by C. M. Albert
“Of course. We’ve got your back,” he said, looking at me. His eyes were calm, but I felt a storm brewing just beneath the surface. I always did when I looked into Mitch’s eyes.
“Okay . . . Dez, I’m assuming you drove Celeste here?” When I nodded, he hurried on. “Can you guys swing by our house? Grab the duffle bag next to our bed downstairs—”
“Already done, Egan. Celeste wouldn’t let me leave without getting it. She also made me bring frankincense, clary sage, peppermint oil, myrrh, and lavender,” I said, ticking them off on my fingers. I laughed when I saw the look on Mitch’s face.
“Yes, her water broke, and after calmly appointing Fen to be in charge of the manifesting class for the rest of the day, she gathered her things, told me her secret oil blends to bring for pain management during labor, and watched to make sure I grabbed the right bottles. Then she stood and prayed with her class while they gave her and the baby a quick dose of Reiki. It was quite beautiful actually.”
I turned to face Egan. “So far she’s been as calm as a cucumber. Mitch and I are happy to do anything you need us to. Just, please, go in there and help keep her in a calm, happy state, okay? She needs all the good vibes you can bring right now.”
Egan relaxed considerably. “You’re right.” He turned to Mitch. “Can you go to Tranquility and stain the bassinet? Dez, while we’re here over the next few days, can you help feed the cats, wrap up the retreat, and take care of the house? Crap! Christmas is in three days. I’m sure Celeste had something big planned for dinner. Can you just make sure we have food in the house for when we get home? Maybe keep the tree watered? Oh, and Mitch, can you swing Dez by the youth center to pick up my truck? Dez, I’ll need you to drive it to the hospital at some point so we can bring the baby home. I know I’m forgetting a million things!” Egan’s eyes narrowed as he ran through a mental checklist he shouldn’t have had to deal with for another four weeks.
I laughed, pushing lightly against his chest. “Egan! Just go. We got this. I’ll help Mitch with the bassinet,” I said, looking at his missing arm without meaning to. I cringed when I saw him glare at me. Damn! I just did it again. I tried to teleport an “I’m sorry” vibe to him but he frowned back at me as if he was thinking, “Mm-hmm. Strike two.”
“Keep us updated, okay? Let us know if there’s anything else we need to do to get the house ready for your daughter’s arrival,” I said. Egan’s eyes went all soft and mushy again. He hugged me hard. “Go,” I whispered. “You guys got this. It’s going to be a miracle, you’ll see.”
He nodded, clasping hands and doing the half-manhug with Mitch. We both laughed when he sprinted off down the hallway toward the nurse’s station. And then laughed harder when he did a little jump, clicking his heels together out to the side while in midair.
I turned toward Mitch, the hallway now impressively quiet despite the rushing of hospital staff around us. It was as if time stopped and it was just the two of us.
“Newman,” I whispered.
His eyes crinkled as his mouth lifted into a soft smile. “Jerry,” he teased back. “Well, this certainly makes the holidays a bit more interesting, doesn’t it?”
“Indeed,” I said. “Shall we?” I motioned for the exit. “Sounds like we have some things to take care of while we wait for this little girl to arrive.”
“Yeah,” Mitch said as we walked down the brightly lit hallway together. “Hey, I don’t think I need your help with the bassinet. I used to be an artist, you know. I can paint a simple cradle.”
“I know. I—so, how did it happen? If you don’t mind me asking?” It wasn’t what I meant to say. I meant to offer reasons why I was happy to help. But I kept sticking my foot in my mouth when it came to Mitch. Damn if that wasn’t irritating.
He was quiet as we walked to his car. I knew I’d overstepped my bounds. I looked at the Cherokee and then at him. “You think I’m getting in this Jeep with you? Are you crazy?”
“Why, because I only have one arm?” he said and sneered at me. “Take a cab then, princess.”
I crossed my arms over my body in exasperation. “No, you idiot! It’s because you almost drove me off the road! Not to mention how you almost actually physically ran over me,” I added.
The edge wore off his sneer and it turned into a grin. One that felt predatory. He ran his eyes over my body and stepped in closer to me, backing me against the door of the Jeep. He leaned in so close my heart began doing laps, its pace quickening. “Mitch—”
“For the last time,” he whispered, our bodies so close we were nearly touching, “you pulled out in front of me.” With that, I heard the lock pop and he backed away, grinning. He walked over to his side of the Jeep and looked over the roof at me. “What are you waiting for? We have work to do.”
I swallowed hard as he got in the Jeep, letting out a nervous laugh when I realized he was just unlocking the door for me. Fool.
I stood taller. It didn’t matter anyway. I didn’t care how hot he was. Or how off-kilter he made me. I wasn’t looking for a fuck-buddy. And I certainly wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. No, Mitch and I just needed to get to a comfortable place we could call friends.
Yes, friends, I convinced myself as I climbed into his Jeep and buckled up for dear life. I had a suspicion we were about to start a very bumpy ride.
I DIDN’T STOP to think about how we’d gotten into this mess, just what needed to be done for our friends. Dez was infuriating and sarcastic—and, unfortunately, sexy as hell. But I would not dip into my friends’ pool for a one-night stand. No way. No how. All I had to do was remember the look of pity that filled Dez’s eyes at the market when she saw that my arm was missing. That was enough to curb whatever sexual fantasies were trying to creep their way in. I would put her in the best friend’s kid sister zone: off-limits.
When we pulled up to Tranquility, a handful of women were sitting on the front porch, relaxing in the late afternoon sun. One of them stood when we approached, reaching out to hug Dez. “How is she doing?” the woman asked. “And who’s this handsome stranger?”
Dez glanced sideways at me. “Fen, this is Newman. Newman, Fen,” she said with a smirk in my direction.
I reached out my hand to the full-figured older woman. “Newman,” I said, grinning. “Nice to meet you.”
The woman held onto my hand and closed her eyes. She patted it within the folds of her warm grasp and I felt both comforted and a little . . . exposed. I cleared my throat and looked at Dez, who had abandoned me and was now talking with the other women on the porch.
Fen opened her eyes and glanced up at me. “You’re playing too small. She told me to tell you that it’s not okay to shrink yourself because of fear. You’ve had your time to heal, but no more playing it small. You have an important purpose this lifetime, and it will soon be tested. Keep your heart open, and you’ll be okay. Try to hide, and you’ll stay small. But you don’t want that, trust me.” Fen closed her eyes again. Her hands were quite warm now, and I felt a tingling sensation spread from my hand up my arm as it exploded throughout the network of my body. She opened her bright green eyes and beamed at me, her smile contagious as it spread across her face.
“Sorry about that.” She patted my hand before letting it go. “Sometimes messages come through and I can’t stop them. When she comes, I listen.”
“When who comes?” I asked, confused by this woman and her “message.”
“Why God, of course. Goddess speaks through me. And when she does, I listen.”
I nodded slowly, looking around. Was I being punked? I glanced at Dez, who was laughing with a redhead, her hand resting comfortably on the woman’s arm in friendship. I loved the way her eyes brightened when they were relaxed and full of happiness.
“She’s something, isn’t she?” Fen asked, interrupting my reverie.
“Who, God?” I asked, turning my attention back to the older woman. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure I believe in God anymore. But I appreciate the message just the same.
”
“I meant Dez. She has a beautiful soul. She’s been though a lot, but she isn’t shrinking. She’s expanding now. Now’s her time to expand.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said, trying to figure out a way to get Dez’s attention so we could get down to the purpose of our visit. “So, how long are you ladies visiting?” I asked, changing gears.
“We’re actually on our way out. We finished our session this afternoon and were just enjoying a bit of sun while we waited on news of the baby. Look,” she said, catching my eye again, “even if you don’t believe in God, God never stops believing in you, okay? I know you’re hurt and pissed and angry about what happened. But have you ever thought that maybe it happened for a reason? That maybe God has a bigger plan for you than you could ever have for yourself with your old lifestyle?”
I snorted. “If I really thought that God was behind this, masterminding my fate, I’d be even more pissed off and angry,” I admitted.
“Well, if you don’t believe in God, what do you believe in?”
I looked at the way her eyes crinkled in curiosity and examined the soft lines of her face. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I knew I didn’t have the answers to her questions.
Luckily, Dez chose that moment to rescue me. She leaned in against my arm, smiling at Fen. “I know he’s a tall cup of handsome, Fen, but we’ve gotta run. We have a long list of to-do’s from Egan.” She let go of me to hug the older woman, and my arm suddenly felt cold without her warm body pressed against it. I wanted that feeling back, even though I knew I didn’t have the right to want it.
“Thank you so much for taking over the class, Fen. You’re a natural. I can’t wait to see your board. Will you send me a picture? I know you’re going to draw in some big magic this year.”
Fen smiled. “You bet your ass I am! Newman, it was nice meeting you,” she said, winking. I suspected she knew my name wasn’t really Newman. “Don’t forget to call us when the baby arrives, Dez. All right, ladies! I’m heading out. Drive safe, everyone.”
Dez grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the house through the group of women making their way down the stairs as they headed toward their cars. “Come on, Newman. We have work to do. Egan texted me with a few other favors, so we’re going to have a fun night tonight.”
I groaned, trying not to think about what my ideas of a fun night with Dez might entail. Best friend’s “little sister,” I reminded myself.
We headed to the kitchen, where Dez grabbed a pen and a pad of paper from the desk and started writing. She had a full list by the time she was done. “We have some Christmas magic to make, since this little baby decided to come early,” she said, beaming. “Do you have any days off for the holidays?”
“I can come and go. We have a holiday party at the youth center tomorrow night that I have to be there for. I need to run by Christiano’s house and talk to him or his old man. He’s a high-school junior who comes into the center a lot, but he’s been skipping out lately. I need to find out why he’s been bailing on us. He was supposed to be at the party tomorrow night, but I doubt he’ll show now. Bridgette and Inez are handling the party because that’s not really my thing. But I’m a big brother for the kids, so I have to be there.” I paused, thinking about what else was on my personal to-do list, when I saw Dez looking at me kind of funny. “What?”
“Nothing. It’s just hard for me to reconcile that this madman who almost plowed me down—three times mind you—also helps out troubled kids for a living. I think I just had a different impression of you than who you really are.”
I tried not to take her comment personally, but it was starting to chap my ass. I steeled my hand against the granite countertop and leveled her with my gaze across the kitchen island. “Look. Did we get off on the wrong foot? Yes. Did I apologize for that? Yes—”
“Um . . . technically, you haven’t. You blamed me for pulling out in front of you. Which—I concede I may have. But you almost ran me over in the grocery store parking lot, too. And that was after you literally smashed into me inside the store and almost knocked me over.”
“Look. I’m sorry. Okay? This is completely ridiculous to be arguing over this. The fact is, Dez, you don’t know me at all. We got off on the wrong foot. We know the same friends, but we don’t know each other. If you want it to stay that way, we can divide and conquer the list separately. Or, we can drop it and start over. Your call. But I don’t have time for these silly games. Life’s too short for that kind of bullshit.”
I couldn’t help but notice Dez’s face pale as I said that. Oh great. What now? I gave her a moment because I noticed she’d stopped writing and the pen in her hand was shaking. She took a few deep breaths and said quietly, “You’re right. We know nothing about each other. It probably needs to stay that way. But it’s the holidays, and we have friends who need us to help them out. It’s against my better judgment, but let’s put everything behind us and start again. Okay?”
When she finally met my eyes, I noticed she was holding back tears. I don’t know what I said to cause them, but I felt like the biggest ass in all of Arden’s Glen at that moment. I walked around the kitchen island and wished not for the first time since my accident that I still had two arms. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in them and erase that painful look from her face.
“Come here,” I whispered.
She gave pause, clenching her jaw as she looked at me. Stubbornness steeled her eyes, but she finally set the pen down and walked into my outstretched arm, leaning her head against my chest. I held on tight, as if making up for the lack of a full hug. As she relaxed into me, I rested my cheek on top of her head, taking in the fresh scent of lavender and vanilla. We stayed together like that for what felt like a good five minutes, our breaths now in sync. I could feel Dez calming down from whatever it was I said to upset her.
When she pulled back, I wanted to whisper, “Don’t go.” My body already felt the absence of her form molded against mine. She’d fit perfectly, and now I felt incomplete. It wasn’t the first time I’d felt this way. I’d felt incomplete for years after losing my arm in the shark attack; but this was different. I didn’t have a choice when I lost my arm. Not having her pressed against me felt like the wrong decision.
I shook my head and steadied myself. Where is this coming from?
She looked up at me and took a deep breath. “Hey. I’m Desiderata. But my friends call me Dez. I’m a photographer; I live in New York; I like to cook and do yoga. Since I hurt my knee a few years ago, I had to give up running marathons. I have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I love to read and meditate, but I can’t start my day without coffee. And I’m a shameless caffeine junkie. I used to love anything adventurous—skydiving, rock climbing, scuba diving, hang gliding, you name it. I’ve laid off those adventures lately, but the itch is always there. I have a cat named Wednesday, who is staying with my neighbor, Benton Thomas—and yes, he goes by both names. I have an older brother whose name is Max—named after Max Ehrmann, the man who wrote the poem “Desiderata,” for which I was named. My mother was an English major, who apparently had a thing for poetry. I’ve known Celeste since we were in high school. We lived on the same block and went to the same school in Connecticut. My brother Max taught me how to play poker, and I used to trump everyone in college.”
“Where’d you go to school?” I asked out of curiosity.
“SAIC in Chicago for my BFA. Then I got my MPS from SVA in New York. That’s a lot of acronyms, isn’t it? You’re an artist though, right? So you’re probably familiar with SAIC—School of the Art Institute of Chicago. And I got my masters in digital photography at School of Visual Arts. I loved the pace of the city—that’s why I stayed in New York. But getting away and coming here always reminds me of what’s missing in my life. It’s kind of like the yin to my normal yang lifestyle. So . . . that’s me in a nutshell. It’s lovely to meet you. What did you say your name was again?”
I burst out laughing. Damn she was feisty. �
��Mitch. And, wow,” I said, running my hand through my hair, “I feel like we should be drinking first if we’re sharing this much about ourselves.” I chuckled nervously. I loved hearing every single quality she listed about herself. And damn if she didn’t know herself inside and out. I wasn’t that transparent, though. I did an awful lot of hiding these past few years, and the sharing of personal things didn’t come as easy. Even with Egan, whom I now considered a best friend, I didn’t share this kind of stuff so easily.
“Come on. It’s not that hard,” she said, cocking her head to the side as if she were trying to see through me. “What do you do with your time off? Do you still do your artwork? Why did you start helping kids? What’s your favorite food?”
I looked down at my watch. It was late in the afternoon and we only had a little daylight left. “How about this: you grab some beers, and I’ll tell you more about myself while we stain the bassinet. Deal?”
“What’s your sign?” she asked. It wasn’t at all what I expected her to say.
“Cancer. Why? What’s yours?” I asked, not that it would mean anything to me.
She grinned and nodded. “Scorpio. We’re both water signs. That explains a lot,” she said, as if it really did. I had no idea why my astrological sign was of any interest, but it seemed to answer whatever questions Dez had about me. She tucked the list she’d written into the pocket of her jeans. They were black, tight, and for the first time today, I really stopped to appreciate how muscular her legs were underneath the smooth fabric of those jeans.
I looked up and saw her staring at me. I grinned sheepishly, shrugging at her. Hey . . . can’t blame a guy for appreciating a fine set of legs.
She headed to the fridge and pulled it open, grabbing a set of beers by their long necks. She used her firm backside to shut the refrigerator door and sauntered past me, heading to the back deck and the stairs that lead to the yard below. She looked over her shoulder at me, the invitation in her eyes a little too sensual.