by Rocky Wood
However, the old witch soon began to realize she had made a mistake – “It was a Farting Cookie. Witch Hazel felt something funny. She felt it building in her tummy and her behind. It felt like a lot of gas. It felt like an explosion waiting to happen.” The Prince and the Kings revealed themselves and the evil old witch tried to cast a new spell, to turn them “…all into cheap antiques that not even tourists will buy … She felt a big fart coming on. She squeezed her butt to keep it in … but it was too late. WHONK! Went the fart. It blew all the fur off her cat … Witch Hazel went up in the air like a rocket.” When she landed she let out another, blowing down her house and the Bridgton Trading Post, “You could see Dom Cardozi sitting on the toilet where he had been pooping.” The Witch went even higher in the sky this time and, just before she landed, “...she cut another fart, the biggest one of all. The smell was like two million egg salad sandwiches.”
This time:
“Up and up went Witch Hazel until she was out of sight. During the news that night the Kings and the Prince of New Hampshire heard Barbara Walters report that a UFW had been seen … over Bridgton, Maine – an unidentified flying witch. And that was the end of the wicked Witch Hazel. She is on the moon now, and probably still farting. And the Kings are the happiest family in Bridgton again … Daddy writes books and never uses the word banana … As for Witch Hazel, she was never seen again, and considering those terrible farts she was letting (off) when she left, that is probably a good thing.”
The article carried three line drawings “by Naomi” (almost certainly Naomi King), which are childish in the extreme but suit the tone of the article. One is presumably the witch, another appears to be of two of the King children, and the last is of the witch with the “windy” effects of the cookie spiralling from her rear end!
The King family lived in the town of Bridgton, Maine in 1977 and this is both the location and timing of the tale. It can also be determined from the Editor’s Note that the story was written that year. Bridgton is mentioned in many King stories, the most important being The Mist, in which the supermarket central to that story is located. Witch Hazel bought some of Stephen King’s books at The Bridgton Pharmacy, also mentioned in Cujo, Dreamcatcher and The Mist.
The other links to King’s fiction are via the King family (“They were nice people”). Stephen King appears in this story; although his first name is not mentioned (“There was a daddy who wrote books”). He is also referred to but not named in The Leprechaun. King is a horror author mentioned by Ardelia Lortz in The Library Policeman; is mentioned as an author in The Regulators, Thinner and Slade and in the Prime Evil version of The Night Flier; and is mentioned as the narrator of The Blue Air Compressor. He appears in the last three books of The Dark Tower cycle, with his family also being mentioned in The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah.
Tabitha King appears in this story as “Mommy” (she “wrote poems and cooked food”) but her first name is not given. She is also referred to but not named in The Leprechaun. Joseph King is the four-year-old son of Stephen and Tabitha and the brother of Naomi in this story. He also appears as the older brother of Owen, although he is not named, in The Leprechaun. Naomi King is the six-year-old daughter of Stephen and Tabitha and sister of Joe in this story. She also appears as the older sister of Owen, but was not named, in The Leprechaun.
Of course, not only was this story something of a nightmare for the Kings, can you imagine the nightmare suffered by millions of King fans if “Daddy” had indeed been unable to write any word other than banana from 1977 onwards?
The story shows King entertaining his young children with a little harmless toilet humor. It can best be described as a children’s fairytale but, due in part to its subject matter and in part to the inclusion of the King family, it seems certain King will never allow it to be republished.
72 The Lost Work of Stephen King, Stephen J. Spignesi, p.107-110
The Leprechaun (1983)
According to Spignesi’s The Lost Work of Stephen King 73the five pages that make up The Leprechaun were the beginning of a rewrite of some thirty pages King lost from the back of a motorcycle “…somewhere in New Hampshire during a Harley-Davidson trip from Boston to Bangor.” Apparently the original intention was for The Leprechaun to be a full-blown novel, although this seems unlikely, at least with the King family as characters.
The story was apparently never completed and has not been published. Copies of the fragment circulate in the King community and acquiring such a copy would be the reader’s only opportunity to read and appreciate this partial tale.
In the story a little boy saves a little man. “Once upon a time – which is how all the best stories start – a little boy named Owen was playing outside his big red house…” but was bored because “…his big brother and big sister, who could always think of things to do, were in school. His daddy was working, and his mommy was sleeping upstairs.”
At the front of the house Owen saw his sister’s new cat, Springsteen, toying with something in the grass. Owen disliked Springsteen partly because he thought the cat was always trying to eat his pet guinea pig, Butler. Springsteen was big and black and had “…deep green eyes that seemed to see everything.” The reader will be excused if reminded of the cat Church from Pet Sematary. Owen knew that not only did Springsteen like to kill things; he also “…liked to play with them before he killed them. Sometimes Owen would open the door in the morning and there would be a dead bird on the doorstep … Owen would ask permission to bury the dead bird. Sometimes his mommy or daddy would help him.”
When Owen investigated he found Springsteen’s latest victim, a “…person, a tiny little man wearing a green hat made out of a leaf. The little man looked back over his shoulder, and Owen saw how scared the little guy was. He was no bigger than the mice Springsteen sometimes killed in their big dark cellar.” Springsteen had injured his victim and challenged Owen for possession of the prize but the boy saved the little man by picking the cat up, even though Springsteen bit and clawed. Putting the feline down and “…trying to think of the very worst thing he could he added, ‘Leave him alone or I’ll put you in the oven and bake you like a pizza!’” Springsteen continued to challenge Owen, who said, “I don’t care if you are mad! …You can’t kill people on our lawn even if they are little!”
The cat then ran away and Owen found the little man, “…lying on his side … Owen touched him gently with his finger. He was terribly afraid the little man was dead.” When Owen inquired if he was all right the “…fellow in the grass made a face and clapped his hands to his ears …” and Owen realized his voice must “…sound like thunder to such a small person.” Owen now saw that the man’s shirt “…was not just the color of grass; it was grass. Carefully woven blades of green grass. Owen wondered how come they didn’t turn brown.” At this point the fragment ends.
Spignesi relates a further episode from the lost original in which Owen made the leprechaun a house from a Band-Aid box.
The only other character mentioned in this fragment is Chris, Owen’s friend, “…the big boy who sometimes came to play with him … but Chris was in school…”
The description of Springsteen stalking the guinea pig is classic King:
…he would jump up on the shelf where Butler’s big glass cage was and stare in through the screen on top with his hungry green eyes. Springsteen would sit there, all crouched down, and hardly move at all. Springsteen’s tail would wag back and forth a little, and sometimes one of his ears would flick a bit, but that was all. I’ll get in there pretty soon, you cruddy little guinea pig, Springsteen seemed to say. And when I get you, I’ll eat you! Better believe it! If guinea pigs say prayers, you better say yours!
Considering King’s love affair with rock music the choice of name for the cat is quite amusing.
We should also note that the struggle between a little man-like creature and a cat forms the basis of the screenplay General and a segment of the related movie script Cat’s Eye, althoug
h the roles are reversed in that tale, with the cat being the hero. This is no coincidence, as both Cat’s Eye and this piece were written in the two-year period of 1983-1984. It’s possible that when King abandoned The Leprechaun he may have incorporated the concept in the screenplay.
This work is classified in the Maine Street Horror Reality, as it was set at Owen’s home. Although the author never comes out and states Owen is Owen King this is rather obvious and can be safely assumed. Of course, we know that the Kings lived in Maine! There is no timeline setting for this story but as Owen was below school age, we can again assume it is set about 1983.
The links to King’s other fiction from this tale derive from the various Kings referred to in it.
Stephen King is referred to in this work as Owen’s novelist father, “…Daddy said, and went off to work on a novel – that’s what he did for work.” Stephen also appears in a similar context in The King Family and the Wicked Witch. He appears as a horror author mentioned by Ardelia Lortz in The Library Policeman; is mentioned as an author in The Regulators, Thinner, Slade and the Prime Evil version of The Night Flier; and as the narrator of The Blue Air Compressor. King appears in the last three books of The Dark Tower cycle, with his family also being mentioned in The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah.
Tabitha King is referred to in this work as Owen’s novelist mother, “…Mommy said, and went off to work on a novel – because that was what she did for work too.” Tabitha also appears in The King Family and the Wicked Witch. Joseph King is the four-year-old son of Stephen and Tabitha and brother of Naomi who ate the crying cookie Witch Hazel gave him in The King Family and the Wicked Witch. In this story he appears as the older brother of Owen, although he is not mentioned by name.
Naomi King is the six-year-old daughter of Stephen and Tabitha and sister of Joe who also ate the crying cookie Witch Hazel gave her in The King Family and the Wicked Witch. In this story she appears as the piano playing older sister of Owen but is not mentioned by name. Owen, the hero of this tale does not appear in the earlier King family tale. However, most King experts believe that the poem For Owen is dedicated to the Kings’ youngest son.
This whole work is most unusual in that it appears to use the King family as characters. The only other tale in which this occurs is the aforementioned The King Family and the Wicked Witch. While that story has seen print, the publication was an obscure Kansas newspaper. King has not allowed that story to appear in any other publication, including one of his own collections. The decision not to widely publish either story would appear to be a wise one. Doing so would probably bring unnecessary ridicule upon King as restless critics might take such publication as an opportunity to attack one of the world’s most popular writers for being egotistical or suffering from hubris.
The fact remains that both this story and The King Family and the Wicked Witch are actually delightful children’s tales and King’s usual empathy for children and his ability to write their characters as we remember ourselves at that time in our lives shines through yet again. Perhaps King will one day compromise by rewriting both with fictional characters and publishing them as children’s short stories?
73 The Lost Work of Stephen King, Stephen J. Spignesi, p.146-147
Man with a Belly (1978)
Man with a Belly is one of King’s relatively rare crime stories. First published in Cavalier for December 1978, it was reprinted in Gent for November/December 1979. Copies of these two issues are quite difficult to come by, with Cavalier coming to market much more often but even that sells for $100 or more. Those seeking a copy should contact specialist online King booksellers.
In this America Under Siege story an old man tries to control his young wife and reaps the consequences. A 78-year-old Mafia boss Vittorio Correzente offered hitman John Bracken $50,000 to rape his wife Norma:
The story was simple, and yet there was a beautiful circularity to it which Bracken appreciated. Correzente had married Norma White because he had an itch. She had accepted his suit for the same reason. But while his itch was for her body, her bloodline, and the heat of her youth, hers was a much colder thing: money … Norma White was a compulsive gambler.
Don Vittorio’s self-image was at stake:
The matter could have been resolved simply and suddenly if he had been cuckolded by some young tony in tight pants, but to be cuckolded by his own wealth was more complex and contained a bitter irony which perhaps only a Sicilian could fully grasp … (he was) never afraid to show the iron fist inside the glove. He was a man with a belly, in the Sicilian argot … He had struck upon the solution because it was fitting. It was pure object lesson and vengeance all in one. He had chosen Bracken because he was independent and unlike many hit men, he was neither homosexual nor impotent.
King’s representation of hitmen here is rather interesting!
Bracken took the job, “He reflected that it would be the first contract in his career where the weapon would need no getting rid of.” After Bracken raped Norma in a park he said expressionlessly, “I am told to tell you that this is how your husband pays a debt to his honor. I am told to tell you that he is a man with a belly. I am told to tell you that all debts are paid and there is honor again.” Norma convinced Bracken to walk her to her second apartment, “the one not even Benny Torreos (Correzente’s consigliore) knew about,” and on the way offered him twice what her husband had paid to do a job for her. Bracken demurred that such a thing would be bad for business but Norma told him it did not involve killing Vittorio. “Bracken said sardonically: ‘Rape is out.’”
On arriving at the apartment they made love, in Norma’s words, “…in a civilized way” and:
…she poured out her virulence toward the man she married … he was a wop, a stinking spic, a lover of sheep, a crude bludgeoner who went to chic restaurants and ate pie with his fingers; a grabber and a twister, a blacker-and-bluer of flesh; a lover of junk shop gimcracks; an aficionado of Norman Rockwell; a pederast; a man who would not treat her as a diadem but rather as a brace for his sagging manhood; not as a proud woman but as a dirty … joke to bolster the admiration of his pasta-eating, sweaty associates.
The next morning:
she made this proposition: “Make me pregnant. I will pay you do to this … He wants a child. Could he make one?” She shrugged. “Perhaps lasagna is good for potency. I, however, take pills. He knows I take them.” Bracken sipped his coffee. “Stud service?”
Norma’s plan was to go to Vittorio offering to be the good wife and to give him a son, “I’ll get what I want, which is freedom of the tables. And he will get what he wants, which is an heir.”
Bracken agreed to the proposition, $100,000 his fee. “Ten weeks after the contract with Don Vittorio had been fulfilled, she killed the rabbit ...” and Bracken left town.
Seven months later in Palm Springs, Bracken received a call from Torreos about the Don,
“He wants to see you. He’s dying.” Bracken thought carefully, knowing his life almost certainly depended on his next words … “Why does he want to see me?” “To ask a question.” The connection was very bad, and Bracken knew that to simply replace the instrument in its cradle would likely mean death. The family has a long arm. It was either go to Vito, or run … “How is Mrs. Correzente?” he asked politely. “Dead,” Benny Torreos said flatly. “She died last month, in childbirth.”
With no other alternative, Bracken went to the Don, only to find him on his deathbed and relatives congregating, “The women … were dressed in black, and shawled. Even the business suits of their men seemed old-fashioned, as if death had dragged Sicily back into the fabric of the clothes and the wearers by force.”
Calling Bracken to the bed the old man said, “They told me you did a good job. You do. You have killed my wife and me.” He then claimed pride had made him continue to make love to Norma even after suffering a minor stroke, as he was determined to place a child in her belly. One night, after announcing the pregnancy to the world, the couple ha
d argued, bringing on a massive stroke. Running for help Norma had fallen on the living room steps and also had to be hospitalized. After telling Bracken this, the Don whispered, “You see? The irony?” Bracken simply replied, “Benny said you had a question.”
The Don responded by telling him the baby had survived but was in an incubator, “‘They say the baby has pretty blue eyes.” Bracken said nothing. ‘You made one of Norma’s eyes black. But they were brown. And there is no blue-eyed Sicilian.’” Bracken again pointed out there must be a question but the Don said he had asked it and his doctor had responded that it was only a matter of genes, “I do not know genes, I only know what a dying man lies in beds and thinks.”
Bracken leaned forward and told the old man he was stupid, “Death has made you senile. I have my own belly. Do you think I would take my own leavings?” He said the baby’s eyes would turn brown but that Vito would not see it. Bracken then rose, “the room was white and full of death,” and left for Palm Springs.
No timeline or city location is given in the story, nor is it linked to any other King fiction, making it very much a stand-alone tale.