by M. T. Pope
I stood, staring at him for a minute, seeing the coldness that I had been responsible for bringing to his eyes. Confusion and pain was running through me, but I couldn’t stay any longer and subject myself to his rejection. I didn’t bother to call the police, as they were known for taking hours to show up. Instead, I limped back to my car and checked my phone to see if Lela had called. She sent me a text, asking what was so urgent. I texted her back, asking her to meet me at the QuikTrip in Fairview Heights as soon as possible. Her reply was: On my way.
I drove to the QuikTrip to meet Lela, and was glad to see her car parked away from all the others. By now, I was angry and I needed some answers. How did this happen when this was supposed to be a hush-hush situation?
I got out of my car, slamming the door behind me. I limped over to Lela, who had already gotten out of her car. The pictures were in my hand and I handed them over to her.
“Please tell me how or why those pictures exist. We were in your house, Lela, and I trusted you!”
Lela looked at the pictures, seeming to be shocked as her eyes widened. “I ... I’m not sure. William has been acting very strange and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was somewhere taking pictures of us, or paid someone else to do it.”
I put my hand on my hip, after I smacked away a tear. “Really now,” I said, not believing her. “The pictures were too close-up, and it didn’t seem as if they were taken from far away. How could they have been taken without you knowing it?”
Lela shrugged, as if she really didn’t care. Her gestures pissed me off, as well as her vague answer. I pointed my finger at her. “You need to find out where those pictures came from. And if I find out that you had anything to do with this, Lela, you will find yourself in big trouble. I wanted to tell Aaron about this in my own time, and not like this! For you to force me into a situation like this was so wrong and how dare you do this to me!”
Lela stepped forward to console me, but I pushed her away and continued to rant. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted. “You have no idea how I feel right now and—”
She interrupted me. “Are you going to listen to what I have to say or not?”
“I will, if you’re willing to be honest about those damn pictures. I’m sure there are plenty more where those came from. Do you and your husband get off on this type of shit? That’s what it is, isn’t it? You screw women in your house so the two of you can sit back, eating popcorn, and watch. I shouldn’t have ever gone there with you. How could I be so damn stupid to trust you?”
Lela looked at her watch and sighed. “Let me know when you’re finished. I have a busy day ahead of me and need to get my rest.”
“Well, rest on this,” I said, slapping the shit out of her. Her head jerked to the side, as my slap caught her completely off guard. She reached out to me, gripping my hair so tight and causing my scalp to scream.
“Listen! I don’t fight overly emotional hoes, I fight wars! Get your shit together, and when you’re ready to talk to me like you have some sense, call me. If not, chalk this relationship up as a loss and be done with it!”
She shoved my head away, and quickly got back into her car. As she drove off, I continued to rant and call her every name in the book that I possibly could. I couldn’t believe all of this had happened to me in one night, and at the end of the day, it left me distraught and thinking hard about where I’d go from here.
Chapter 6
Lela was done, and so was Aaron. So, where did that leave me? Without anyone. For the last few weeks, I had reached out to both of them, apologizing to Aaron, and trying to get Lela to explain why those photos had been taken. She stressed through a text message that she had nothing to do with those photos, but admitted that cameras were, indeed, all around her house. She also said that he was glad he’d found out about us, so I suspected that she knew the cameras were there all along. I was appalled to learn that, and when she said that she was making plans to soon divorce her husband, I didn’t trust her words. It didn’t matter anyway, because she sent me a text saying that she had to move on. Blamed me for not listening to her and allowing her to find out what had happened. Then she said that being with a woman like me, who she felt was abusive, didn’t sit right with her. I mean, what else did she expect me to do, and wasn’t she the one who called me an overly emotional ho? She seemed as if she didn’t give a damn about those pictures, or about the damage they had caused me. When all was said and done, those pictures were taken when the two of us were supposed to be alone. I never would have allowed her to do those things to me if I knew cameras were anywhere near. There was no telling who else would get a hold of them, and all that was left inside of me was bitterness. Being with her was no different from being with a man, and either way, drama existed.
As for Aaron, the election was only a month away and he didn’t have time for me and my mess, as he put it. Too many people had been asking questions about us, and it didn’t look good that he was having personal problems. I felt so guilty for bringing unwanted trouble to his campaign, but it was a good thing that only a few people knew the real reason why our relationship had gone down the drain.
While sitting on the L-shaped sofa in my penthouse, thinking about all that I had done, I realized that I had no one to blame other than myself. I should have been honest with Aaron from the beginning, but being so wasn’t that easy. I had to figure out the new me first. How would being this way change my life? Why didn’t I have the kind of desires for men as I’d had for women? That was only a thought, and if that was the case, then why was I now missing Aaron? Missing Lela too, but perhaps my anger wouldn’t let me go back to her. Besides, she’d given me my walking papers, with little or no acceptable excuse about those pictures.
I sipped from the cup of Chinese tea that was on the table in front of me. My penthouse was getting kind of chilly, so I stood to turn up the thermostat. Until it got a bit warmer, I gathered my thigh-high silk robe in front of me and tightened the belt at my waist. I put socks on my feet, and just as I got ready to return to the couch, I heard a knock at my door. It was after ten o’clock at night, so I rushed to the door, thinking it was Kate and the kids, needing my help. It could have been Aaron, too, and maybe he was here to talk? They were the only two who had access to my penthouse, but when I thought more about it, Kate had distanced herself from me, so the possibility of it being her was slim. Every time I called her, she rushed me off the phone. I was so worried about her, but she asked me to let her live her own life, so I did.
Looking through the peephole, I saw Aaron standing with his hands in his pockets. I opened the door to greet him.
“Can I come in?” he asked, dressed in a tan business suit, with a soft peach silk shirt underneath.
“Sure,” I said, widening the door. He stepped inside, waiting by the door until I closed it.
“What’s up?” I asked. “What brings you here?”
“I’d like to have a talk with you. Some of the things that I said aren’t sitting right with me and I want to clear them up.”
I had a lot on my mind too, so I invited Aaron to take a seat with me on the cushioned seat by the window, so we could take in the awesome view of the city. He removed his jacket, laying it on his lap as we faced each other to talk.
“First, let me apologize for some of the hurtful things I said to you. That night was just downright crazy and I didn’t know how to handle what I saw in those pictures. I felt ... less of a man, Sky, and I never thought, in a million years, that you enjoyed having sex with women. I’m surprised that our relationship went on for so long without you saying something to me about your feelings. Why didn’t you say something?”
“Do you know how hard it is for people like me to come clean? I’ve fought my feelings for so long, and really didn’t know what was going on with me. When I realized it, I tried to tell myself that you were the only person I needed, and what was going on inside of me was just a fad. I’ve always had desires for women, Aaron, but it wasn’t until recently tha
t I acted on my feelings.”
“I know it’s been difficult to come forth, but when did you and this woman meet? I remember seeing her at the community center that night, but how long has this been going on?”
“For most of the summer. I met her at the community center, then again while we were at Scott Air Force Base. I liked her a lot, and decided to pursue those feelings inside of me. We instantly became friends, and I decided to step it up a notch.”
“So, do you ... Are you still seeing her and would you prefer to be with her instead of me? I still love you very much, Sky, and I will do whatever it takes to make this work.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted this to work, but I had been missing Aaron a lot. “The relationship between Lela and me is over. I had an argument with her the same night I had one with you. I don’t want to say much else about it, but I don’t see us ever going down that road again. As for us, I’m not sure about how I feel, and I’m still confused about who I am. I’ve hurt you so much and I don’t know if you will ever be able to forgive me for what I did, or if I’ll be able to forgive myself.”
Aaron took my hands, holding them with his. “I forgive you and I truly believe this is just a phase you’re going through. You’ll get over it, but in the meantime, I’m anxious to make you mine again. Maybe I need to step up my game, and I have no problem doing that. Just give us another try, and if you decide that you’re not feeling this, let me know. I’ll back off, but meanwhile, I would love for you to put your ring back on and become my fiancée again. You don’t have to pick a date for our wedding until you’re ready to. And even if that’s too much for you to do, I do understand. I just want my woman back, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
I smiled at the seriousness in Aaron’s eyes. He was so deserving of my love, yet I still had some reservations about us, because I didn’t see this as being a phase. But for now, I still had feelings for Aaron. I felt blessed that he’d forgiven me, so why not give us another try? “One day at a time,” I said to him. “I’m willing to move on with you, again, one day at a time.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
Aaron’s eyes dropped to my lips, and just to see if he still had it like that, I kissed him. It was nice, so there were no complaints. Even when we wound up in the bedroom that night, making love, Aaron was giving it his all. He, indeed, stepped up his game; yet and still, I held back, unable to give him my all. At this point, I wasn’t sure if there was something about Aaron that didn’t sit well with me, or if it was actually me, thinking about my sexual encounter with a woman who couldn’t be washed away from my thoughts. I felt as if I was back to square one with this, but at least Aaron seemed satisfied. I knew that putting his happiness before my own would cost me dearly, and this was what it felt like to be in a struggle for true love.
The election was just around the corner. We had all been running around like crazy, doing our best to make sure Aaron would one day be on his way to Congress to make some serious changes. I had put my career on hold just to go to his office four days a week to help out. Cold calling was my specialty, so I spent numerous hours trying to get out the vote.
My sister Kate had even joined in on the efforts. She’d finally got up enough courage to leave Ray, even though that wasn’t until he blacked her eye again. I couldn’t believe that all of us thought Ray was all that and treated her like a queen. He wasn’t, but he would be the one to suffer because my sister was a damn good woman. She and the kids were staying with me until she found a job so she could move out on her own. Ray had pretty much stripped her of everything, and was trying his best to make life for her a living hell. Then there was Momma, who thought Ray was so awesome until she found out he had been abusing Kate. Momma was glad that Kate had left Ray, but was disappointed that Kate hadn’t moved back home with her. She was always trying to find something to gripe about, so Kate and I, both, limited our phone calls, as well as visits. It was depressing talking to someone who was always so negative. Kate had enough on her plate to worry about, and quite frankly, so did I. I had given Aaron a wedding date that was only four months away. I always wanted a winter wedding, and January would suit me just fine. To me, time was running out. I had a someone who truly loved me, and I didn’t want to let this opportunity pass me by again. I didn’t think that being with Lela was a big mistake, only because it gave me a chance to explore other options. The chances of anyone else coming into my life as Lela had done were rare, and this time around, I would allow no one to come between me and Aaron.
Aaron paid Kate to do some side work for him. She was filing away some papers and I was making some cold calls. The air conditioner had broken, and since the kids were there with us too, I told Kate to get them out of there and take them home. She wasted no time doing as I had asked.
“We’ll see you at home,” she said. “Don’t you stay too long either. Don’t want you to pass out, and since you haven’t eaten anything all day, I know you’re hungry.”
“Starving,” I said. “But I’ll get something to eat in a little bit. See you all no later than ten or eleven.”
Kate put her hand on her hip. “That’s like five hours from now. I hope Aaron appreciates all that you do for him.”
“I do. I swear I do,” Aaron said, standing in the doorway stretching. He loosened his tie and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Baby, why don’t you go get us something to eat? You don’t have to stay around much longer, but I am hungry as hell.”
“I was just telling Kate that I was going to. What are you in the mood for?”
“What I’m in the mood for, I can’t say around Kate and the kids. But for now, how about some White Castles or something?”
Kate and I frowned. So did the kids. “Not in the mood for those, but don’t some riblets from Applebee’s sound good? I like that spinach dip, too, and I know you love those boneless hot wings.”
Aaron rubbed his stomach. “But, how long will we have to wait for something like that?”
“It’s called Carside To Go, honey. I’ll call it in on my way there.”
“Sounds like a winner.”
Aaron said good-bye to Kate and the kids, then went back into his office and shut the door.
“I really like Aaron,” Kate said as I walked to the car with them. Donnell was hugging my waist and Leslie was a few steps in front of us, kicking rocks.
“I like him too. He’s what I need right now and I feel really blessed.”
“Like him,” she said. “I hope you love him. I remember when I used to feel the same way about Ray. He seemed to be the perfect man, but there was something inside of me that knew he wasn’t right for me.”
I looked at Donnell, as I didn’t want him to listen in on our conversation. “Go catch up with your sister,” I said to him. “Let me talk to your mother.”
He stepped forward and started kicking the rocks with Leslie. “I do love Aaron, but of course I have reservations about getting married. I just want things to work out, Kate. I don’t want my marriage to wind up like Momma’s, but I don’t want to be an old lady living alone, either. So while I have a few concerns, I’m confident that Aaron will do right by me, that we’re going to have a whole bunch of kids, and that we will celebrate our fiftieth anniversary together.”
Kate chuckled. “I was there before too, you know, and I’m in no way trying to shatter your dreams. I just want you to be happy, and if you feel Aaron is the one, then that’s all that matters.”
I gave Kate a hug before she and the kids got in the car and she sped off. Rushing to get my food, I sped down the highway, swerving a bit as I used my cell phone to call Applebee’s. I placed my order, then pulled over to a gas station to pump gas. I went inside to pay, and when I came back out, Lela was leaned against my car with her arms folded. Her braids had been removed and her long, feathery hair hung on her shoulders. Like always, she was dressed in camouflage, with black boots that reached above her ankles. The sight of her gave me chills, but I took a hard s
wallow and proceeded toward her.
“I thought that was you,” she said, looking me over.
Pretending as if I wasn’t excited to see her, I opened my car door and got in. Before I could grab the door to shut it, she grabbed it.
“Just five minutes of your time,” she said. “And I won’t bother you anymore.”
I left the door open, and she squatted next to me. “I apologize for not reacting to those pictures like you may have wanted me to, but I was so upset with my husband for doing something so trifling that I didn’t know how to respond. All I could think about was all of the hurtful things that he’d done to keep me apart from those I care about the most. From my parents to my brother and my past relationships, he’s interfered. This thing with you was the last straw and I’m tired of losing out on having relations with the people who I care about the most. I was falling in love with you, Sky. And even though our relationship may have been rushed, we had something so special that I’d been dying to have for years. Not that any of that matters to you right now, but I wanted you to know that I’ve started to make some changes. He’s threatened to go to the army with those pictures and some other stuff that he has on me too. I may be ass out, but I’m fighting every day to move up the ranks and continue to do a job that I really love doing. Don’t know how all of this will turn out, but wish me luck.”
I couldn’t even respond before Lela moved forward and kissed me. I thought for sure I’d back away, if not because of Aaron, because we were actually kissing each other in public for others to see. I guess hush was no longer the word and Lela was finally ready to put it all out there and lay it all on the line. She backed away from our kiss.