by Nikki Ash
“Are you leaving me?” My words come out broken. The last time I watched a man pack a bag, it was Tyler, and my reaction to him leaving was relief. Right now, I feel the opposite of relief. I begin to panic.
“Kaden, please talk to me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dancing. I’m sorry for leading that guy on.”
“What the fuck did you just say?” Kaden stops packing and glares at me, and I repeat what I said.
“I don’t give a fuck if you were walking around buck-naked. You didn’t lead anyone on. That fucker was wrong! He had no right to put his hands on you without your permission.”
“Then why are you leaving me?”
“I just need some time, Ash. I get you want independence, but you chose to take your clothes off and willingly dance for other men tonight. We have more money than we will ever need, but you insist on working, and I’ve accepted that. But what you did tonight, I’m not okay with. And you promised. I don’t blame you for being assaulted. That guy is a piece-of-shit. But you promised not to strip anymore and you lied.”
He zips up his bag and then walks out the door, causing me to jump as it slams behind him.
I listen for the revving of his car engine, then I sink down the back of the door and, with my face in my hands, I cry, until there are no tears left. Then I grab a blanket from the hall closet and fall asleep on the couch. There’s no way I’m sleeping in our bed without Kaden.
I get up in the morning and feel hungover. I guess ugly crying for hours will do that to a person. I check my phone for any missed calls or texts, but there aren’t any. I remember from when Tyler left all those years ago, keeping busy is the best way to live in denial, so I make Tristan pancakes and eggs for breakfast, then wake him up to come eat. It’s Saturday morning so technically he could sleep in, but I need the distraction. While he’s scarfing down his food, he reminds me of Bella’s upcoming birthday party.
“Next weekend is Bella’s birthday party! Can we go pick out her gift today?”
“Sure, sweetie. Finish your pancakes and get dressed. Do you have anything in mind?”
“I’m not sure. I need to think about it.”
“Okay, I’m going to jump in the shower.”
After we’re both dressed and I put on some cover up to cover the faint black and blue marks on my face, we head to the mall to pick out Bella’s gift. Kaden is on my mind the entire time, though. Which hotel did he go to? Will he come back? Are we over for good? I fucked up and broke his trust in me. What should I do or say to make it better?
And that’s how the entire week goes. I try to text him a few times but he only responds letting me know he’s okay. I go by the gym to see if he’s there but he’s not. Nobody mentions anything so I don’t bring it up. His mom calls me a couple times, but I’m afraid she’ll ask for Kaden and then I’ll have to admit he left me, so I don’t answer. When Tristan asks about Kaden, I tell him he’s out of town. It’s technically not a lie, right?
By the end of the week I’m sick to my stomach with worry. I called in sick to the club and Benjamin was more than understanding. Not knowing where Kaden and I stand, now is not the best time to take off work and risk the chance of losing my job, but between the crying and throwing up, I can’t get myself to function properly let alone go to work.
If I wasn’t sure before, I’m positive now, that I’m either pregnant or have a horrible case of the flu, and the way I’m throwing up and sick to my stomach I’m considering the latter. I don’t remember ever throwing up this badly with Tristan. I make a note to make an appointment with my doctor to confirm one way or the other.
I decide to go over my bills, figuring out which ones to pay first. I log into my account and notice there’s way too many freaking zeros in the balance. Clicking on the account overview, I see a deposit was electronically made four months ago! How the hell did I not bother to check my account for that long? Thinking back, I haven’t gotten any debt collection calls in a long time. My paycheck is direct deposit and the only money Kaden lets me spend of my own is when I go to the grocery store. I’ve been so busy with my new life with Kaden, I haven’t bothered to deal with everything else.
Sadly, after I borrowed the money from Giovanni, I stopped paying the credit card debts and just let them all go to collections. I’m going to need to get them up to date. With the ridiculous amount of money sitting in my account, I will finally be able to pay off all my debt and have a fresh start. I sign in to the various debt collectors I owe money to, but every single one shows a zero balance. I log on to check my credit score, to see what’s still outstanding and it shows everything is current! The previous delinquencies are still on there, bringing down my score, but I don’t owe anything. Every single one says satisfied in green. Kaden must have taken care of everything.
After logging out, I join Tristan on the couch to watch his movie with him. My phone goes off and I check it hoping it will be Kaden.
It’s a group text with Liz, Hayley, Kayla, and me.
Hayley: Let’s all do something fun with the kids. Caleb is busy at the gym training.
Liz: I’m down.
Kayla: Parrrttyyyyy!
Hayley: Ashley??
I go to type I’m not feeling well but that would raise questions I’m not ready to answer yet, so instead I type back: Okay.
We all agree to meet at Wet and Wild, a huge waterpark. The little ones will enjoy it and so will Marco. We meet in the front, pay, and once in the park, find a shaded spot to lay our towels down on a couple of lounge chairs.
“Mom, can we go in the lazy river?” Tristan asks.
“Sure.”
We spend the next several hours relaxing in the water, the kids going on almost every water ride and slide known to man. When they start complaining they’re hungry, we make our way to the food pavilion to order lunch. The kids grab a table next to the adults and immediately start talking about the upcoming UFC fight.
“How’s the wedding planning coming along?” Kayla asks. Not wanting to mention Kaden and I are on the outs, I keep my answers simple.
“It’s going. Kaden is handling it all.”
“I should have made Cooper handle it all. As much as I loved my wedding, planning it was stressful, and it was over in a few hours.”
“That’s why Caleb and I eloped.” Hayley shakes her head, laughing.
We enjoy our lunch, gossiping about nothing of importance, and it’s nice to take my mind off my problems on the home front, even if it’s just for a little while.
* * *
It’s Saturday and Bella’s birthday party is being held at their house. There are bounce houses and water slides all over the backyard, a cotton candy machine is set up, and there are kids running around everywhere. I look around for Kaden and am shocked when I spot him sitting in a chair under a large tent they put up for shade. I’m not sure whether to go say hi to him, but the decision is made for me when the smell of the barbeque sends my stomach rolling and I have to sprint to the bathroom to upchuck my small breakfast.
I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom with my head down, praying Liz recently cleaned this toilet, when there’s a rap on the door.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
“We’re coming in.”
The door opens and in walk Hayley, Liz, and Kayla.
“You okay?” Liz asks.
“Yeah, just not feeling well,” I say, getting off the floor.
Hayley gives me a knowing look. “Or are you pregnant?”
“That could be it. Although the timing would suck…”
“Because you and Kaden are fighting?” Kayla asks.
My eyes shoot over to hers. “He told you?”
“He told Bentley when he got here. My nosy ass overheard. You should have told us when we were all at the water park.”
“I messed up.”
“How?” Hayley asks.
“Long story short. I promised Kaden I wouldn’t strip ever again and then the club was busy and we were shor
t girls…”
“And you stripped,” Kayla says, finishing my sentence for me.
“Yeah, only that wasn’t all. This douchebag, Eric, the one who turned me in for stripping when I wouldn’t screw him, was there and assaulted me.”
“What the fuck!” Kayla yells.
“Are you okay?” Liz asks.
Hayley wraps me up in a hug.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Luckily, Benjamin, the guy who bought the club from Caleb, walked in and stopped him. Then he called Kaden.”
“Oh boy,” Kayla says.
“Oh boy is right,” I say.
“Let me guess. Kaden found out you stripped and that you were assaulted. He was scared and pissed. So of course, he acted on being pissed because he’s a man. Easier to focus on being mad than on being scared,” Liz adds.
“Yeah, well, he’s been gone for a week now. And I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”
“Does he know?”
“No, I don’t even know for sure. And I’m not going to tell him. I don’t want him coming back just because I’m pregnant.”
“I understand that completely, but Kaden loves you. This is just a fight,” Hayley says.
“Let’s do a test to find out. I’m sure I have one somewhere,” Liz says.
The four of us go to her bathroom and sure enough, she has a box of them. “Damn, girl. You trying to get knocked up again?”
“No way. They’re from Nathan. Bella and Nathan are enough for me. If Cooper had it his way, he would keep knocking me up, but I think I’m done.”
“Same here. Marco and Mackenzie are all I need,” Hayley says.
“Bentley wants to adopt one more time. Chloe and Faith are definitely enough, but I wouldn’t be against having another little one in the house one day.”
I pee on a stick and of course the girls all stay. Apparently once you have kids you no longer care who’s in the room while you’re peeing.
The stick reads Pregnant and the tears start falls.
The girls all gather me in a group hug.
“Don’t cry, sweetie.”
“I’m just sad Kaden isn’t here with me right now. He’s like a hundred feet from me, yet it feels like he’s hundreds of miles away. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“You can start by putting on a super skimpy bikini and we all go play on the water slides!” Kayla laughs.
“And how will that help?”
“Umm… duh! He’s a man… One look at your sexy ass in a bikini and he’ll be salivating for you.”
“I didn’t bring one. Liz doesn’t have a pool.”
“Which will be changing soon. Cooper agreed to build one! But I have a couple extra suits I bought on sale and haven’t used yet. We’re almost the same size.”
After we all change into our swimsuits, Kayla says, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Ashley, but how far along are you?”
“Why? Do I look fat?”
“No, you look great, but your belly is definitely showing a bump.”
“I’m not sure… I haven’t gotten my period in two months, so maybe like six to eight weeks.”
“Make an appointment to see a doctor soon.”
“I will.”
We all walk out to join the kids for fun and Kayla whispers to me, “Don’t look at him. It’ll make him want you even more.”
It takes everything in me, but I don’t look at Kaden. I can feel his eyes on me, though. I want nothing more than to run to him, sit on his lap and kiss him, while apologizing for messing up. But I don’t. I walk by pretending the love of my life doesn’t exist, praying I’m still his.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kaden
“Fuckin’ A, I’ve got the hottest woman here.” Bentley waggles his eyebrows.
“Bullshit, my wife is the hottest.” Cooper hits Bentley on the chest.
“Both of you guys are a bunch of dumbasses. Hayley’s perfect ass blows them all away.”
I just chuckle at the three man-children arguing over who’s woman is the hottest. Then I look to the left and see the four women all walking toward the water area, and my eyes land on the sexiest fucking woman at this party. Fuck that! In this goddamned universe. Ashley is swaying her hips in a bathing suit I’ve never seen. It’s pink and white striped and looks to be just a smidge too small on her, fitting her curves like a glove. I don’t even bother arguing with the other guys. Hands down, my woman is the sexiest, most beautiful one here.
My woman? Is she still mine? She’s texted me several times this week, apologizing, but I’ve only texted back if she asks me if I’m okay. I would never want her to think something’s happened to me, but I’m not ready to talk to her about us yet.
When the call came in, saying she had been assaulted at the club, I freaked the hell out. I was beyond pissed. But when I learned the entire story, I became a mix of emotions. Sure, I was still pissed. But I was also hurt and scared. I was pissed she lied and stripped for a bunch of men. I know she didn’t let them touch her, but I was still pissed, nonetheless. I was hurt she put her job above our relationship. She never should have let those men see her like that. But more than that, I was scared because she was assaulted and almost raped by some crazy fucker.
Looking at her right now, I just want to grab ahold of her and kiss the fuck out of her. I want to love her and protect her and worship her.
“You still not talking to her?” Bentley nudges me.
“Benjamin told me what happened,” Caleb says. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. I was so pissed she stripped after promising she wouldn’t, I left.”
“Your girl gets assaulted and you left?” Cooper exclaims.
“It wasn’t like that. I was pissed she fucking stripped after she promised she wouldn’t. I made sure she was okay before I left.”
Cooper looks at me like I’m stupid. Fuck! He’s right. I left her after she was assaulted and almost raped all because I was pissed she stripped. I’m a fucking asshole.
“Kaden! Cooper! Someone come here!” I look over to the waterslides to see Liz sitting on the ground holding Ashley in her arms. I shoot out of my chair straight for Ashley.
“What happened?” I ask, taking Ashley out of Liz’s arms and pulling her into mine. Her eyes are droopy and her skin is pale.
“We were running around chasing the kids and she said she felt lightheaded. She hasn’t been feeling well. I think she’s dehydrated.”
Cooper brings over a bottle of water and hands it to me. I open it up and put it up to Ashley’s mouth. She guzzles it too quickly before I can tell her to slow down and then bends over to throw up.
“Shit, baby. You can’t drink that fast when you’re dehydrated. We need to take you to the hospital. If you’re throwing up over a small drink, you can be severely dehydrated.”
“I’m okay,” Ashley says softly before she bends over to dry heave.
“All right, up you go. I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“We can watch Tristan for you,” Liz says.
I pick Ashley up and carry her bridal style to my car.
“Kaden, wait!” Liz comes running out, waving something in her hand. “Clothes for Ashley.”
I look over and see she’s still in her bikini. “Thanks.”
Once we get to the hospital, I sign her into the ER and begin filling out the forms.
“Umm… actually, I’m pregnant,” Ashley says when she sees me checkmark not pregnant. My pen stops writing and my eyes go straight to her stomach. She’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants Liz ran and grabbed her to throw on over her swim suit.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just confirmed it today with one of Liz’s tests. I haven’t been to the OB yet.” And fuck if I don’t feel like the biggest asshole for walking away. At least now her mood swings these past several weeks make sense. And now that I’m thinking about it, we haven’t had to stop having sex due to her period in quite some time.
“Baby, have you been sick
all week?”
“Yeah, I haven’t been to work all week. I’m pretty sure Benjamin is going to fire me.”
“You don’t even need that job. You’re pregnant with our baby. And you’re sick and now possibly dehydrated. You need to take care of yourself. Please don’t worry about working.” Ashley’s eyes fill with tears.
I finish filling out the form and give it back to the nurse. Once I’m sitting back on the bench, I pull her to me so her head is in my lap. I play with her hair until I can hear her soft snores, telling me she’s asleep. My mind goes to when I found out Gabby was pregnant. We were so excited the day she missed her period, we ran to the store together and picked up the test. She took it, and when it showed two lines, we called everyone in our family and then went to dinner to celebrate.
Ashley has been sick all week, worrying over whether I was going to leave her. She took a test with her friends instead of with me, and instead of telling me, she pretended like she wasn’t pregnant or hurting because she didn’t know where we stood.
“Ashley Myers,” the nurse calls out.
“Ashley, wake up, baby. They’re calling your name.” She stirs awake and stands. Her legs wobble and I catch her.
“Can we get a wheel chair, please?”
“Yes, sir.” The nurse grabs one and Ashley sits in it.
Once we get to the room, the nurse asks her a bunch of questions and takes her blood. She has her give her a urine sample and tells us once the tests have been run, the doctor will be in to speak with us.
“How are you feeling?” I sit next to her and take her hand in mine.
“My stomach feels sore.”
“From throwing up nothing. You were dry heaving earlier. They’ll more than likely give you fluids through an IV to prevent you from throwing it up.”
Ashley nods and closes her eyes. The nurse comes in a few minutes later and sets up the IV. “This is to help you hydrate. Your urine came back and shows signs of dehydration and with you saying you can’t keep anything down, we want to make sure you’re hydrated.”
She inserts the needle into Ashley’s vein, and after setting up the fluids, leaves. Ashley goes back to sleep and I continue to hold her hand praying everything is okay with her and the baby.