by April Lust
He turned his head and she kissed him. It started off light, almost friendly, the way a girl might kiss anyone who had a bad day. Then her tongue darted between his lips. She stirred, the dog moved, and she crawled into his lap.
“All right,” she said softly, tugging the hemline of the shirt up. “How about we set aside father issues for a while?”
“Well,” he licked his lips as she exposed the naked mounds of her breasts, “if you insist.”
It was, quite possibly, the best marathon ever.
# # #
“Dude, you are crazy.” Rudy bent over the open hood of a customer’s Cadillac. His ruddy face had a smear of grease on the cheek. The shop was full of work today, and most of the guys were bouncing around between jobs.
“What are you talking about?”
“That.” Rudy motioned with the torque wrench in the general direction of the shop’s office.
Through the blinds, the two of them could see Emma and Hannah chatting and smiling at customers. She was good at the business side of things.
“What about it?”
“All right, you aren’t just crazy, you’re stupid, too.” Rudy switched out tools and continued his work.
Kellan snorted. “Man, are you going to make sense anytime soon or are you just going to keep calling me names?”
“You said when this all started that it was just to keep her safe.”
Kellan shrugged his shoulders and looked away. “Yeah, so?”
“Falling for her is a safe thing?”
“Man, I’m not falling for her. She’s just…I dunno.”
Rudy rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“You got something to say?”
Rudy stood up. “I got plenty to say. Are you going to listen?”
“Spit it out.”
“That girl has been in love with you since she was fifteen years old. I expect her to get all stupid over you. Hell, she deserves to get all stupid over you. I was hoping she’d do it when she was sixteen or seventeen so she could get you out of her system and move on with her damn life.”
Kellan watched her through the blinds. She looked good today, even standing next to someone as primped as Han. There were some chicks who took hours to make themselves look as put together as Emma looked when she threw her hair into a ponytail and wiggled into some jeans. He liked the way she wiggled.
“You angry it’s happening now?”
“Yeah, man, I am.”
There was something in his tone that had Kellan looking back at him. “Are you jealous, Rudy?”
Rudy shook his head, and changed tools, popping an old spark plug out of the car and looking at it. They saw the tops, worn down to nearly nothing, coating in dark muck, both of them knew it was fried. “Not the way you think. I dunno, back in high school I might have been. I didn’t just take her to prom because she was my friend. But that’s not it now. Emma, she’s different. She’s smart, but a lot of people are smart, but here’s the thing. Most smart people? They get all bitter and jaded about the world because they know too much about too much shit.”
“Not Emma.” Kellan found himself defending her. He handed over the shiny new plug.
“Not Emma,” Rudy agreed, shoving the new piece into place. “She’s got this great big heart and all this love to give. Yeah, she hides it behind all her book-smarts, but you see it every time she pets that ugly ass dog of yours, or laughs with Hannah, or whatever. She’s this bright ray of sunshine and good will and you…well, fuck me, Kellan, you aren’t.”
“Fuck.” Kellan bent over the engine with Rudy. He wanted to be mad, and deep down there was a part of him that was, but the fact of the matter was that Rudy was right. “I can’t just drop her.”
“It’s pretty damn funny to me that you think dropping her is going to stop what you are feeling.”
“I thought we were talking about Emma.”
“We are, and you are involved. I mean, aren’t you the one screwing that great big smile on her face?”
Kellan couldn’t quite keep the grin off his mouth when he said, “Yeah, I am.”
“So you gonna be able to dump her when this is all said and done? Are you going to be able to walk away from all that?”
“Of course,” Kellan said. Even to him the tone sounded uncertain. “I dunno. The sex is good.”
“Whatever, man. A guy doesn’t look at a woman the way you are looking at Emma because the lay is good.”
The sound of a torque wrench tightening things into place interrupted their conversation. It gave Kellan a moment to consider what Rudy was saying. He wanted to say it was wrong, but he knew better. What could he offer Emma? A hard life in the critical eye of the law? For now, he could give her safety, protection from Gabriel and his screwed up brother, but what about when all of this was over? What could he offer her then? Nothing, not a damned thing.
He looked up and saw her looking at him. Her big blue eyes were so full of life and happiness. She hadn’t looked that way since she got back. Her smile brightened a few degrees when their eyes met and he found himself smiling back. She gave a little wave and he nodded in response.
It hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Shit.”
“You know what you gotta do,” Rudy said
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
# # #
“Well?” Hannah asked when there was a lull in customers. “How is it going?”
Emma felt a tingle run from the tips of her fingers down to her toes. Her mouth was grinning so hard it nearly hurt. “Good.”
“Good?” Hannah asked, eyeing Emma with a discerning gaze honed by having children. “Oh, sweetie, that is not the face of good. That is the face of a woman who has seen God.”
“So many times.” Emma sighed blissfully. She laughed and shook her head, and organized a pile of receipts from the day into a single pile, separating them from yesterday’s. It felt good to be doing something useful. Sitting at home was great for a break, but after the first week it had pretty much been torture. They were filling in while Kellan was off doing a different kind of business. Emma didn’t know what, and she wasn’t entirely sure she needed to. “God, that sounds so cheesy.”
Hannah shrugged one tanned shoulder and waved a flippant hand. “Sweetie, that’s all love is. It’s wine and cheese and not a whole lot else.”
“Wine and cheese?” Emma snorted. “Wow, you must not think much of love.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s, like, the perfect comparison.”
“What are you talking about?”
Hannah sighed and filed away the pile of paperwork for Joe to look at later. She spun back to Emma with a hand on her hip. “Okay, so, some days, especially in the beginning, love is really easy. It’s like bubbly moscato and slices of sharp cheddar. Crisp and happy and feels good but isn’t exactly the top shelf.”
Emma leaned against the office desk, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. Over the weeks she had learned it was Hannah’s lot in life to give out advice, even when it wasn’t particularly wanted. “Okay…”
“No, really. Hear me out. You wanna Coke?” She snatched up her purse and pulled out a roll of twenties.
“Holy crap.” Emma blinked as her friend pulled a single bill out of the large stack. “Business must be good.”
“Oh, business is great, but this?” She waved the money around. “This comes from having a man in the club. You know what they say, crime pays.”
But is it worth it? Emma wanted to ask. Was it worth it knowing he could go out and get shot? That he could die because another group of like-minded people wanted to come in and take over the illegitimate businesses and make sure it was their illegal merchandise that was getting sold? She glanced away from Hannah and back towards Kellan, whose dark hair was pulled back by a red bandanna. Had she ever seen him with his face completely relieved of hair?
“Coke?” Hannah offered again.
“Dr. Pepper if they have it.”
“Sure thing, swee
tie.” Hannah popped the bill into the machine and punched in their orders. “What was I saying?”
“Bubbly moscato and sharp cheddar.”
“Right! Okay, so that’s just the beginning, right? All that tasty happy going on. It’s good stuff and it can make you put on some pounds, but it’s not really perfect. Perfect comes later. It comes with a little work and a little time.”
“Like cheese and wine.” Hannah twisted the top off of her drink and took a long drink.
“See, now you are getting it. Don’t get me wrong, some days it’s Kraft singles and that cheap boxed shit. You’ll eat it because you gotta, but you don’t really like it.”
“Wow, that’s weirdly philosophical.” Emma glanced up and watched as Kellan worked alongside Rudy. A wave of tranquility washed through her. It felt good to see him, to feel comfortable in a space that was designated as his.
“I dunno, you think about this kind of stuff when your little one is crying at three in the morning.” Hannah held up the bottle. “Which is when you wish you could IV this stuff.”
“How is the little one?”
Hannah turned into an effervescent mommy as she pulled out her cell to show a bunch of pictures of the kids. Emma felt the itch of friendly jealousy spark inside her belly. It wasn’t the angry kind of jealousy that turned best friends into worst enemies, but the gentler kind that made Emma yearn for something she didn’t have.
She’d always wanted a family. Perhaps it was unpopular now, but Emma wanted to have the job, the husband, and the house with the picket fence. Maybe it was all those years she’d gone without one, or maybe it was a socially constructed impossibility. She didn’t know, and right now, seeing Hannah light up like a New Year’s chandelier, she didn’t really care.
“What is it, Emma?” Hannah put her hand on her arm. The fingers were gentle.
“Hmm?” Emma realized that Hannah had been asking her something. “I’m sorry, my mind drifted.”
“To what?” Her big brown eyes were filled with mischief.
“Babies.”
Hannah gave a little squeak. The playful gleam turned into something commiserating. “Oh my god, Emma, Are you pregnant?”
“What? No, of course not. We literally just started having sex, like, two weeks ago.”
Hannah snorted and slid her phone back into her purse. “Honey, two weeks is really all it takes, but hey, none of my business until you make it my business. Are you making it my business?”
Emma blushed and admitted, “A little.”
“All right, you are going to have to explain what you mean by that.”
Emma sighed and dragged a hand down her face. This kind of thing was easier to think about than talk about. “I love him. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. He’s got all these issues where relationships are concerned. And I know that we’ve talked about this already but every day I feel more and more like this is a real relationship. I made him breakfast this morning, I didn’t even have to ask how he wanted his toast or coffee.”
“That’s the stuff right there.” Hannah nodded, making her ponytail dance. “So what are you going to do?”
“What can I do?”
A kind arm slung around Emma’s shoulders. “You could tell him. I mean, I know, I know, communication and blah, blah, blah. But you have to let him know where you stand, and what you want, or everyone is just going to end up hurt.”
“You are an awesome friend, but sometimes I think you are crazy.”
“Both can be true.” Hannah smirked. “Hey, listen, Rudy and I were going to go do dinner and dancing tonight. I got a sitter and everything. Why don’t you two join us?”
“Like a double date?”
“Well, no. I mean, a couple of the guys from the club are going to be there, some are bringing dates, so it’s kind of a group thing.”
“Is Samantha going?” Emma asked. She didn’t mean to sound bitter, but it came out that way anyway.
“Oof, that was mean. Did something happen?”
“Not really.” Emma drank the last of her soda and deposited the bottle in the bin. “I mean, she calls him whenever she has an excuse, and texts him all the time. Like, I get it, she wants him. I can’t blame her for wanting him, but I can blame her for going after someone who isn’t reciprocating. That kind of thing bothers me.”
“No shit.” Hannah laughed.
“No really, I mean, okay, here’s the thing. If it were a guy doing that to a girl, would people just shrug it off?”
“Well, the difference here, hon, is that the guy is armed.”
“Maybe I should just be nice to her.”
“Emma, sweetie, did you hit your head?” Hannah plucked at Emma’s hair in a dramatic effort to find an invisible wound. “I think you just said we should be nice to the woman who is trying to steal your man.”
“He’s not my man,” Emma corrected. She sighed and plopped herself down in the office chair. The sun was coming in the window, turning the whole office a pale orange. She could see dust motes dancing in the air. “Maybe she’s lonely. A lot of girls seek out male attention because they feel unwanted by their female peers.”
“Jeez, how many college classes did you take?”
“Too many.” Emma laughed.
“You know you sound like a textbook half the time?”
“I was a lonely kid. Books and animals, that’s what kept me going.” Emma smirked.
“When are you gonna get the money from your dad’s stuff?”
“Lawyers are still processing stuff, but it’ll clear up before I go back to school.”
“More textbooks.” Hannah butted her shoulder against Emma’s and the two women shared a companionable laugh.
Emma couldn’t say anything to that because the owner of the Cadillac came waltzing up in her four-inch heels and a brand new hairdo.
“Hi, Samantha!” Emma smiled, doing her best to make it look sincere. “How are you today?”
Samantha ran a hand through her perfect hair. It fell into place in just the right way. “Fine.”
Emma and Hannah exchanged a look. Hannah gave a tiny shake of her head. “Hey, Samantha, listen, Hannah and I were—”
“Is my car ready?” Samantha interrupted.
“I…” Emma glanced out the door. “I don’t know, I’ll have to—”
“Never mind, I’ll just go ask myself.”
Samantha waltzed through the door before Emma could say anything else. Emma watched through the blinds as half the guys in the auto shop stopped working so they could watch those long, long legs saunter through their work zone.
“You need to cut her.”
“Violence is a terrible way to get a point across.”
“You heard me, that girl needs to get cut down a few inches. Look at her, waltzing in here like she owns the place and everything in it. Perfect little princess.”
Samantha paused in front of her Cadillac, fixing a big bright smile on her sculpted face. Emma couldn’t hear what she said but it had Kellan glancing up and smiling.
“See that?” Hannah said.
“Yeah,” Emma said softly, “I see.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing,” Emma admitted. “And there is nothing to do. I know, I know. I should walk in there and claim my territory or whatever it was you said, and maybe you are right. But, Han, that’s not me. I didn’t want to play those kinds of games when I was in school, and I am certainly not going to play them now. If Kellan wants her, he’s going to have her.”
The sound that Hannah made was somewhere between a snort and a laugh. “That’s a piss-poor way of backing out.”
“I’m not backing out. I don’t want to fight for something that isn’t even really mine in the first place.”
Emma watched the perfect woman wrap an arm around Kellan’s shoulders. For a moment, just a moment, she thought she saw him pull away. Her heart gave a leap. Then he settled back against her and her exultation sank down to her knees.
“Hey, you okay?” Kellan asked that night over dinner.
In the end, Emma had decided not to bring up going out with the group. She hadn’t wanted to be around people anymore. Instead, she and Kellan had picked up pizza on the way home as Emma no longer felt hungry. She stared down at her single slice of olive and sausage and felt no inclination to take more than a bite.