by Joyce, T. S.
“Curious.”
“Indeed.” But then again, Matt had never given her answers to his actions, and she hadn’t pushed too hard. If he thought she was safest here, she was. After everything they’d been through together, Cassie trusted him.
She waited with Danielle and Riley while the others filled out their paperwork. Shifter registration had to be done in person, notarized and signed, and pictures—or mugshots—had to be taken and placed with each registration.
Dark tendrils of ache unfurled in her stomach as she watched her new crew emerge one by one from the room where they had their photos taken. Maybe she should be in there, registering with them.
But no. Then Carl would know where she was. But was that really such a big deal? If she was a betting woman, which she was, she’d put money on Haydan anyday. He had a foot on Carl and fifty pounds of solid muscle, too. And she hadn’t seen his bear yet, but when her new mate was riled up, her inner animal shrank back to almost nothing on terrified instinct. Carl would be grizzly chow if he ever challenged Haydan.
But registering with the Ashe Crew would tie her to them forever. And as much as she was beginning to want to belong to them, they didn’t know her yet—the real her. The one whose soul was busted, emotions wrecked. The broken side of her.
As soon as they did, she’d be doomed to ghost the outskirts of the crew, never fitting in, just like the Red Claws. The Ashe Crew would regret her registering with them, and so would she. This was for the best, sitting on the sidelines with the crew humans and supporting Haydan.
Her heartrate picked up when Haydan came out of the heavy double doors. He looked troubled, but his eyes lit up when he saw her. That man made her feel so funny inside when he was around. It was as if she could suddenly breathe easier. Which of course was silly because breathing was natural, and nothing was wrong with her lungs.
“Hey,” she said. “How did it go?”
When he pulled her against him and rested his chin on her head, she was shocked into stillness.
“Relax, Cas. It’s a hug. I feel like holding you, so just let it happen.”
“I know what a hug is,” she said, frowning deeply. To prove she did, she wrapped her arms awkwardly around his waist and squeezed once. There.
Haydan chuckled, and the vibration rattled through his chest and against her cheek. Oh, that was nice. She could hear his heartbeat, too. She smooshed her face harder against him and listened. Thump-thump, thump-thump. Strong and steady, just like Haydan.
She hugged him close again, slower this time, and didn’t even bite him like she wanted to when he pressed his lips against her hair.
“You know what you remind me of?” he asked low.
“A supermodel vixen with a quick wit and hypnotizing eyes?”
“You remind me of a wild wolf, starving, but scared to eat from the hand of someone trying to help it.”
“I bite like a wolf.”
“I don’t doubt it.” His voice went gravelly. “Good thing I’m not afraid to bleed.”
“Why are you doing this? I know you’re trying to help me in your own way, but why? I’m a stranger. I’m not even a nice person.”
“Bullshit. I saw you talking to Wyatt and swinging him around. You care more than you let on.”
“I don’t—”
“You do, and I like it. Don’t guilt yourself out of having feelings, Cas. It’s sexy when you let your guard down.”
A subject change was essential. “I want a hot dog.”
“I want six hot dogs,” Drew said, sauntering up beside them.
Cassie pulled away from Haydan as if he were a red hot branding iron. Which was ridiculous and unnecessary. She could do what she wanted. No one was making fun of her here, and all the couples in the Ashe Crew were affectionate. Angry at her stupid conflicting feelings, she grabbed Haydan’s hand and held it tight, refusing to look at his face and gauge his reaction.
“I want seven hot dogs,” Haydan said.
Drew narrowed his eyes. “Eight.”
“Oh, dear God,” Riley muttered with an eye roll. “Come on, Cassie. This’ll get ugly before it gets pretty. Let’s go get some food before the boys eat it all.”
Cassie stifled a smile as she and Haydan followed Drew and Riley out of the courthouse. “What about the others?”
“Some of them are going to get ice cream with the cubs,” Haydan said. “Kellen is taking Skyler to a diner they like to eat at when they’re in town, and Brighton, Denison, and their mates are going to talk to the owner of Sammy’s bar about a gig they have coming up.”
“They sing or something?”
“Sing and play the guitar,” Riley explained. “They’re quite the draw for the locals around these parts. It’s just weekend gigs, but Denison’s bear does best with a routine. We usually all go out and watch them on Saturday nights. You have to come this weekend. It’s so fun!”
Riley’s enthusiasm was catching, and suddenly Cassie could imagine drinking with the crew, playing darts, watching Denison and Brighton play, snuggling up to Haydan in dark corners…
“What are you thinking about that has you smiling into space?” Haydan asked.
“Nothing!” Cassie cleared her throat and lowered her voice to a normal level. “Nothing.”
“Let me guess,” he murmured against her ear, hooking his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close as they walked down the sidewalk toward the antique shop. “Missionary position.”
“No I wasn’t, but now I am, and I’m getting all angry just thinking about your games.”
“You don’t smell or sound angry. And you’re smiling again.”
“Am not.” She pouted.
“Your eyes are still smiling.”
With a half-hearted shove, she pushed him away and spun, walking backward in front of him. “I’ve decided I’m not playing your games anymore. Our pairing will be sexless. When I grace your den with my presence, I’ll sleep beside you with a pillow in between us. No touching—”
“Naturally,” Haydan said through a grin.
“And I will take care of my own needs.”
“Hmm. Who’s playing games now?”
“Who’s winning the game now?”
Haydan laughed and lurched forward, lifting her by the waist until her feet came off the ground.
She gasped as he nipped her neck. “Haydan, we’re in public! People can see us.”
“So?”
“So…it’s wrong to be…”
“Affectionate toward your mate?” He settled her on her feet and pulled her against his side again without missing a step. “Why?”
“Because.” Lame answer.
Why was it wrong? She hadn’t gone to town with the Red Claws much, and when she had, they’d scattered. If she was honest, Jake hadn’t liked spending time with her any more than she’d liked quality time with him, and their relationship hadn’t been the hand-holding and snuggles type. She hadn’t wanted it to be.
“Jake and I didn’t do that.”
Haydan stopped suddenly and grabbed her shoulders, looking her square in the eye. “Cas, I’m sorry you lost your last mate. I am. I know it rips you up in ways I can’t understand because you aren’t ready to share that part of your life with me. But comparing me to Jake isn’t going to get you anywhere. I’m not him.”
“He didn’t like me,” she whispered, feeling lost.
“He was an idiot then. I like you fine. I want to hold your hand and hug you when I want, and someday, when you’re comfortable enough, I want to kiss you.” His gaze dipped to her lips. “Apparently touch is necessary to me and my animal. I don’t know what that says about me, and frankly, I’ve been beating myself up over it for a full day now, and I’m tired of caring. You don’t like touch, I can see that, and it makes me want that from you even more, like some needy little cub. It’s not out of pity or need to help you either. When you let me hold you, and when you grabbed my hand back there, it felt fucking awesome, and I want—”
&nb
sp; Cassie stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his, then pulled back and stared at him in shock. She couldn’t believe she’d just done that. Even more baffling than her actions, that tiny peck had dumped strange flutters into her stomach when his lips had gone soft and he’d made a sexy little smack as she pulled away.
A slow smile spread across his lips and landed in his soft brown eyes. “You kissed me.”
Heat flooded her cheeks, and she looked around to make sure no one was watching.
“Well, don’t get used to it. I’m not good at this emotional crap.” A smile snuck onto her face just before she turned away.
When she glanced back to see if he was following, Haydan still stood there, legs splayed and hands out, looking just as drunk off their kiss as she felt.
And her stomach fluttered on.
Chapter Six
Two days had changed everything.
Forty-eight hours had switched the course of her thinking and made Cassie question every single thing she knew.
Yesterday, Haydan had treated her with utmost respect. Like a gentleman at every turn while they were in town. He’d bought her a set of old mason jars and a stack of wood someone had cut from a colonial house that was being torn down. Even though she’d had money, he’d insisted on paying for her hot dog lunch so he could call it their first date. He tickled her to death with how cute he was. Big brawny grizzly bear, catering to his mate. His hand had always stayed on her. Lower back, around her shoulders, holding her hand.
Haydan orbited her, as if she were precious to him.
As confusing as it all was, his touch felt good now. Important even. His patience was also making her care for him more. This was dangerous territory. If she opened her heart to a man, he could destroy her. But the more she waited for Haydan to screw up and disappoint her, the more he surprised her in the best ways.
Last night, he’d taken her to 1010 and tucked her in before he kissed her forehead, lips lingering for a moment, then left. She’d fought the gnawing, instinctual urge to booty call him in the middle of the night, because whatever he was doing and whatever timeline he was working, was actually making her feel better—more steady and even.
This was good for her, taking things slower with him.
And this morning he’d stood between her and Harper when the child had Changed and blasted an arc of fire. He’d taken a burn across his chest to protect her. More proof that Matt had chosen wisely when he’d handpicked a mate for her.
“You want to see the landing where I’ll be working?” Haydan asked her.
They’d just finished a picnic lunch of sandwiches and chips near the bonfire, and currently Bo was eating the rest of her leftover bread crust. The other lumbermen and women had gone up to move equipment to a new job site Damon Daye had assigned them. Logging season was starting tomorrow, but Tagan had told Haydan to take today off and spend it with Cassie, a gift she was infinitely grateful for.
The more time she spent alone with Haydan, the more she liked him, and the more she liked herself.
“I do want to see it, but I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You won’t be. Go put on your hiking boots, and I’ll grab us a couple of waters.”
She rolled up out of the neon green plastic chair by the barren fire pit and made her way toward 1010 as Haydan jogged off in the direction of his singlewide.
Movement caught her attention in Riley’s shed, though, and Cassie made her way to the open door. Inside, Riley was squatting in front of a chair, running a paint-tipped brush down the leg of it. The fabric had little cartoon birds and trees in different shades of blue and silver, and the paint job Riley was doing was an antique white finish.
“That looks really good.”
“Thanks,” Riley said, turning with a ready smile. She blew a strand of short, dark hair out of her face. “I usually work on the front lawn, but it’s cool enough today to work in here.”
“Can I ask a favor?”
Riley stood and set her small can of paint on a work bench, then hooked her hands on her hips. “Anything. Shoot.”
“Can I possibly use your workshop and your tools? I’ll pay you for any materials I use. It should be just some wood glue and a few screws.”
“Sure, and don’t worry about paying me back. What are you making?”
“I was thinking about making those mason jars into little shabby chic candle holders. Maybe attach some of that old wood Haydan got me onto the back of them so someone could hang them on a wall.”
“Like a country sconce?”
“Exactly.”
A grin split Riley’s face. “Hell yes, a girl after my own heart. That sounds awesome. If you ever want to sell stuff like that, my customers eat up shabby chic décor. Just let me know, and I’ll add it to my website.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. Nobody else here is that interested in this stuff. They’re polite about it, but I practically have to beg for help anytime I get overwhelmed with orders or when I have a big flea market day. Drew is awesome about hauling stuff around, but he’s busy during logging season, you know?”
Cassie swallowed the hope that was clogging her throat down. “I could help with that stuff when you need extra hands. I don’t know a lot, so you’d have to train me, but I learn fast. And honestly, it would be nice if I could sell some of my stuff and earn an income. Even if it’s just a little one, it would be better than when I was with my last crew.”
“You didn’t have a job with the Red Claws?”
“They didn’t allow it. I think the alpha liked me dependent on them since I was the only female. I don’t know. It wasn’t like here, where everyone seems to be encouraged to find their niche.”
Riley’s dark eyebrows winged up. “That sounds awful. It’ll probably do wonders for your confidence if you do what you love and make it work for you. As far as helping me out, I’m completely okay with that. Relieved I’ll have steady help, actually, so yeah. You have a place here whenever you want it.”
“Great,” Cassie said through a grin. She patted the doorframe and spun to leave. “Riley?” she asked, turning back.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
The corners of Riley’s eyes crinkled up with her smile. “Anytime.”
Cassie jogged over to 1010, and ignored the mouse dragging across the floor a small stem of grapes she’d left out. Haydan apparently had an attachment, assured her the rodent had a name, and was therefore a pet of the Asheland Mobile Park, just as surely as Bo or a speckled micro-pig named Petunia, which she had yet to meet.
“Hey Nards,” she muttered, stepping carefully over it.
The little old brown field mouse ignored her completely.
Cassie slipped on her hiking boots over her jeans and pulled on a blue hoodie to combat the chilly autumn air, then hustled out of the house and nearly ran right into Haydan who had his hand raised as if he was about to knock.
He caught her, steadied her, and they both laughed as her boot went through a rotted floorboard.
“Crap,” he muttered, bending down and working her boot out of the splinters. “I’ll build a new deck for this place tomorrow.”
“I’ll help.”
“Yeah?” he asked, looking up at her.
In the afternoon sunlight, his eyes looked gold. Banishing her hesitation, she brushed her knuckles against the short stubble of his jaw. “Matt told me about you a long time ago.”
Haydan canted his head. “He did?”
Cassie nodded and cupped his cheek. “He said you kept your head shaved and that you were built like a tank, but you were nice to ladies up at the bar.” She ran her fingertips through his short, dark hair. “You aren’t what I expected.”
Haydan relaxed as she placed her other hand on his head and scratched her nails against his scalp. A curious shiver took his shoulders, and the smile dipped from his face. “I look like my dad with hair. It’s coarse like his was. And for a long time, I didn�
�t want to look like him. Here recently, I don’t care so much. I just got over it. Now, when I look in the mirror, I look like me. I don’t remember my dad much anymore.”
“Was he awful?”
“No. Not awful. Just broken and sad.” Haydan pulled her palm to his mouth and kissed it. “Do you want to see my den?”
She nodded as those funny flutters filled her belly again. She’d been waiting for him to ask.
Haydan’s hand was warm and strong as it wrapped around hers. He led her down the steps and to the trailer a couple of weed-riddled yards away. As soon as they were inside, something brushed her leg.
“Aaah,” she yelped, flinching away.
A grunting little pig with a belly nearly dragging the ground nosed her ankle, then followed no matter where Cassie retreated to.
“Meet Petunia. Or Petty as we all call her.”
“You have a pig. In your house.”
“She used to live in D and Bruiser’s trailer, but Harper tried to burn her into crispy fried bacon, and I decided enough was enough.”
Haydan ran his hand over his hair and gave her a self-deprecating look as she put the couch in between her and the black and white freckled pig.
He waited the span of three pounding heartbeats and said, “You can make pigsty jokes now if you want.”
“Why isn’t she outside?”
“Well, she used to be, but Drew sleep-Changes sometimes, and last spring he tried to eat her. And stop fleeing. She’s begging for you to pet her.”
“I’m afraid of pigs,” she admitted, eyeing the creature suspiciously. “I heard they eat each other.”
“Gross, and even if some pigs nibble on each other, Petty here eats nothing but slops. She’s never even bit anyone. Look.”
Haydan bent down and picked her up in his arms, flipped her over on her back, and cradled her like an infant. “Who’s my hairy little baby?” he cooed.