by Claire Adams
We all shared smiles around the room. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.
“That'd be my ride,” Mandy said, grabbing her suitcase. “You two have fun, okay? And be safe!”
Chapter Eighteen
Kylie
I took a sip of my wine, looking out the window at the incredible view over the city that we had from our private booth. “This is probably the nicest restaurant I've ever been to,” I said, chuckling.
I still felt a little self-conscious, sitting across from Josh, who was looking incredible in a dark gray suit and tie. I'd splurged on a nice dress to wear out that night, even though I knew I was probably never going to have a chance to wear it again. I felt good.
The last few days in Vegas had been a lot of fun. Josh was still working too hard, and there was a bit of a hole where Mandy should have been. But Josh had also been positively playful, and between going to shows around the city, gambling, soaking in the hot tub, and of course, tumbling between the sheets, things had been pretty much perfect.
It was almost as though we were on a real couples vacation. But that was just it. We were still both maintaining that this was just friends with benefits.
I wanted more.
I hated the idea that Josh might find someone else and that all of this might suddenly come to an end. I didn't want to find someone else, I was realizing. Not anymore. I liked Josh, and these days here in Vegas had given me a glimpse into what it would be like to have Josh as a boyfriend. I liked the idea of it.
But I was afraid to say anything to him. I was terrified that taking our relationship beyond friends with benefits had the potential to ruin our friendship. Now, if we decided to stop sleeping together, at least we were both under no illusions that there was anything more to our relationship. It was just the sex that would stop. But breaking up with one another was a whole different ball game. If we put ourselves in the position where we might one day break up, who knew what could happen to our friendship?
I really wished that Mandy were here so that I could talk to her about this. To be honest, I didn't know if I'd have the guts to tell her about my secret crush that I was developing on Josh, even if she were here. But I definitely didn't have the guts to call her up and try to talk to her over the phone, when I wouldn't be able to see her expression.
It was probably for the best, anyway. She had already left the trip because she felt like she was third-wheeling, despite the fact that Josh had been entirely upfront about the fact that this was just sex, nothing more. I could only imagine how she would feel if I told her that I wanted even more out of my relationship with Josh. I didn't want to mess up anything with her, either.
And to be honest, I was still sorting through my feelings. The sex was great, and spending time with Josh had always been great. But I had never really realized that I wanted more.
Andrew had.
I swallowed, thinking back to that night when he'd proposed to me. God, he'd been so angry when I'd declined. At the time, I'd tried to rationalize away everything that he'd said, telling myself that he'd just been angry and trying to hurt me. But I was starting to wonder if there hadn't been some truth to the things that he'd said.
“I should have known you were never going to marry me,” Andrew sneered, looking like he wanted to throw the wine glass in his hand rather than drink out of it. “You've made no secret of the fact that you'd rather be with him.”
“With who?” I asked, actually confused.
“Josh,” Andrew said, scorn dripping from the name.
I laughed in disbelief, even though I could tell it only angered Andrew even more. “Josh is my best friend,” I said. “But he's definitely not my boyfriend, or my secret crush. If I'd wanted to be with Josh, I could have.” Well, maybe not. The timing never seemed to work out for us.
I thought Josh was attractive, but there was nothing more to it than that. I definitely wasn't holding off on marrying Andrew because I would rather marry Josh!
“You haven't been able to put one ounce of feeling into this relationship because you're too busy thinking about him. All the time. I bet you even think about him while I'm making love to you, you bitch. You disgust me.”
“Andrew, God, I'm not interested in Josh like that,” I snapped. I knew from previous experience that I shouldn't allow myself to get upset or else it would just get Andrew more riled up, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to marry him, and that was my choice to make. I felt bad, sure, but I shouldn't have to sit here and listen to him rave about how I was in love with one of my best friends. Josh was just a friend.
“You're always so eager to talk to him when he calls, so eager to go out to dinner with him. I bet those dinners aren't actually dinners, are they? You probably go back to his place to fuck, you little slut.”
“I don't have to listen to this,” I said, standing up quickly, suddenly realizing that we were in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Everyone around us was clearly trying to pretend they weren't listening to this conversation, but it was impossible to ignore. A little dinnertime entertainment show to keep them occupied.
It made me sick.
“You're probably going to run home right now and call him up, aren't you?” Andrew asked, still sneering at me. “Tell him all about how I proposed to you. Make him jealous, for once, so that maybe, just maybe, he'd actually pay attention to you, rather than focusing everything on his business. Don't you get it? He doesn't care about you, no more than you care about me. He'll never love you.”
“We're just friends,” I gritted out, even though I didn't know why I was still trying to rationalize with Andrew.
The thing was, I hadn't realized, then, that I had any deeper feelings for Josh. We really were just friends, and I had never considered otherwise.
Well, maybe not never. There had been a couple moments over the years when I'd thought about what Josh and I might have been. He was hot. There was no ignoring that. I knew that Mandy had had similar thoughts about him. It didn't mean that I was in love with the man.
But the more we slept together, and the more we went on dates like this, the more I started to realize that I would actually like something more with Josh.
I couldn't tell him that, though. I couldn't risk our friendship. I couldn't risk destroying everything that we'd ever built between us.
Besides, Josh and I lived in totally different worlds. I could spend a few days dressing up here in Vegas, living in the presidential suite and going out to fancy restaurants. But this wasn't my life. I was a successful artist, but I was nowhere near as successful as him. And to be honest, I didn't really want to be. I didn't want to go to all manner of stuffy parties and events. I wanted to spend my evenings relaxing in the living room, not trying to figure out how to save the world.
Not that Josh would ever make me feel uncomfortable in this world, of course. That was one of the things that had stood out over the past few days. He was incredibly sweet toward me, soothing my nerves every time I started to feel the slightest bit out of place. But that made sense. Josh hadn't been born into this money. He'd made smart investments to get to where he was today. He must understand what things felt like, in my position.
That said, I knew there were people staring at us. I knew that they were assessing Josh's tailored clothing and sexy body and then frowning at me, wondering what right I had to be there, hanging off his arm. If only I were a model like Mandy.
I sighed internally. Nothing could ever work out between Josh and me, even if we were willing to risk our friendship to try this.
I took another sip of my wine, staring out over the city, feeling morose despite the grandiose setting of our meal and the good times that we'd shared over the past few days.
The thing that hurt the most was that I couldn't even tell Josh about Andrew's proposal. I didn't want to keep that information inside anymore, especially not since it was weighing more and more heavily on my mind the deeper I got into things with Josh. But how could I explain to Josh the reason
that I hadn't told him about the proposal? If I told him about the fight, I would have to tell him about Andrew's accusation, about his insistence that I wouldn't marry Andrew because I had hidden feelings for Josh.
I would have to admit those inner feelings for Josh because there would be no way around them. I would have to admit that I wanted this to be something more.
But just because I wanted this thing with Josh to be something more, I didn't want that level of commitment already. The only outcome I could foresee from admitting that I couldn't marry Andrew because of unrealized feelings that I had for Josh was scaring Josh into thinking I was looking for that much commitment from him, right away.
I wanted to see where this could go. I wanted commitment on some level, more than friends with benefits. But I wasn't asking Josh to commit to marrying me. I didn't want him to think that I'd been harboring these feelings forever, pining after him. I hadn't realized I had these feelings, and I wanted to explore them.
And what's more, I didn't want to get hurt again. I may not have loved Andrew, and I certainly hadn't liked him the way that I liked Josh. But I hadn't been lying when I said that I was still upset about our breakup. We'd had fun together, and it was weird to lose him from my life entirely. I was still emotionally hurt, and I was frightened of that commitment, even coming from Josh.
I wanted to take things slow. Or as slow as we could, given that we were already sleeping together and had been friends for so many years now.
“How's your food?” Josh asked suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I realized that we'd both been quiet for a while now. He must have been equally caught up in his thoughts. I would have given anything to know what he was thinking about this whole thing. But I was too frightened to ask. “You've hardly eaten anything,” Josh added.
“It's great,” I said. “Really tasty. I guess I'm just not that hungry. We had a late lunch.”
“True,” Josh said slowly, even though I knew he must be thinking that yes, we had a late lunch, but we were having a late dinner as well, on the way to a final show that night. But Josh just smiled at me.
“Thanks again for all of this,” I said. “This was supposed to just be a low-key road trip, but I've really enjoyed being wined and dined all over Las Vegas for the past few days. I've had a really good time.”
Josh laughed. “Relaxation,” he reminded me. “That's what this is all about. And getting your mind off things.” He hesitated and finished on a vague note, clearly not wanting to remind me that we were here so that I could forget all about my breakup with Andrew.
If he only knew that I couldn't forget about the breakup, not as long as Josh and I were friends with benefits.
But I wasn't going to say that. Instead, I just smiled and concentrated on eating more of my meal, even though I could barely taste it.
Chapter Nineteen
Josh
I led Kylie down the aisle towards the seats that were printed on our tickets. They were great seats, right in the front and center of the audience. It was our last Vegas show for that trip, and I'd wanted it to be special. I remembered going to see an acrobatic show during our previous trip to Vegas, and I remembered how enthralled Kylie had been.
I wondered if she still remembered that show, but I didn't want to ask about it, to let her know that I had filed away that tidbit in my memory bank of Things That Kylie Likes.
I reached over and caught Kylie's hand in mine as the lights dimmed and the curtains opened. She smiled over at me and then turned her gaze back toward the stage, just as dancers began to stream out from both sides.
I had a difficult time following the plot of the show, but between watching the acrobatics on stage and watching Kylie's face, I was enjoying myself immensely.
My phone vibrated midway through the show, and I pulled it out of my pocket, glancing over at Kylie. She frowned disapprovingly at me, her mouth pulling into a tight line, and I had a feeling she knew exactly what I was doing. It was a work thing.
I knew I should be able to ignore work things, at least for one night, but on the other hand, a lot of companies were rushing to get things done before they closed for the year, and that meant there was a lot of potential for changes in my investments.
Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to peek at whatever it was. It wasn't as though I was going to take out my phone and start conducting business right then and there. I'd save it for later, but it would be nice to know what, exactly, I was in for later.
I frowned when I saw the message on my screen. It was from Mark, regarding my investment in Biogen Tech. Apparently, my chance of moving on the CRISPR investment and my ability to secure the most important investor and shareholder rights was in danger. Mark didn't go into specifics in his message, clearly wanting me to give him a call.
Kylie squeezed my hand, drawing my attention back to her. She was openly glaring at me now, and when I turned towards her, she looked pointedly at the stage.
I smiled sheepishly at her and put my phone back in my pocket, even though inwardly, I was already thinking hard and strategizing. It had to do with what Mark had said about the company fearing some huge corporate buyout. I had to make them see that that wasn't what I was trying to do here. I had to let them know that I cared about their product for the same reason that they did. Because they saw what an incredible impact it could have on the world.
That wasn't something that I could handle over the phone. No, if I really wanted to show them that I was interested in what they were working on, I needed to meet with them in person. That was probably the whole reason we were suddenly in this shaky position, because I hadn't made the time to go see their labs in person and meet with their people in person.
Mark knew me, but the rest of his guys didn't. And I had been in the investment business for long enough that I knew how people worked. They liked to work with investors who actually had a name and a face.
I inwardly kicked myself for not fleshing out my strategy sooner. I'd been a little distracted lately, but that was no excuse.
There was a lot of money involved in this investment. That was the other thing. Personal meetings were definitely required, both so that they knew they were really going to get that funding that they so desperately needed, and so that we could discuss the terms of the return. I had sent over the paperwork and proposed terms to Mark, but over technology was no way to negotiate. We would need to meet face-to-face.
One of the acrobats dropped from the ceiling all the way down to a foot above the floor, spiraling down in a silk wrapping. The audience gasped, and for a moment, I forgot all about work as Kylie's hand tightened around mine.
“These guys are crazy!” she hissed.
I hummed an agreement, smiling at her shocked expression. I was glad that she was enjoying herself.
That was the thing about meeting in person with Mark and the rest of the masterminds behind the CRISPR technology. I would have to leave Kylie if I wanted to meet with them before they closed for the year. I could tell that if Mark was contacting me to let me know my position was in danger, there must be someone else they were considering, and time was of the essence.
But I didn't want to abandon Kylie on her road trip, especially not since Mandy had left as well. It wasn't the right thing to do from a friend's perspective, not when Kylie had started this trip specifically because she felt like she needed to be surrounded by friends in the aftermath of her breakup.
I was more worried, though, that leaving Kylie now would destroy this fledgling relationship between us. Things had been going really well for us over the last few days. But I knew she wanted me to cut back on the amount that I was working, especially over the holidays. And something inside of me kept reminding me that there was no label on this relationship yet. We were just friends with benefits, open to finding someone else if the opportunity arose.
The timing had never worked out between Kylie and me in the past. Who was to say that in the time that it took me to meet with the guys at Biogen Tech, K
ylie wouldn't have found someone else? Not that I thought she'd just jump from relationship to relationship, but for all I knew, she wasn't viewing this as a relationship. We were just two friends having sex.
I was trying everything that I could to change that, from taking her out on nice dates to making love to her slowly and sweetly, making sure that she came, over and over again until she couldn't imagine coming again. But I hadn't changed her mindset yet, and going away now could ruin my chances at ever changing things.
I ran my thumb over the back of Kylie's knuckles, trying to focus on the stage and forget about work for now. I couldn't do anything right now, anyway, and if this was the last “date” that I got to go on with Kylie, I wanted to enjoy it. Seeing her eyes light up as the acrobatics got more intense was definitely worth it.
I suddenly realized how guarded her expressions had been over the past few days. Of course, I had realized early on that she was just as broody as ever, but I had chalked it up to her still being upset about her recent breakup. Suddenly, though, I wondered what she was hiding from me. Seeing her naked emotions as she watched the show, I knew there had to be something that she was keeping back in our daily interactions.
Maybe she didn't want to put a label on our relationship because she was thinking of getting back together with Andrew. I felt the first stirrings of jealousy in my gut, and I hated the idea. But it would make sense. She had said that she hadn't expected their breakup to be this difficult on her. She had said that she was really upset about it. Maybe now that she realized what she was going to be missing out on, she had made up her mind to go back to him.
And I knew Andrew would take her back. He'd probably propose to her within a week if she went back to him. He'd want to ensure that he got to keep her.
He'd have to be an idiot not to want to keep her.
I swallowed hard and blinked as the curtains swished closed and the lights came on over us.
“This is incredible,” Kylie said enthusiastically, oblivious to my inner turmoil.