A Whisper Of Solace

by K. J. Coakley

Her eyes flash to mine. "Know better than to what?" she asks.

  I move around the table and close the distance between us. "Than to turn those beautiful eyes away from me. Because I'll only shock you when I do something crazy to gain their attention again."

  "Crazy?" she whispers.

  "Yeah. Something like this ...” I seal my mouth over hers.

  I kiss her with all the pent-up lust and passion that I've had to stow the past twelve weeks.

  It doesn't take long for the kiss to get heated ... really heated.

  Before I let things get out of control, I pull back and then move back in for one last brush of my lips over hers.

  I step away, leaving her sitting there in a haze of lust.

  "Crazy enough?"

  With her mouth hanging open, breath coming in short choppy waves, and her face flushed to her roots, she nods. "Uh-huh."

  An expression of smug satisfaction settles over my features. I stand and start to clear the table. When I'm finished, I tell her good night and take my leave.

  If I were to spend one more minute in that room with her, I'm not sure that I would have been able to do the right thing and walk away.

  "Tomorrow. Dress comfortable," I call out over my shoulder as I take the steps two at a time and hurry to my room so that I can take matters in my own hand––literally.

  Chapter Thirty

  Kara

  "If you don't uncover my eyes, I'm going to trip."

  "I have you. Just keep walking," Will tells me as he guides me out of the elevator and across what sounds like tile or stone flooring. The heels on my half boots make a clacking sound with every step I take.

  Hushed words echo through what appears to be a large room.

  "Okay. Stand still. Are you ready?" he asks.

  "Yes." I giggle excitedly.

  He slowly removes his hands from my eyes, and I blink to focus on my surroundings. The first thing I notice is the bright blues and yellows from a glass structure in front of me.

  I blink. Blink. Blink.

  It slowly comes into focus, and I find myself sucking in an awed breath at the exquisite piece of art in front of me.

  I stand and stare at the window mural for what seems like hours. It's beauty utterly captivating. I don't know why these pieces move me so, but they call to me on a physical and mental level that leaves me standing in awe of their beauty.

  A warm hand brushes the small of my back, and I jerk to the side, looking up to see Will smiling down at me. "You know, there are other pieces of art here for you to see."

  I grin as a hot blush rushes to my cheeks. "Sorry, I couldn't get past how beautiful these are."

  He looks at the murals and nods his head. "They are something to behold." His eyes flash back to mine. "But I've seen beauty that no canvas or work of art can equal."

  His fingers lace through mine, and I glance down at our joined hands. An odd sensation of warmth tickles over my flesh like tiny embers fluttering over bare flesh. Slowly, I raise my eyes back to his and give a shy smile. He squeezes my hand and flashes me a megawatt smile.

  "Follow me. I have something I want to show you." He tilts his head in the direction he wants to take me.

  Will leads me up a beautiful stone staircase with intricate mythological carvings engraved on the balusters.

  This place is absolutely exquisite.

  Everywhere I turn, I'm surrounded by beautiful works of art.

  I cling to Will's hand as he leads me to a section of French art and it’s when I see what it is he's taking me to that my heart flutters with excitement.

  "How did you know?" I whisper.

  We step up to the painting of a French street with people walking tucked under their huge umbrellas. It's one of my favorite paintings, aside from Monet landscape paintings. I don't know how he knew, but my eyes begin to widen as an oncoming rush of tears floods over and down my cheeks. Before I can swipe them away, he's there. His tender touch gently wiping the tears from my face.

  I sniffle and look up at him, all the affection I'm feeling simmering in my gaze. He couldn't possibly know what this means to me. "How ...”

  He steps in close, taking my chin in the palm of his hand. "You left your laptop open one night, and I saw your search history. I figured it meant something to you if you were searching for it."

  I choke on the words before they finally come out. "It was my mom’s favorite painting."

  Before I can react, he pulls me into his warm embrace, enveloping me with strength and affection. I wrap my arms around him and pull myself against his body as close as I can get. Memories of my mom and watching her paint flood my mind, and it's all I can do to keep from weeping in the middle of the museum in front of everyone. But for reasons I can't explain, I draw strength from Will's support.

  He squeezes me tight and then slowly releases his hold on me. Carefully stepping back, he gently pulls my chin up with the tip of his finger, his eyes searching my expression for something. He seems to find what he wants and nods before stepping back and taking my hand in his again.

  He holds my hand the entire time we're in the museum. It's odd that I don't feel like pulling away or flinching every time he gives my hand a little squeeze just to let me know he's still there with me.

  But pulling away is the last thing I feel like doing. If anything, I want to pull him closer. I want to bask in the glow of his warmth and simmer in the dizzying affection he bathes me in.

  I'm done when it comes to Will Scott. I'm so madly in love with this man, yet I'm terrified to tell him so.

  Will

  I don't know why I felt the need to pull her close to me, but the sight of her tears was nearly my undoing. I can't stand to see a woman cry. In that moment, I felt utterly helpless to make right whatever was causing her so much pain.

  I searched her eyes to see if it was truly pain she was feeling or if it was joy. What I found was a mixture of both in her sad eyes. I knew her mother was a painter; she had told me as much. But this collection was obviously special to her for reasons unknown to me.

  For the rest of the day, I tried to make her laugh. We went to a musical show that was a parody of the latest BDSM hit movie. She laughed until her stomach hurt. After we left there, I took her for the best pizza Chicago has to offer. Even though it gave her terrible heartburn, she never complained.

  All in all, it was one of the best days I've had in years. I didn't think about the babies or Sophia or anything else, for that matter. My eyes remained fixated on the beauty of her smile and the glow in her mismatched eyes. Eyes so expressive I couldn't help but get lost in them.

  When Kara wasn't thinking about the world and the weight of the troubles she carried on her small frame, she was a different person. She exuded happiness and an enthusiasm for life unlike anyone else. Her laughter rang loud and true throughout the day as I strived to bring it out of her as much as humanly possible. I wanted her to laugh so much that her stomach was sore the next day. I wanted her to feel so much joy that she'd carry that smile for days to come.

  I wanted to wipe the sorrow from her pained expression that constantly haunted her face when she thought no one was looking.

  I would have given her the world just to make her smile. That's how much that day meant to me. It was the start of something new and exciting for us. The beginning of a relationship that I knew, given time, could evolve to so much more. The attraction and chemistry was there between us. All I had to do was give her new memories to replace the bad ones.

  After Sophia's death, I didn't think that I'd ever find someone who could make me feel alive again.

  And then, Kara came along.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Kara

  Tomorrow is the day. The day that I have been dreading. I can’t delay telling Will any more. It’s time, but it’s getting late, and he still hasn’t come home from work.

  I decide to call his cell to see when he expects to be home by.

  His phone rings twice before going
to voicemail and then I hang up, not wanting to leave what I have to say in a message.

  Just as I’m about to set my phone down on the kitchen island, the garage door sounds, and I hear Will pulling in.

  He’s inside within a few minutes and walks straight over to me and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips. "How was your day, beautiful?" he asks.

  I smile. "Better now that you’re home."

  "I should hope so." He chuckles and then walks over to the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of water. "Have you eaten yet?" He twists the cap off his bottle and takes a big gulp as I shake my head. "Are you hungry?" I nod. "Do you want breakfast for dinner?"

  "That would be great."

  He grins. "Good. I'll whip us up some omelets."

  I take a seat at the bar and watch him as he cooks for me. He's pulled a thirteen-hour day, and the first thing he does is cook for me when he comes home. No complaints. No bargaining. He just wants to take care of me.

  The thought causes my heart to trip over itself, and I have to bite down on my tongue to keep from telling him how much I love him.

  Right now. At this moment. There isn't a person in the world that means more to me.

  That's why it's so hard to tell him this next part.

  I clear my throat, and he looks over his shoulder at me. "What's wrong? You look like you're worried about something."

  "I have to go back home for a couple of days."

  He stops what he's doing and slides the frying pan off the stove before turning to face me. His expression shifts from his easygoing demeanor to an intent look of dismay. “Truth. What have you been hiding? I’ve let it go, but if you’re going back to North Carolina, then I need to know everything. No lies."

  I swallow the lump forming in my throat. His expression is one of concern but also apprehension. It’s as if he’s waiting for me to tell him something that will devastate him. The sad thing is, I’m not so sure this won’t.

  “I never meant to lie to you. I’ve always tried to be as honest as I could. But I’ve been afraid that my past would ruin everything that’s happening between us.” He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest, eyeing me intently.

  “Just say it, Kara. Quit skirting the issue and just tell me the truth.”

  His commanding tone causes a nervous shiver to run through my body. I take a deep breath and decide to put all my hope in my love for him. Hoping with everything that I am that he feels the same way and he’ll forgive me.

  “I married a man straight out of high school. It was nice at first, but then he started abusing me. Over the years, it got worse.” I look up at him pleadingly. “I didn’t have anyone I could turn to. My father is a useless drunk, and I have no other family. So I planned an escape. It took a little over ten years before I stumbled upon the idea of using a surrogacy program to be able to afford a new start in life.” I glance at his stony expression and fight the nervous butterflies floundering in my belly. I have to keep going. I can’t stop now.

  “My friend provided a means for me to take on a new identity. So I became Kara Murphy.”

  “Wait a minute … your real name isn’t Kara Murphy?” he asks, his brows pinched together and his lips pursed in anger.

  I slowly shake my head. “No, it wasn’t at the time. But I hired a lawyer when I came to Chicago, and he petitioned for a legal name change. Now, my legal name is Kara Murphy, but it wasn’t then.”

  He throws his hands up and begins pacing the kitchen. “This cannot be happening. Everything that you’ve told me has all been lies?”

  “No, not everything. Just the name part. Well …” I fight back a surge of tears threatening to break free. “… I never told you I was married. And that I hadn’t been able to get a divorce because I had to get away from him first. He would’ve killed me if I had tried to divorce him when I as living back home.”

  “So the logical thing to do was to lie and get yourself pregnant with my babies, thus endangering them as well.” He mutters a few curses, his hands pulling on his hair in frustration. “Jesus Christ, Kara. What the hell were you thinking? How could you have kept this from me all this time? How could you have let me develop feelings for you and know that it was all based on a lie? How could you?” He looks at me as if I’m a total stranger to him, and that serves to hurt me more than anything he could have possibly said. Words said in anger can be taken back, but the look in his eyes and the lack of emotion in them—that’s as real as it gets.

  I was wrong to think that his feelings for me were strong enough to weather this storm. I was foolish to think that I could love enough for the both of us. It’s plain to see by the expression on his face that I couldn’t have been more off the mark.

  “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to be safe and to be able to start a new life for myself. I thought that by giving you a baby in the process that I would be redeeming myself to you. That you would somehow understand when it came time to tell you. But I was wrong. You don’t understand. You couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to be raped by your husband. To beaten so badly that you’re hospitalized for over a week. No, you wouldn’t understand what it’s like because you’ve been loved your whole life.”

  I turn to leave the room, and he grabs me by the arm and pulls me around to face him.

  “No, you don’t get to throw those accusations at me as if I’ve misled you. As if I’m the one who betrayed your trust. I gave everything to you. Everything. And this is what I get in return?” He scoffs.

  “I’m sorry, Will. I have to go home to finalize the divorce. When I come back, I’ll stay out of your life as much as possible. I’ll carry the twins and deliver them for you as per our agreement.”

  “That’s it?”

  “I don’t know what else you want from me. I’ve tried to be deserving of you. I’ve tried to be the woman you’ve led me to believe I was. But I’m not that woman and I never will be. I’m just trailer trash that comes from a broken home and an abusive marriage. I have nothing else to offer you.”

  “Stop it!” he yells, his hand tightening around my bicep as I try to pull away from him. “I’m mad as hell right now, Kara, but I will not stand by and let you degrade yourself in this manner either. You’ve lied to me. Misled me. And used me for your own financial gain. But that still doesn’t change the fact that you are exactly the strong and beautiful woman I’ve thought you to be. Maybe if you stepped back and saw what I saw in you, you would have seen that I would have done anything for you if you had just been honest with me.”

  He turns loose of my arm and makes his way to the garage, grabbing his phone and keys on his way out.

  Kara

  I cried myself to sleep last night. When Will left and the door slammed closed behind him, it was like a hammer shattering my heart inside my chest. I don’t know that he’ll ever forgive me for lying to him.

  This is exactly what I feared would happen if I told him everything. But what he’s not understanding is that if I had been honest from the very beginning, he never would have allowed me into his life in the first place.

  I finish packing my bag and then write out a long note of explanation to Will and place it on the table in the mudroom where he places his keys. I pour my heart out in the letter. No lies. No falsities. Just raw honesty. And it’s in the last sentence that I tell him … I tell him that I love him and I’m sorry.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Will

  It's been two days since she left.

  Two of the longest days of my life.

  I’ve read her letter at least a dozen times. Krista Bradford … that’s her given name. That’s the woman I met all those months ago. The woman who I’ve been slowly falling for. But that’s not who she is to me. No, she is, and always will be Kara Murphy. Krista was left behind in North Carolina, and as far as I’m concerned, she died the day Kara was born.

  That’s the only way I can reconcile her actions. The only way I can bring myself to forgive her for h
er betrayal.

  Lies … I told her the first day that I met her that I would not tolerate lies. Maybe that’s what led her to keep it all to herself in the first place. It’s not as if I gave her a reason to trust me. Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m just as much to blame as she is. I kept a barrier between us for so long. She had no one to talk to about all that she had suffered through, and just when she finally got the courage to tell me …

  Shame washes through me at the thought. I shouldn’t have reacted the way that I did. Yes, I should have been angry, but I never should have left her that night. I should have stayed and talked it through with her.

  She hasn't called or texted to keep me updated on what's going on, but then again, I didn't really expect her to after the way things went down.

  I had been completely blindsided by her confession. But what hurt worse than her confession was what she revealed in her letter to me.

  She loves me.

  When I read those words, it felt like I’d been gutted.

  Why did she have to lie to me all his time? How could I ever believe another word that leaves her mouth when so much has been lies?

  If she had just told me … I would have understood her need for secrecy. I wouldn't have judged her. My god, did she really think me that much of an asshole to judge her for trying to escape an abusive husband?

  Surely, she knows me better than that by now. I would never have judged her for wanting a better life for herself. Never.

  For two days, these thoughts run through my mind. Even when I'm at work, all I can think of is her.

  When I'm at my parents’ house for the first time in months, all I can think of is her. I suppose that's why I finally drop the bomb about our relationship and the fact that she's the surrogate for mine and Sophia's babies.

  Yeah, that went well. No sarcasm at all.