by Mindy Hayes
“Then you’re in the clear,” I say, straight-faced.
“Well, set aside your fears. I love cheese. Gouda, feta, provolone. Goat cheese is my favorite.”
“Deal breaker. No one is allowed to eat the cheese of the goats. It should be banned.”
Alix opens her mouth to speak, but closes it again. She doesn’t know how to respond to my serious expression. I want to laugh, but I have to keep up the charade. Anything to ease her mind and keep her from thinking too much about this—whatever it is between us.
Her confusion is starting to become painful though. “I kid,” I say. “Good choice of a favorite. Mine is Havarti.”
Her head shakes back and forth as she laughs. I love that laugh.
This is going far better than I expected. When she walked up to Haley’s Moment in Thyme, for a second I thought she was coming to tell me to bug off. I honestly don’t know what I would have done. Possibly thrown a rock through the café window and then immediately regretted it. It’s a good thing I didn’t have to do that.
We finished eating hours ago and I should’ve gone back to the office, and she probably needs to go pick up Brooks, but we’ve never had this kind of ease before, and I think we both fear if we leave now we’ll lose it. The moment could shatter at any time with one wrong move. With that thought, I almost want to end the date so I don’t say or do anything to screw it up.
She’s mid-laugh when someone says her name.
“Alix?”
She looks just beyond my shoulder and her face pales.
Looks like I’m not the one to screw it up after all.
ALIX
PEOPLE TALK ABOUT memorable moments that take our breath away, the precious ones, the cherished ones. This isn’t one of those moments. Air rips from my lungs, obliterating their ability to expand and contract. They are nothing but shreds of tissue, drifting inside my ribcage. I’ll never breathe again.
Aiden peers over his shoulder and then back to me. “Are you okay?” he asks. I can’t answer.
“Hi,” he says as he moves closer to our table.
Words finally formulate. “What are you doing here?” It’s a demand, not a question. I don’t remove the disgust from my voice.
“Well,” he shifts, “when I went to the house and no one was there, I figured I’d be able to find someone in town to tell me where you were. I wasn’t even sure you guys still lived there. And here you are—”
“No,” I interrupt, my tone sharp. “Not here in this cafe. What do you think you’re doing in Willowhaven?”
“Alix,” he says my name as if he has the right, almost scolding me. “Can’t I even get a hello?” The corners of his mouth turn up nervously, attempting a smile. I don’t even blink.
He wants a hello? How about a get-the-crap-out-of-this-town?
I scoff. “You’ve got to be kidding me. A hello? Are you freaking serious?”
“Alix.” My name is more of a plea now.
“Stop saying my name!”
Aiden tenses and shifts his eyes between the man at the front of Haley’s and me, unsure of whether to intervene or let the situation play out. He decides on the former.
“Sir, I think maybe it would be a good idea for you to leave.”
Phil looks to Aiden as if he didn’t see him sitting with me before. I don’t want to tell Aiden who he is. I don’t want to refer to this pitiful old man as my father. He’s no one. He doesn’t deserve the title.
“Alix,” Phil prompts.
“Aiden,” I gesture over his shoulder. “This is the man who screwed over my mom and wrecked our family ten years ago.” Then I gesture to Aiden. “Phil,” I say bitterly, “meet my friend, Aiden.”
Aiden has no idea what to say. Phil’s face falls. I stand up and walk right past him. He doesn’t bother saying my name again.
Once I’m outside of Moment in Thyme, someone takes my hand. I turn abruptly, expecting to see Phil, and instead get Aiden. His fingers lace through mine, and he doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t even look at me. He lets me walk and stays as a silent comfort until I’m ready to speak.
I don’t want to speak. I do, however, need to pick up Brooks. I can’t pick up Brooks. As I am now in no condition. I call Gina. After I apologize, and she tells me to stop apologizing, she says she’ll take him for the rest of the day. I can’t thank her enough.
***
“He traveled a lot.”
Aiden has remained quiet, sitting beside me on the bench facing the pond in Timberpond Park for who knows how long. I’ve lost track of time. It isn’t even until now that I hear him breathe a sigh, relieved to finally hear me speaking.
“I don’t mean like every few weekends. As a consultant for whatever Fortune 500 Company it was at the time, he would travel for weeks on end. Sometimes he was gone for a week: sometimes it was three. His time was divided up pretty evenly between traveling and home. You’d think we would have figured it out sooner.”
Aiden’s head tilts in confusion.
“Whenever we got him at home it was the best. He always wanted to play games or watch movies, take my mom and me out to dinner or take us shopping. What kind of dad is ever that great? Never the disciplinary, always the fun one, the generous one. There were so many clues.”
“It wasn’t until my mom was pregnant with Brooks that we learned why.” I finally look over at Aiden. “He had a perfect little second family in New York with twin sons and a daughter on the way.”
Aiden opens his mouth. Nothing audible comes out. He shuts it. He repeats the motion a few more times until I continue.
“We were juniors,” I say softly and look back at the water. It’s easier to talk about it when I don’t have to see people’s expressions—the evolution of emotions that take over their faces as the story is told. I feel them all. I don’t want to relive them through anyone else. “My mom and The Other Woman were pregnant at the same time, different genders. That’s how my mom found out. My father had a sonogram of the wrong gender and couldn’t explain it. It all fell apart from there. My mom put all the pieces together, all the pieces she’d been trying to overlook for so long.”
Aiden curses, and it about sums it up.
“My parents were high school sweethearts, you know? He was the love of her life. I’m convinced that it rocked my mom’s world so much it messed with her head, accelerated the onset. Of course, that can never be scientifically proven. It was a few years after that when she started acting a little strange.”
Aiden secures his arm around my shoulders and tugs me close. His head rests on top of mine.
“You know what hurt most?” I swallow, trying to fight off the tears. He doesn’t deserve anymore of my tears. “He had us first, and he went searching for something more. Not just a one-night stand or a brief love affair. A full-blown second family. Why weren’t we enough? Why weren’t my mom and I enough?”
“You are. You should have been.” Aiden squeezes me. “He is the one who missed out, Squid. Not you. If he couldn’t see that he already had a perfect family in front of him, he didn’t deserve you.”
“Why is he back?” I can’t stop the stupid tears now. They don’t care that we’re in public, and I don’t want anything to do with them. They drench my face.
Aiden holds me and lets me cry. His fingers brush my arms as he quietly comforts me. I don’t know how long we sit there. The sun is setting, so I know it’s been a couple of hours. Aiden hasn’t complained once.
“You need to talk to him,” he finally says into my hair. His lips press against the top of my head.
“I can’t even look at him.”
“I get it. I do. But he came back after all this time. Aren’t you a little bit curious as to why he’s here?”
“No,” I say just to say it. I am, but I don’t want to be.
“You want me to take you home?”
I shake my head. “I need to go see my mom. I need to make sure they don’t let him anywhere near her without my permission.”
“Alix, it’s a complicated situation.”
“How complicated could it be? You have a family. You either fight for them or you don’t.”
“Baby,” she says sympathetically, “think about it. When his other life was uncovered he had a choice. Lose one family or lose us both. He couldn’t have us both. I was so mad at him. There’s no way he could’ve stayed in our lives. I didn’t want him, and if he stayed and fought for custody, she would have found out. He was in between a rock and a hard place. He had to choose a family, and I couldn’t let him choose us. Not knowing what I knew.”
“He’s a coward.”
“He was desperate.”
After I speak with the head of the facility, Phil will have to break down the doors in order to get to Mama. Depending upon why he’s here, he might be desperate enough.
Brooks has never known our dad. He was just enough of a coward to stay away for fear of being exposed to the rest of the town. Whenever I brought it up, Mama always said, “He chose his fate.”
After he left I didn’t want anything to do with him—even if he did try to make contact—but Brooks never got a say. He still doesn’t know what happened. He’s too young. Mama and I didn’t want him to be plagued by what our dad did, the way it’s plagued me. Someday I’ll tell Brooks, but not yet. I want to let him be little.
So, when I go to relieve Gina, I don’t know what to say. I’ve gotten really good at pretending with Brooks, but I don’t think I’m that good. I’ll have to figure it out somehow. There’s no way I’m letting Phil back in now. It’s possible that our run-in at the café was enough to keep him away, but the man could show up at our house at any point.
“Did you talk to him?” Gina lowers her voice while we talk in her kitchen.
“Only long enough to introduce him to Aiden,” I say, matching the level of her tone. “I couldn’t look at him any longer than that.”
“So you don’t know why he showed up in Willowhaven?”
I remember the envelope addressed to Mama. The black ink in his handwriting. The ‘return to sender’ I scrawled across the top and put back in the mail. “I returned a letter from him a few months back. Mama got rid of our landline, and he doesn’t have our cell phone numbers. I guess he thought showing up unannounced was his only option.”
Gina’s eyes widen with dread. “So, he could show up at your house anytime.”
Instantly, I feel nauseous. We’re like unsuspecting victims. I nod.
“Do you want Brooks to stay with me? I can take him until you figure it out.”
“No, I can’t ask that of you.”
“Really. It’s fine, Alix. That way if Phil shows up, you can talk about whatever he came for, and Brooks will never have to know. He’s too young to be mixed up in this.”
“We don’t know how long he’ll stay, Gina. What if he’s here for days? What if he’s here longer?” My stomach stirs. I might puke.
“Then we’ll start with just for tonight. Brooks is hanging out in the game room playing video games with Donavan. I’ll take him to school tomorrow. If, by the time school is over, Phil still hasn’t made contact, I’ll pick Brooks up. We’ll take it one day at a time.”
I yield and accept her offering.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do,” she says. “Just get that piece of filth out of town.”
“Gladly.”
AIDEN
My phone pings with a text message from Alix a little after nine o’clock.
Squid: Come over?
Me: Be there in 15 min.
Alix answers the door in an oversized gray sweatshirt that says, ‘NOPE. Not today.’ in gold letters and black stretchy pants. It suits her so perfectly I chuckle. Her hair is pulled back in a little ponytail, and she’s wearing dark-rimmed glasses.
“Had I known this was a pajama party, I would have dressed in my Batman one-piece.”
“Please tell me you don’t own one of those.”
“If I did, you better believe I’d be wearing it, and I would’ve brought my matching Robin one-piece just for you.”
She laughs and steps to the side as I walk in. “I’d definitely wear it better than you.”
“I won’t fight you on that. I didn’t know you needed glasses,” I say as I follow her down the hallway.
“I normally wear contacts, but my eyes were killing me after today. I had to take them out.”
“Well, they look good on you, Squid.” Like a librarian, but hot.
“Thanks.” Alix almost blushes as she walks into the kitchen then over to the stove. “I was making some hot chocolate. You want some?”
“Hot chocolate, huh?”
“Sawyer’s got me hooked. She found this really rich and creamy recipe. It’s perfect for a cold night in.”
“Sounds good to me.”
There’s something comforting about seeing Alix in the kitchen. It reminds me of my mom and the times I used to watch her bake. Something sweet was always filling the air when I got home from school. It’s been nice having a bachelor pad, but I’m ready for more. I want a home.
“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll finish getting these ready.” She smiles, and I still don’t know what to do with it, but I smile in return and head for the couch.
“I’m sorry to text you so late.” Alix comes around the couch with two mugs, a dollop of whipped cream in each.
“Thanks.” I take a mug. “Does this look like the face of someone who doesn’t want to be here?”
She laughs. “I know, but you’ve got work in the morning, and you should probably be heading to bed soon.”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
“I just didn’t want to be alone.”
“It’s probably been a while since you’ve been alone in this house. Where’s Brooks?”
“At Gina’s, in case he shows up.” She doesn’t have to clarify who he is. Alix takes a sip of the hot chocolate. When she pulls the mug away, a dot of white covers the tip of her nose. I point to the end of mine and try to hide my smirk. She doesn’t catch on quick enough, so I lean in. I swipe my finger across her nose and lick up the whipped cream. “Just as sweet as I thought it’d be,” I comment.
“Oh gosh.” She rubs the tip of her nose profusely to make sure the rest of it’s gone. “Did I get it?”
I contemplate saying no, so I can lean in close again, but I realize I don’t need an excuse anymore. I lean in and kiss her. Her mouth is warm and tastes like chocolate. I could taste her all night. I don’t want to stop, but she pulls back self-consciously and bites her bottom lip, looking down at her mug.
What did I do? Did I misinterpret the moment? “You okay? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, no… I… I don’t want you to think I invited you here to… you know…”
I set down my mug on her coffee table and face her. “Alix, I’m okay with taking things slowly. If that’s what you need, I’m happy being here with you. Knowing I can do this,” I take the side of her face in my palm and kiss her softly, lingering, “is enough. It’s more than enough.”
With her eyes closed, her chest rises and falls with one breath. She slowly blinks, and meets my stare. “Thank you.”
“If you want, we can just keep doing that all night. I’d be fine with that.”
She shoves me with a suppressed smile. “Thanks, Mr. Chivalrous.”
“I’m here for you.”
“Yeah. I’m sure you are.” She holds her mug to her mouth like it’s a shield and leans against the armrest. Her feet splay out in front of her and find their way beneath my legs, searching for warmth.
“Comfortable?” I ask.
“Very,” she answers from behind her cup. The only thing I see is her green eyes. They flirt with me, but I still see a sadness I want to erase.
I assume she called me over here to vent about her dad more, so I attempt to crack the topic. “Do you need to talk about it?”
�
�You know, I thought that’s why I wanted you here, but he’s already taken enough of my day. I want to forget that he even came back. Let’s talk about Savannah.”
“My sister?” I look at her, surprised.
“Why not?”
I laugh. “Okay. What do you want to know?”
We spend the next couple of hours talking about all of my sisters. About the shenanigans Savannah’s gotten into and how I don’t know what to do with her. We talk about her artwork and how I keep encouraging her to pursue it, but she doesn’t think she’s good enough. We talk about Camille and her family in Boston and our time spent there for Christmas. We talk about Lydia’s travels and need to change the world one poor village at a time. We talk about Brooks, and she shares memories of what her mom used to be like. Our conversation is about everything and anything, making each other laugh. She cries when she laughs too hard. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt.
As she wipes away her tears, she suggests we watch a movie. It’s after 11:30, but we’re still young, right? I can survive a workday on little-to-no sleep, if it means spending all night with Alix. I don’t care if I hate myself for it in the morning.
“C’mere, Squid.” I lie down on my side on the couch, and she molds her back against me. I pull her close.
She presses play. I kiss her hair and tighten my arms around her waist. It feels so surreal. Finally, she’s mine. This is all I need.
She is all I need.
ALIX
“AIDEN,” I WHISPER.
It’s about 7:00 AM, and I don’t even know when we fell asleep. For being such a small couch, I’m shocked we slept as long as we did. I didn’t wake up once. In his arms is the most comfortable and relaxed I’ve felt in years.
I sit up and shake his shoulder. “Aiden,” I try a little louder.
He groans and searches for me. Once his hands find my waist he pulls me back down. “No,” he says sleepily. “That was the worst night’s sleep ever. More sleep.”