by Claire Adams
It frustrated me that she wasn’t more concerned about my father. He was acting strange and I knew it. I was happy that they had sold the property to the north of the river and my mom was shopping around for a new RV for them to start taking some time off. It was an exciting time for them and I certainly didn’t want to put a damper on it by thinking such horrible things about my father.
The fact of the matter was that he was gone a lot. My father was working away from the farm more than he had been at the farm lately and that was totally unusual. He had refused to tell me what the final price had been on the land sale, but I knew it was more than he had hoped for. His excitement over the sale and insistence that my mother choose whatever RV she wanted was a tell-tale sign that he had gotten a lot of money.
When I asked who had purchased the land he insisted that it was some corporation and he didn’t really know who it was. It didn’t matter to me who he had sold it to, but the secrecy was driving me nuts. Something was going on with my father and I wished he would just tell me what it was.
I went into the horse barn and fed the horses some apples and checked on them to see how they were all doing. It was my favorite place to be and no matter how much work I had going on for the day, I always had to stop by and see them.
“Buckjoy, how you doing, baby boy?” I said as I stroked his face.
He hadn’t been as full of life as he was when Garrett was there, but I tried to take him out for rides every now and then. I knew he missed Garrett, but there was nothing I could do about it.
“You know, sooner or later you’re going to have to get over him; he just wasn’t the right one for you.”
“How do you know?” I heard a man’s voice say from behind me.
My heart flipped with excitement as I turned around and saw Garrett, or Malcolm, standing right there in front of me. I wanted to run over to him and wrap my arms around him, but I stopped myself. The man standing in front of me wasn’t the same person I knew and I wasn’t about to show him how excited I was.
“Well, the man he’s missing just up and left without even saying goodbye to him. He lied and pretended to be someone that he wasn’t. That’s how we know he’s not the right one.”
“What if that man wasn’t allowed to tell the truth? What if he wanted to but it would have made life dangerous for Buckjoy?”
“Malcolm? That’s your name, right?” I asked, although I already knew the answer.
“Yes.”
“Well, Malcolm, you could have told me the truth. Telling me wouldn’t have made life any more dangerous than it was already. You lied to me.”
“I know,” he said without arguing any further.
“I don’t like being lied to.”
“I’m sorry.”
Malcolm stood in front of me without putting up an argument at all. I had dreamt about that moment. I had imagined all the things I would say to him, but actually having him there in front of me was totally different.
He had on a pair of dark jeans, a white cowboy shirt, and some fancy, dark-brown boots. The hat he was wearing looked oddly familiar and I could have sworn it was my father’s. He looked good. Damn him. Malcolm looked so good that I had to hold onto the horse stall to prevent myself from running over to him.
I wasn’t going to give in to him though. He was probably there to appease his conscience and make himself feel better. So be it. I wasn’t going to give in to him. I’d let him say his peace and then he could leave and go back to the life of his that he had in Los Angeles.
“So is that all you wanted? You could have just called.”
“Actually, there’s something else,” Malcolm said as he walked toward Buckjoy. “I’d like to take Buckjoy out for a ride, if that’s all right with you?”
“Sure, whatever you want.”
“Do you and Bambi want to come with us? I was thinking of riding out to the river.”
I had to laugh at his assumption I would want to go anywhere with him. After leaving me without a word and then showing up months later, he actually thought I would want to ride with him all the way out to the river? He had lost his mind.
“Nope, but enjoy,” I said as I turned to walk away.
Just as I was almost out of the barn, my mother showed up with a huge smile on her face and open arms for Malcolm.
“Malcolm,” she said eagerly as she walked into the barn. “Sid said you were here.”
I looked at my mother and then over her shoulder to my father who was standing near his office with a big grin on his face. So at least I knew where he had been on that day, but it didn’t explain all the other days that he had been missing from the ranch.
“Dad picked you up?” I asked loudly.
Malcolm just shrugged his shoulders and smiled as he and my mother hugged and started to talk. I needed to get to the bottom of all this. My father had obviously known that Malcolm was coming if he had gone into town to pick him up; why wouldn’t he have told me?
I stomped on over toward his office to talk to him. He had a lot of explaining to do and I wasn’t going to leave until he told me everything.
“So you knew he was coming?” I asked.
“Who? Malcolm? Sure, I knew, why?” my father said nonchalantly.
“And you didn’t think you should have told me?”
“Why? You said you didn’t like the guy. I wasn’t going to get you upset by telling you he was coming. He just wanted to take Buckjoy out for a ride and I told him it was all right.”
“So let me get this straight. You’ve been talking to Malcolm and you told him he could fly all the way out here just to see the damn horse?”
I was so confused. My father was acting like he didn’t know I had feelings for Malcolm. Of course, I hadn’t come straight out and said how much I was missing him, but my father knew the reason I had struggled so much when Malcolm, or Garrett, had left. He was pretending like he believed all the lies I had told him about not caring at all about Malcolm.
“We are friends. Can’t I have a friend?”
“Dad!” I yelled.
“What, darling?”
“What am I supposed to do with him here?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t the two of you go for a ride and see what that new guy is doing with the land he bought out by the river. Check it out for me and see if anything crazy is going on out there.”
“I’m not riding with him.”
“Fine, don’t then.”
“Dad! You’re lying to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Honey, I’d like it if you would go out to the river and see what that buyer is doing out there. Is that too much to ask of you?” he asked firmly.
“Do you really want me to go out there?” I questioned.
“Yes, I really do.”
“Fine,” I said as I stormed off back toward the barn.
When my mother saw me, she gave Malcolm one last hug and kissed him on the cheek before turning and leaving.
“Are you two heading out to the river?” she asked.
“How did you know?” I questioned.
“Malcolm said you two were going out there.”
“I’m only going because Dad wants to see what that new guy is doing to ruin the land. That’s it. If Malcolm wants to come with, that’s fine I guess. But I don’t see the purpose of him tagging along.”
“Great, thanks for doing this, Malcolm. When you get back, make sure and peek your head in. I’m baking a pie and I’d love to hear all about how you’ve been.”
“Thanks to Malcolm?” I said almost under my breath.
“Thanks, honey, for going out there. Your father will feel better if he knows what’s been going on with the land.”
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then left the barn. Something was going on with my parents and when I got back from the ride, I was going to talk to the two of them together. They knew a lot more than they were letting on and I really was getting annoyed by all their secret keeping.
“Do you still remember how
to put the saddle on?” I asked Malcolm as I pulled Buckjoy’s saddle off of the shelf.
“Yeah, I think I can manage, thanks,” he said with a big grin.
“I don’t know why you’re smiling. I’m mad at you, in case you didn’t realize that.”
“What? You’re mad at me?” he said mockingly with an over exaggerated face.
It was funny and I tried my hardest not to laugh but a smile slipped through. I missed him. Garrett, or Malcolm, or whoever he was. I missed his jokes and his humor. I missed how I felt when he was around. I wanted to be mad at him, truly I did. I wanted to yell at him and scream at him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go there.
“All right, all right, you win. Let’s just go out to the river now so we can get back before dark.”
“Wait, did you just say I won?” He laughed as we both went to work saddling up the horses.
“Yes, you win. I won’t be angry or mean to you on the ride out.”
“Yes!” He said with that same over exaggerated enthusiasm.
“You understand that I have no idea what parts of you are the truth and which parts you made up. I don’t trust anything I remember about you.”
“Then it’s a good thing we have a couple hours of riding to get all caught up,” he said with a big smile.
I couldn’t figure out why he was even there or why we were riding out to the river. It was obvious that Malcolm and my parents had talked and were coordinating something. If all they wanted was to get me alone with him for a long ride, well they had accomplished that. I would endure the ride and then come back and figure out why the hell they had such an intense wish for me to spend time with Malcolm.
I really thought my father would have hated the man. Because of Malcolm, we were no longer taking in FBI people and that was even more money that our ranch wasn’t earning. Plus, my father had been force to kill two men because of Malcolm and attend two farmhands’ funerals. I just didn’t understand why my father would have stayed in contact with the man.
“So I hear you own an airline,” I asked Malcolm as we started toward the mountain.
“Not anymore. Technically I’m just on the board of directors now. I sold it.”
“Why?”
“You know, just one of those things,” he said as we continued.
I really didn’t know what else to talk to him about, so we rode in silence for a couple of miles until we got to the base of the mountain. He didn’t seem to want to talk and I wasn’t going to force him.
“Remember to squeeze your thighs and hold the reins tight,” I reminded him.
“Thanks.”
As we made our way up the mountain, I continued to look back at him and Malcolm seemed to be doing a really good job. He was in total control of Buckjoy. Even after months away from riding, I could tell that Malcolm enjoyed it.
“Hey, would you mind if we stopped here for a minute? I think Buckjoy needs a break,” Malcolm said just before we got to the top of the mountain.
“You don’t think he can make it to the top?”
“Nah, he’s breathing pretty heavy.”
Buckjoy didn’t look like he was breathing heavy to me, but I knew that Malcolm was much more familiar with the horse than I was and I didn’t want to risk it. If they needed a break we could certainly stop for a little bit. We had made really good time getting up there and it was only a little after noon.
“Sure,” I responded as I pulled Bambi toward a tree that he was tying Buckjoy too.
“Can we talk?” he asked with a serious look on his face.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“I need you to know that all my time with you was real. I know you feel like I was lying and I tricked you, but I need you to know that everything between us was one hundred percent me and you. Yes, my real name is Malcolm. Yes, I was placed here to protect my life while I waited to testify. There were lies that I had to tell for my safety and I thought about telling you the truth on several occasions.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“To be honest, because I was selfish. I wanted that time with you and I didn’t want to ruin it. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being upset and I didn’t want to waste the short amount of time I was at the ranch by arguing.”
“Short amount of time?” I questioned.
Malcolm had been at the ranch for just over a year. It certainly had been plenty of time to tell me the truth, although I actually did understand why he hadn’t been able to. It still hurt though. It hurt that he had left me more than anything else.
I could have gotten over the lying if I had gotten to see Malcolm or at least talk to him after he left. But for months and months I had heard nothing and I was left to deal with losing him just like I would if I had lost anyone else that I was close to.
“Every day I wondered if it would be my last day here with you. I never knew when they would call your father and tell him I had to be ready. I know it’s hard to understand, but I genuinely felt like I could be pulled away at any moment.”
“I need to tell you something too. I mean, if we are being honest with each other?”
“Yes, lay into me. Get angry. Yell. Do whatever you need to do. I can handle it.”
I didn’t actually want to do any of those things. For months, I thought I wanted to yell at him, but I didn’t. What I wanted was for things to go back to the way they had been before. I wanted Garrett back, but I knew that would never happen. Instead, I was sitting there with Malcolm and I had a few things of my own I needed to get off my chest.
“I loved you. I know I didn’t say it and I pretended like I was fine with having a casual fling with you. But I loved you and I should have told you that. I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate you being honest.”
“Another thing,” I started to say and then stopped myself.
Malcolm moved over and sat next to me. He looked longingly into my eyes and for a moment I felt like everything was back the way it was supposed to be. But I knew it wasn’t. I knew he was only there for a moment and would be gone again.
“Tell me,” he urged me.
“It’s nothing.”
“I can handle it. Tell me.”
“It’s silly. I know this. But I thought you would stay here. I knew you said all the time that you were going to have to leave someday, but I honestly thought you cared enough about me that you were going to decide to stay.”
Tears started to roll down my face and I tried to stop them. I didn’t want to cry in front of Malcolm. I didn’t want to let him see me so weak, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked, but then didn’t wait for me to respond. “I wanted to stay.”
“Really?”
“Yes. That night when I had to leave my heart hurt so badly. I begged them to let me say goodbye to you and they wouldn’t allow it. I was desperate to see you.”
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him. It didn’t help my crying at all. My mind was spinning with the new realization that Malcolm had actually cared about me just as much as I had cared about him. My mother had tried to tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I hadn’t believed her at all.
“I have something else I need to confess,” Malcolm said as he grabbed my hand and helped me stand up. “I didn’t come here tonight. I’ve actually been in town for a few nights and I’ve had your father helping me with a project for the last month.”
“What?” I said as I stopped crying so I could hear him better. “What are you talking about?”
Malcolm smiled and pulled me with him as we walked the hundred feet or so to the top of the mountain. As we reached the peak, we looked out over the river area and I saw a ton of construction underway. There were cranes everywhere and it looked like they were building some sort of hotel or resort.
“My father sold off the land; we can’t go all the way down there,” I said as we looked out.
“I know. And yes, we can g
o down there.”
“No, we can’t. I don’t know who owns it. It would be trespassing.”
“I know who owns it,” Malcolm said as he squeezed my hand and smiled.
I looked at him and then down at the construction that was underway. My mind was still puzzled by what he was saying. Did he know the people who had purchased the land? How was my father involved? As I turned back to look at Malcolm he was down on one knee and I gasped as I saw the ring he was holding out.
“You see, Sarah Marie Miller, I just couldn’t stay away from you. I tried. Damn, did I try. But I couldn’t live a boring life without the woman that I loved. So, about a month ago I bought this land and hired your father to oversee the construction of the Edwards Corporate Ranch: a delightful corporate retreat that I hope to run with my wife someday. Sarah Marie Miller, will you marry me?”
“You’re insane,” I said as I smiled and tried to put all the pieces together. “So you’re the one that bought this?”
“Yep.”
“You’re the reason my father’s been sneaking away from the ranch the last month?”
“Yep. And I love you. I love it here and I want you to marry me.”
I looked down at Malcolm and that cheesy grin he had on his face. It was all too much to take in at once, but there was one thing that I knew in my gut. I knew that I loved him and the fact that he had was right there in front of me, down on one knee, was absolutely a dream come true.
“Yes,” I said as I covered my eyes and giggled a little.
“Wait, did you say yes?”
“Yes, you goofball. I said yes!” I screamed.
Malcolm jumped up from the ground and pulled the huge diamond ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger. He wrapped his arms around me and dipped me dramatically as he kissed me.
“This, my dear, is the beginning of our happily ever after.”
Epilogue
Malcolm
It took a long time before Sarah started to trust me again. We had to get acquainted with each other and I had to share the real stories of how I had grown up. Sharing my truth with her was the best way for us to move forward though, and soon she started to see that I really was that man she had fallen in love with.