by Jodie Larson
I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders for the first time in a long while. Kara was the only one who knew of my past, besides my dad. And now that Andrew knows and accepts it, I feel as if we can move forward together. We could actually have a shot at making this work.
I move to straddle his lap and pull him into the kiss that I so desperately need from him. That all-encompassing, soul-quenching kiss that I long for. A kiss that shows how much he wants me, and vice versa. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, knowing exactly what I need and how to give it to me. The world fades around us, leaving us in that private bubble where nothing else exists.
We pull back, breathless and panting, but calm and satisfied. My head falls onto his shoulder as he runs his fingers lazily up and down my spine. We sit in silence, absorbing everything that we have to give.
I can tell the cogs in his head are working furiously because he’s grinding his teeth, more than likely getting the courage to ask me something.
“So your father, he knows everything now?”
I nod my head. “Yes, he knows everything. When I arrived on his doorstep, we didn’t talk much at first. Mainly because I hadn’t heard from him since I was nine years old. But soon he found out about Child Protective Services and wanted to know what had happened that made them get involved. So I brought him up to speed, not leaving anything out because what was the point? It was over and done with.
“He told me once that he had no idea that was going on, that we were as poor as we were, struggling like we did. But how could he not? I mean did he hate me that much to never call and check on me or check on the woman that he once loved to make sure we were taken care of? But he still swears to this day he had no idea.
“Guilt must have been eating away at him because he paid for my student loans and offered to pay for my apartment. I declined, saying that I wanted to make my own way in the world. He also offered to pay for my therapy, but I again declined. Our relationship is strained at best. I didn’t want him feeling obligated to take care of me, especially when I know that he doesn’t want to.”
Andrew raises my hand, placing a kiss in the center of my palm. “Guilt and obligation are never a good reason to help someone.” He looks down and makes a face I’ve come to recognize when his eyes find mine. It’s the look that mirrors my own face every time I see him when he steals my breath away. He doesn’t have to say it. I know he feels it too. “Tessa, you will never have to know that life again. I will always be there for you. You will never have to be alone.”
“Thank you, Andrew. You have no idea what that means to me.”
I press my lips against his one last time before moving off him, laying my head back in his lap as we both sit in silence and watch the world moves around us. His hand draws small circles on my stomach while the other resumes stroking my hair. We do nothing but stare into each other’s eyes, causing me to fall deeper in love with him.
WE LAY THERE FOR WHAT feels like hours but in all reality it’s just minutes. His fingers are still tracing lazy circles across my body, sometimes touching skin, sometimes floating above my clothes but never once leaving me. A part of me cannot believe that he’s still here or even that he still wants me. Most people cast aside the damaged goods, waiting to find that perfect specimen that doesn’t need any work done to it. Andrew, he’s a fixer, a mender, unafraid of taking that broken piece and putting it back together until it’s whole.
My heart feels full for the first time in a very long time. The slow, steady beat seems to be tattooing his name throughout my body, marking me forever as his. His words still swirl around in my head as he basically declared his love for me. Well, not in so many words but he’s promised to be there for me in the future. Why would he be in my future if he didn’t love me?
His hand leaves in my hair and I raise my eyes to look into his peaceful blue ones. A new light shines in them, giving me hope, giving me strength and courage that we can make this work.
“Shall we walk a little?” he asks. His finger traces an invisible line down my nose before his lips touch the end of it.
My favorite kiss.
“I’d love to.”
Andrew helps me off the ground and we brush off a few pieces of dirt and grass from our clothing. His arm wraps around my waist as he leads me back to the path. I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling his lips press against my head with a contented sigh. We pass more gardens and a large fountain, making up several stories about some of the people we see along the way. But we don’t talk more than that. I think we’ve officially hit the limit for talking right now.
He glances down at his watch as we turn another corner. “We should get some dinner since we somehow managed to skip lunch.”
“I could go for some food. Where shall we go?”
“My place. I told you that I would cook for you before you left.”
My throat becomes dry and I blink a few times, trying to remove the astonishment from my eyes. I thought he was joking before when he suggested that he’d cook for me.
“Okay,” I whisper. I don’t know what else to say. I would love to see where he lives, invade his space and find out more about the man who has stolen my breath away more times than I can count.
“What time is your flight in the morning?”
I look up, trying to remember what the itinerary said.
“Noon I believe, which means that Kara and I have to be at Heathrow around ten or so.”
The wheels are working overtime as I watch his eyes dart back and forth across my face. What is he up to?
He dips his head to my ear. His warm breath tickles the area just below and my eyes close involuntarily at the contact.
“If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to be the one to bring you to the airport tomorrow.”
He pulls my lobe into his mouth and a burst of liquid fire runs throughout my body, scorching every inch of it. It’s impossible to focus on anything else when my body is pressed up against his like this, whispering words against my skin. Making me regret having to leave in the morning.
“I would love that Andrew. It’s going to kill me to leave tomorrow and not see you every day. I don’t want this to end.”
He tilts my chin up, locking his eyes with mine. “Tomorrow will not be goodbye Tessa. I told you, this is not the end of us. This is just the beginning. We need to get over this minor bump in the road first before we can coast smoothly down the path to forever.”
I think my heart just stopped beating. No, scratch that, my brain stopped working too, as well as my lungs because I can’t breathe. Once again, he’s stolen my breath, making me fall for him even more. I blink back the tears that threaten to leak out as he cradles my face in his hands, looking deep into my eyes as he places his mouth on mine, sealing his promise with a kiss.
“This is home,” he says, opening the door to his flat.
He ushers me inside and I slip my shoes off before walking further into the foyer. It’s much larger than I expected it to be. I always thought London flats were tiny, cramped spaces. Not this though. It’s at least two, if not three, times the size of my apartment back home.
It’s an open concept design with dark leather furniture that occupies the living room area. The entertainment center is opposite the couch, surrounded by shelves holding his DVD collection and various other books and knick-knacks. The matching loveseat and chair creates a warm and cozy conversational area.
I notice several picture frames sitting on the tables. One looks to be of his mom and dad, taken on their wedding day. Another shows him standing with them in his Oxford gown, apparently taken at his graduation.
Several paintings and photographs hang on the white walls, adding some additional warmth to the room. Upon further inspection, I can see that the photos are of city scenes, taken at night or at sunrise. It makes me wonder if he took them while he traveled the world, finding the beauty in everything like he always seems to do.
He takes my purse from me, laying it in
one of the chairs before coming up and wrapping his arms around me from behind.
“And you live here alone?”
It’s a stupid question I know, but I can’t believe that a single person would need this much space. He follows me into the combined kitchen and dining room area. It’s a modern space filled with stainless steel appliances, sleek black cupboards, and a taupe granite countertop. It’s the polar opposite of my kitchen, which still looks like it is stuck in the Seventies.
He places his chin on my shoulders and nods. “All alone.”
The giant floor to ceiling windows draws my attention. He catches my gaze and walks us through the doors, pushing them open. A small patio set, complete with a table and four chairs, sits off to the side and is surrounded by multicolored plants in a fenced-in area. It’s a great area, one that makes me think of summer nights filled with parties or lazy Sunday afternoons of sitting and reading a book.
He pulls me back inside and turns me in his arms. “There’s one more space that I want to show you.”
Grabbing my hand, he leads me down a hallway off from the dining room, pointing out a spare bedroom to the left and a smaller bathroom. He opens a door at the end of the hall, pulling me behind him as we walk into the middle of his bedroom. Again, it’s much larger than my room back home. A huge king sized mahogany sleigh bed occupies the center of the far wall, tastefully decorated with a plush dark blue comforter and contrasting cream colored throw pillows. A six-drawer dresser sits between two doors on the right wall while a pair of nightstands flanks each side of the bed. There’s a bench at the foot with the same cream color as the throw pillows, completing the entire set. I’ve never owned a bedroom set but could definitely see this as something I would choose. It’s simple yet elegant, tastefully put together to make the whole room come alive.
“This is my closet,” he says, opening the door to the left of the dresser. It’s a walk-in, filled completely with everything one would need to be the COO of a company, and then some.
“Wow,” is all I say as I drag a tie that’s hanging on a large rack through my fingers. It’s not surprising that even Andrew’s closet is neat and tidy.
We exit the closet and walk through the door on the other side of the dresser. It’s his en suite bathroom and I’m completely jealous of what he has. A large sunken bathtub sits against the back wall with a glass enclosed shower directly next to it. Bamboo flooring and modern fixtures make up the rest of the space. I suddenly feel like I’ve stepped into one of those DIY shows on HGTV. I’ve never seen a bathroom like this before.
He pulls me back to his room, sitting us down on the bed. Suddenly I’m nervous about being here with him. I start to fidget with my hair. He takes notice and grabs my hands, pulling them to his lips.
“So what do you think?” He looks nervous, possibly even more nervous than me.
“It’s amazing Andrew. It’s so much nicer than my tiny apartment back home.”
He lets out a breath and pulls me close. I wrap my arms around him, feeling his heart beat against mine. This feels like home; as if I could belong here. It’s a strange feeling to have, but it’s there nonetheless.
He pulls me off the bed, keeping me close and nuzzles his nose into my hair. “If we’re going to eat dinner we need to leave this room right now because I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my hands off you.”
My cheeks redden as lascivious thoughts run through my mind on what he could do with his hands on me.
On that bed.
In this room.
Skin on skin.
Touching.
Loving.
Holy crap it’s hot in here all of a sudden.
We walk back to the kitchen and he holds out a chair for me to sit in while he begins preparing our dinner. I watch him move fluidly around the room, pulling things out of the cupboards and the refrigerator. My cheek is propped up on my hand as I just stare and admire him. Forget people watching. I think I found my new favorite hobby. Andrew watching.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” he asks, wiping his hands off on a towel.
“Yes, please. A glass sounds fantastic.”
He pulls down two glasses from an overhead rack and fills them from a chilled bottle of white wine he pulls out of the countertop refrigerator.
“I hope you like it. It’s a Sauvignon Blanc. It’ll go perfectly with dinner tonight.”
I clink my glass with his and smile above the rim. “I don’t know anything about wine so I’ll take your word for it.”
He makes himself busy around the kitchen and I take my first sip from my glass. The refreshing, crisp flavor floats over my tongue and I silently hum my pleasure. I feel bad just sitting here and drinking while he’s busy placing items into pans, sprinkling olive oil over the top of whatever he just put in there.
“Can I help you with anything?” I start to stand from my chair, but he motions for me to sit back down.
“No, you are my guest. Just make yourself comfortable and relax. I’ve got this all under control.”
He takes two chicken breasts out of their package, placing them on top of some plastic wrap that he’s already set out on the counter. He puts another piece on top and uses his mallet to pound them down until they reach the right thickness. He washes his hands and then puts some spinach, cheese, and prosciutto in the middle and rolls them up, securing them with a toothpick. They get placed in a shallow baking pan and set in the oven.
He washes his hands again before turning to face me with a grin. Grabbing his wine glass he walks over and pulls out the chair directly next to me. I watch his throat work the wine down and momentarily lose myself.
“You’re so much better at that than I am,” I say, referring to the culinary magic he was just performing.
“It’s one of my passions. My mother was always cooking in the kitchen and I took the time to learn from her. Of course, my food is nothing like hers but I’d like to think it is right up there.”
He bumps my shoulder and we laugh. I twirl the stem of my wine glass with my fingers as we just look at each other, not needing any words to pass between us. My gaze once again falls to the large windows in front of us and I let a sigh escape my lips.
“It’s such a beautiful space, your patio area. I don’t have anything like that back at my apartment. All I have is a first-floor view of the street. I’d kill to have some grass or a sitting area outside that I could call my own.”
I can feel his eyes on me as I continue to admire his outdoor haven. When my eyes finally fall back onto his, I catch him with a funny smirk on his face.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” I start nervously wiping my fingers across my face, praying that nothing embarrassing is on there.
“No love, nothing like that. I was just thinking to myself.”
“About what?”
“About you.”
“What about me?”
He leans closer, putting his head next to mine so we share the same vision field. “I look at my garden and I see wasted space. I hardly spend any time out there so I don’t need it. But as I was watching you look out there, I could see that glimmer of light and I know you imagined so many things to do out there. You see things for more than they are. It’s one of the things I love about you.”
I cling to those words, repeating them over and over. It’s one of the things he loves about me. That means there’s more about me he loves, doesn’t it? He reaches over and covers my hand with his.
“It makes me want to give you the world so I can always see that light in your eyes,” he says.
I just stare at our hands resting in front of us. There’s so much I want to say to that statement. I just don’t know how to put it into words. My lips press together and I give a small shrug.
“When you grow up with practically nothing your whole life it makes you appreciate the little things and everything else that you do have. My apartment is small, but it’s functional, clean and it is mine.
It’s my space where I can relax and be myself. That’s all I really want. A place to belong.”
I tug at my bottom lip with my teeth again and he reaches up to set it free. The sad look is back in his eyes. I need to change that quickly. I lean over and place a small kiss upon his cheek.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say.
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “But you haven’t eaten it yet. How do you know it’s going to be good?”
I reach my fingers up and trail them gently down his cheek. “Because you’re making it for me, doing one of those little things you do that make me go crazy for you.”
He takes hold of my hand, placing a kiss in the center before looking up at me with a face-splitting grin. “Crazy, eh?”
I laugh and lean closer. “Yep. Stark. Raving. Mad.”
He tries to close the distance between us, but the timer sounds in the kitchen, pulling our faces apart.
“Saved by the bell,” he says before standing and walking into the kitchen to remove a pan from the oven.
I blow out a breath and take another sip of my wine. Saved by the bell? Did he not want to kiss me? Or did he mean that it was going to go further than a kiss and the bell saved him? I’m hoping for the latter because there’s no way that I’m misreading his cues. Am I?
Andrew throws some broccoli and cauliflower into a steamer while he checks the temperature on the chicken.
“Where do you keep your plates and silverware?” I ask, tired of sitting around and not helping.
He jerks his head to the back, letting me know they’re in the cabinets behind him. I find everything I need for two place settings and decorate the table, leaving the plates just to his side so he can put the food on them, as he requested.
“Can you pull out another bottle of wine? Ladies choice,” he says, slicing the stuffed chicken breasts and putting one on each plate.
I open the door and find the same bottle that we had emptied, placing it on the table for us. Andrew’s putting vegetables and potatoes on both of the plates, making sure that my plate has more than enough food. He walks them over to where I’m sitting, setting his down right next to mine. I refill his glass and raise mine to his.