by Emma
found my bedroom. There it was with its old braille number
on. Luckily it was unoccupied so i could go in and sit on the
bed. i imagined someone else sitting there, being introduced
to the little chocolate puppy I'd brought, and i hoped it would
gyive them freedom. i don't.mind admitting that, as Betty and
i drove away and i looked back on the house, it was a very
misty picture i saw through my tears. It had brought back so
many memories, both of pain and happiness, but most of all of
Emma. Emma as a young dog. A sprightly little Labrador
who would bounce up and down at my door waiting for me to
put the harness on so she could take me out. She was always so
keen to get wherever we were going, she was always wanting
to learn new places and new tricks. i remembered how both
Emma and i would look forward to our dinner-time walks in
the forest near where i worked: once I'd let Emma off the
harness I'd hear her paws scudding on the grass as she ran
backwards and forwards to fetch me sticks and things to throw
for her, coming back every moment or so to touch me with her
nose to tell me that she was still there. Then i thought of
Bracken and Buttons and their young days. They'd never be
guide-dogs but at least one of their puppies had gone to be one
and that made me feel very good inside.
42
CHAPTER FIVE
ONE THURSDAY EVENING Deirdre arrived to collect her
puppy. She was carrying a little basket to put him in. At six
weeks old, he was very small. I'd nicknamed him Gingerfoot
because he had some mismarking on his paws. Instead of
being all chocolate, he had ginger bits.
'Have you told John?' i asked as soon as she walked
through the door.
'No, i haven't. He's not in this evening. He won't be
back until about half-past-eleven. Don't worry, he'll be all
right.'
'I am worried though. i really don't feel you've done the
right thing.'
'You know he wouldn't let me have a puppy,' she told
me. 'I've been asking him for years and i just feel that I've
reached the stage now where i really need one. You know
Katherine's going away, don't you?'
'Yes, she's starting university soon, isn't she?'
The house will be so lonely without her. i feel the need
for something small and cuddly to love. i want something
to be at home that needs me.'
i well understood her feelings. i packed a diet sheet,
Gingerfoot's pedigree and some food for him, and she put
him into the basket. She was smiling all over her face as she
walked down the drive.
'Bye, Sheila. Don't 'Worry, it'll be all right.'
But I couldn't help worrying. i sat in front of the
television that night but didn't see anything that was on. i
couldn't stop thinking about what would happen when
John arrived home. When the last programme finished i was
still sitting there. i looked across at Don. 'John'll be home
by, now, won't he? The phone hasn't rung. Nobody's come
43
OTT"
rl~ll,
to the front door.' It was a quarter to twelve. 'Do you think we
should sit up a little longer in case he brings the puppy back?'
'No, he won't bring the puppy back. You know whatjohn
is, he really loves dogs.'
i knewjohn did. He was always coming to see the puppies
and making a fuss of my dogs and cats. He was really an old
softy, and i couldn't understand why he'd been so firm about
not letting Deirdre have a puppy. But i still went to bed that
night with a feeling of foreboding. When nine o'clock came
the next morning, i was beginning to relax. Then the front
doorbell rang. I opened the door to see Deirdre standing
there, the puppy in the basket, tears streaming down her face.
'Oh, Deirdre, what's happened, what's the matter?'
'John!'she said. 'He won't let me have him. He's made me
bring him back. He told me that i must ask him first.'
I felt so upset, not only for Deirdre but for the puppy, who'd
had one night in another home and then had to be brought
back to his mum. When i put him down next to Buttons, he
looked startled and surprised. He didn't quite know what to
do.
'Couldn'tyou persuadchim?'I said to Deirdre.'lt seems so
terrible.'
'No, i can't. If he says i can't have one, i can't and that's it,'
she sobbed. 'It's no good, i must respect his wishes.'
She spoke very highly ofjohn, even at that moment. I felt
very bitter towards him. i wanted to ring him up and tell him
what i really thought of him. How could he do this to his wife,
his lovely wife who thought the world of him and would do
anything he asked? And so respected him that she'd even
bring the puppy back, the puppy that she'd picked from the
day he was born and had so loved over the six weeks she'd been
to see him? There were no smiles this time as Deirdre left the
house and went down the drive. She could hardly say a word. i
heard her slam the car door and the engine start. When Don
came in for his lunch, it upset me to tell him what had
happened. He could hardly believe it.
'It would be difrerent if he didn't like dogs,' i said to Don,
'but he does. i can't understand him.'
ME
44
'Well, you know what John is,' Don told me. 'He likes to
be the man of his house.'
'He is!' i said. 'He must realize that or Deirdre wouldn't
have brought the puppy back, would she? She would have
ignored him.'
i spent the whole of Friday really hatingjohn and vowing
that I'd never speak to him again, nor let him come and see
our puppies in the future. i couldn't understand how anyone
could be so cruel. You can imagine how i felt when, early on
Saturday morning, the doorbell rang and i opened the door
to see John. Luckily for me, i was speechless at seeing him
there or i might have said something i would have later
regretted. Then i noticed the basket in his hand that Deirdre
had fetched and brought the puppy back in. i was astonished. '
Yes?' i said to him coldly. 'What do you want?'
' I've come for the puppy,' he told me cheerfully. Scan
followed him in.
'What do you mean, you've come for the puppy?'
'I've relented. She can have the puppy. Where is he? I'll
take him straight back.'john was all smiles and cheerfulness
as he fetched the puppy from Buttons. Scan, in the
meantime, took me in the lounge and whispered, 'Mum's
been so upset about it. She couldn't eat anything yesterday. i
think she spent all night up pining for him. She so loves him
you know.'
'Yes, i know,' i told him. 'Why has your Dad changed his
mind?'
'I think he realized how much Mum wanted that puppy.
He didn't understand before, and it's not that he doesn't like
dogs, you know. He does. He wanted to be the one to make
the decision to have a puppy, that's all.'
'He will love him,' i asked
Scan, 'won't he? He will look
after him? He won't resent him, will he?'
'Goodness me, no,' Scan said. 'You mark my words,
Dad'll be as daft as a brush with that dog.'
Sure enough, as John came back into the lounge with the
puppy cuddled in his arms, he was whispering into his ear,
telling him what a lovely home he was going to.
45
Most of Buttons' litter had been given away to friends.
That was reassuring because i knew they were all going to be
looked after and loved. Betty, my friend round the corner,
had one. John and Deirdre, of course. And one had gone in
the hopes of being a guide-dog. The other three were found
homes locally so i could keep an eye on them. They were all
like children to me. I don't mean that I'm sentimental about
dogs, but i do care what happens if i sell a puppy. There are
so many uncared for dogs, so many dogs left to roam the
streets. It's not difficult when people come to buy puppies to
assess whether they'll logk after their dog or not. Of course,
we can always be wrong, but in most cases i can tell whether
a prospective owner will really care for their dog or not. i
give as much help and advice as i possibly can and always
tell my owners to take their dogs to a Dog Training Club.
From lack of knowledge, people aren't able to train their
dogs. A trained dog - and its owner of course - is so much
happier. i don't think I've ever yet seen a miserable working
dog, and my own experiences with Emma tell me that a dog
loves to work. Emma really enjoyed having her harness on
and looked forward to taking me out every morning. Of
course, she was a guide-dog and she needed me as much as i
needed her. She taught me an awful lot about dogbehaviour.
If i respected her wishes, she respected mine. If a
dog is treated with respect and intelligence then you can't go
far wrong.
In all the years that Emma and i worked together, i only
remember one occasion when she didn't want to take me out.
It was ajanuary evening and on reaching home from work
we were both wet through and very cold. It was slecting and
a gale was blowing outside. As soon as Emma had eaten her
dinner - that was always the first thing i did when i came in
from work, my tea had to wait - she settled herself in front of
the gas fire, curled up and went to sleep. i had a talk to give. i
went out quite a lot in those days to various organizations,
such as Wls and Townswomen's Guilds, to give talks about
guide-dogs. i felt it was my way, not only of helping the
Association to raise money, but also of showing how
46
independent and worthwhile a blind person's life coul
was always fighting the battle for equality. Because
blind, most people thought i was unable to do ajob of
and probably that i was deaf as well because i was a
shouted at when i arrived at my venue. It was
important part of my life with Emma, and this part
evening i had a talk out of Nottingham which me~t
catching a bus into town from where i lived, going ill
bus station and taking another bus out again. i had a
bite to cat, put my coat back on and began feell
Emma's harness - always the signal for Emma to
rushing to the front door and bounce around in excite
But this time there was no response! 'Emma,' i calle
still didn't come. i became quite worried. i went bac
the lounge and felt in front of the gas fire. There she A,
asleep, snoring her head off. i gave her a little tap.
'Emma, we must go out. We have a talk.'
Emma loved going on talks. She'd race to the bus sic
be first on the bus. She knew that once we arrived sh(
lots of people to admire her and say how brilliant sli
This time she never stirred. i began to think she was il
her nose: that was nice and cold. Her paws and her car
warm. (That's always a sign of good health with a do
'Emma, come on,' i said, 'quickly. We must catc
bus.'
She put her head up and nuzzled me with her n
don't want to come,' was what she was telling me, a
her head down again.
'I'm sorry, Emma. i know it's awful out there
really have to go.'
i always talked to Emma the same as i would a pc
think this is one of the reasons why we had such
relationship. i treated her as a human being and i re
believe she thought she was one. Eventually i mana
persuade her that we were going out. i put her harne
collar and lead on and walked down the path. The sle
biting into my face. i had my hood well wrapped rou
ears and my eyes closed against the stinging rain and
47
i
If there's one thing that puts a bl i rid person ofydirection, it's
a howling gale. i really had to listen to where i was going,
apart from remembering how many kerbs to cross and where
to give Emma the instructions for going right or left. It's a
partnership when you work with a guide-dog. - I can only
equate it to driving a car - neither one is any good without
the other. It was easy to get to the bus stop. I only had to
cross one intersection and turn left at the next, then it was
about twenty paces up the road. i didn't seem to have
crossed an intersection and i felt sure that i should have got
to it by now.
'Emma, find the bus stop,' i repeated, just as a reminder.
But she didn't. After about ten minutes of walking, she
stopped and sat down. i put my hand out to feel the bus stop
but it wasn't there. i was back at my own garden gate.
Emma had taken me the full circle round the block, back
home again.
'That won't do,' i told her. 'Look, i know you don't want
to go out and i know it's terribly cold but all those ladies are
sitting there waiting for us to appear and we can't let them
down.'
As if appealing to her better nature had made her think
again, she got up and went back up the road. We had crossed
the intersection this time and when we got to the next left
turn, Emma sat down. i felt sure we hadn't gone far enough.
It was usually about twenty paces once we'd turned left. It's
amazing how much you remember as a blind person: how
many paces to here, how many intersections you've crossed,
where the bus stops, where shops are - by smell or by sound.
i put my hand up again. No, i wasn't at the bus stop. i was at
the letter-box this time, and i knew that was only a few yards
away from the bus stop. Emma was trying every trick in the
book to fool me.
'No, Emma. Find the bus stop.'
Eventually we made it to the post. My stop was the one
before the terminus in town, which would leave me near the
bus station. Emma knew the way, of course. Across the main
road, under a subway and come out in the bus station and all
48
i had to say to her was Mount Street bus station. She knew
all the three separate bus stations in Nottingham just by
name. Once oftthe bus at the allotted place, i told Emma to
find the kerb and then the subway. Again, i thought it was
rather strange. We had to cross a major road and then make
a right turn into the subway. I'd certainly crossed a road but,
to me, it had only seemed a small one. But who was i to argue
with Emma? i couldn't see where i was going and there was
still that terrible howling gale to contend with and, as i said,
it does put a blind person oiT. i had completely lost my sense
of direction. But Emma marched on. i could feel her tail
wagging. Oh good, i thought, she's pleased we're going on a
talk now she's out. She sat down with great fervour and gave
a snort. 'Good girl, Emma. Are we in the bus station?'
'Hello, me duck, are you all right?' It turned out to be a
bus driver - the bus driver that had brought us into
Nottingham and dropped us ofra few minutes earlier. He'd
then turned the bus round into the depot to wait to go back to
where i lived at Beechdale.
'Where am i?' i asked him.
'Well, me duck, you've just got off round the corner. What
are you doing round here? I'm going back to Beechdale.
Have you changed your mind?'
'No, i haven't,' I said. 'I'm supposed to be at Mount
Street bus station. Emma's changed her mind, she wants to
go home again.'
He gave a hearty laugh. 'That dog knows better than we
do. It's not fit for a dog on a night like this, is it, me duck? Do
you want any help getting to the bus station?'
'No,' i said. 'I think she'll admit defeat now. Emma, come
on, find Mount Street bus station.'
Emma eventually gave in and we did get to our talk on
time. We were both very wet and cold but we had a lovely
warm reception from the ladies and i think they made up to
Emma for her coming out on that really horrible night.
49
CHAPTER SIX
'I COULD REALLY settle there. Could you?' Don was looking
over a large 'For Sale' board that jutted out of the hedge to
Rose Cottage.
'Of course,' i told him. i could settle anywhere. If there
were boarding kennels going for sale in the middle of the
Sahara Desert I'd go. We both desperately wanted to move