CHAPTER XXXVI.
The Buccaneer not being able to obtain any reliable information, forreasons already mentioned, and the voice of the disaffected becominglouder and louder every day, he determined to hold a grand court, whenall grievances could be made known, and all wrongs if possibleredressed.
When old Dogvane heard of this fresh departure of his master from thebeaten paths of custom, he was very much disturbed. "What, my master!"he said, "take the muzzle off people's mouths? Rest assured, sir, thatwherever there are human beings, there will be discord and discontent,which, if encouraged, will soon break through the bounds of moderationand flood the whole country. Think you, sir, there is a single one inall your realms who looks upon himself as well treated, though for manyof them hanging would be too good? Say but the word and every molehillof discontent will be turned into a mountain of no mean size."
It was of no use, the Buccaneer had made up his mind, so theproclamation was sent out and vast preparations were made. There wassoon great commotion all along the hard. People busy, and a constantrunning to and fro. Loads of timber were brought and placed all readyfor the carpenter's hands. There was very much sawing, chiselling andhammering from early morning until late at night. Bit by bit a hugestructure was built up just in front of the old Constitution publichouse, which was, for the time, quite hidden from view by the tiers ofseats, which commencing from a low dais or platform, rose up to aconsiderable height behind, being as high indeed as the roofs of thetallest houses. On the dais and in the centre, there was placed a chairof State, and the seats immediately behind this were of superior makeand were draped with crimson cloth of superior quality. The awningoverhead was of cloth of gold, and banners were fixed in every suitableplace, while tall flag poles reared their heads and displayed a cloud ofdifferent coloured bunting. Flags of every nation were to be seen, andaltogether it was a noble sight. Then all the windows along the hardwere dressed out gaily, and festoons of natural and unnatural flowerswere hung about from poles, windows, and roofs. The old Ship of Statewas decked in holiday attire, and flags fluttered in the breeze from hermast heads down to the very water's edge. It was indeed a noble sight tosee the Buccaneer's two ships, and his chief city thus arrayed.
The day at length dawned that was to witness this wonderful pageantry.Almost as soon as the first ray of light peeped over the head ofdeparting night crowds of people began to assemble. The old Ship ofState fired her morning gun, and the ship alongside of her called allthe pious Buccaneers to prayer, and hymns rose up on the morning dew.
The leaders of the disaffected began to marshal their respective bands.There was the sound of music, for on such occasions, people can not geton without it. It soothes the savage beast, so it is said, and in otherways does good. Curious idlers with open mouths, full of wonder, passedto and fro, for such a sight had never been seen before.
The hour came for the great march past to begin, and Liberty, who wasthe mistress of the ceremonies, was trying with very great difficulty tokeep her motley crowd in order. The brazen-throated trumpets now brayedout the notice of the approach of the great Buccaneer, or fightingtrader. How he now styled himself will be shortly seen. With slow andstately step the great man walked, preceded by his lion and followedimmediately by his trusty coxswain old Jack Commonsense, who was got up,regardless of expense, for the occasion. The Buccaneer walked betweenwalls of his subjects, and listened, no doubt, with extreme pleasure totheir shouts of welcome and delight. To see the great is at all times agratifying spectacle, when the treat is not repeated too often. Afterthe Buccaneer had passed his people and had taken his place in thechair of state, they began to make their comments. "Ah!" said some, "heis not the man he was." "Yes, yes," cried others, "he is indeed sorelychanged. See how gingerly he treads; how fat he has grown; he isterribly out of condition. Did you notice, too, that his lion has lostmost of his teeth?" It could not be denied that the bold Buccaneer'sstep was not as elastic as it used to be. He was not the gay,rollicking, hard hitting old sailor that he was in days of yore. Luxuryhad begun to mark him as her own, and much energy of action is neverfound in her train. He looked puffy and bloated, and altogether, as someof his people said, out of condition. A voice from the crowd exclaimedthat a good healthy skunk would be far more serviceable than that oldlion. It was the cheap-Jack Jonathan. It was wonderful how he tried topass off that skunk of his upon other people; all of whom had no doubtplenty of skunks of their own. But Jonathan was such a boastful fellowthat he would not be beaten even in a matter of skunks.
Behind the Buccaneer came a numerous retinue of priests, ministers,soldiers, sailors, statesmen, officials of every degree and parasites ofall kinds and descriptions, for, of course, so great a man could not bewithout his fair share of these human insects to feed upon him. TheBuccaneer having taken his seat, with his coxswain standing behind hischair, the numerous and splendid retinue filed on to the platform andtook up their respective places behind. First of all came the LordsSpiritual and then the Lords Temporal, and then the rest of the goodlycompany, according to their rank and condition. Just as everything wasready there was a slight confusion caused by an angry discussion betweena pimp and a parasite about the order of precedence; but the dispute washappily settled without bloodshed. Both watches were, of course, presenton so great an occasion, and amongst the rest were the conspirators ofthe cook's caboose. The magnificence of the assemblage was gorgeous inthe extreme, and dazzling, for all wore their robes of state. Jonathanthought he saw a favourable opportunity of doing a little business, sohe began to offer blue spectacles of a cheap make, and at a seductivelymoderate price to the assembled multitude.
Many shouts rose up as some well-known personage passed to his place,and to save trouble Dogvane kept on bowing acknowledgments for all.Pepper, the cook, who sat between Billy Cheeks and Chips, with the manwho had been thrown overboard on one occasion, just behind him, triedvery hard to make himself big enough to attract public notice; but hewas only partially successful. Just in front of the platform, but offit, there was a railed-in space for the Press, to the members of whichthe Buccaneer was obliged, as has been already stated, to beparticularly civil, for if affronted, not only would they turn upon himand lecture him, but they would abuse him plentifully into the bargain.They all had in front of them their pots of ink, coloured according tothe party they served. Better kill a plenipotentiary than hurt one ofthese gentlemen by an unguarded expression. The Beggar Woman, though nodoubt somewhere amongst the crowd, was not conspicuous on this occasion.
Silence was ordered, and prayer was said, and hymns of praise were sung.The greatness and the goodness of the Buccaneer were set to sacredmusic, and the singers also glorified themselves while they glorifiedtheir master. The High Priest then asked the Ruler of all things to takethis most respectable and pious Buccaneer under His especial protection,and through His priesthood to bless him; to confound his enemies; tomake him happy, prosperous and glorious, and a few other things scarcelyworth the mentioning, but which would materially increase his joy inthis world. In the end, he asked that the Buccaneer might, through hisChurch, obtain a good inheritance in the Kingdom of Heaven. After thislight spiritual refection the Buccaneer experienced that gentle calmwhich piety and respectability alone can give, and that innerconsciousness, which at all times so gratified him, namely, that he wasso much better than any of his neighbours, and all those who did notwalk along his road to heaven. He was now quite ready for business.
A very high state official, who was robed in cloth of gold of superiorquality and make, and whose back and front were covered with heraldicdevices, now blew a long and loud blast upon a brazen trumpet, he thencried out in a loud voice: "Listen all ye whom it may concern. Know yethen that the most illustrious, potent, and powerful Sea King (thus hewas styled in all official documents), the mighty ruler of an empire,upon which the sun never sets, the keeper of the keys of Heaven, thedefender of the only true Faith, having heard that some few of his liegesubjects, consider themselves in some trif
ling matters aggrieved, hasbeen most graciously pleased to hold this grand court at this timeassembled, so that grievances may be heard and wrongs redressed. May Godbless our great Sea King!" The last few words were merely a matter ofform, because it was well known that the Buccaneer and all his peoplewere the Lord's anointed. The trumpets again sounded and the procession,or march past, of the disaffected was ordered to begin; but now anothergrave difficulty arose; who was to lead? The mistress of the ceremonies,following a time-honoured custom, was for bringing on the ladies first,but a noisy lot of Ojabberaways declared that their burden of oppressionwas so great as to do away with all traditions, and that unless theywere allowed to have their own way, no business should be done.
Nothing, perhaps, showed the unfortunate state into which things hadbeen allowed to pass, than the extreme licence which the Ojabberawayswere allowed to have. They had been given an inch and they had taken theproverbial ell. A small tribe of people, headed by a small band of paidpatriots, who reaped a rich harvest out of the disaffection of theircountrymen, was allowed to obstruct all business and dictate to thegreat Sea King or Buccaneer, what he was to do, and how and at what timehe was to do it. All this was the handiwork of Madam Liberty, who usedDogvane and a few of his watch, to carry out her designs.
Even Dogvane had said that he must be clothed with sufficient authorityto enable him to rule this obstreperous people, but Dogvane had veeredround a little; and under his protection the Ojabberaways had become aperfect nuisance, doing very much as they liked.
They gained their point, and with a wild yell, peculiar to theircountry, and as blood curdling as the cry of the savage when his handgrasps the scalp of an enemy, they came on. Some had on masks; somecarried blunderbusses, while others, under their coats, concealed thedagger of the assassin, and the cartridge of the dynamitard. On theycame, dragging, with ropes round their necks, a lot of unfortunateswhose general bearing and appearance showed that they had seen betterdays. These poor gentlemen--for gentlemen they were--had the misfortuneto own land in the green and fertile isle of the Ojabberaways, someindeed had Ojabberaway blood in their veins; but they belonged to thehated class called landlords, and their chief crime was, that owningland, they expected their tenants to pay rents.
No doubt, in the past, injuries had been done and very much injustice.They may have been hard and even grinding, and even now there might besome amongst them who were not a credit to their class; but thatscarcely justified a refusal to fulfil all legal contracts. Theirfathers no doubt did many wrongs, lived beyond their means, and ground,in many cases, their tenants down, for there never was an Ojabberawaywho could live within his means.
"What is our crime?" cried the captives; "what sins have we committed?"
"What sins have ye committed?" cried the Ojabberaways, in turn. "It'smighty short memories ye have, and eyesight too, for the matter of that.What are your crimes? Have ye not ground the finest peasantry in theworld down under your feet? And if it was not you, then it was yourfathers, or your grandfathers, or your great grandfathers." They thenturned to the Buccaneer: "We want to be rid of these land-grabbers,these blood-suckers."
"What is your grievance against them?" the Buccaneer asked.
"Our grievance! Grievance is it?" they replied. "By the Holy Powers, ourcountry is thick with them. Are we not a down-trodden race? Has not thefoot of the conqueror been upon our necks for ages past? It's aforgetful memory that perhaps ye have?"
"In the past," the Buccaneer said, "injury may have been done to you,but ample amends have now been made; and I rule you with the same lawsas I do my other people. What more, in reason, can you ask?"
"We want no laws of your making. We ask that the last link of the chainthat binds us to you may be broken. We demand our independence."
Now one of the victims spoke: "We have our rights too," he said,addressing the Buccaneer, "and we claim your protection. For many yearswe have been your garrison and we are a law-abiding people. We have beenfaithful and loyal to you; will you then see us dragged before you withropes round our necks, and with hands tied behind our backs? Is this tobe the reward of our loyalty? We ask for what is the birthright of themeanest of your citizens, protection for our lives and for our ownproperty."
Thus it went on, and ground that had been trodden over often and oftenbefore, was trodden over again. The difficulty was now to get rid ofthis section of the disaffected, for the members showed a disposition tobecome squatters and take entire possession of the situation. But somedivinely-inspired individual raised the cry that there was a free fightgoing on in an adjacent neighbourhood and so the difficulty was overcomeand the Ojabberaways disappeared as if by magic.
The ladies now were ushered in, but again there was a slight delayarising out of a dispute about a matter of precedence. A woman willsuffer almost any indignity rather than that of being put in a positionlower than that to which she thinks herself entitled, and it is probablethat in many cases a woman would rather go to the devil in her properplace than to Heaven out of it. The matter was settled and Madam Libertyushered in Miss Progress. She was by no means attractive, and in herdress she aped somewhat the man. She prided herself upon herintelligence and looked with disdain upon things usually considered tobelong peculiarly to the female sex. This advanced lady showed none ofthe modesty or timidity usually found in women. In a voice loud andclear she said: "I claim for women equal rights with men. By brute forcewe have been kept under and we now demand our freedom. Man has made ushis hewers of wood and his drawers of water; the cookers of his food andthe sewer on of his buttons and the nurser of his squalling brats. Iswoman never to rise superior to such a base position? Is she for ever tobe a slave, at man's beck and call? Away with such a thought! We demandequal rights and equal voice in all matters, for we are man's equals,and no longer will we live under laws made by man for the benefit ofman. We will board yonder ships. Our voice shall be heard in yourcouncils, and our voice shall ring out from your pulpits."
This language was comprehensive and bold. Some amongst the grand companygave signs of approval. Then a dead silence followed, which was brokenby the old cox'sn, who having first of all hitched up his trousers,exclaimed: "Mates, I thank my stars that my lower rigging keeps upwithout buttons." Just as Miss Progress was again going to begin, oldJack cried out: "Vast heaving, my hearty!" This familiar language on thepart of a common sailor very much annoyed the lady, who, fixing herspectacles full upon the cox'sn, asked him who he was. "I am notsurprised, miss, at your asking the question. Now, it's no use beatingabout the bush, and as, miss, you wish to be on an equal footing withman and to rub shoulder to shoulder with him in your daily life, youmust not be too tender-skinned, and you will not mind the plain languageof an honest sailor. You ask me who I am? I am Jack Commonsense, verymuch at your service, miss, and with your permission I will return thecompliment and ask you a question. How about your lower rigging?"
"My lower rigging," cried Miss Progress, "what does the vulgar fellowmean?"
"Well, miss," Jack replied, "petticoats are all very well in their way,and many a brave and honest lad has run ashore on 'em before now andbecome a total wreck; but petticoats do hamper a person a bit, and theyain't the sort of things to go aloft in, in a gale of wind."
"Who wants to go aloft, pray?" Miss Progress asked.
"Well, miss," Jack answered; "you must take the rough with the smooth,and if you are going to be man's equal, you must do your fair share ofman's work, and must not cry out if you lose your place in the socialorder and in man's estimation. Some of you are even now crying out thatman does not treat you with the consideration that he used to. The faultlies at your own door. Who is going to take all the blows and hardknocks; and who is going to do all the fighting?"
"Man, of course," replied Miss Progress, "it is his province, hissphere."
"But has not woman her sphere? But let that fly stick to the wall; dutyfirst and pleasure after. As to the fighting, miss; many people thinkthat that spirit is not altogether absent from
the female breast. Manygo so far as to think that the apple which Eve gave to Adam wasflavoured strongly with discord. Never a row yet, so some say, that awoman was not at the bottom of it. Put your helm down, miss, and goabout; you and your likes are on the wrong tack. No good ever came yetfrom a crowing hen; and a maid that whistles ain't likely to be a creditto her family."
The Buccaneer complimented the cox'sn very much and hoped that hislanguage would find favour amongst the ladies. Many of the grand companyhad dropped off to slumber; others were eagerly engaged in discussionsamongst themselves as to whether it would be a good party stroke to takeup the ladies. Many were for it and old Dogvane, it was thought, wasamongst the number. Miss Progress was by no means satisfied and declaredthat woman's sphere was very much too narrow. The cox'sn, beingencouraged by his master's approval, attacked Miss Progress again ingood earnest. "Look'e here, miss," he cried, "your sphere is largeenough if you will only do your duty in it; but as is well-known a badworkman always finds fault with his tools. If you try to be man's rivalin the world you will come off second best." Many thought that old Jackwould before long be in troubled waters; but he marched boldly on."Woman," he cried out, "has a noble sphere. Let her study to be a goodcompanion for man. Let her aim in life be to make his home comfortable,and his children happy, useful, and good. That, my hearty, is a woman'ssphere."
Miss Progress explained to the deaf ears of the grand company that shewas single, and the Buccaneer, by way of enlivening the proceedings,asked his cox'sn if he would not take Miss Progress in marriage; but oldJack declined with many thanks, and he told the lady in brutally plainlanguage that spinsters were likely to increase if many women followedin her wake. Then speaking at the whole sex, through the lady beforehim, he exclaimed: "Too many of you are gadders about, and are to befound everywhere but in your own homes. A good, thrifty, cheerful, andpleasant housewife is a thing of the past. Too many women in the lowerwalks of life by neglecting their first duty, drive their husbands tothe fireside of the pot-house, and their children to their work-house."
Other of the Buccaneer's women now came forward. One wanted to banishvice from the streets by the strong arm of the law. She drew attentionto what she called the gross immorality of the age, and had she had herway she would have shut up half the theatres, or turned them intochurches; and have burned most of the light literature of the day.Perhaps this would have been no disadvantage. She also would havedressed all the nude figures in the Buccaneer's several academies,leaving nothing but her own bare shoulders of an evening to offend theeyes of modesty. The female mind does at times go to strange extremes.Another peculiarity of the Buccaneer's people was that most of the racylight literature in his tight little island was written by the women,and how they became so well acquainted with the shady side of humannature was a mystery. But genius can explain all things. There is onlyone thing to be said against driving vice from the streets by the strongarm of the law. She is so very likely to find shelter in privatehouses, when the purity of the domestic hearth would probably suffer.
After this lady came another who wanted the Buccaneer to banish from hisrealms all violent death. She said: "To furnish your idle sons withsport, birds are slaughtered, and hares and foxes are cruelly chased todeath."
"Young hounds must be blooded," the Buccaneer said.
"Under the cloak of science," the lady continued, "animals are cruellytortured, under the inhuman plea that man is to benefit. Then men loveto see cocks spur each other to death, while dogs are allowed to fightamongst themselves and worry cats in the public streets, without anyinterference on the part of the brutal police." The lady finished up byasking the Buccaneer to banish all violent death from the island, andthus set a good example to the rest of the world. "Let the butcher die,"she cried, "rather than his innocent unoffending victims."
All eyes were turned upon Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher of theStarboard Watch, and many pitied him, and the cook who was a merry man,said to his friend in a jesting manner: "Billy! old fellow, it was notfor nothing that you had that nervous attack in my galley, but cheer up,you are not dead yet."
The Buccaneer now began to talk the matter over with his trusty friend,who said, "Well, yer honour, only speaking for myself, I don't like meatthat dies a natural death, though no doubt your butchers will be gladenough to sell it. Indeed, some of them will do it now when they can."
Here a pale-faced, solemn, and even miserable-looking man exclaimed:"Why partake of animal food which brutalizes, when a bountifulProvidence has placed at your hand a vegetable kingdom? Eat, I wouldsay, of the crumbs that fall from the celestial pantry."
Both the Buccaneer and his cox'sn declared that they did not see howthey were going to make a good square meal out of such a diet, uponwhich the last speaker said: "If you must nourish your unrighteousstomachs, you will find that lentils and even peacods are both pleasantand sustaining."
"What say you to this, Jack?" asked the Buccaneer.
"Give him rope, yer honour, and before long he will come to thethistles, and then we had better write ourselves down asses at once. Ifwe go on, on this tack, sir, there will be no such thing as getting achop, or a steak, or even a homely rasher for either love or money, andthe best thing for me to do is to turn to and dig my own grave. Butmaster, there is another thing that troubles me, though I scarcely liketo give vent to my thoughts before so goodly a company." Jack upon beingearnestly solicited to unburden himself by his master, said: "Well, sir,it's this way. If we are to banish all violent death from this fair isleof ours, what about the flea?"
The allusion to this vulgar insect caused no little confusion in sogoodly an assembly, and a wave of irritation seemed to pass through thewhole crowd, affecting even the Lords Spiritual, and Miss Progress wasso put about by being kept in the back-ground, whilst so much good timewas being wasted upon so trivial a matter, that she exclaimed withconsiderable warmth, "Perish the flea!" Upon this old Jack cried out tothe amusement of all, "There I am with you, miss; but first of allyou've got to catch him."
The bold Buccaneer was extremely tickled, and his sides shook withmerriment, and of course every one joined in. So great was the mirththat the whole noble structure was shaken to its very foundation, somuch so, that the old lion got up from his recumbent position, andlooked round in a terrified manner, and the cox'sn cried out as heturned towards the company, "Vast heaving, my hearties! Clap a stopperupon your laughing gear, and make all merriment fast."
The shrill blast of a herald's trumpet now claimed the attention of all,and the aggrieved women were dismissed with a promise that their caseshould receive the consideration it deserved, and the probability of aRoyal Commission was hinted at, and with this they were obliged to besatisfied. Again the shrill notes of a brazen trumpet pierced the air,and silence unfolded her wings and hovered over the company. Now aherald, gorgeously apparelled in cloth of gold, emblazoned back andfront in the customary fashion, entered upon the scene, and expectationwas all on tip-toe.
"A messenger, a messenger, no doubt," cried Dogvane, "from his augustand most sable Majesty King Hokee with dispatches from the most nobleBandit of the East."
With much pomp and ceremony the herald advanced, carrying over his leftshoulder a spear, and in his right hand what looked like a batteredbeaver hat, with the crown knocked out. Halting in front of theBuccaneer, he exclaimed, after having made the usual obeisance, "Mostnoble and illustrious Sea King, ruler of the universe, the holder of theonly key to Heaven, the redresser of wrongs, the chastiser of the evildoer, and the terror of the oppressor, know that a little while since,while yet the day was but a few hours old, two friendly factions of theOjabberaways met, and entered upon an argument apparently from oppositepremises, and this is the conclusion that they arrived at." With this hestuck his spear into the battered beaver, for such it was, and raised itup on high, for an admiring crowd to gaze upon. When curiosity wassatisfied a very high state official took charge of the interestingrelic, and it was conveyed with much ceremony to one of the Bu
ccaneer'sprincipal museums.
It must be owned that to sit and listen to the complaints of so manypeople was trying to the patience of all; but the Buccaneer and hisfamily were well trained to this sort of thing, and even liked it.Sunday after Sunday the uncrowned queen, Respectability, sent them allto church, sometimes even twice. There they sat quietly under theirfavourite pulpit, and listened without a murmur to their pastor, whofrequently either chided them as children, treated them as fools, oreternally damned them all as incorrigible sinners.
The upper ranks of the Buccaneer's people now came on and complainedthat their heels were being kicked by those who came after them, andthat the respect that once was given to rank and social position was nowgrudgingly bestowed, if indeed it was bestowed at all. The deputationwas presented with the proverb which the Buccaneer and his cox'sn hadpicked up in their roving days on the Spanish Main, and they wererecommended to have it framed and hung up in some convenient place,where their children might be able to look upon it.
The Squire followed, and he again laid bare his numerous complaints;said he could never remember the time when he was in such low water, forhe could get little or nothing out of his tenants, whilst his burdenswere more than he could bear. Scarcely had he finished speaking, whenhis tenants appeared in a body, and declared, that owing to the foreigncheap-Jacks underselling them, they could not get enough out of the landto keep body and soul together, let alone money enough to pay theirlandlord rents. Some of these tenants complained too, that the clergywere too exacting, and made no abatement in their tithe charge; butdemanded the pound of flesh that was in their bond.
This brought the clergy forward, and they declared that their claim wasthe first charge upon the land, which was taken subject to the burden.The pulpit produces the speaker, if it does nothing else. "Is it not inour bond," they said, "that we shall have the tenth part of the yearlyincrease arising from the profits of the land, the stock upon the land,and the personal industry of those living upon the land, or a justequivalent for these?"
There was now a most learned discussion upon the origin and nature ofthe tithe charge, all of which did little less than breed confusion. Theargument was taken up amongst the company. Some said that it began firstas a purely voluntary offering, but that long since a crafty priesthoodhad fossilized it into a hard and fast legal right, which weighedheavily upon the land in such hard times. The clergy said that it was onaccount of the hardness of men's hearts that the offering had to belegalized into a right. "If," they said, "the charge were left to thefree will of man, we should soon starve, for man would give nothing inso selfish, degenerate, and worldly an age. The custom is sanctioned byage and by Divine authority, for did not Abraham, when he spoiled thefive kings, give a tenth part of the spoils to Melchisedek?" No oneseemed bold enough to deny this, and the clergy finished up by sayingthat as they were called upon to fulfil their obligations, so they mustcall upon other people to fulfil theirs.
This seemed but reasonable; but just as the Buccaneer was going todeliver judgment, the poor clergy took the opportunity to come forwardand present their grievance, which was to the effect that they, andtheir families, were in many cases in want. Upon being appealed to, theHigh Priest and Lords Spiritual declared that it was so, and that itreflected the greatest discredit upon the Buccaneer and all his people,for it betokened a selfish hardness of heart that was mostunchristian-like.
The poorer clergy were treated to a most excellent discourse upon thebeauties of poverty, which beauties, it would appear, that even theclergy love best to contemplate at a distance, which in this, as in mostthings else, lends enchantment to the view. It was pointed out to thissection of the disaffected, by those in spiritual authority, that ChristHimself was a great advocate for poverty and condemned in no measuredterms the greed after riches; that all His early disciples were poor andlowly, and that His religion was propagated by a band of holy, butshoeless beggars. The poor clergy were bid to find comfort in this, andwalk in the path to which they had been called with a sanctifiedhumility.
The old cox'sn now got himself into disgrace, for he turned round andasked the preacher how he could reconcile the precept with the generalpractice. How, if poverty was such a fine thing, the clergy did notpractise it themselves. The high ecclesiastics to whom Jack addressedhimself did not condescend to answer so impertinent a remark, but allchance of Church preferment was for ever gone from the old cox'sn, andit is even possible that if he then had died he would not have beenallowed Christian burial.
"This difficulty," cried the Buccaneer, "can be easily overcome." Thenturning to his Lords Spiritual and other high church dignitaries, hesaid, "While some on board of your ship, my lords, have too much, othershave too little of this world's wealth. A little while since someamongst you preached a homily upon the beauties of poverty. All of youfollow the Master who said that it is easier for a camel to go throughthe eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven,and when that rich man is a priest, how doubly hard must be the task.Therefore, I say to you, as I have said before, and in the language ofHim whom you profess to follow, 'sell all that you have and give it tothe poor,' or at least, share your riches amongst your poorer brethren."
Now, when those in authority on board the old Church Hulk heard thisthey were extremely sorrowful and sorely grieved, for many of them hadlarge incomes and other worldly possessions, while some had fashionableand ambitious wives, and many had large families, and, as everyoneknows, it is hard enough to serve two masters, and next to impossiblewhen the masters are increased to many.
The old cox'sn, who was of a pious turn, wondered what would happen ifChrist were to appear again upon earth and enter some one of theBuccaneer's many temples where the perfumed flowers of his fashionablesociety worshipped God, or, perhaps many gods, in all their pride andsplendour. Jack, however, kept his counsel. He was an humble individualand it was not for him to meddle in such weighty matters.
Close upon the heels of the Church came the Buccaneer's lawyers, andtrue chips were these of the ancient block. The members of the Devil'sown, as they were called, complained that an interfering fellow on boardof the old Ship of State had called them brigands and other offensivenames. This they did not so much mind, but what they did object to was,that busy bodies, instead of paying attention to their own business,wanted to meddle with theirs, and by so doing, to curtail theirperquisites and cut down their fees. Of all the Buccaneer's trades andprofessions, in no one was the principle of the parable before alludedto more conspicuous than in his legal profession, the members of whichnot only fleeced their sheep, but flayed them, whenever they had thesmallest opportunity. The estimation they were held in, even amongst theBuccaneer's people, was shown by the fact that in all his works offiction, either on the stage or in novels, almost all the rogues wereprovided by the legal profession.
But the spirit of robbery to which allusion has been so frequently made,was to be found even where it ought not to have existed. Many of theBuccaneer's schools were presided over by members of his State Churchand many of his teachers were drawn from the same source. Now some ofthese, in an underhand way, robbed the parents of the boys intrusted totheir charge, for they were paid extremely well, if not exorbitantly, toeducate their pupils, but in too many cases they taught them little ornothing, and sent them home, into the bargain, to live a good portion ofthe time at their parents' expense. Then at the end of what was bycourtesy called their academical career, the young birds were sent outinto the world veritable fledgelings as regards their knowledge, withnot feathers sufficient to cover the nakedness of their ignorance or tofly in search of food. This is at the top of that scale at the bottom ofwhich lies the vulgar thief who breaks through and steals.
After the lawyers came the doctors, who complained that peopleapparently had little or no inclination to get ill. They declared thereseemed to be a selfish desire on the part of every one to keep thetime-honoured and much-trusted family doctor out in the cold, and if itwere not for the love whic
h still kept a strong hold upon the people, toover-eat and over-drink themselves, their profession would be but a poorone, though in young children they still found some little support.Whether the doctors robbed the people or not, could not very easily betold as they rendered no details with their accounts.
The next lot to appear, showed by their double chests and double chinsthat they were no strangers to good living, and no doubt beneath theircapacious waistcoats lay the tail end of many a bottle of their master'swine. These men complained that their masters had become so niggardlyand looked after things so closely themselves, that perquisites (by somecalled plunder) were quite things of the glorious past, so that themodest independence with the public house, the lodging house, or thegreen-grocer's shop, was put so far away into the future as to come toolate, if it ever came at all.
These much ill-used individuals had the same sad story to tell aboutforeign competition. They declared people came over in crowds from theirneighbours and took the bread out of their mouths. Now came the womenservants, resplendent in their cheap finery, and with airs and gracesaped from their betters. Some of these quarrelled with some thing, somewith another, and one and all seemed considerably above their position,being much too proud to work.
Before dealing with these the Buccaneer ordered on the masters andmistresses so that by hearing their side of the story he might be thebetter able to judge. It was a sign of the times that the servants cameon first, and many believed that this merely was the finger post whichpointed to a state of things, when all would be changed and the classeswould be the humble and obedient slaves of the masses, when King Mobwould wield the sceptre over the Buccaneer's people. It, therefore,behoved those interested to see that their future masters were properlyeducated.
The employers now declared that it was almost impossible to get goodservants. Not one would bear correction. They demanded high pay fordoing very little work, and grumbled at all times both at the qualityand the quantity of their food. They declared that the lower orders werenow so educated that all the girls preferred either to go into shops, orinto the school-room, and then the suffering upper classes were calledupon to support institutions to keep these spoilt children off thestreets. There was a general complaint too, that the stomachs of theserving classes had become so dainty, that they turned up their noses atwhat their betters were very well contented with, and there was ageneral concurrence of opinion that, rather than put up with theinsolence, ignorance, and idleness of the Buccaneer's own people,masters and mistresses would either do without servants altogether, oremploy foreigners, who were more industrious, very much more sober, andquite as honest as the Buccaneer's people, while they did not go totheir local clubs or pot houses, and talk over their master's affairs,and disclose to the vigilant burglar the whereabouts of their master'ssilver. Nor were they in league with the local tradesmen to rob theirmasters.
"Away with you all," cried the Buccaneer, addressing the servants. Hewas always ready to condemn peculation on such a scale as this. "Awaywith you," he cried, "for you are all robbers in disguise. Speak tothem, Jack, and trounce them well with thy tongue."
"Aye, aye, yer honour. 'Bout ship, my lads and lasses, before shame andmisfortune throw their grappling irons on board of you. You're headingfor the jail and the work-house, and before you lie poverty and misery.'Bout ship, I say, before you find that hunger is the best sauce for aproud stomach."
This batch went away more dissatisfied than ever, and they declared thatthe old coxswain's language was brutal in the extreme, and they sworethey would have nothing to do with such a fellow as that. Theydetermined to get some one of the ship's crew, who wanted someopportunity to bring himself before the public, to take their case up,and by putting a heavy tax upon foreign labour, give them greateropportunities to be independent, more idle, and insolent.
The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer Page 36