by Will Blue
Brandon looked up and saw his brother coming out of the room. At that moment, he regretted not taking the study session into his room. He had almost not let Adrian come over at all. Brandon saw the look in Braylon's eyes. He knew what he was thinking.
Adrian caught a glimpse of Braylon standing in the doorway as well. Braylon felt it was time for introductions to be made.
"What's going on?"
"Hey wassup."
"I'm Braylon." Adrian looked between Braylon and Brandon. The dots were connecting in his mind.
"Are you two twins?"
"Yep, fraternal." Brandon and Braylon answered at the same time. Adrian laughed. He had seen Tia and Tamera Mowry do it on Sister Sister, but it was funny to see two twins respond like that in real life. Either that was their standard response when asked or they really did share that twin connection.
"You two look almost exactly alike. I would have guessed identical."
"But we're not." They did it again.
"Umm Braylon, were you about to go somewhere?" Brandon saw the keys in Braylon's hand and prayed that he was about to make his exit.
"Naw, I just was going to my car to get my bookbag. I have some studying to do myself."
"Do you go to Hampton," Adrian asked. "I don't think that I have ever seen you on campus."
"I go to NSU."
"Did yall do that on purpose? Go to different schools?"
"Not really, but we kind of like it that way," Braylon responded.
"Yeah, we can't be our brother's keeper all the time." Brandon shot Braylon a look, but Braylon didn't care. He had his eyes on the prize.
"So what are yall studying?"
"Calculus. Have you taken it?"
"Actually, I am taking it now. Maybe I should sit down with yall and learn a thing or two. Brandon was always the smart twin." Braylon flashed Brandon a fake smile.
"That should be cool," Adrian said oblivious to the forming tension between brothers.
"I will be right back. We can order a pizza. My treat."
Braylon walked out the front door with Brandon right behind him. As soon as they got out of Adrian's earshot, a little brotherly showdown occurred.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"What do you mean, brother?"
"Studying? When did you ever do that?" Brandon wanted to knock the fake ass grin that Braylon had for the last five minutes off of his face.
"Well, you are always saying that I need to apply myself. And right now, I see something that I really want to learn more about."
"You are a bitch, you know that?"
"Why you getting upset? You know this is what I do. It's not like you were going to try to get at him. So why can't I?" Braylon grabbed his bag from the car and closed the door.
"You can't always have everything you want. Sometimes you gotta think about other people and their feelings."
"Don't worry bro. I will tell you all about how good it was later." Braylon walked off and left Brandon fuming and feeling powerless. Why did Braylon always have to win?
Chapter 6
If it wasn't for the radio, the ride home to Richmond would have been completely silent. Braylon and Brandon were not speaking to each other because of the incident that took place a few days ago with Adrian.
Braylon felt that Brandon was being overdramatic about the situation. In his eyes, he had done no wrong. It would have been one thing if Brandon was actively trying to get with Adrian, but that was not the case. He had not tried to steal Adrian's attention away from Brandon. Who was to say that Adrian even liked Brandon in the first place? Brandon was just being jealous. Once again, Braylon felt that Brandon was just mad because he wasn't the twin with the charisma.
Brandon felt a mix of emotions. He was pissed at Braylon for going after Adrian, but he was actually angrier at himself than anything else.
The things that Braylon had said by the car were actually close to being true. He wouldn't have made a move on Adrian. He knew that he probably wouldn't be Adrian's type at all. Adrian no doubt would find a suave prettyboy like Braylon, ideal and not an under-confident and overweight dude like himself.
Although it had been a relatively short trip, the tension made the ride seem longer. They were both glad when they turned into the driveway.
Their mother, Shirley, was already waiting for them at the door with a huge smile on her face. She loved her boys dearly and it felt like ages since they were last home.
Seeing their mother made them smile and some of the tension dissipated instantly. A mother's love could make even the darkest skies a brilliant blue.
"My babies! It's about time you two got here. I was expecting yall about an hour ago."
"Blame Braylon for that one," Brandon said as he got out of the passenger seat. "He didn't want to wake up this morning."
"And should I even ask who could have possibly be draining you of all your sleep," Shirley asked Braylon. He smiled uncomfortably like any son would when their mother was trying to pry into their sex life. Instead of giving her an answer, he just walked up to her and gave her a big bear hug.
"Hey mama."
"Hey baby. Yall hungry?" Both boys nodded enthusiastically. Their mom's cooking was worth the ride itself.
Neither of them had bothered to pack any bags for the weekend so they just walked right into their home. It had been a few months since they had been back. There was no excuse for being away from Richmond for so long especially since it was only a hop, skip, and a jump away from school. They both had just been busy with other things.
"Brandon, have you lost weight?" Shirley asked after she hugged her actual first born. Braylon had come out five minutes later kicking and screaming.
"I don't think so," Brandon replied.
"Oh well, I got a lot of good food in the kitchen to fatten you right back up. I cooked all of your favorites. Cabbage, collard greens, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn bread, candied yams, and an apple pie for dessert."
"Dang mama! How many people you trying to feed?"
"It's just us, but you two haven't been home in so long that I thought that a good home cooked meal was something that you would love. And then tomorrow, your auntie is having a barbeque so I will be baking a red velvet cake for that. Your father should be home any minute now so let's just wait for him. Okay? He will be so happy to see you both." Shirley stood back and looked at her sons still smiling. "I am just so happy that you two are home. Go upstairs and wash your hands before dinner."
"Yes mama," the boys said before each giving her another hug. They split of and went to their own rooms.
Everything in Braylon's room reminded him of a story. Each sports trophy on the shelf was tied to a different emotion. The prom picture on his dresser reminded him of his date with the prom queen. He hadn't been elected the prom king, but he did spend some time in the prom king's back court after the coronation.
Braylon's phone began to ring. It was Jerrell. Braylon let the call go to voicemail. He would talk to him later. Jerrell's emotions were probably still high. He would wait for them to calm down before they talked. This was not going to be like Antwone all over again.
Brandon was also going down memory lane in his own room. Everything was exactly the way that he left it. His pictures, awards, and even his old pair of glasses were unmoved from his dresser. He had to check under his mattress to be sure that the same could be said for everything else.
Under his mattress he hid a few Black Inches magazines and his old journal. He would just die if anyone got a hold to his journal. It housed all of his young secrets.
He flipped to the first page and read the first entry.
March 17, 2003
My life is bleak and has no meaning. I know that is depressing to say, but it is true. Today in gym class, Nick Henderson pulled my shorts down in the locker room and everyone laughed at me. I hate changing my clothes in there. Some of the kids make fun of me and call me fat. And when it is time to play, I
am always the last to be picked for teams. Me and Freddy Suarez are always left out. He has bad asthma. I wish that Braylon had been there. They wouldn't have laughed then!
Brandon went to another entry that had been written way later. Hopefully it would be more optimistic than his "life is bleak" opening.
September 25, 2005
Oh my God, where do I begin? I was at Anthony's house and we were watching wrestling on television. He tried to put me in some kind of move and I couldn't breathe. I flipped it on him and tried to put him in a headlock, but he is much stronger than I am. So we keep wrestling and I am losing badly. I grab hold to his legs to try to knock him down but his sweatpants fell off instead. He was wearing tighty whities underneath and I could see the imprint of his dick! And his butt looked so good in them too! I didn't know what to do but look. He quickly stepped out of his pants and once again tried to put me in a chokehold. I tried to act like I was trying to get out of it, but I wasn't. I think I felt Anthony get hard. I wish that there was someone I could tell, but I don't think anyone would understand. I wish Braylon could. He would probably tease me about it. You know, being gay and all.
Brandon began to laugh. If only Brandon knew then what he knew now. Years later he would find out that Braylon and Anthony actually messed around once. Braylon had been a hoe practically since birth and that made Brandon laugh harder.
"Ay yo, Mama said we could eat now. Dad's here," Braylon said poking his head into the room. Both of them were looking forward to eating, but not seeing their father.
As they sat around the dinner table, Shirley tried to make small talk. She asked the boys about school, tutoring, athletics, and everything else. She didn't ask if the boys were seeing anyone special though. She would never do that with Frank at the table.
"I heard that Janet Elroy's daughter done went off to college and gotten herself pregnant. You boys remember Tisha?"
"Yes ma'am," they both answered.
"It's a damn shame. I know Janet is pulling her hair out about the whole thing. That was the one thing that I know she told that little girl before leaving. Janet did not want to be a grandmother at only 45 years old. I wouldn't either."
"Well you don't have to worry about that dear," Frank said between bites of his food. "That is the one thing about having fags as sons. They can't get anybody pregnant."
"Frank!" Shirley exclaimed shocked at what her husband had said. The twins weren't surprised. They knew it was only a matter of time.
"Oh pardon me. I forgot that Braylon is only half fag. Maybe one day when he comes to his senses he will give us a grandbaby."
"That's quite enough, Frank!"
"You know, I just don't get you two," Frank continued ignoring his wife's pleas. "You are smart, good looking boys. You should be knee deep in pussy. Braylon, you had to beat them off with a stick when you were in high school. You probably still do. So why you are messing around with other boys, is what I don't understand. And then there is you, Brandon. You ran around telling everyone that you were gay just spreading your business. At least your brother kept it to himself, but not you. Now everyone knows that I have at least one faggot son."
"Frank, I said ENOUGH!" Shirley screamed as she slammed two fists on the table. "I want to talk to you now in the other room."
At first, Frank did not budge from his seat, but Shirley made sure to throw him a look to make him uproot himself from the table. Frank looked at his two sons, but didn't say anything. He just got up and followed his wife into the kitchen.
"You okay?" Braylon asked his brother.
"Yeah, you?" He nodded yes back.
"So are we leaving tonight or after the barbeque tomorrow?"
"I would say tonight, but you know mama would rather us stay at least tonight. We can leave right from Aunt Sharon's house."
"So much for a warm homecoming," Braylon said as he got up from the table.
"I know." Braylon and Brandon knew it would be a long time before they came home again.
Chapter 7
Braylon kept looking over at Brandon who was sitting quietly in the passenger seat of the car. They had just left their Aunt's and they were too glad to leave.
The twins were surrounded by loving family and friends whom they had not seen in some time, but their father would not let them enjoy the atmosphere. He was always there with some snide comment about the boys. He never said anything that ousted Braylon to anyone, but Brandon was a different case. He had been brutal. His double angst was focused on the openly gay brother.
If Frank did not say something about Brandon being gay, he said something about his weight. Brandon tried his best not to crack or cry, which he didn't. Luckily, outside of Shirley, Brandon, and Braylon, no one really took notice to Frank's antics.
When Braylon and Brandon started to make their way to the car, Shirley let them without hassle. She kissed them both double as much as she normally would have and hugged them even tighter. She wanted to make sure they knew that they were loved despite what Frank may do or say.
"I made us a few plates before we left. I figured that whole scene was making you lose your appetite," Braylon said. They had just made it to the interstate and were both eager to get back to their apartment.
"Thanks," Brandon responded somberly.
"You took some tough blows from Dad. You want to talk about it?"
Brandon did not reply. He just looked out of his window at all of the passing motorists. Braylon couldn't keep his eyes on the road. He was concerned about his brother. He wanted to know what was going on in his head. Braylon had a few things flying around as well. He wanted to discuss them, but did not want to force Brandon into a conversation that might make him shut down.
"Dad is an asshole," Brandon finally said. "A fucking asshole."
"You don't have to tell me. I know."
"No, you don't." Brandon started tearing up. Braylon noticed and pulled off the interstate and took the next exit. "Sometimes I really hate that man. I tell myself that if he would die tomorrow, I would not care. I wouldn't even shed a tear for him. He is not worth it. I have cried enough for that man."
"You don't mean that," Braylon said even though he knew Brandon did.
"Braylon, if you only knew what I did…"
"No, I know."
"You think you know, man."
"No, I am telling you that I do," Braylon said with enough emphasis that made Brandon look at him. Brandon still didn't believe him though.
"When we were about nine, I never told you this, Dad would come into my room and…" Brandon started crying harder which made his voice crack. It was all so hard to say. "He would come in and tell me to take my clothes off and…"
"You don't have to say any more. I know. I always knew." Braylon grabbed his brother by the hand. Brandon had the most confused look on his face.
"What do you mean? You always knew?"
"Well, not always, but I read your journal years ago. I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I read it. I apologize for that."
"You know." The statement sunk into Brandon's head. In normal circumstances, Brandon would have been mad that Braylon had read his private thoughts, but knowing that he did not have to actually say what happened all those years ago was a relief.
"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry."
"Well, I try to not think about it, but it's hard. I am reminded about it every time I look in the mirror. He stopped wanting me when I started to gain a little weight. I was happy for that. I could sleep without him coming in and waking me up. But that's when he started making fun of me and my weight. That's when he started to act like I didn't matter."
"And that's when he started coming into my room," Braylon interjected. Brandon was stunned.
"He did what?"
"Yeah, he got me too, I guess. He said he did it because of love, but that wasn't love. We both know that. That love bullshit was a lie. He is a sick man who couldn't get what he wanted from someone of his own age. I was quick to learn what was up. I told him
that if he didn't stop I would tell Mama."
"And he stopped?"
"Yeah, pretty much. He tried a couple of times, but he knew I was serious. I never told you because I thought that it was just me and I had handled the situation. When I read your journal years later, I thought it was best to not say anything. I didn't want to start some mess with us both being still in the house."
"That would have been some shit," Brandon said with an uncomfortable laugh. Braylon chuckled as well. He was happy to see that Brandon's tears were drying up. He was happy that the truth was out.