Papa, you know how you said you and Sam were having a once-in-a-lifetime experience in China? Well, that’s what I’m having now.
So here’s the only thing I’m asking (begging?): Could you please try to talk Bett’s dad into letting Bett come here so she can be part of this once-in-a-lifetime experience, too?
Kristina says it’s totally fine with her; there’s plenty of room in the yurt.
Thanks, Papa. I love you so much,
Avery
* * *
From: Betty Devlin
To: Marlow Devlin
Subject: What’s going on
Doug (I know you go by Marlow, but that ship has sailed for me.):
Son, your cell phone doesn’t work. I guess you know that.
So Lil’ Bett got kicked out of Camp CIGI & Big Betty came to the rescue. Avery Bloom got the boot, too. It really wasn’t the girls’ fault, considering they were with Kristina Allenberry and she’s Avery’s mama. But rules are rules—this isn’t Texas.
Once I got the call I jumped on the first plane, and my personal travel ban got lifted. I didn’t have time to be afraid to fly, or worry that I’d get locked out of my rental car. But it cost me a bundle. We can talk about that when you’re back.
I was going to drive to the camp and then back to the Detroit airport all in the same day, but Lil’ Bett had another notion. She wanted to go to this place called Seelocken, which is where Avery went with her mom. Bett can be so bossy, and I was pooped from all the flying (it dries you out like a prune), so I just gave in.
Well, I’m glad I did!
You remember that I was in the Galveston Community Players all those years ago, and I did star in three of the productions? So here’s what happened: Kristina Allenberry is workshopping her new play, HOLDING UP HALF THE SKY. That means trying it out—like cooking something new for yourself but not serving it to guests.
There was a real dust-up right when we got here because the actress Ruth Hudnutter (who plays a character named Sandra Mason) came down with an awful case of shingles & had to drop out. Kristina needed someone so they could keep blocking (that means tell you where to stand) & she asked me if I’d just be onstage and read the lines. I did that, but I took a few chances and started working the words to make them my own.
Well, when we got to the end, everyone started clapping like maniacs. Then Kristina said she’d cancel getting a replacement for Ruth Hudnutter if I’d do the part for real!
I just wish your daddy could see me. The play’s having sixteen performances, so we’ll be here for three weeks. But don’t worry. The girls are fine. More than fine. It turns out we took lemons and we’re all making lemonade!
With love from Sandra Mason
(I’m trying to stay in character)
* * *
From: Sam Bloom
To: Kristina Allenberry
Subject: Our agreement
Kristina,
What’s going on? I’ve opened my email to an explosion of insanity. I don’t hear from you for years, and when I do it’s to say you have Avery?
Our agreement is a legally binding document. On the CIGI forms I listed Melissa Barnes, my office manager, as Avery’s emergency contact. You ignored that, which is inexcusable, especially considering that Avery (AND Bett Devlin) would still be at camp IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU.
A lot of money was spent on both girls being immersed in the arts, as well as science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM).
Marlow and I are going to arrange to fly home as soon as we can, ending our trip early.
So I hope you’re happy, Kristina. Now you’ve completely ruined this summer for a lot of people.
Sam
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Marlow Devlin
Subject: THIS IS THE BEST SUMMER EVER
Dad,
Seelocken is the MOST AWESOME place in the world. I am not exaggerating!
Gaga said she emailed to explain everything, but just so you know, this is the opposite of CIGI, which was about finding ways to show off + impress people. Some of the classes were pretty good + I really loved Minnie + Wilbur + the horses (especially Big Mike) + the raft in the lake was fun to swim out to. Plus of course the zip line, only they closed that down.
But really, Daddy, being so smart all the time is not very relaxing.
So thank you for FORCING ME + Avery to get to KNOW each other, because as Gaga says, “We’re now on a wild ride!” And you + Sam are too, only you’re on motorcycles!
Love,
Betts
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Sam Bloom
Subject: Seelocken
Dear Papa,
So sorry I missed your call. I had the ringer off because I don’t want to wake anyone in the yurt. They stay up so late practicing their lines, or sometimes doing improv. Once they go to bed they really need their sleep.
But I did listen to your message. No, you do not need to be rushing home from China. Please don’t do that. We are all doing really great here. More than really great.
So do not come home early. Stay and enjoy your romantic trip with Marlow.
Also, the secret is out: We know you two are engaged! Gaga told us that Marlow was going to pop the question, and we figure it already happened. Did it? Maybe it took place on the Great Wall. Did he get down on bended knee? I hope you both weren’t near the edge of the Wall, because people can suddenly lose their balance, and a moment that’s supposed to end in a wedding can end in a funeral. That’s a really bad thought, but I’m not having as many of those as I used to.
We are really happy for you and also really happy for us, now that Bett and I have become close. A wedding is in our future! I’ve already downloaded a wedding app, which gives you checklists and timetables, with “a step-by-step, easy-to-manage alert system.”
Just so you know, it says to start with the date and then work backward. Do you have a date yet? It would help if you could get it to us ASAP.
Obviously Bett and I know we’re part of the wedding party. Does that mean we’ll get to be flower girls? We might be sort of old for that. Gaga (Bett’s grandma) says you’re never too old to get a special moment going down the aisle. I think she wants to be a flower girl, too, which is sort of crazy, but maybe she could be a Flower Older Woman, and then Bett and I could be the ones to give you guys away?
I’m just throwing out ideas here.
xo
Avery
P.S. I repeat: Do not come home from China early.
* * *
From: Sam Bloom
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: WE ARE COMING BACK EARLY
Avery,
It was very wrong of Marlow’s mother “Gaga” to discuss anything with you and Bett about an engagement.
Marlow and I did exchange friendship rings when we first landed, but that was only hours after we arrived, and we were in a very emotional place, partly from the flying and the time change. We will discuss all of this when we’re back.
We’re now trying to get new passports (since ours were stolen) so that we can be allowed to fly home. It’s not as easy as they told us. We keep waiting in very long lines for hours and hours, and then they send us to another office where we wait in another line. It’s extremely frustrating.
Please turn on your phone at night in the yurt (I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence) and tell Kristina to turn on her phone, too. I really have to be able to reach you when we finalize our travel plans.
Can’t wait to hear your voice, babe.
Love,
Papa
* * *
From: [email protected]
To: Sam Bloom
Subject: Lost passport Case file: 198230498-B-1928473
; We are processing your application. Your replacement passport may then take ten working days.
You are wearing eyeglasses in the photo you submitted. Please return to the office and submit again. Eyeglasses are not allowed.
* * *
From: Benita Ocampo
To: Bett Devlin, Avery Bloom
Subject: Hello from your friends at CIGI!
Bett & Avery—
Today, Camp Director Daniel’s word of the day at morning circle was COMMUNICATION. So Petunia Pod and Peace Lily Pod decided that together we would send you guys an email, and that would be communicating in a creative way. But we aren’t going to tell Camp Director Daniel, since he’s been in a bad mood lately.
Here is what we want to say:
We wish you were still here.
You were fun.
We don’t think it’s fair that you were kicked out!
Also, Bett left a pair of red flip-flops, a tube of Kiwi Pucker-Up lip gloss, two hair clips, a sketch pad with animal drawings (really good ones, mostly pigs but some sharks and owls), and a rocket journal (apogee/altitude notes).
Avery left a pile of books with bookmarks in them. One is Uncle Tungsten, and one is A Short History of Nearly Everything, and one is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and the last one is Pride and Prejudice. She also left a tube of prescription skin cream (hydrocortisone 0.5%), nasal spray, and about a thousand Band-Aids.
Write back and tell us where Benita should send the stuff, and what you’re both doing. Bett, are you in Texas? Avery, did you get to stay with your mom?
Love from Stella, Lauri, Dyllan, Charlotte R., Charlotte M., Charlotte P., Emma, Hannah, Sibi, Ava, Solana, Annie, Zoe, LeeLing, Pari, and Dilshad.
P.S. This is Benita’s personal email. She can be trusted.
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Benita Ocampo
Subject: Re: CIGI podmates
Hi, Stella, Lauri, Dyllan, Charlotte R., Charlotte M., Charlotte P., Emma, Hannah, Sibi, Ava, Solana, Annie, Zoe, LeeLing, Pari + Dilshad—
It’s Bett + Avery writing from Bett’s email.
Guess what? We’re TOGETHER at Seelocken. It’s eighty-five miles from CIGI but it feels like we’re on another PLANET!
We miss you guys but we’re super happy we got kicked out because this place is an INSTITUTE, which turns out to be the ADULT word for CAMP.
They only have ONE activity, which is putting on a play + it takes up everyone’s time. But we’re NOT in the play + we aren’t making costumes or designing scenery so we get to do whatever we want + that means DRIVE!
Yes, drive.
We have OUR OWN GOLF CART! You read that right!
Here at the Institute we eat whenever we want + we don’t have any lights-out time or wake-up time. We sleep in a big yurt. They have 6 of them. The adults sleep LATE, which is totally cool.
Here are the things that have happened to us in the last week:
1. Everyone went swimming at 2:00 a.m. Avery only went in up to her waist + didn’t swim, but she still had the experience + she can’t believe she was in a lake at NIGHT, which is probably the scariest thing she’s ever done in her life + why she was screaming the whole time.
2. We picked wild blueberries. The first 7 minutes were fun. The second 7 minutes were sort of boring. The next 2 minutes were just work + then we quit. So if someone asks you to go find wild blueberries, remember this time breakdown.
3. We cooked DINNER for the whole camp. It was our idea. They gave us money + we took the golf cart to buy food at the store in the town that’s close by. We wore bike helmets + drove in the grass next to the breakdown lane of the big highway! BUT IT WAS ONLY FOR 1 EXIT + VERY VERY SAFE. Cars honked + people waved at us!
It’s a lot harder to make dinner for 65 people than you’d think. We didn’t have enough food, but people were okay about it (it’s not easy to figure out portions for large groups). We served salad, bread, and spaghetti with lemon cream sauce since we didn’t want to have a meat dish plus a vegetarian option because that would be cooking 2 dinners.
We use nicknames here a lot. Avery is Night Owl + Bett is Dogfish. We call ourselves those nicknames because the actors all use their character names. Well, when the meal we cooked was over, everyone stood + clapped and SOME people even shouted “Yay, Night Owl! Yay, Dogfish!” It was awesome. We came out of the kitchen + took a bow.
But we’re NOT going to cook a big meal like this again. Zesting so many lemons hurts your arm. Also we ran out of spaghetti in the middle so we had to hand out egg salad sandwiches with dessert + the next day no one could have omelets at breakfast.
Here’s more stuff that’s been GREAT: No one asks us if we are wearing sunscreen or bug spray. Or if we brushed our teeth or flossed. (Just so you know, WE DO wear sunscreen + sometimes bug spray + we mostly brush our teeth. We never floss.) Also, Bett eats pepperoni pizza EVERY single day for lunch and dinner + doesn’t get lectured about eating all the food groups in the pyramid.
Another thing that’s happening: Our dads are GETTING MARRIED—but that’s still a secret. This means we will be sisters! And at the wedding we might be flower girls. But we could also each be the best man, which would be renamed the best woman. All of this is still to be figured out. But we’re very, very excited about it, which is a big change from how we felt in the beginning, when we were upset after our dads started going out.
Okay, thanks for writing, CIGIES! If this place had a slogan it would be: CAMP WITHOUT RULES IS THE BEST CAMP OF ALL.
Cheers! (That’s what the actress here from London says about 20 times a day.)
Bett + Avery
P.S. Hi, Counselor Benita + Counselor Rachel. Thanks for reading this out loud to all our friends. Press DELETE when you are done. Camp Director Daniel might have spyware.
Also, can you send the stuff we left in the pods (lip gloss, etc.) to the main office at Seelocken? We go in there about 10 times a day to get money for the candy machine + also for ice. The address is online.
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Sam Bloom
Subject: Take your time
Papa—
Everyone has to have cell phones off in the theater, so that’s why I missed your call again. But I got your voice mail message saying you’re having trouble getting new passports. I really wish we could help you guys! Kristina says that you both should take this time to do more traveling in China while you’re waiting for the new passports to come through.
If you leave another message on my phone, could you give us an idea of the wedding date?
Love you,
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Marlow Devlin
Subject: Learning lots every day!
Dad,
I feel like I’m LEARNING a lot here. So even though I’m not at CIGI that money wasn’t all wasted.
Also, Gaga’s NOT the star of the play, but she IS the star of this whole place! They call her Lady Gaga. She LOVES it. Kristina keeps making Gaga’s part BIGGER + BIGGER by writing more lines (some of them come right from Gaga but she’s not going to take any credit for that).
I didn’t know until now that she was even an actress!
Me + Avery watch rehearsals but Kristina gave us her golf cart (since her driver, Ben, went back to Ohio for good). We just need to pick up Kristina when she wants to go places + mostly she’s in the theater.
Avery’s driven a few times, only she’s really afraid of crashing + killing us. She went off the path once because she saw a very cute bunny + the cart ran over a sprinkler, which broke + sent water everywhere.
But they have a plumbing guy here so it got fixed right away. Also, they aren’t so worried about water like in California, which made it not as big of a problem.
I want you to know we DO NOT take the cart on the big road. We drive ONLY on the trails + also we use the cart to cut across the field to get to the lake.
I wish we lived here, Daddy. Especially if we had a golf cart, + we could just sign for food whenever we wanted, which is what we do at the snack bar.
Avery eats very healthy but I’m not going to lie because I do get pepperoni pizza every now + then. You would, too, if you were here. The cheese is from Wisconsin + they know what they’re doing there.
Gaga says this is our time to be FREE + it’s also her time to be FREE. Please be FREE in China with Sam.
So don’t rush back. Seriously, take your time + go see fun stuff + sleep in late + go bowling if they have that there. There should be no hurrying when it comes to love.
So that’s it. Miss you. As in forever. (That’s what me + Avery say to each other as our code for just about everything.)
Love you, Daddy.
Betty Jr.
* * *
From: Betty Devlin
To: Diamond Johnson
Subject: Thanks for taking care of stuff for me
Diamond—
I know it can’t be any fun watering my yard. Or getting my mail. But I bet Cinnamon doesn’t miss me a bit. They say that cats like you when you’re there, but then don’t care if you move to another time zone as long as someone’s putting Meow Mix in the bowl. You’re a saint for taking her to your place. Whisper in her little ear that her mama’s missing her.
I’ve been away from home now for two whole weeks, but it feels like two months. Only in a good way. The longest days but the shortest weeks, if you know what I mean. I’m on my feet for hours onstage working on this play. I’m not going to pretend it’s a job because it’s nothing like that. It’s just plain fun.
To Night Owl From Dogfish Page 8