From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: More trouble
Dogfish—
Papa went out and left his laptop open, so I looked. I invaded his privacy. I copied this email below and sent it to myself. I’m now forwarding it to you. This is bad.
Night Owl
* * *
From: The Law Offices of King, McElroy, Watson & Peacor LLP
To: Sam Bloom
Subject: Avery Allenberry Bloom
Dear Mr. Bloom,
I represent Ms. Kristina Allenberry.
Ms. Allenberry acknowledges that a document was signed ten years ago but she now seeks fifty percent (50%) physical custody of her biological daughter, Avery Allenberry Bloom, currently residing with you at 2211 Broadway, New York, New York 10024.
My office will be contacting you to set up an appointment to discuss this situation.
Sincerely,
Ryan King
Partner, King, McElroy, Watson & Peacor LLP
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Spying
Night Owl—
All I can say is WOW. They are going to fight over you. This is really serious. Send me every detail. I may be on the other side of the country, but I’m there for you.
Also, because of the time difference I’m up REALLY late your time. I’m basically your crisis hotline.
Dogfish
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Big Trouble
Dogfish,
It’s only getting worse. Papa got home and called Kristina and started shouting about custody. I had poster board left over from last year’s Irish Immigration project, and in alternating purple and orange letters I wrote YOU ARE BEING MEAN TO MY BIOLOGICAL MOM!!!! I came into the room holding up my sign while loudly humming. That made him hang up.
But he didn’t calm down. He turned to me and shouted, “Stop humming!” So I did. Then he took my sign right out of my hands and said, “Did Bett Devlin, of the famous zip-line incident, who got in touch with Kristina without asking anyone and has an equally reckless dad, tell you to make this ridiculous sign? Because guess what? You are not allowed to speak to Bett ever again! She’s a terrible influence on you!”
I couldn’t believe how mean he was being about you and your dad. But I also couldn’t believe he thought I couldn’t make a sign without help.
I think this was the first time I really stood up to him. There wasn’t ever a reason to do it before, but now that he’s acting like a different person he’s making it easy.
You and I are now the Romeo and Juliet of friendship. Only we’re the Juliet and Juliet.
This is very, very stressful. It’s possible I can feel my cortisol levels actually rising. Unsure.
xx
Night Owl
* * *
From: Kristina Allenberry
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Heads UP!
Avery—
I want you to know that your papa and I are doing some back and forth with legal help about your schedule. We’re not fighting, even if it looks like we are. It’s just the way the system works. It’s designed to turn discussion into a hassle so that the people who spent three years in law school can pay off their student loans.
But there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll see you on Tuesday and we’ll go out for dessert, and even go to the medical supply store that you like. (I agree that just looking at the equipment sounds interesting.)
Love you,
Kristina
P.S. I signed the lease for the apartment (only four blocks away from you), and Gaga got a place in the same building, on the same floor! We’ll soon all be New Yorkers!
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Spying Again
Night Owl—
Dad’s out working, so I decided to see what he’s been up to by checking his email. Here’s something interesting: It turns out that Kristina has been in touch with him!
Did you give her my dad’s email address? I guess it’s “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
People think that Captain Kirk said that in a Star Trek movie, which is true, but FIRST it was said by CHANAKYA, who was an Indian man in the 4th Century BC. I know because we’re doing a project at school called “Give the right person the credit.” A lot of women + minorities have lost out in the past.
xo
Dogfish
P.S. Pro-tip: If you want to get your dad more on your side use your inhaler a lot. He will feel sorry for you.
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: Spying Again
I didn’t know about Chanakya. And yes, Kristina wanted your dad’s contact info. Of course I shared!
I think that the common enemies communicating is good. My update is that a social worker’s been assigned to “evaluate my home environment” for the custody thing. Both at my real home with Papa, and at the apartment Kristina just rented. So things are really getting out of control.
Report back. I’m pretending to use my inhaler as much as possible, like you said. Papa can’t tell I’m only fake-inhaling, and he looks concerned. Thanks for that tip! He does seem less angry when he’s worried about me.
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: CODE RED!!!!
I just tried to call. I think I got my period. CODE RED!
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: CODE RED!!!!
Tried you back. No answer. Sent text. No reply. Where are you?
Do you feel sort of crampy?
Just know that it’s not going to be as big a deal as you think it is once you realize that you’re not actually bleeding to death.
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: CODE RED!!!!
I didn’t want to drag my dad into the whole thing, so I called Gaga. Right now you 2 are the ONLY ONES ON EARTH who know besides Angel, Summer, Ceci + Imani. Wait, not true. I also sent text messages to Sil + Tiana + Morgan.
Here’s how it went down: So I got a weird stomachache. Kind of like there were windshield wipers moving deep inside me. I guess you’ve had this feeling before but it was new for me.
But I had eaten chicken fingers for dinner + had too many, so I thought that was the problem. I went into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet + looked down at my underwear + there was a spot of blood there.
My first thought was “How the heck did I cut myself?” I actually stood up + looked at my legs + then I sat back down + went “Oh. Wait. Wow. Weird.”
I said that out loud, like someone talking to herself in a mirror on a TV show.
I have “supplies” in the house because I’m late getting this whole thing. So I went + got a “pad.” I put it in my underwear. It feels like a hot-dog bun in there. I swear to you I’m never going to get used to this! Are you used to it? Be honest. I can take the truth. I want to use a tampon, but I have to gear up for that first.
Okay, another wild thing: The DOGS know. Junie + Raisin went nuts when I (finally) came out of the bathroom.
I wish you lived closer! Please write back with tips. This is all messier than I thought it would be + definitely stranger.
Why don’t people (women + girls) talk about it 24/7?
Love you.
Dogfish
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Bodily functions
&nb
sp; Dogfish—
Having your period requires a lot of planning in the beginning, but then you learn to adjust. The best thing is to keep a calendar to help remind you. I know you’re not a big fan of calendars and to-do lists, but they come in handy. If you don’t want to write “period” on a certain date you could just put a red dot. But maybe that would be sort of obvious. So you could put in an emoji, or draw a random picture to throw people off-track, like maybe a leprechaun.
Bookmark this new email address. It’s my new secret account, and I’m only checking when I’m out of the house, which means at my friend Ariel Balakian’s house. She says “hi.” (Her dad is the judge, and they have the schnoodle, Sandra Day.)
Write back. I’m with Ariel all day.
xo
Love,
Night Owl
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: A. Allenberry Bloom
Subject: Re: Bodily functions
I swear I’ll never get used to this whole PERIOD thing, but I want to believe you.
What if I get blood on a white chair? I’m going to only sit in red chairs for the next five days. I’m surprised there aren’t more of them in public places.
I guess I’ll try the leprechaun emoji. Also, you’ll be happy to know, I’m thinking I might join the Science Club. Some of that CIGI stuff was actually kind of cool. Plus I never got to finish building my rocket + I got my math journal back from CIGI so I started doing more calculations.
My friend Angel said they have a 3-D printer in the gifted program. That seems pretty unfair for the rest of us, stuck in 2-D. I liked that at camp. I heard that there is a start-up in San Francisco where you can 3-D print an actual house, and then live in it.
Say “hi” to Ariel. I hope her schnoodle is good. Sandra Day isn’t a good name for a dog. I would have named her Boots.
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Being observed
The social worker came and “observed” me for two days last week. Once with Papa. Once with Kristina. It turns out that the hardest thing in the world to do is act natural. It’s very unnatural.
During my observational visit with Kristina I could really tell she’s a theater person, because she was definitely acting. She was wearing totally different clothing than normal. Her whole outfit was all oatmeal-colored. She looked like a zookeeper. I barely recognized her. (She didn’t have on any of her regular jewelry, scarves, eyeliner, bracelets, hair extensions, or hats.)
We didn’t do improv or go for Indonesian food or rearrange her furniture, like usual. Instead, we made cookies in front of this woman. Oatmeal cookies (maybe to match her outfit).
The whole time we were being observed Kristina never said “Brilliant!” and she didn’t sing even one song. She had a calendar on the wall covered with notes that I’d never seen before. One of them said, in big letters, “Orthodontist consultation for Avery.” I’m sure she made that up. You know I’ve got really straight teeth. There were also Post-its that said stuff like, “Check to see if Avery is taking the right vitamins.” Above the sink she’d put up a sign that read: “Washing your hands is the easiest thing you can do to prevent the spread of disease.”
I hope she gets a good report. She looked exhausted by the time it was over. I was exhausted too.
Love,
Avery Allenberry Bloom
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: A. Allenberry Bloom
Subject: Re: Being observed
I wish I could have seen Kristina in that outfit! She’s a famous theater person so I bet she was doing great improv the whole time.
All my dad does lately is work. He did that before he met your dad, but he also used to see his friends + ride his bike. Right now he’s in his favorite alcove (because this place was a church, we’ve got a bunch of nooks) where he has his computer.
He doesn’t even like to go to the gym anymore + he was kind of addicted to that place. This shows he’s really messed up.
Is your dad going to the gym? Does he stare at his computer all the time with a SAD MAN LOOK?
I’m guessing your dad + my dad are sorry they got those little tattoos with their initials on their ankles.
S.B. + M.D.
My dad wears socks ALL the time now. I think the tattoo is a trigger for him. I’m never getting a tattoo with anyone else’s initials. It’s a mistake waiting to happen.
Gaga said I need to make Dad go places + meet new people. She said if he meets a new man he cares about it will have him smiling again. But I can’t do that.
She said, “LOVE, NOT TIME, HEALS ALL WOUNDS.” She got that message once in Dallas in a fortune cookie after my grandpa Alden died. She’s kept it in her purse ever since.
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: The saddest two words
What do you think are the saddest two words in the English language?
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: A. Allenberry Bloom
Subject: Re: The saddest two words
“NO PETS.”
What do YOU think?
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: The saddest two words
“If only.”
2 MONTHS LATER
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: A. Allenberry Bloom
Subject: TODAY!
Happy holidays!
We just opened the stuff under our indoor lemon tree (which we decorate every year because Phillip did that). Maybe you heard me shrieking all the way in New York City. I’m not joking that my FAVORITE PRESENT was the DOGFISH + I can’t believe I sent you an OWL! We are just so in sync. We’re too old for stuffed animals, but these are different.
Thank you, thank you, Avery! I also love the T-shirt with CAMP HAIR DON’T CARE. I’m going to wear it to school once vacation is over. Also, I promise I will read Island of the Blue Dolphins. I see dolphins all the time + I’m glad the book is about a GIRL who is living on an island, not a lost boy or an alien.
My dad got really quiet when I was going through my stuff from you, so I said, “Christmas isn’t just about opening presents, it’s about opening our hearts.” Angel’s mom said that first. It doesn’t seem like something I’d normally say, but he didn’t notice.
Anyway, I looked at my dad + added, “Maybe we should Skype Avery + her papa to wish them HAPPY HOLIDAYS.”
He got up from his chair + said I should just do it myself.
Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Will Skype later!
Love you.
Dogfish
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: TODAY!
It is cool that we got each other a version of the same thing. Also, isn’t it amazing that we both sent each other camp T-shirts? I would wear my “Keep Calm and Camp On” T-shirt to school my first day back, but we have uniforms. It’s so unfair (but it does make it easier to get organized in the morning).
I also really like the box of seagull feathers, and they do count as part of my feather collection because you found them in the wild. I appreciate that you washed them, though, because bird feathers can carry disease, but that’s mostly when the feathers are on dead birds. These don’t come from dead birds—right? Please confirm.
I opened the presents from my papa on the eight nights of Hanukkah. Kristina said we’re going to celebrate later today. It’s a good thing she and Papa agreed to a schedule, because I already know she’s taking me to get my ears pierced next Tuesday.
I’m really scared it’s going to hurt and also I�
��m concerned about infection afterward. But I’m trying to be brave. I will only wear surgical steel post earrings, always, for the rest of my life. I’ve made that promise to myself.
Too bad that the Skype idea didn’t work. I really think if Papa could talk to your dad about building houses (or whatever they talked about when they were so in love), maybe the magic could come back.
I was looking at Kyle Shapiro the other day and I remembered how much I liked him last year. And then just looking at him, I started liking him a little bit again. But we never went to China together. Just a school field trip to a textile museum.
Okay, happy holidays, Bett!
My wish for the New Year is going to be a secret, but I’m working on my resolution right now.
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: A. Allenberry Bloom
Subject: Re: re: TODAY!
I’ve been thinking that we should make the SAME New Year’s resolution, and it should be this: WE RESOLVE TO GET OUR DADS BACK TOGETHER.
The first step is to get them in the SAME PLACE at the SAME TIME.
What do you think???
* * *
From: A. Allenberry Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: TODAY!
Yes! We resolve to get these two people who can’t stand each other into the same room so they can see what a mistake it was to break up in the first place, and then they can immediately fall in love again.
But how?
* * *
To Night Owl From Dogfish Page 11