by Mary Carter
“I have to ask you something.” They were in the spot where the camera had been positioned. She told him about discovering it and smashing it. Jasper hit his forehead with his hand.
“I can’t believe I forgot.”
“What?”
“Beverly installed the camera. So she could tape you a message. I was supposed to give it to you after you finished the list. But—”
“I never finished the list.”
“The tape is here though.”
“What’s on it?”
“I’ve never seen it. But if I had to guess. Everything she ever wanted to say but never got the chance.” He reached up on the top shelf and came back with a USB plug. Tears came to Ava’s eyes. He held the USB plug out to Ava. She didn’t take it. “Don’t you want to see it?”
“Yes,” Ava said. She sat on the emerald stool, and perched her laptop on her knees.
“Do you want me to leave?” Jasper said.
“Please stay,” Ava said. She plugged in the USB and soon the video was up on the screen. Beverly’s face came into view. Such kind blue eyes. Beverly smiled and Ava lit up inside. She was still so beautiful. She wore an ivory dress with a faux fur collar, and a little matching hat. Glamorous to the end. Beverly clasped her hands in front of her, still grinning. “Hello, luv. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” Ava said.
Beverly opened her arms. “I hope you feel at home here in my little flat.”
“You have no idea.”
“One of my favorite things in the world was to sit on my emerald stool and look out over London.” Ava turned to Jasper at this and he winked. “I hope you feel the same.” Ava laughed. She couldn’t believe it. She looked out over London now, so beautiful in front of her. The same view that Beverly looked at for most of her life. Beverly looked away for a second as if speaking to someone off camera, then nodded, and turned back. She looked Ava right in the eyes. For a second Ava forgot Beverly wasn’t actually there in real time. “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive such an old fool.”
“I do, I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”
“I wish I could turn back time. I would do everything differently.”
Me too.
“But you’re here now, or else you wouldn’t be watching this, and that makes me the happiest woman alive. You’re here, and you’re okay, and I want you to have the entire world. It’s a wild ride, this life. Enjoy it. Every day. Don’t be like me. Don’t be too afraid to admit when you’re acting the fool. I see it now, so clearly. I blamed others, but I was wrong. I had the power to change me. I was a bit stubborn, if you must know. And I have a feeling you do. It’s a Wilder thing.” She laughed. It sounded a lot like Ava’s laugh. Ava reached out, as if she could touch her. And just then, Beverly reached out too. Ava gasped. She turned and looked at Jasper; he had tears in his eyes. “I know Queenie and Jasper are taking good care of you.” Ava smiled at Jasper. He smiled back. If only she knew. Ava turned back to the screen.
Beverly put her hands over her heart. “I’ve never been very good without a script. So here’s what I have to say. I love you. I’m so sorry. I know I’ll be with Bertie again, and I’m so happy. I saw him when I was skydiving. He wanted me to reach out to you. He knew there was a hole in my heart over you. I saw him, darling. We still exist. We’re just on the other side of the curtain, and we’ll be watching over you, the two of us. We’ll always be here for you, luv. Through the good and the bad. And I will see you again. We will have a proper introduction. But until then, remember that all the world’s a stage, my darling. And it’s your stage now. I’m ready for the curtain to go down, but one day, it will come up again, and you’ll be on the other side. That will be the second-happiest day of my life. Until that day, my darling, I’m grateful you have your mother, and now you have Jasper, and Queenie, and your own little slice of London. But wherever you are, Bertie and I will be there, which means no matter where it is, you’ll always have us; you’ll always have a home.”
Ava wiped tears from her eyes. Beverly kissed her fingers and touched the screen. Ava kissed hers and quickly put her fingers over Beverly’s. And for just that second, she felt her. She knew she would carry that the rest of her life. The screen went dark. Ava sat for a moment, taking in London in the silence. Jasper came and put his hand on her shoulder.
“Are you all right?”
“Better than all right,” Ava said. She stood, fetched her purse, and removed the oyster card Jasper had given her. She held it up. “First things first,” she said. The tape was just what she needed. A hello and a good-bye from Beverly. Motivation.
Jasper smiled. “Would you like some company?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” They held hands, opened the door, walked down four flights of steps, and exited the building. Ava only hesitated a moment; then they were off. The air still held its warmth. She could feel the buzz of London through her fingertips. It wasn’t until they were across the street and Ava looked up at the twinkling lights that Ava stopped. “They’re gone,” she said.
“Who’s gone?”
“The colored dots.” Jasper squeezed her hand. “Let’s take the Tube to St. Pancras,” Ava said.
“Brilliant,” Jasper said. “It’s only a few stops, so we can turn right back—”
“Actually, there’s a champagne bar at the station,” Ava said. “I want to have a glass and pretend we’re waiting for the next train to Paris.”
“Oui,” Jasper said. “Oui.” Their steps joined the others on the sidewalk, so many people, going so many places, and somewhere maybe someone was watching, wondering where they were all going, wondering how they could do it, Yet here she was; she was doing it. This was her moment, and it was going to keep on going. Every moment was waiting, the next life sketch, just a step away. She squeezed Jasper’s hand, sent a prayer up to her father and Aunt Beverly, and joined in with all the other Londoners, who, be it in high heels, cowboy boots, or sneakers, were simply in the moment, bravely putting one foot in front of the other. Bloody hell. She was going to have that Christmas song stuck in her head the rest of the night.
“Come on, what’s so funny?” Jasper said. “Give us a laugh too.”
“Forget the champagne bar,” Ava said.
“That’s all right.” Jasper squeezed her hand. “We’ll do it next time. It’s absolutely all right.”
“Good,” Ava said. “Because I would just die if we missed the next train to Paris.”
A READING GROUP GUIDE
LONDON FROM
MY WINDOWS
Mary Carter
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The suggested questions are included to enhance
your group’s reading of Mary Carter’s
London from My Windows.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Ava’s agoraphobia surfaced after the death of her father and is exacerbated by the guilt she carries. Do you think Ava would have ever experienced agoraphobia had her father not died? Would any tragic event have yielded the same results? Discuss.
2. Do you think agoraphobia is a true disability? Why or why not?
3. Do you think Ava’s mother Gretchen is at all responsible for Ava’s condition? Do you think Gretchen feels she has any responsibility? Does Ava blame her mother?
4. Do you think people with invisible disabilities have it harder than people with visible ones? Does Ava ever come to accept herself as having a disability? Discuss.
5. When Ava first meets Jasper he’s pretending to be a limo driver. How does this meeting affect the rest of their relationship, positive and negative? Would they have ended up with the same bond had they met under truthful circumstances?
6. Ava always had regrets about not visiting Aunt Beverly. Is she to blame, or is Aunt Beverly? Or both?
7. How does watching people and places outside her window start to affect Ava? If Aunt Beverly had a flat without a spectacular view of London, would Ava have had the same experience? Why or
why not?
8. How does being in Aunt Beverly’s flat and surrounded by her things start to change Ava?
9. Ava quickly impresses all of Queenie’s friends, and several form a bond with her. Does Ava owe “Team Ava” for her recovery?
10. Jasper says he’s fallen in love with Ava partly because she’s imperfect. Is he finally making better choices, or is he repeating the pattern of falling for unavailable women?
11. What are some of the cultural differences Ava experiences between America and London? In which place does Ava feel more at home? How can living someplace new make a person feel freer to be who they truly are? Would Ava have grown no matter what city she had moved to, or was there something about London that helped heal her?
12. Was it unfair of Beverly to require Ava’s participation in life if she wanted to inherit the flat? Why or why not?
13. Do you think Jasper and Ava will make it as a couple? Why or why not?
14. Will Ava continue to improve, or will she backslide? Is she cured?
15. By the end, how have Ava’s relationships changed toward her father, Aunt Beverly, and her mother?
To the extent that the image or images on the cover of this book depict a person or persons, such person or persons are merely models, and are not intended to portray any character or characters featured in the book.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
KENSINGTON BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
119 West 40th Street
New York, NY 10018
Copyright © 2015 by Mary Carter
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Kensington and the K logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
eISBN-13: 978-1-61773-707-7
eISBN-10: 1-61773-707-0
First Kensington Electronic Edition: August 2015
ISBN: 978-1-6177-3707-7