“I’m so sorry, Jordan,” he soothed. “I know I scared you, and I’d give anything to take that back. I—God, you’re the only sane thing in my life right now, the best thing, and I don’t want to lose you because I was stupid.”
He felt her relax a bit in his arms. That was a good sign. He’d hold her like this until she was back to being his again.
“Can you imagine us with a baby?” he asked, giving a slight chuckle.
She gave a soft laugh against his chest. “Crazy, huh?” she said.
He held on to her, never wanting to let her go. At some point, he felt her begin to squirm.
“I have to pee,” she said.
It reminded him that both of them were still covered in his semen.
“Of course,” he said letting her go.
He watched her escape quickly into the bathroom. He sighed and followed her, heading toward the sinks. He grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror as he washed himself up. His eyes ran over his large, muscular body, covered in tattoos. No wonder she had been terrified.
He heard the toilet flush and she stepped out, blinking rapidly as she saw him at the sink. She slowly approached the space next to his to wash her hands. He looked at her naked body, tiny in comparison to his and felt like a monster.
When she was done, he reached out again. He brought her into his chest and stroked her hair.
“Let’s go back to bed, okay?”
He felt her nod against him.
He walked the both of them back to the bed.
22
Jordan felt him fall asleep underneath her, then she shifted her body to stare at the ceiling.
There would be no sleep tonight.
Birth control pills.
She gave a silent, crazed laugh at the lie she’d so easily told. He had just been so upset. It terrified her to think what his reaction would have been if she had said no. So she’d told him what he wanted to hear.
She didn’t think he’d actually hurt her. She had just wanted it to stop. The panic. The yelling. The cursing. The craziness.
She’d been on birth control pills in college. It had been horrible: the acne, the weird hormonal issues, the headaches. After realizing that law school would be an exercise in celibacy, she’d gone off them. After all, there were still condoms, which she and Carter had used during the handful of times he’d come out to see her. She’d thought briefly about going back on them before this week, but it didn’t seem worth it for just the one week, especially since he hadn’t complained about the condoms.
Maybe she had nothing to worry about. What were the chances that this one tiny little mishap would result in a baby?
It was morning and she was still staring at the ceiling, having not slept a wink. She felt Carter stirring underneath her. She was both relieved and scared. Relieved that he would be awake to comfort her again. Scared that she might give herself away.
She needed to get out of here. There was no way she’d last the week, looking him in the eye every day, not knowing if she was actually pregnant with his child or not. How long did you have to wait before you could do a pregnancy test anyway? She was almost certain it wasn’t the very next day…was it?
No, she’d make up an excuse and go back to Austin.
“Hey, what’s up?” she heard Carter’s sleepy voice say.
It shocked her into paralysis. She let out a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Time to put on a poker face.
“Nothing,” she said a small laugh coming to her lips. She stopped it before it became too hysterical. “I’m just cold.”
“Well let’s take care of that,” he murmured, using his arm to curl her back into his chest and hold her under the covers. It felt wonderful, warm, and comforting.
It felt like a lie.
“So what are we gonna do about breakfast today? I think we might be stuck cooking. Frankly, I prefer it to yesterday’s little family gathering,” he laughed.
She joined with him, even though her heart wasn’t in it.
His mother. There was another little tickle. She certainly wouldn’t be happy about this.
She sat up and looked down at him, a bright smile masking the turmoil inside of her. “I’m famished, so let’s dig something up.”
He smiled up at her and shrugged, pulling himself out of bed. “Sounds good to me.”
She snuck a look at the time on the phone. 9 o’clock. Too early to get an “emergency” call from someone at school about anything. She’d wait until after breakfast. Then she could at least have one last meal with Carter. She would miss him, but there was no way she could keep this up the rest of the week.
As they made their way downstairs, she tried to calm herself down at least enough to get through breakfast.
She was fine. Everything was fine. She’d go back to Austin. In two weeks her period would come. She’d laugh it off, breathe a sigh of relief, maybe go through a brief bout of disappointment at having left Houston so soon, then come back after graduation and the two of them could pick up right where they’d left off.
They were in the kitchen making scrambled eggs, the one thing Jordan could make with some proficiency. As she whipped the eggs and milk with a beater she actually felt a little better. She felt fine. Perfectly normal. No weird tingles or sensitivity or pain.
Of course, she wasn’t pregnant.
She didn’t bother to dwell on the fact that it was far too early to have any signs.
She poured the eggs into the buttered pan that was heating on the stove while Carter scooped coffee grounds into the pot.
“So what shall we do today, Ms. Douglas?” he asked looking over at her.
She hadn’t thought about plans with him for today, having already made her alternate ones.
“Um, I don’t know, you decide.” She said shrugging as she began using a spatula to scramble the eggs in the pan.
“I have an idea,” he said enthusiastically. “Let’s visit the Museum of Natural Science. The IMAX there is showing a film on space. I’ve been wanting to see it for a while. It would be perfect with you there.”
She smiled into the pan, scrambling away. It did sound nice, and he sounded so excited about it. It made her feel guilty and sad. Maybe leaving could wait….
No, she definitely needed to go. Time to think. Time to herself.
Time to find out the truth.
“Sounds nice,” she said. She looked over at him with a bright smile. “It should be interesting.”
He gave her a big grin and nodded, looking over as the coffee pot announced it was done. He pulled down two mugs and poured them each a cup as she finished up the eggs. She turned off the stove and scraped most of the pan into one plate and the rest into another. She was far too anxious to eat much.
They sat in the little kitchenette area overlooking the backyard. She stared out at the pool as she forked a little at a time into her mouth.
“Not hungry?” he asked, looking down at her half eaten plate.
“Still full from last night I guess,” she said, shrugging with a smile.
She couldn’t do this. Pretend everything was A-Okay when it wasn’t. Once she was certain this had been nothing more than a stupid scare, she could come back to him.
“Hey, I’m going to go check my messages. I haven’t since yesterday,” she said, popping up.
He gave her a confused smile and shrugged, taking another bite of his eggs. “The eggs are great by the way,” he said.
“Thanks,” she responded as she walked quickly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
Once in the bedroom, she fell against the door taking a moment to breathe. She waited long enough to make it seem like she had checked her messages, then she headed back downstairs.
Carter was finishing up his eggs and looked up questioningly. He saw the look on her face and frowned.
“I’m sorry Carter,” she said. “There’s a minor emergency with law review and it looks like I have to head back ea
rly to put out a few fires before school starts.”
The frown turned into a look of disbelief. “What the hell?” he asked incredulously. “Can’t it wait? We’ve only had two days here.”
She had expected this and was prepared. “I wish it could, but if I don’t handle this now, it’s going to be an even bigger mess when I get back next week, and that would just interfere with school, so—”
“There’s no one in Austin who can deal with this? Why does it have to be you?”
“Because I’m the Managing Editor,” she responded testily.
“And you can’t do it over the phone or by email or something?”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t understand what goes into—”
“I understand someone is trying to lay all their mess on you and you’re just letting them.”
She was beginning to get angry now. “That’s not fair. My position is important with a lot of responsibilities, and sometimes that means canceling plans. I’m sorry we have to cut our week short, but you know how important law school is to me.”
“More important than me?”
“Are you seriously trying to make me choose?” she protested
“I guess I am,” he said standing up. “I’m not asking you to drop out of school here, Jordan. I’m asking you to do a little compromising. Let someone else put out the fires for once. Does it really have to be you?”
She just stared at him, unsure of how to respond.
“I thought not. So stay, Jordan,” he urged. “I have an idea there are ten people in Austin who could handle this, without you having to drive three hours back to fix it.”
She finally found her voice. “What if I told you to stay? Skip a game? Do it over the phone or by email? How would you respond?”
He sighed. “That’s different, Jordan.”
“Why? Because you make millions of dollars a year? Because you have a gazillion fans cheering you on? Because you’re famous? Don’t belittle my responsibilities just because you want someone to screw all week long.”
She hated herself the moment it came out, but her head was too filled with panic, and anger, and weariness, and God knew what else, to speak to him with anything even resembling calm rationality.
His expression was a mixture of shock and confusion. “That’s not why I want you to stay and you know it.”
She couldn’t let him lull her into staying. “I’m sorry, Carter. I didn’t mean that. But I do have to go,” she said firmly.
She fled out of the kitchen and up the stairs before he could say anything else.
“Jordan!” he yelled after her. She could hear him following her up the stairs.
She slammed the doors to the bedroom after her and went to her suitcase. She stuffed the clothes from last night angrily into the bag just as he banged the doors open. She flinched at the sound and worked even faster to pack.
“Jordan, stop!” he pleaded. “Will you just talk to me?”
“Carter I just—I have to go!” she insisted.
He stared at her for a moment and she could see the confusion and pain and anger in his eyes.
She almost told him…almost. Then she remembered his reaction last night and her determination came back.
“Goodbye Carter,” she said.
He stared at her. “So that’s it, then?”
She paused before answering. “Yes.”
“Goodbye then, Jordan,” he responded, turning to look out the window as she left.
23
She was thirty miles outside of Houston, driving on pure adrenaline when everything hit her at once: the hyperventilating; the death grip she had on the steering wheel; the dizzy fog through which the road in front of her appeared. In a panic, she got off the highway and pulled into the nearest parking lot and turned off the engine.
She gripped the steering wheel so hard that her hands hurt.
That was good. Pain was good. It erased the panic.
Panic.
That wasn’t good.
Breathe.
Breathe!
Breathe dammit!
She let out a loud, ear-piercing scream.
Then the tears came. Rivers of salty streams ran down her face. Uncontrollable sobbing erupted from her mouth. She brought her head against the steering wheel, nose running, eyes blurry, mouth hiccuping uncontrollably. She let it flow. There was no one here to see her. No one to witness her lose control. No one to see her fail.
No Carter.
No mom.
No dad.
No classmates.
No employers.
No one.
No Carter.
Why had she felt so conflicted hearing his words? Law school was her life. It was her future.
Compromise. That’s what he had said. Compromise. How could she compromise when she’d spent so long focused on the ultimate prize? There was no such thing as compromise in her vocabulary. It was why she was top 10% in her class. It was why she had been offered a position at one of the top firms in Houston. It was why everyone was so proud of her.
Even the slightest chance that she was possibly….
Panic.
Breathe!
The exhales came harder and faster, and the turmoil built until—
She quickly opened the car door, jumped out and bent over to vomit, going until there was nothing left but dry heaving. She stayed there, hands on her knees, staring at the result of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.
How the hell had her life gotten so turned upside down?
Once she was calm enough to drive without losing it, she started up the car and made the rest of the trip back to Austin, music turned up uncomfortably loud to drown out the crazed thoughts running through her head.
She was exhausted by the time she rolled her suitcase up the stairs and down the walkway to the apartment she shared with April. She barely had enough strength to put the key in the hole and turn the knob.
She was met once again with April and Matt going at it, this time on the couch. This time, early enough in the coitus stage for them to be only half naked. April was straddling a boxer-clad Matt while in nothing but a bra and underwear.
She was too tired to be startled. Instead, she was just angry. All she wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep away all her fears, and now this.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” She exclaimed with exasperation. “You do have a bedroom. Have you ever tried, you know, using it!”
They both stared at her in shock, completely unused to a Jordan who was this mean and spiteful. Matt just scrambled from underneath April, while she stood up to confront her roommate, hands on hips, totally unconcerned with her state of undress.
“And you aren’t supposed to be back until next week!” she exclaimed. “I’m beginning to wonder if you actually enjoy catching me and Matt going at it.”
“Well maybe if you didn’t feel the need to screw everywhere but your bedroom, I wouldn’t ‘catch you at it’” Jordan retorted.
Matt slowly and wisely made his way to the bathroom.
“Why are back so early anyway? Did Carter Fox finally dump you?” April spat.
Jordan stared at her with shock. She could see the immediate regret in her roommate’s face at what she’d just said, but she didn’t give her a chance to apologize. She angrily rolled her suitcase back toward her room and slammed the door behind her.
She had no idea what had caused such an outburst. Perhaps it had been catching April about to go at it, so carefree. April who was smart enough to be on the pill. April, who would probably never have a pregnancy scare.
Jordan had done Every. Damn. Thing. Right. She’d followed all the rules, worked her ass off. And finally, finally when it was all starting to fall into place….
She thought of that annoying proverb: We plan, God laughs.
Jordan certainly wasn’t laughing.
It was an hour later when she heard the knock on her door. She sighed. At some point, they would have to kiss
and make up. Better sooner than later.
“Yeah,” she called out.
April walked in with two beers.
“Peace offering?” she asked, raising them up.
Jordan gave out a short laugh at the irony, as she sat up from the bed. April took it as a sign of goodwill and strode over to sit on the edge of her bed. She handed Jordan one of the bottles and Jordan shook her head no.
“Thanks, I’m not in the mood.”
April gave her a strange look then shrugged. “More for me,” she said taking a swig out of one bottle and placing the other on Jordan’s bedside table.
“So what’s up?” she asked, “I thought this was supposed to be the Week de la Carter Fox? Did he fuck with you? Am I going to have to drive to Houston and kick his ass?”
Jordan smiled and shook her head. “Nothing like that. It just…it got complicated.”
“Complicated good, or complicated bad?”
Jordan gave her a bewildered look. “What in the world is ‘complicated good?’”
April gave her a conspiratorial smile. “Was he getting too serious for you?”
Jordan blinked at her, not responding.
“Oh come on Jordan,” she said with a sigh. “You put law school above everything! Then Carter Fox of all people wants to spend a week with you, and for some reason, you come running back early. Did he mess with your little plans on being Houston’s number one corporate attorney?”
Jordan shook her head and fell back against the headboard. Was she really that bad? April was pretty much mimicking what Carter had said, and she’d known Jordan for two years.
“It’s complicated, complicated.” Jordan said, not wanting to expound.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” April said taking another swig.
Jordan shot her an annoyed look.
“What in the world is our little Jordan going to do when she finally graduates and starts that job? Conquer Mount Everest? Run for President of the United States? First astronaut to Mars?”
That made Jordan think of Carter and his love of space. She didn’t want to think of Carter. She looked longingly at the beer.
Home Run: A Texas Heat Romance Page 12