I lean down as I roll my hips, slow circles and a rhythmic back and forth.
“I missed this,” Jake groans, holding my hips and helping me rock over him.
“Me, too. So much,” I pant against his lips. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. We need to do this way more often,” Jake mumbles around my tongue.
We both laugh, and then the mood turns serious as he sits up so we’re chest to chest, wrapping his arm around me. He stays deep, dragging me closer to the edge with every gentle thrust and roll of my hips, until I come. He’s right behind me, finding his own release, sinking into the comfort of connection.
Afterward, we lie in bed, basking in the post-coital glow.
Jake drags his fingers up and down my arm. “It’s kind of convenient to have a sex pad.”
I bark out a laugh. “It is, but also not very economical. We could always sneak out to the pool house and get busy there the next time Ryan and Queenie babysit.”
“Just drive around the corner and come in through the back gate?”
“Or we could drop JJ off at their place?”
“That seems logical. Does that mean you’d be willing to break the lease on this place and move in with me for good?” His fingertips make a figure eight pattern on my shoulder.
I press my hand to his chest, feeling his heart beat under my palm. His expression is soft and nervous. “Is that what you want?”
“I could tell you that it makes the most sense, that I want what’s best for JJ, and that I think living with me will accomplish that, but honestly, it’s not just about what’s best for JJ anymore.” He traces the edge of my jaw, thumb sweeping along the contour of my bottom lip. “I know our relationship hasn’t been conventional, but we started as friends. We already had the foundation before we gave in to the attraction. Do I wish I had an opportunity to date you? Absolutely. But over the past six months, I’ve had a chance to fall in love with every side of you, Hanna. I think we can be great together, as more than just a couple. I think we could be an amazing family.”
“I think so, too.”
“So we’ll break the lease? You’ll move in for good?” he asks.
“I’ll move in for good.”
“That means we’re one step closer to you being exactly where I want you. And where I want to be.” His lips touch the back of my hand.
“Which is where, exactly?”
“Right here.” He presses his hand over my heart.
“You’re already there, Jake. You’ve been there for a long time.”
“I’m glad to hear that, because I’m feeling pretty permanent about you, Hanna.”
He kisses me, and I feel the promise of a forever unfolding.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The Heart of the Matter
Hanna
“I THINK I have everything.” I turn to Paxton, who’s carrying my baby bag. Last month, I went with JJ, Jake, and the team when they played Tennessee. I stayed for a few days and nervously flew back to Seattle on my own. The nerves had nothing to do with the flying part and everything to do with sitting in first class with a baby who very well might start crying at any moment. Thankfully, he was the picture of calm the entire flight home.
In return, I invited Paxton to Seattle to visit for the week. The pool house is a great place for guests. And, of course, my parents also flew out so they could see Ryan play in the finals and get in some time with their grandson. Things have gotten better with my mom over the past couple of months. I’ve learned that her love language is to be helpful to the point where she sort of steamrolls people and offers advice, whether or not it’s wanted or needed. But the way she’s started to acknowledge and talk about what a great mom I am to JJ and how good I was with Ryan when he was JJ’s age has gone a long way to helping heal our relationship and my heart.
Paxton pats the bag. “I think we’re probably good to go.”
“I should grab one more extra bottle and a couple extra diapers, maybe?”
“You have three bottles and half a package of diapers already in here. And there’s another bag in the car already. I think you’re set, Han. It’s a hockey game, not a weekend trip, and if it comes down to it, you can always sneak off to the offices and breastfeed there.”
“Okay, right. I think I’m ready to go then.”
She arches a brow and inclines her head toward the living room. “You’re missing one thing.”
JJ kicks his legs and flails his arms from his spot in the baby seat, making the rattle jingle. “Oh my gosh, where is my brain, and when do I get it back?”
Paxton shrugs. “Can’t say that I’m much of an expert on the subject, but based on all my friends who’ve had kids, possibly a year from now, possibly never?”
I shoot her a glare. “Not funny.”
“It’s a decent trade-off, though, right? I mean, look at this bundle of cuteness. Boop.” She bops JJ on the nose. “You are the most adorable baby in the history of the universe. I hope you’re exactly like your mom when you’re a teenager.”
I poke her in the side. “Don’t you dare wish that on me!”
“You were a great teenager. At least you were by the time I met you. And you and Jake are already kickass parents. The swoon on that man is serious. Do you think he’ll wear the baby for a while at the game? Oh, and what about the coach? Alec?”
“It’s Alex.”
“Alec, Alex, whatever. Can you imagine the number of ovaries exploding with those two guys standing next to each other and Jake is holding a baby?”
“You are ridiculous about those two.” I chuckle and follow her out to the car.
“At least I’m not alone. There’s a whole group of women who ship their bromance. They even have an online group. It’s a ridiculous level of dad hotness.”
I buckle JJ into his car seat and make sure it’s secure before I get behind the wheel of the SUV, and then we’re off to the arena.
We park in the lot close to the offices, and we’re let in by a security guard who takes us through the back entrance so we can avoid the crowds. This isn’t JJ’s first game. He’s been to a bunch over the past couple of months. With proper ear protection, his pediatrician gave me the green light. But we’ve only been in the boxes so far.
We still have one reserved for tonight, but we also have the opportunity to sit closer to the ice. JJ’s a few weeks out from being able to face forward in his carrier, but by the time next season starts, he’ll be able to watch the games.
Lainey is up in the box. She’s pregnant again, and just starting to show, which means she got her wish and she’ll have two kids in diapers in the coming months. It seemed the weekend getaway Rook took her on over the holidays was exactly what she needed. Aspen is passed out in her stroller and her son Kody is sitting in one of the seats at the front of the box, closer to the ice, with the other slightly older kids. Violet’s twins are glued to her side, her daughter Lavender holding onto her sweater while Queenie crouches beside her and offers her a bag, probably full of art supplies based on the way Lavender’s eyes light up.
Paxton has been to visit enough times that she’s become one of the girls.
My parents are sitting on the ice tonight, along with Violet and Alex’s family. Their parents are a hoot, and while my mom tends to run more on the conservative side, I find that she loosens up a lot around those women. Especially when they ply her with wine.
We settle in to watch the game, chatting amongst ourselves, enjoying each other’s company.
At the end of the first period, Seattle is down one goal. I can see Ryan on the ice, talking to Bishop and Alex. Jake comes up to check on JJ and me.
“You think I can take our little man down to the ice for a bit?” he asks.
“Sure. You can bring him back up if he gets fussy, or I can come down to you?”
“Either works for me, as long as you’re okay with it.”
“Absolutely.”
He shrugs out of his suit jacket and I
pass JJ to Queenie and help Jake get the carrier on and adjust it to fit him, rather than me. Then we carefully put JJ in the carrier, making sure the ear protection is in place, and Jake shrugs back into his suit jacket.
“Okay, this is totally a photo op.” Queenie and the rest of the girls take a thousand pictures in less than five seconds.
“I’ll see you in a bit. Have fun with the girls.” Jake drops a quick kiss on my lips and disappears out the door.
Lainey, Paxton, and Violet have their heads together. “Oh, this is just too much. It almost makes me want Alex to go through with having his vasectomy reversed,” Violet says.
“Wait. What?” Lainey puts one hand over her belly and the other comes up to her mouth. “You want to have another baby?”
Violet raises her hand. “I said almost. Four kids are enough for me. I love them all, but the twins nearly broke my vagina on the way out. And my brother has six freaking kids. And you all keep popping out the babies.” She motions to the group of women and pats Lainey’s tiny bump. “And I know the two of you are up soon.” She points to Queenie and Stevie. “So I’m going to auntie it up and be happy that I can pass the babies back when they start crying.”
“That’s fair. I keep telling Shippy we should get a dog so he can get used to the idea of kids, since they’re like training wheels for wanna-be parents, but he’s worried that Dicken won’t adjust well.”
“Isn’t Dicken his brother’s cat?”
“Yeah.” Stevie wraps her teal hair around her finger. “It’s not his best argument since Dicken doesn’t even live with us anymore.”
“I think Bishop would make a great dad,” Lainey says.
“Does he want kids?” Violet asks.
“Shippy wants whatever I want. He’d let me adopt a freaking walrus if I said I wanted one. The issue with the dog and the kids is that Shippy isn’t the best at sharing. And kids mean he’s not the top priority anymore. He’s also worried about the impact on our sex life.”
“Well, the last worry is a legit one. It sure does have an impact on the sexy times. Or at least the frequency and the location.” Violet nods solemnly.
“Mom, I can hear you, and there are already enough reasons for me to need therapy without this being one of them!” Robbie yells over his shoulder.
“I guess it’s a good thing your dad has a great medical plan then, isn’t it?”
He turns his head slowly, gives her the side-eye, while muttering “indeed” before turning back to his book.
“That kid’s sense of humor is drier than beef jerky.” She looks to me. “Anyway, I have to say, you are honestly the most badass mother I have ever met. Most of the time I’m in bed by ten because the four of them suck all the energy out of me.” She thumbs over her shoulder. She could direct traffic with all the hand gestures. She makes a face and drops her voice. “Actually, it’s just Maverick who does that. He’s a pure hybrid of his dad and my mother. I’m terrified of what’s going to happen when he’s a teenager.”
“He seems like a pretty good kid.” I glance over to where he and Kody are sitting, watching the game.
“He is. A little impulsive and probably too smart for his own good, but definitely a good kid. It’s great that he has Kody around. He’s a real rule follower, kind of like King.”
“That’s just his personality. He always loved the rules. Still does.” Whenever he takes JJ, he follows the naptime routine like it’s the law.
“Except when it comes to Queenie.” Violet smirks.
“If it wasn’t for Queenie, I wouldn’t have any of this.” I motion to the group of women I’ve come to love like a family, especially since I made the decision to move to Seattle.
Queenie slips between the girls and wraps an arm around my waist. “I’m so grateful that you and King came into our lives.”
“Me, too, Queenie. Me, too.”
The sound of cheers coming from the jumbotron has us all turning to see what’s going on. I expect we’ve been so immersed in our conversation that we’ve missed the beginning of the second period. But that’s not it at all.
On the screen is Jake. He’s gotten rid of the carrier and he’s holding baby JJ in his arms, and beside him is Ryan.
I can see the family resemblance.
Pieces of myself, of Jake, of Ryan.
JJ may have come along when we least expected him, but he’s certainly going to know what it’s like to be part of a big, amazing family who loves him with our whole heart.
EPILOGUE
Strangely Perfect, Perfectly Strange
Jake
“DA-EE! CAN I show Scout how to play hockey? Pee-se!” JJ pulls on the hem of my shorts, looking up at me with his wide, dark eyes. His hair is the same color as Hanna’s and has the same unruly waves. It appears as though we never brush it, and there’s a flip at the front that makes him look like he’s part of an aspiring toddler boy band.
I crouch down so I’m at eye level with my son. There’s some kind of orange residue around his mouth. Probably from a Popsicle. I pat my pockets, but I don’t have a tissue on me. “You’ve got something on your face,” I tell him.
I’m about to try to wipe it away with my thumb, but he twists his head away. “Mommy will get it for me. She more gentle than you.”
I chuckle. He’s not wrong about that. Hanna is a gentle soul. And that softness and warmth make her an incredible, patient mother.
“You can give it a try, but he might not be able to get the hang of it. Tell the boys to use the foam pucks and make sure Scout gets the red plastic stick, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Da-ee.” He runs full tilt to where Queenie is sitting with my grandson, Scout, at her side, eating what I’m guessing is probably his seventeenth Arrowroot biscuit. That kid always has food in his mouth and he’s forever holding a sippy cup of milk. He seems to be a lot like his dad in that respect.
Alex, Ryan, and I watch as JJ skids to a stop in front of Queenie and Hanna. “You want me to tell the boys to switch out the plastic pucks?” Ryan asks.
I shake my head. “Nah, they know the drill.”
And they do. Because we spend a lot of time together. It’s the best kind of built-in family.
And even better is the fact JJ gets to grow up with his nephew Scout. Is the dynamic a bit strange? Definitely. But it’s only brought me closer to my daughter and my son-in-law, and nothing in the world beats that kind of love. JJ keeps me young in ways I didn’t expect, and I feel like the second time around I’m better prepared to handle raising a child. It helps that I have a partner who loves our son with the same intensity I do.
Hanna beckons JJ closer and takes his chin between her finger and thumb. Then she reaches into her purse and pulls out a wipe, clearing away whatever that orange business is on our son’s face. When she’s done, she plants a kiss on his puckered lips, then showers him with kisses and he giggles, burying his face in her side.
Eventually, he must ask about hockey, because both Queenie and Hanna look over where the older boys are shooting the puck around.
Queenie nods and JJ takes Scout’s pudgy hand in his, leading him to the edge of the rubberized hockey rink.
Kody and Maverick stop passing the puck as soon as they approach and they set up the “little kid” net, showing them how to shoot and aim. Maverick works hard at the sport, and Kody is the kind of natural that takes your breath away.
He’s almost flawless.
I can’t wait to watch him grow into his talent, and I’m almost sad that I’ll be retired by the time he’s ready to start his professional career. JJ could go either way. He’s equally as athletic as he is artistic. I’m excited to see him grow into his own person.
I turn my attention back to Hanna. She and Queenie have a unique relationship. They’re like sisters, but at the same time, she’s very much become someone Queenie goes to when she needs a mother figure.
JJ may have been an accident, but without him, I don’t think I’d have realized what my life had bee
n missing. A partner. A confidant. Someone to parent with, not around.
The last four years have been amazing. Exhausting, but amazing.
Having a child in your forties is no joke. The sleepless nights, the juggling work and family, and everything that life throws at you aren’t always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
After JJ was born, Hanna and I had a long discussion about what she wanted. I knew what I wanted as far as our relationship went. I’d known for months. I’d gone out and bought the engagement ring two weeks after JJ was born. I didn’t want to push too fast, worried I’d repeat the same mistakes as I had last time. But Hanna is a different woman. She’s invested in our son and us, as a couple and a family.
Still, I don’t ever want her to feel boxed in, so I let her set the speed. Two months after JJ was born, Hanna gave notice and broke her lease, aware she wasn’t ever going to stay there and the only time it ever got used was when we went on one of our grocery shopping trips. Which we made a habit of visiting every week until the lease ran out. After that, she figured we could drop JJ off at King and Queenie’s if we really needed to swing from the rafters. Which we’ve done a couple of times.
At the five-month mark, we had another discussion, this time about her return-to-work plan. It coincided with JJ learning how to roll over and his first teeth. The waking up in the middle of the night because his gums hurt was taking its toll on both of us. We knew it was temporary, though. So we powered through it. But we also knew there were more milestones coming, and we still had a handful of years before JJ was school age.
I want her to have the full motherhood experience, whatever that looks like for her. I don’t want her to have any regrets. And she is a phenomenal mother. Dedicated, patient, loving, and so, so gentle.
Six months after JJ was born, Hanna made the call to shift from her modified remote schedule with her accounting firm to working with Violet on a contract basis. It was the perfect solution and gave her the freedom she needed and the independence she loves. And the opportunity to work with one of my closest friends’ wife was definitely a plus. She needs her own friend group and colleagues to talk shop with, and I’ll support her in whatever way she needs me to.
A KISS FOR A KISS Page 24