by Mindy Hayes
“I’m just about to test it out. Lend me a hand?” I raise my arm, and he helps me to my feet. I twist the knobs and hear some noises, but when I open it, it’s still dry. No sign of water. I scratch my head. I thought for sure I had it.
“Scratching that head giving you the answers?” Gramps asks, a little humor in his voice.
“If only it was that easy.” I think for a minute and then ask him, “You ever like a girl who was a challenge?”
“Your grandmother,” he says deadpan.
I laugh. “I’m serious.”
“I am too. That woman…” He shakes his head with a reminiscent look on his face. The corner of his mouth turns up. “Your grandmother wanted nothing to do with me when we were in high school. I was a cocky baseball player who thought too much of himself, and she was a straight A student who saw right through my bull. That’s how I knew it was true love.”
“Because she called you out on your crap?”
“Because I wanted her to.” He winks. “Holler if you need me. I’m going to lay down for a minute.” He ambles out of the kitchen toward his bedroom.
“Will do,” I say faintly, and for the first time, I realize something I should have already known about my feelings for Alix. Something I should have figured out a long time ago.
***
That night, the last person I expect to show up on my doorstep appears. Especially since she blew off our plans last night with Dean and Sawyer, which I half-expected her to do after she avoided me all week. I was hoping to run into Alix in a casual setting, but this is definitely a sneak attack.
“What gives you the right?” she demands as soon as I open my front door.
Is this about the kiss? It’s a little delayed for that. “I’m sorry. You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”
Alix bursts through my door, shoving me aside and storming right past me. “My mom’s bills. You’re paying them. You have no right, Aiden!”
I laugh incredulously and close the door, turning to face her. “Let me get this straight. You’re free of medical expenses and have more money of your own to take care of Brooks and your mom, and you’re mad at me.”
“Yes! I don’t want that kind of debt! It’s going to take me years to pay you back. We don’t have that kind of money, Aiden!”
The fact that she even feels like she owes me anything hurts. I pause before I softly say, “I don’t want you to pay me back, Alix. I have the money. I don’t touch it. You deserve it more than I do.”
“I don’t want it. How did you even get Dr. Fallon to tell us that the insurance covered it?”
“Jeff’s a buddy from college. It doesn’t matter where the money comes from as long as it’s paid for, and I knew there had to be more they could do for your mom, so I talked to him.”
“You had no right.” Her voice cracks as she jabs my chest with her pointer finger.
My jaw tenses. “I couldn’t just sit by,” I bellow. She doesn’t get to be upset with me about this. “You wouldn’t let me help you. I had to do something.”
“I never asked you to!”
“You didn’t have to!” I snap. “I wanted to. There’s a difference.” I know it’s horrible timing, and she’d jab me in the eye with that pointy index finger of hers, but I want to grab her and kiss her so hard.
She begins to pace, treading a hole in my carpet. I wait for her to calm down. It’s less likely that she’ll calm down if I keep talking. She needs to work this out in her own head. “How do you even have that kind of money? I know the business isn’t doing that well.”
“My parents.” I sigh. She stops pacing. It’s not like it’s something I want the world to know about. Hence why I’m living in a two-bedroom house and drive a 2009 Honda Civic. I only bought a two-bedroom house so Savannah would have a place to stay if she wanted to stay the night, and I paid for everything I have with money that I’ve earned. Not some money that was forced on me because my parents were killed, as if it was some sort of consolation prize. Your parents are dead? Here. Have five million dollars! I’d give up the money in an instant if it meant I could have my parents back.
“My dad made some smart investments, and, with the life insurance policies they had, let’s just say there’s enough to take care of my sisters and me for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want it. So, please, let me give it to you.”
“No,” she retorts, adamant in her decision. But so am I, so we could be here for a while. To me, it’s only blood money.
“You owe me nothing, Alix. Nothing. I don’t expect more from you. Why do you think I never even told you? Why I asked the office to keep it confidential? You were never supposed to know because I knew you’d react like this. How did you find out?”
Alix relaxes a little. “The girl in the office must have been new. I didn’t recognize her.”
“Figures.” My hand tensely runs through my hair and grips it tightly. The pain helps me focus. “Your mom’s new medication was a trial. If it worked, great. If not, then a few months could go by, and you’d never have to know.”
“How did you honestly expect to keep that from me? I would eventually have noticed on the insurance statements. And the copays, we always pay those.”
“I don’t know. I just did. I was supposed to be anonymous. I’m sorry. Not sorry I did it, but I’m sorry it makes you upset. I don’t expect your money. I don’t want it. I won’t take it. What’s done is done. Please, let me put the money to something that needs it more than I do.”
“The medication didn’t work,” she murmurs, more discouraged than upset with me…I think. But it’s hard to tell because now she won’t look at me. Her eyes slowly wander around my house, not focusing on anything in particular, not focusing on anything really. “We had to make changes this morning.”
I take one step forward, “I’m sorry, Alix. I really hoped that it would make a difference for her. I really did.”
“Yeah.” She sucks on her lips and blinks back what I know are tears. “Well. It is what it is.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say again because I don’t think I can say it enough. I want to hold her and give us both something to cling to.
“So, your money was spent in vain, but thanks. I’ll pay you back as I can. I’ll figure something out.”
“I won’t take it.”
Her eyes narrow to little bullets of irritation, aimed and ready to fire.
Before I’m ready, she looks at her watch and says, “I need to get back home. We’re not done here.” She gravitates toward my door.
“Just came here to chew me out, huh?”
“I thought about calling, but I didn’t think it would have quite the same effect.”
“Clearly.”
An uncertain smile turns the corner of her mouth. “See ya, Aiden.”
“Wait. Alix.” I don’t give her an option to push me away. I wrap my arms around her and press her against my chest and mold my lips to the top of her head, this head that thinks it needs to do everything alone. “It’ll all work out.” I don’t know why I say it. Life’s a crapshoot and nothing ever works out as planned, but something tells me she’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.
“Yeah,” she says bleakly and pulls away too soon.
“Please reconsider.” When she reaches the doorknob, she looks over her shoulder. “Because I probably won’t give you an option anyway. And you can’t force your money on me.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re lucky I’m leaving you in one piece.”
I offer a smile. “That I am.”
I follow her outside and watch her walk through the dark to make sure she’s safe before she drives away.
Could’ve been worse, I suppose, but that was not the way I wanted to have that conversation. I really hope she learns to accept the help because I’m not taking it back. No matter what she says.
***
Monday morning, as I stop by Moment In Thyme for Dean’s and my morning coffee run, I find Alix sitting at the counter. She�
�s concentrating on, clearly, some very important documents because her shoulders are stiff and her right hand is gripping the white coffee mug like it stole her lunch money. This must be a morning Gina watches her mom. Two unexpected run-ins in three days, I say that’s a record. Even if the first one was more of an ambush, it was unexpected and somehow still gratifying.
I lean in closely. “Are you undercover or something, Squid?”
She jumps and nearly throws the steaming hot coffee all over me. “Aiden!” She wipes up the splatter around the cup. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that.”
“My bad.” I chuckle quietly. “You just looked so serious, hunched over your paperwork like you were working on some serious recon; I couldn’t help myself.”
“You never can.” Alix shakes her head and focuses back on the—I take a closer look—brochures of apartment complexes?
“You moving?” I ask.
A Pause. “No.”
“Care if I sit?”
“It’s a free country.”
“Did you reconsider?”
“Fat chance.”
“You’ll have to someday.”
“That day isn’t today.”
Haley makes her way down from the other end of the counter. “The usual?” she asks me with a warm smile and uses her red glasses to push back her frizzy hair.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You and Dean are going to give me a heart attack if you ever change your orders,” she says as she walks away.
“We can’t have that,” I say. “Who would make us coffee then?”
Haley shakes her head and chuckles. “Your Keurig.”
Alix continues to ignore me, and I can’t take it anymore. “Can we talk about that kiss?”
“What about it?” she asks casually, like she didn’t totally kiss me back. She refuses to look at me.
Now I find myself to be a pretty patient man, but I’m not a saint. Every man has his limits, and I’ve reached mine. She isn’t going to get off that easily. Alix might have regretted it, but she doesn’t get to pretend it didn’t happen. She was there just as much as I was. Oh, was she definitely there.
“Well, I thought maybe you’d want to talk about it. Clear the air a little bit. We seem to have less surrounding us, making it a little hard to breathe. It might be the elephant sucking it all up, but that’s just a guess.”
Her whole body turns on her barstool and faces me. “Let’s get a few things straight, Ballard. Whatever happened between us the other night was a one-time thing. It’s never going to happen again. It didn’t mean what you think it means.”
“Sure felt like something to me.”
“Well, it can’t mean anything.” Her voice trembles ever so slightly.
“Why not?”
“Because it can’t.”
“Good reason.”
“Look.” Casual Alix is gone, replaced with straight-faced, no-nonsense Alix, and I immediately shut my mouth. I dealt with her enough over the weekend. I don’t want to fight anymore. “Tomorrow I’m going to tour the three facilities that I might place my mom in. If you know anything about me at all, you know how incredibly hard that is for me to say, let alone do. So, right now I can’t think about much else aside from the fact that I can’t take care of my mom like I should, and I have to find the best dang facility there is, so I know she’s going to be okay. All right?”
I’m such a jerk. Of course, her hesitation is about something more. How self-absorbed can I be? I nod. “Yeah. Okay.”
She swallows and blinks rapidly, trying to focus on the brochures in front of her again. How did I not clue in to what they were before? Idiot.
“Thank you,” she murmurs.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
She doesn’t look at me as she starts shoving the brochures back into the folders. Her answer surprises me. “Okay.”
“Okay.” I feel a small triumph. Baby steps.
***
The following morning, when I get to Alix’s, she’s already walking out the door like she was looking for my car.
“Everything okay?”
“It’s fine. I just don’t want to waste time. Let’s go.”
“Well, all right.” I put my car in drive and make our way to the first prospect. On the way she tells me that this one would be the most affordable, but she couldn’t find much information about it. Jeff apparently gave her a list to start with and to go from there. Alix looked more excited to see me than these facilities, and I wasn’t quite sure how to take that. A win, I guess?
We pull into the parking lot of Heart of Willowhaven Care Facility. It looks about as hospitable and inviting as one would expect of an assisted care facility. The landscaping looks neglected. The grass is dying. Tree leaves are wilting. Paint is peeling off the siding. I half expect to see bars on the windows. Alix doesn’t budge.
“If their outward appearance is any indication to how well my mom will be taken care of, this isn’t looking promising. I can’t leave my mom here. It’s not even worth a tour.”
“Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems. Wasn’t this the first choice?”
“It’s not anymore.”
“All right. You’re the boss.” I put my car in reverse and back out of the parking lot.
She sighs. “What if none of them are good enough?” Alix’s head falls back against the seat like the weight of it is too much for her neck to bear.
“Then we’ll keep looking.”
“There aren’t that many close by, Aiden. I don’t want her so far away that Brooks and I can’t easily visit her every week.”
“You haven’t even looked at the other two yet. Let’s have this conversation after you turn down the others.”
Alix breathes in deeply, taking her time to breathe out. “Okay.”
I’m not sure what to do with an agreeing Alix.
ALIX
THE SECOND FACILITY doesn’t give me the heebie geebies like the Heart of Willowhaven, so I willingly tour it. It’s decent. Not exactly screaming at me that it’s the right one, but I wouldn’t hate myself for placing her there. Well, hate myself anymore than I already do for considering it.
When Aiden and I get back into the car he quietly looks to me for my opinion. “It was better. Not great, but better.”
“Then it’s still not good enough. On to the next.”
I love that he gets it, but I quietly groan. I was hoping Harbor Lakes was going to be the one. Our last tour of the day is the farthest away and most expensive. I don’t want to like it. And maybe that’s my problem. None of the facilities will be good enough. We’ll be lucky if we can afford this one with the assistance program. Brooks and I will probably be scraping by. But if it means she has the best care, I’d make the sacrifice in a heartbeat.
“The Willows, Assisted Living,” Aiden reads the big stone sign as we pull into the circular drive after the thirty-minute trip. It surprised me how easy it was for me to let him come. I wanted him to come. I couldn’t do this alone, but I didn’t expect to want Aiden to do it with me. And yet, rather than the obvious choice of asking Sawyer I said okay to Aiden. Effortlessly. Who am I?
The Willows looks more like timeshare condos than an assisted living facility.
Facility - 1. Alix - 0.
The grassy landscape is dotted with weeping willows and small bodies of water with ducks gliding across the top, emanating peaceful serenity. What is this place? Heaven?
Facility - 2. Alix - 0.
When the entry doors glide open, the lobby is bright white and spacious and filled with vases of fresh flowers. I’m torn between thinking I just walked into Plastic Pleasantville and knowing this might be exactly what Mama needs. Tranquility.
If the care is as good as the appearance, we might have to declare the victor right now.
“In the Alzheimer’s Care Unit we do everything we can to keep the residents minds and bodies stimulated. There are plenty of activities for them to participate in such as tr
ivia games, painting, crafts, dancing…”
I listen to the guide explain all about their facility and what they offer to help the residents stay feel more like a home than a medical wing.
“As I’m sure you know, routines and predictability are important for those suffering with Alzheimer’s, so everything is scheduled in a way to keep them comfortable and at ease.”
The more she talks the more at ease I feel.
“Our medical staff is highly trained and on call twenty-four-seven to give the best care possible.”
When the tour is over, and Aiden and I are back in his car, he looks at me and I nod. Smile even.
Facility – 1,000,000. Alix – 0.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have ourselves a winner!” he bellows like a radio announcer, and I laugh.
“Thank you.”
Somehow he knows. “You’re welcome.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I think Aiden and I might have found solid ground.
***
“Alix?”
“Yeah, bud.”
Brooks pauses for a moment, while handing me his plate after dinner. “Does this mean Mama isn’t going to be living with us anymore?”
Looking down at him, I shut off the faucet. I nod. To make sure Mama’s not paying attention, I shift my eyes to her sitting in the living room, flipping through a magazine. I worry that the mention of a care facility will aggravate her, but she seems to be in her own world for the moment.
Even though I don’t think she can hear us, I lower my voice anyway. “She’s going to live in a place with doctors who will be able to take better care of her than we can. We’re all going to go look at it together, and you’ll see that it’s a good place, I promise.”
“Well, that’s good I guess.” He looks down.
“I know it’s going to be hard, but it is good. She’ll be happier there.”
Brooks nods like he understands and rubs his hand under his nose. “I know she’s not really here anyway, but I’m going to miss her,” he quietly says through the oncoming tears.