CHAPTER VI.
What am I? I am a whitened sepulchre; a cloak which covers a multitudeof sins. Who am I? I am a masquerader, a thorough hypocrite and aPharisee, for I am a worshipper of forms and ceremonies. I move in thevery best society. I am a stickler for social laws and etiquette, and Ilove a lord. I am the guardian of public morals, and in all my dealingsI exercise a strict propriety, and I punish severely, not so much thecrime, as its detection. At church I am regularly to be seen; but Iworship more in public than in private, my devotion being more toattract the attention of my fellow beings than for the sake of God. If Ipray, it is openly. If I give, it is before the eyes of all men. It isnot so much to me what I am as what I appear to be. On my way home fromchurch I put on a demure, and downcast look, and enjoy in secret myworldly thoughts. I contemplate with inward pleasure, though I outwardlycondemn, the shortcomings and failings of my neighbours. I put a checkon honest, robust mirth, for its loud, and consequently vulgar laughoffends me. I keep aloof from all questionable society. A poor relationI never see, should he present himself at my door, I promptly have himkicked into the gutter. I dread the touch of an impure hand; but when inthe society of the great I sometimes condescend to visit the slums ofthe poor, though the atmosphere is not congenial to me. An erring sisterI pass by as the priest and Levite did the man who fell amongst thieves.I am a social tyrant, more feared perhaps than loved, though few are soindependent as not to pay me homage. To the indiscretions of the great Iam a little blind, for the vices of the vulgar crowd I show no pity. Thenakedness of the fashionable world does not distress me; but immodestyamongst the common herd I visit with my severest displeasure. I keep myeye on all my neighbours; should any of them trip, unless they are savedby their position I let slip my dogs and hound the miscreants outside mysocial pale. I ride rough shod over society, and no one dares to turnupon me. Who am I? I am society's uncrowned queen, Respectability.
It would be difficult to say at what precise period this uncrowned queentook up her abode under the roof of the bold Buccaneer; but she did, andwinked at his goings on; because she looked upon him not as a robber,but as a brave sea-king, who went in quest of venture, and was farremoved from the common and vulgar thief. There are other reasons whichperhaps induced her to take him under her protection. The Buccaneeringbusiness was beginning to fall off, probably because other people hadtaken to it more thoroughly, and it is well known that competitioninterferes considerably with the very best of trades and professions. Itis possible also that our friend having made a large fortune, wasbeginning to see the truth of the maxim, that honesty is the bestpolicy. Property does undoubtedly alter ideas; take the most rabidsocialist, who is for ever preaching a community of interests and endowhim with a fortune, and the burden of his song is speedily changed andin a most wonderful manner. Before it was, "_I take_," but now it is,"_I hold_."
The Buccaneer's wealth had steadily increased, and so had his towns andcities. The hum from a busy multitude rose up like the murmur of thedistant ocean as it dashed against the rock-bound coast. On his riversand bays he had built dockyards, and his shipwrights' hammers could beheard sounding over the waters far and wide. His ships became celebratedfor their build and rig, and his sailors were considered not only thebravest, but the most skilled in all the world.
He was a man of great resource and enterprise, was our Buccaneer, andwhen he found the one business falling off he at once turned his hand toanother. If no one wanted either beating or robbing, they wanted theirmerchandise carried, so he became a carrier to the universe at large,and combined with it the business of trader. One thing begets another,and he soon found out other industries. Tall, tapering chimnies pointedlike great black fingers far into the sky and vomited out thick volumesof black smoke. Then he built mills, and put up machinery, and therattle of thousands of wheels could be heard all over the land, and theuncrowned queen moved about amongst his people and leavened them. Buteven in his peaceful pursuits the natural bent of his genius discovereditself, for he would frequently, for the want of a more worthy object,steal an idea from a neighbour and then set himself to work to improveupon it, and he generally turned it to good account. The Buccaneer'smind was not inventive, but it was eminently adaptive, and this is verymuch better, because it generally manages to suck the marrow out of thebones of genius.
Having been the greatest Buccaneer that ever ploughed the briny ocean,he now became a mighty trader--a fighting one perhaps;--fetched andcarried for the whole world, and became in fact a universal provider. Heoften built and fitted out a ship for some neighbour who turned her gunsagainst him; but he did not mind so long as he got his price, and he notunfrequently got the ship back into the bargain in fair and open fight.So things went merrily on.
As is well known success breeds envy and jealousy, and the Buccaneer'sneighbours soon began to eye his superior good fortune with hatred andmuch uncharitableness. They said all kinds of hard things, as peoplewill. Said his gains were ill gotten. But who will ever believe thatvast wealth has been honestly acquired? Somebody must have been robbedsay they. But if it is only a fool what matter? He and his money mustsooner or later part company. At least, so it is said by those peoplewho know everything.
The Buccaneer, of course, put his prosperity down to a different cause.He was a God-fearing and good man. Went to his church regularly; gave ofwhat he had to the poor; and sheltered himself under the cloaks ofRespectability and Religion. It is true he could not altogether divesthimself of his buccaneering tendencies, and on one occasion he evenrobbed a church, which is considered about the last thing a man ought todo; but then if he did rob Peter he made ample amends by paying Paulvery handsomely. That the Buccaneer was innately a most pious man therecan be little if any doubt; he had none himself. He loved to carry hisreligion with him into his everyday life, and even into his business,and in this perhaps we see the reason why he selected George ofCappadocia as his patron saint. He loved to adulterate, as it were, allhis merchandise with it, and he succeeded in a marvellous manner. He wasvery fond of texts taken from his Book, and these he would hang up inall suitable and unsuitable places. He regulated his tradingtransactions with his neighbours upon the principle laid down in theparable of the talents, and he took for his especial guide the man whoturned his five pieces into ten; for he considered he must have been anexcellent man of business; a clever fellow in fact, and one well worthyto be followed. No doubt the parable above alluded to has carriedcomfort to the soul of many a Jew, Turk, and even infidel. Trade is atall times, and in all places, and by all people, considered for somereason or the other dirty work, and yet it is the founder of greatfamilies, who, however, try as soon as possible, to blot out allrecollection of the source of their greatness. Trade, too, is thefounder and supporter of great nations. Why then is there such aprejudice against it? Is it not honest? Is its first principle, namely,to try and get the better of your neighbour in a bargain, condemned by avirtuous world? Scarcely, for to do your neighbour, to prevent thepossibility of being done by him, seems to be implanted firmly in thehuman breast. It is a principle, in fact, which is well adhered to, andit helps considerably that law of nature which demands the survival ofthe fittest. Perhaps it was as a precautionary measure that theBuccaneer besprinkled himself, as it were, with holy water, beforeentering upon his everyday life.
The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer Page 6