by Eden Redd
Jason raised a hand to knock but simply held it in the air. Questions rolled through his head. What if she’s ugly or a serial killer or both? An inner voice tried to soothe away his fears, whispering that he was being ridiculous. It could barely contain the storm of uncertainty crashing against his sanity. He’d never done anything like this before. If he had never played Lewd Knights, he would never have called a number left for him, let alone visit their apartment. Information cascaded over his mind as he tried to hold it together. He found it hard to believe that a player he had grown so close to was living in the same city. It boggled his mind on the chances but again, he thought the game may have done this on purpose.
“The game is not doing this,” Jason said to no one in particular.
Doubt loomed as he tried to make sense of all of it. Technology and artificial intelligence was growing at an alarming rate. Connections are being born for every person on the planet to find one another. Why was it so farfetched that people would come together over same likes and desires? Did he find love or did a computer guide love to him? Was Sonja going to cut him up and leave his body parts in dumpsters all over the city?
A light flickered under the door, a shadow moving. Jason was about to turn around and run for it when the door cracked open. The young man was rooted to the spot, staring with incredibly wide eyes. A chain hung, keeping the door from opening fully. A shy face looked up and their eyes met.
The woman had straight hair, surrounding her face and framing it. Thick, black rimmed glasses stood on her nose but blue eyes stared back. Skin pale as alabaster glowed in the dim light as small lips curved into a shy smile. Jason was pleasantly surprised to see she had a similar appearance to her avatar. Despite her slightly anime appearance in the game, her eyes were hauntingly beautiful. They transcended the digital world and even the glasses couldn’t contain them. It reminded him of her true self and the nervous anxiety in his hands bled away.
“I thought I heard something,” The young woman paused for a moment, drinking in his appearance. “You look just like your avatar but your hair is a dark sandy blonde. I like it.”
Jason awkwardly held out the single rose. “For you,” he nearly stammered.
The woman smiled and closed the door. The sound of the chain moving made Jason even more nervous. He wondered if she was calling the cops right now. The door opened again wider. The woman wore a thick black sweater and yoga pants. Silently she beckoned him in.
Jason stepped in, tracking melting snow into her small hallway. Looking down, he let out a huff, “I’m sorry. There’s still snow outside and I didn’t knock it all off.”
The woman closed the door and locked it, “It’s okay. You can take them off and leave them by the door.”
The woman took the rose from his hands and put it to her nose. Jason began stepping out of his boots as he stared like mad man.
“Sonja, I’m sorry if I’m staring. I still can’t believe we are meeting in person.”
The woman kept her smile, “In all the excitement, I forgot to tell you my real name, it’s Rachel.”
Jason nodded as his shoe came off. “Sorry, I….”
“You don’t have to apologize. I know this is new for both of us. Thank you for the flower. Come in and make yourself comfortable.”
Jason took off his coat and put it on a peg by the door. He followed as Rachel turned around and walked down a small hallway. Opening up, the young man took in the big beautiful living room. There was a couch, large flat screen TV, book shelves filled with hundreds of books. To the right was a small kitchen and to the left a small hallway and two doors.
“This is my living room. Bathroom is down the hall and my bedroom is across from it. I spend most of my time in here when I’m not in the game or at work,” Rachel smiled.
Jason nodded as he looked around. Two windows stood on either side of the flat screen, snow clouding the glass. The air smelled of incense and it spread warmth into his face. A coffee table in the shape of a chest took up the middle of the room. A bottle of wine and two empty glasses stood.
“Sit on the couch while I get a corkscrew,” Rachel said and turned toward the kitchen.
Jason looked around, shoulders tight and eyes wide. A moment later, Rachel was picking up the bottle and stabbing the corkscrew in, after a few turns, the cork pulled and red wine in turn poured into each glass. Jason was still standing as Rachel reached down and handed him a glass. The young man stared, trying to decipher what was really going on. Rachel appeared almost the same age as him but he wasn’t sure. Blue eyes looked to him and she held up a glass. They toasted and took a big sip.
“You can sit down. I won’t bite,” Rachel said with a small smile.
Jason looked at the couch and then sat. Rachel sat down, a foot of space between them. Curling her legs under her, she took another sip and simply gazed at the man in her apartment.
“I’m sorry if I’m being strange. This is so weird right now,” Jason said rather quickly.
“I knew it would be, that’s why I’m hoping the wine will help relax you.”
“I don’t really drink but I’m sure the wine will help.”
Jason looked to the woman eyeing him. “I have to ask; how did you find me? How did you know where I worked so you could leave the book?”
Rachel took another sip before speaking, “You talk in your sleep. I asked you some questions and you started to answer them. At first I was having fun but I couldn’t resist finding out more.”
Jason eyed his glass, “Stalking is normally a bad thing but in this case, I don’t mind at all.”
Rachel’s small smile faded away.
Jason looked over and instantly tensed up, “I’m sorry! I just…I was making a joke….I know it came out wrong…”
Rachel broke out into a small giggle as Jason floundered before her very eyes. “You have to relax. I’m the same person you know in the game. We’re just sitting down in real life and having a conversation.”
Jason’s shoulders deflated, “I know. I’m still getting used to it.”
A long pause of silence fell between them. Jason fiddled with the stem of his wine glass while Rachel gazed at him, a silent humor filling the corners of her eyes. The apartment seemed to grow warmer and the young man wondered if it was the wine. Eyes glancing over, he could see she was comfortable. Rachel adjusted her legs under her and Jason noticed how the sweater seemed to hug her in all the right places. Heat further crawled up his neck as he looked away, not wanting to be rude.
“Is there anything I can do to help you relax?” Rachel smiled.
Jason stiffened as his mind raced. He thought that he would have no idea who she was or how she could help, but he realized that he knew her so well. His gamer side rushed to the forefront of his thoughts, a deep wanting to force his lips to her and see where the night took them. Instead, he sat, lips locked and a crown of shyness on his head.
“We….could just talk…” Jason said in a low voice. “What do you do for a living?”
Rachel eyed him as she took a sip, “I’m an assistant editor for a fashion magazine. The job is okay but it can be a little demanding.”
Jason nodded as he tried to come up with more questions.
Rachel continued, “I’ve seen you become so comfortable in Lewd Knights. Is it weird to see me in person?”
“It’s sort of weird but, well, in the game I feel like I can’t fuck up too bad but here….ugh..I feel like I’m being the weirdo.”
Rachel regarded him as her eyes lowered, “I feel like I’m being the weirdo. I never invite anyone over. I’ve lived here for two years and you’re the first guy I ever had over.”
“I’m the first? I find that hard to believe. You’re so beautiful that I thought guys would be knocking on your door every night.”
Rachel’s cheeks glowed pink.
Jason stared at her and continued, “It’s true. I know you’re my friend in the game and we shared our time but, right now, I want to know more ab
out you.”
Rachel put down the glass and sat back in the comfy couch, “What would you like to know?”
“Tell me a story from your life? Tell me a private one,” Jason asked; eyes on the woman a foot away from him.
Rachel was quiet for a moment, head tilting down, and eyes reliving memories, “Okay but you have to do the same.”
“Okay,” Jason said with quiet conviction.
Rachel refilled her glass and held it up. Taking a sip, her eyes turned sideways as she spoke, “My mother was a little crazy, crazy for guys. We moved from place to place after her wild romances with one guy after the next. I always remembered her to fall so easily in love and just as easily fall out. I was along for the ride but I knew I was an accident that she begrudgingly took care of.
“While we moved around, she found one guy that was awful. He verbally abused her all the time and she ate it up until one day he hit her. My mom packed up our things and moved out, not sure where we were going to live. I was twelve at the time and it felt like we were going through the same motions we always did. I had developed a thick skin by that point.
“We moved into a town upstate and had been living on the streets. Thank goodness it was summer. One night we walked into a grocery store and my mom was begging if we could have some food for the night. I remember the look of disgust on the person behind the register but there was a man on line behind us. He tapped my mom on the shoulder and said to pick out anything and he would pay for it. I could tell my mom was star struck. She grabbed a few things off shelves while I stood by the register with the nice man. He introduced himself as Derek. He talked to me while my mom filled a grocery basket. He cracked a stupid joke and it was the first time I smiled in a long time.”
Rachel shifted in her seat, “I hope this isn’t too heavy. I feel like I can tell you anything.”
Jason’s gaze was locked on Rachel, “No, please continue. I just..wow…my mind blown.”
Rachel took a long sip before continuing, “Derek offered the spare bedroom in his home for us to stay the night. My mom said yes and he showed us to his car. Normally I think people would be weirded out by someone being so generous but if you saw the look in his eyes, you could tell he was a good man.
“To make a long story short, Derek was the local minister for a small church. His wife died a few months earlier and he was spending his time helping people. He was a complete gentleman with my mom and me. We were only meant to stay a night but then it turned into a week and then longer. He showed us around town and talked endlessly with my mother. I knew she was going to fall for him but I was okay with it. He was an amazing man but life was a little harsh, his wife dying from cancer. I think he just wanted to help people to handle his grieving.
“It didn’t take long for my mom to fall in love and he didn’t seem to mind at all. After two months, she was in his bed and I had my own bedroom. We went to church every Sunday but he didn’t force it on us. My mom knew this was the chance she needed to get her life together. I went to school and my mom spent her time pleasing the minister. She went to church and began to change her life to suit him.”
Rachel took another sip before continuing, “Derek was a really nice man who wanted to help. A year later they married and he adopted me as his own. I went to a good school and he helped push me to be successful.”
Jason leaned his arm against the couch, his head lying against it, staring. Rachel shifted in her seat again.
“My mom became very religious and was harping on me to be a good girl and never become like her. She insisted I couldn’t have any boyfriends and watched me like a hawk. I had no real friends because of it but I was a teenage girl and my own urges were out of control.”
Rachel made eye contact with Jason, “I never told anyone else this but I want to tell you.”
Jason reached over and took Rachel’s hand into his, giving it a squeeze, “Being best friends in the game also means we are best friends in real life.”
Rachel nodded, eyes watering a little as a great weight lifted from her slender shoulders. “My mom had become such a harpy; she would barge in on me if I was too quiet. She caught me masturbating once and gave me hell for it, telling me that I was an awful person. It worked for a while. I thought I was evil for having such urges which only further confused me.
“She was a hypocrite because I could hear her and Derek almost every night. The things she said would make anyone blush. I used to sneak out of my room and listen to them as they went on. Derek was a nice man but he had urges and it seemed he couldn’t control himself around my mom. Soon I was sitting by their door every night, listening as they fucked each other into exhaustion. It wasn’t long before I was pleasuring myself to it, listening to every word. It was the only time I had where my mom wasn’t constantly watching me.”
Rachel squeezed Jason’s hand, “I can’t explain it but I know I can tell you these things. I don’t feel any shame but I do worry that you would freak out. I can’t help myself around you. It has been bothering me the months we’ve played together. I’ve wanted to spill everything out but I was afraid of losing you.”
Jason’s shoulders relaxed, “Rachel, you could never scare me off.”
Rachel gave a slight nod, “Deep down I know but the fear is still very real. You have been amazing and every day that passed, I wanted to know you in real life.”
“I feel the same.”
“The reason I told you this story is because I feel like I can talk to you. I have my own hang ups on sex and relationships but I wanted to share a piece of me with you. I joined Lewd Knights because I wanted to be free with my body without being judged. I didn’t expect to meet someone like you so quickly.”
Jason grinned, “Me neither.”
Rachel took a big gulp of wine, “Okay, your turn.”
Jason looked to the snow-covered window before turning back to Rachel, her full attention on him, “I’m a virgin.”
Rachel’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.
Jason quickly continued, “It’s not something I’m proud of. I know you know I have terrible social anxiety but it goes deeper. My parents had to move us to another town because my next-door neighbor was crazy.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow.
“Uh, I’m not explaining myself correctly. I was always a shy kid. I was ten and my neighbor was fourteen. She was a little crazy and daring at her age. Her parents were never around and she used to be back and forth at our house. One night, she was babysitting me. My parents had gone out to dinner and I was watching TV. Her name was Brittney. She turned off the TV and asked me if we could play a game. I didn’t think much of it and said okay. She stripped me down and had me touch her over her shirt. I didn’t feel weird when it happened.”
Jason’s hand trembled as he spoke, “It became weird when she pulled out her cell phone and took pictures of me naked. Then she wanted me to touch her in private places and threatened to put those pictures online if I didn’t do as she said.”
Rachel sat up straight.
“I complied but she thought it would be funny to post the pictures anyway. By eleven, I was being tortured at school by the other kids. Everyone had seen me naked and being a shy kid, they double downed on it. Brittney couldn’t babysit me anymore but my parents didn’t want to press charges since she was having a hard life anyway. They fought with the school to do something about the bullying but our family wasn’t rich or influential so they did nothing.
“I had become so scared of going to school; I shook uncontrollably almost every morning. My parents felt they couldn’t do anything to change what had happened so they sold their house and we moved to another town but the damage was done.”
Jason looked off, “My mom always told me I was such a spirited kid until that ugly incident. My parents encouraged me to start making friends in the new town but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I sort of fell into a group but I was the quiet one that sort of hung around. I watched as they dated each other
and soon started having sex with each other. I watched and studied, trying to be okay with myself and try to not make the same mistakes they would.
“As time went on, I grew disgusted with relationships. I moved out of my parents and made the big leap. I moved to the city and here I’ve been. My little apartment is my true home but I haven’t really made any friends here. When I heard of Lewd Knights, I thought, finally, I could interact with other people but remain anonymous.”
Jason curled his trembling fingers into a fist, “I’m still having a difficult time with it but I want to try.”
Rachel’s eyes were round and soulful, “You know you can tell me anything. It won’t go beyond us.”
Jason nodded, “Deep down, I know but it’s still a bit unnerving.”
“You don’t seem like a virgin when we we’re together,” Rachel said with a disarming smile.
“That’s because I watch a lot of porn,” Jason said absentmindedly.
Rachel’s eyes bulged before she put her hand to her mouth to try and contain her laughter.
Jason’s face grew red, “I mean…well…I have a big imagination and tend to watch romantic porn and….”
Rachel pulled her hand from her lips and grinned.
Jason continued, “I know I’m coming off like a pervert but I always figured you had to open your heart up to find love and….”
“Is that why you chose the bi-sexual kink?” Rachel asked.
Jason slowly nodded, “I did because I have no idea what I want so I thought I’d try everything. Why not try my perversions in Lewd Knights and see what I really want?”
Rachel finished her glass and poured some more wine into her and Jason’s glass, “It makes sense and I know you like monster girls a lot.”
“I feel the connection of being a weirdo with weird girls, if that makes any sense.”
“It makes perfect sense to me. I like the monster boys too but….can you tell me a little more about the romantic porn?”