soothe Mama. “Everything is okay. You don’t have to worry about what you’re supposed to be doing. We’re hanging out.”
I round the corner into the kitchen. Gina rests her hand on Mama’s shoulder and gets to her eye level. Her long brown hair obscures Mama’s face from my view.
“No, I’m supposed to be doing something. Aren’t I?”
“Hi, Mama,” I say to veer her attention. Gina turns, and her shoulders noticeably relax.
Mama looks at me, wanting to place my name but can’t. “I’m supposed to be doing something,” she repeats without greeting me.
“Yes, you are. You’re supposed to be chatting with your best friend, Gina. She came over to see you, and here you are trying to get out of it,” I joke. “How about I make us some dinner? Care to join us, Gina?”
“Yeah, Gina!” Brooks pumps his fist in the air. “Alix is gonna make grilled cheese and tomato soup!”
“Thank you, Alix. And I’m sorry, Brooks.” She tugs him to her side and kisses the top of his head. “But I need to get home to make dinner for my family. Megan’s going to be home soon, and Frank won’t be far behind.”
“I don’t know anything,” Mama says, agitated. “What was I doing?”
“It’s okay, Ma. You’re relaxing while I walk Gina to the door. Okay?” I turn. Lowering my voice, I ask Brooks, “Will you watch her for a second?”
He nods and smiles, moving to take her hand. “Hi, Mama,” Brooks says gently.
I walk Gina to the front door. “I’m so sorry. Was she like that for long?” I ask quietly.
“She was just beginning to get anxious, but don’t even worry about it. We were fine. I don’t want you to ever worry about me.”
“I do though.”
“She’s just as much my sister as she is your mother.” She’s really not, but it warms my heart to hear Gina talk about her like that. It’s comforting to know she’s in good hands when I’m not here. “When do you need me next?”
“Brooks has a game on Thursday night at 6:30, but I need to get him there by 6:00.”
“Oh, that’s right. I even put it on my calendar. I’ll be here at 5:30.”
I reach out and hug her. “Love ya, Gina. Thank you so much for all you do.” I probably say it so much it’s lost its meaning, but I have to say it all the same.
“No problem, darlin’. See you Thursday. Bye, Brooks!” she hollers as she walks out the door. “See ya, Katie!”
When I walk back into the kitchen Brooks is excitedly telling Mama all about soccer practice, but she can’t stay focused on him for long. For a few seconds she watches him, but then her eyes wander. He doesn’t seem to notice, or most likely he’s so used to it now he doesn’t let it faze him. Brooks placed himself on a barstool next to her and holds her hand between his on top of the countertop. He rubs his little fingers over hers. His big, gentle eyes shift between their hands and her face. He’s so patient with her. Tears choke me. Brooks looks up. I quickly blink away the haze and smile at him.
Enthusiastically, I ask, “Who’s ready for some grilled cheese?”
“Me!” he chimes. “And so is Mama! Right, Mama?” He smiles at her. After dazedly peering at him, she slowly nods and smiles.
***
On Thursday we get to the game a little before 6:00. Brooks bolts to the first few teammates surrounding Dean. Aiden stands next to him in jeans and a black T-shirt with his
hands tucked into his front pockets. His hair peeks out around his ears under a black baseball cap. I could pretend that the sight of him doesn’t feel like someone had a rave inside my head and trashed everything, but my thoughts are so muddled now I can’t remember what I wanted to say to him. When he sees me hesitantly approaching he steps away from Dean and meets me halfway.
“Hey, soccer mom,” he says playfully.
I give him a flat look.
“Sorry,” he chuckles. “I couldn’t help myself.”
“You never can,” I say dryly, but in reality it’s been too long. No. I won’t let him distract me. “I want to talk to you about Brooks.”
“That kid’s got a lot of potential. I’m impressed. It was good of you to sign him up. With a little extra training, I think he could go far.”
“That’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” I take a deep breath. I’d rehearsed the words over and over to myself on the way over here, but somehow they’ve fallen out of my brain. Everything I want to say now feels…paranoid. Exactly as Sawyer had said before. If I even hint that his relationship with Brooks is overstepping, he’ll think it has something to do with us. And it doesn’t. Just Brooks.
There is no us.
“Okay…” He waits. “Were you going to continue with that or…”
“Yeah. I just…” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I don’t want the other boys to feel less important if they don’t get the one-on-one treatment.” That sounds neutral enough, right?
Aiden suppresses his amusement. He sees right through me. I want the thick wall back—something he can never penetrate. Whenever I’m around him now nothing makes sense. I lose my words, my thoughts, and now I’m losing my fight. He’s infiltrated my battlefront, and my defenses are ready to wave their white flag.
He sighs. “I promise Dean and I take care to work individually with all the kids. I wasn’t singling out Brooks. He just needed a few extra pointers. I do that with them all. If I can help, I will.” He offers a gentle smile, clearly amused with my paranoia. Gah! He really wasn’t singling Brooks out. He’s too calm and collected for that. I’m showing my cards. Poker face ruined.