The Roommate Arrangement

by Jae

  Steph wished she were out there instead, making people laugh in one of the biggest comedy clubs in the city. Well, she would get there, but first she needed to secure an apartment. Time to go talk to Ray.

  When Steph left the greenroom, the lobby was empty except for Brandon.

  “Hey, Brandon, can you point me in the direction of your new colleague?” Then, remembering that there were several, she added, “Where’s Ray?”

  “Outside, calling a cab for some girls from a bachelorette party who drank a little too much,” Brandon said.

  Steph wrinkled her nose. Bachelorette and bachelor parties were the worst audience ever. They often showed up drunk and expected the night to be about them, not about comedy.

  Well, if Ray could handle a group like that, he could handle a little fake romance to convince their future landlord they were worthy of his apartment.

  “Thanks. See you next week.” She gave Brandon a friendly wave and pushed through the glass doors.

  Ms. Doberman stood at the curb, keeping vigil over a cab that was pulling away, but there was no sign of Ray anywhere.

  Then Steph looked more closely. In the orange light of a neon sign forming the words The Fun Zone, she could make out a bulky figure leaning against the building. The black suit almost blended in with the near darkness, but the glowing tip of a cigarette gave away his position.

  Ugh. Ray’s a smoker. Steph decided she could deal with it, as long as he smoked only in his own room. But French-kissing to fool their landlord was definitely out.

  She walked over to him and cleared her throat.

  “Oh shit.” He tossed away his cigarette and frantically waved his hand to disperse the smoke, like a teenager who’d been caught smoking. Then he blew out a breath and slumped against the wall. “Man, I thought you were the boss. He doesn’t like it if we’re smoking on the premises.”

  “Nope, just little ol’ me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t. But I’m new, and I don’t wanna get in trouble my first month here.” He ran a hand over his crew cut and produced a pack of smokes from somewhere, which he held out to her. “Want one?”

  “No, thanks,” Steph said. “I came out here because my friend Gabe said you’re looking for a place closer to the club. I heard about an unlisted two-bedroom apartment we could share. Interested?”

  He froze with the lighter raised halfway toward the cigarette dangling between his lips. “Uh…”

  “It’s only a couple of blocks from here,” Steph added. Why was he staring at her as if she had offered her services as a hit woman?

  “Not sure that’d be a good idea,” he mumbled around the unlit cigarette. “I’ve got a girlfriend, and I don’t think she’d like me moving in with another chick.”

  “Oh.” Steph chuckled to cover her embarrassment. “Sorry, Ray. Gabe failed to mention that.”

  Now he stared at her again, his jaw so slack that he was close to losing his second cigarette too. “Looks like he failed to mention something else too.”

  “What?”

  He finally took the cigarette out of his mouth. “My name’s Carlos.”

  What the fuck was going on here? Steph blinked up at him. “Then who the hell is Ray?”

  “I am,” a deep but unmistakably female voice came from behind her.

  Steph whirled around.

  Ms. Doberman stood in front of her, strong arms folded over her chest. The neon sign threw flickering lights across her striking face, which carried a don’t-mess-with-me expression.

  “Y-you…? But…but I thought…” Steph glanced back and forth between Ms. Doberman and her male colleague. “You are Ray?”

  “Looks like it.” Ms. Doberman tapped the name tag pinned to the lapel of her suit jacket.

  Earlier, Steph hadn’t paid it any attention. Now she squinted to read it in the dim light.

  Rae, it said. With an e, not a y.

  Oh shit.

  Ms. Doberman—Rae—observed her with an impassive gaze. “Problem with that?”

  Steph lifted both hands, palms out. “Oh, no, no, I just…” God, she was going to kill Gabe as soon as she got her hands on him. Slowly. Painfully.

  “Um, I think I’ll go see if Brandon needs any help keeping an eye out for hecklers.” Carlos squeezed past them and hurried inside.

  Rae didn’t move. She kept fixing Steph with that cool gaze of hers. In the near darkness in front of the club, Steph couldn’t make out her eye color, but something about her eyes seemed off somehow, though Steph couldn’t put her finger on what it was. Maybe the low light was playing tricks on her.

  “You were looking for me,” Rae said. “You found me. What did you want?”

  Jeez, she wasn’t one to mince words. Steph hesitated. Should she still go through with her plan? She took a deep breath. Yeah, why not? She and Rae had gotten off on the wrong foot, and they’d probably never sit on the couch and watch Netflix together, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be roommates, right? Break-ins had been on the rise in Beverly Grove for the last couple of years, so if they sold Rae as someone who worked in the security industry, they’d have a better chance of getting the apartment.

  But this time, she’d approach it a little differently so she wouldn’t embarrass herself a second time, as she had with Carlos. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “Pardon me?” It sounded like a growl.

  “Or a boyfriend,” Steph added quickly. With her chiseled features, her swimmer’s build, and the cut of her black hair—short on the sides and back, but longer on top—Rae looked like a lesbian or a queer woman, but Steph didn’t want to stereotype. There were plenty of tough-looking straight chicks after all, or Rae could be bi or pan.

  “If that’s your attempt to tell me a joke, you’re bombing.” Rae turned on her heel and headed toward the door with a powerful stride, no doubt intending to close it after her, leaving Steph outside.

  “Wait!” Steph rushed after her and grabbed Rae’s arm to stop her.

  Rae froze. The muscles of her forearm seemed to turn into a block of concrete beneath Steph’s fingers. Slowly, she turned her head and looked down at Steph’s hand. Her gaze had the intensity of a laser beam.

  Steph wrenched her hand away as if she’d been burned. “Look, I know I started this all wrong, but please hear me out.”

  Rae’s stance didn’t soften, but she gave the tiniest of nods, indicating that she would listen.

  Okay, here goes nothing. “My friend Gabe said you’re looking for an apartment closer to the club.”

  Rae turned so she was facing Steph, who bit back a smile.

  Gotcha! She had Rae’s full attention now, but she had to reel her in carefully. “I just heard about a great two-bedroom apartment not too far from here. The tenants are moving out, and they are looking for someone to take over their lease.”

  “What’s the catch?” Rae asked.

  Steph tried not to shuffle her feet under Rae’s probing gaze. “Well, the rent is over two grand, so I’m looking for a roommate.”

  “Roommate.” Rae tilted her head. “You mean, you and me…living together?”

  Steph quirked her lips. The way Rae had said that, as if it was an entirely foreign concept to her, was almost cute. “That’s usually what a roommate arrangement implies.”

  Rae’s brows bunched together. “If I said yes, would you always be such a smart-ass?”

  “In the interest of full disclosure…yeah, probably. My family says I don’t have an off button.” Steph tried out her most charming smile on Rae, but the woman’s expression gave nothing away. “So are you interested?”

  “How close to the club is the apartment?”

  “Walking distance.”

  Rae’s brooding expression lightened. She rubbed her strong chin. “And I’d get my own bedroom?”

&
nbsp; “Of course,” Steph said. “Even though it would officially be a guest room or a home office.”

  “What?”

  Damn. She’d nearly had her, but now Rae looked at her with that suspicious expression again. “The landlord is a bit of an asshole. I mean, not that I know him, but he insists on renting to couples only. So you and I—”

  “Forget it,” Rae said.

  “Thank you very much. Has anyone ever told you, you’re killer on a girl’s ego?” Steph reached out to nudge her but then pulled back. She playfully puffed out her chest and fluffed her hair. “Just so you know, there are dozens of people all over the country who’d love to be my significant other.”

  Rae arched her brows. “If you’re such a hot commodity, why aren’t you asking one of those plentiful people to move in with you?”

  “Because I’m not the relationship type, and I don’t want them to think otherwise,” Steph said. “You and I, we’d just pretend to be a lovey-dovey couple when we’re around the landlord. As soon as the lease is signed, you can go back to scowling at me.”

  Rae stared out into the darkness or maybe at the flickering neon lights of Melrose Avenue.

  Steph waited, bracing herself for rejection.

  Finally, after what seemed like an hour but was probably only a few seconds, Rae directed her attention back toward Steph. “All right.”

  “All right?” Steph hopped up and down. “You’ll do it?”

  “Only if I like the apartment—and if you abstain from hugging me.”

  Steph froze because she’d been about to do just that. “No hugging. Check. Um, well, I might have to hug you or hold your hand in front of the landlord. We wouldn’t want him to think we’re about to break up, right?”

  Rae sighed. “Right.”

  “Great. Glad we’re on the same page.” Steph beamed at her. “So want to give me your name and number?”

  Rae just looked at her.

  “Jeez, I’m not trying to chat you up. I need your number so I can call you once I set up a meeting with the landlord, and we won’t be very believable as a couple if we call each other ‘hey, you.’”

  “Your family is right. No off button,” Rae grumbled. She took the phone Steph handed her and added her name and number to Steph’s contacts, then sent herself a text so she’d have Steph’s number too.

  Steph took the phone back and checked the small screen. “Pleased to meet you, Rae Coleman. I’m Stephanie Renshaw.” She held out her hand, but Rae just gave her a nod. “Wow, so I guess we’re really doing this.”

  Rae shrugged. “Guess so.”

  “Okay, then.” Steph decided to get going before Rae could change her mind. “I’ll call you as soon as I set something up with the landlord.”

  Rae gave her another nod.

  When Steph walked toward her car, she felt Rae’s gaze following her.

  “Stephanie,” Rae called.

  She turned and grinned. “Steph, please. If you call me Stephanie, I’ll think I’m in trouble.”

  “Somehow, I get the feeling that happens a lot,” Rae said.

  “What, now you’re a comedian too?” Steph asked.

  Rae let out a huff. “God, no. Just wanted to answer your question from earlier.”

  “What que—?” Then it occurred to her. “Oh, the girlfriend…or boyfriend question?”

  “Yeah,” Rae said. “I don’t have one.”

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong. You’ve got a girlfriend now, babe.” Steph blew her a kiss and sauntered off.

  CHAPTER 3

  What the hell had she gotten herself into? Even hours later, Rae still couldn’t believe she had agreed to Stephanie’s…Steph’s bizarre plan. She had enough complications in her life, so why hadn’t she told her no?

  The thought of sharing space with someone, especially someone who seemed as different from her as night and day, was already making her uncomfortable. She had grown used to living on her own and handling things her way. On top of that, she would also have to pretend to be happily in love with Steph.

  Happy. In love. She’d forgotten what either felt like. What on earth made her think she could pull this off?

  With a heavy sigh, she climbed into her Subaru.

  Just as she turned the key in the ignition, the first raindrops hit the windshield.

  Great. Rae sent a glare up at the night sky. So much for “It never rains in Southern California.”

  In the past, she would have welcomed the sporadic light showers LA sometimes got in November, but the rain made driving in the dark even harder.

  Sweat beaded on her forehead as she slowly backed out of the parking space.

  God, she hated that such a simple task was now giving her trouble. She had spent the past eight months trying to adapt and only looked for a new job once she could make it through the day without spilling drinks and bumping into doorways. But her depth perception was still dodgy, especially at night, without any shadows to help her judge how far away objects were. Her brain screamed at her that she was about to hit the bumper of another car, even though the Subaru’s camera and security features told her it was farther away than it appeared.

  Finally, she managed to navigate the SUV onto the street and tried to ignore the glare from oncoming headlights as she drove to her apartment in Silver Lake.

  This. She nodded grimly. This was why she had agreed to Steph’s outlandish plan.

  If they could convince the landlord to let them rent the apartment, she’d no longer have to drive at night. She could walk to the club and back, and that would be worth all the silliness that came with this arrangement.

  But Rae didn’t let herself hope for too much. Maybe the apartment would turn out to be an overpriced dump with a leaky roof, a broken AC, and more drug dealers than she’d ever arrested as her next-door neighbors. Or, with the luck she was having, Steph would turn out to be the roommate from hell. After all, how normal could a woman who came up with such a bizarre plan be?

  On Sunday morning, Steph hurried toward the café where she’d told Rae to meet her. “Sorry, I can’t talk long,” she said into her phone. “I’m meeting my girlfriend.”

  For several seconds, only the sound of a dog’s barking filtered through the phone.

  “Your…what?” her friend Penny nearly shouted. “Okay, what happened to you in Idaho? Drugs? Brainwashing? Some weird cult?”

  Steph laughed. “All right, I admit it. We’re faking it.”

  “Faking it?” Penny repeated. “Um, you know, Steph, I’m not sure I want to know that much about my best friend’s sex life. Not that I don’t already know all the details, since you’re not exactly shy about oversharing.”

  Steph huffed playfully. “You’re just jealous.”

  “Ha! You know I prefer dogs to women.” Penny paused. “Ugh, that sounded pervy, didn’t it? You know what I mean. A dog will never break your heart or drive you up a wall during PMS.”

  “Exactly what I’m always saying. Give me a dog over a relationship any day.” The one time in her life when Steph might have been interested in being someone’s girlfriend, she’d made a big mess of things and ended up hurting everyone. “Speaking of dogs…” She had reached Blue Bottle Coffee and lingered in front of the door to finish her conversation before going in. “Do you think your canine customers would appreciate a good-looking, friendly, not to mention modest dog walker?”

  “I’m sure they would. But I thought Gabe was allergic to dogs.”

  Steph could almost see the big grin on Penny’s sun-kissed face. “Hardy-ha-ha. You know I was talking about me. So can I have my old route back? Pretty please?”

  Penny didn’t answer immediately. “You know you left me in a bit of a lurch when you spontaneously decided to hit the road in January. That’s not fair to the other dog walkers—and especially not to the dogs. They ca
n’t understand why you just don’t show up one morning.”

  Steph winced and tried not to imagine how poor Moose might have felt when another dog walker had come to pick him up. “I’m sorry. I promise I’m sticking around for longer this time. Who knows? If I’m not on TV or headlining in the big clubs in four months, I might even come work for you full-time…if you’d have me.”

  “I’d love that.” More softly, Penny added, “But I’d love it even more if the comedy biz would finally realize how hilarious you are and you would achieve all your dreams.”

  Aww. For once, Steph struggled to come up with a joke to hide how touched she really was. “Tell me again why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “Better yet, why do you suddenly have one?” Penny countered. “Seriously, what’s up with that?”

  “I’m on my way to look at an apartment. I talked to the current tenant, and she agreed to let me take over the lease if the landlord agrees, but apparently, he has this thing about not renting to singles, so I found myself a fake girlfriend.”

  A couple with a stroller stared at her as they walked by.

  Penny blew out a noisy breath. “I swear, the ideas you come up with sometimes…”

  “Hey, don’t judge. Remember that little detail Claire let slip when you got her drunk on her birthday last year?”

  “For the hundredth time, I didn’t get her drunk. She was a bit tipsy at best, and all I did was to get her a bottle of red for her birthday because I had no clue what else to give her. How was I supposed to know she’s such a lightweight?”

  “Whatever,” Steph said. “But at least now you know that my sister did the same thing.”

  “Yeah, and she’s going to marry her fake girlfriend next year,” Penny answered.

  Steph chuckled. “I admit she’s taking the whole thing a little too far. But don’t worry. That won’t happen to me, no matter how hot my fake girlfriend might be.”

  “Is she?” Penny asked.

  Was she? Their first meeting last night had been so confrontational that Steph hadn’t stopped to think about the way Rae looked. Okay, at least not much. Of course she had noticed Rae’s powerful build. Now she peered through the café’s floor-to-ceiling window.