by S. M. Bowles
“Oh no!” my mind exploded with fear as they both stepped away.
Herrik was looking at me curiously, “Is there something wrong Emily?”
“No, not at all,” I stuttered.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep,” I nodded.
He didn’t look convinced but he didn’t push me to say anything I wasn’t willing to either. “Well, I want you to know that you are no longer a guest here; you are one of us now and if there is anything you need I want you to come to me. My door is always open.”
He looked sincere both in his offer and his concern but I felt it was only a perfunctory offer and that there couldn’t be any real merit to it.
“Thank you,” I mumbled certain that he didn’t want me to and that I would never take him up on it.
Herrik seemed satisfied with my response and motioned to Artur then turned and slowly walked away. I was more than ready to head home myself. By then I was a little turned around and had to ask Carah to point me in the right direction. I had a lot to think about and I was anxious to be alone so I quickened my pace. We arrived just as Penny was setting breakfast out. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything just then.
“I had some cereal before I went out,” I lied. “Maybe I’ll be hungry again later.”
“Oh,” Penny sighed in dismay. “Are you sure you can’t eat?”
“I’m sure,” I smiled gingerly and rather than face any more questioning went straight to my room.
The day past along with another restless night. I was so exhausted and grief stricken that everything I did or said became an automatic response, done completely without thought. Penny prodded me to eat, so I ate what I could. She would strike up a conversation and my brief replies came with virtually no additional information. When I woke I would dress in whatever was handy then I would walk in the garden always towards the pond and look longingly toward Herrik’s door before continuing on. At night I closed my eyes and lay awake with all my demons.
When Monday morning came I was filled with a new dread – spending the day studying with Artur. He sent Avery to fetch me hours after I had woken and taken my walk with Carah grudgingly trailing behind me.
When the buzzer rang Penny went to the door then called to me when she found Avery there and he explained to her the errand he was on. She reminded Avery that I needed to eat and asked if he would be able to bring me home for lunch then made him promise to mention it to Artur for her.
“Of course,” Avery assured her as I said goodbye.
Avery pointed down the path I was supposed to take and followed behind me. I felt like I was a criminal being marched off to be drawn and quartered for some horrific offence I had unknowingly committed. Avery didn’t talk except to keep me headed in the right direction and though I asked several questions received only one or two word answers. Eventually I gave up and by the time we got to the elevator I remembered that I would be forced to work with him as well and became thoroughly conscious of how uncomfortable a teacher he was destined to be.
For a moment I regretted Artur’s interference and thought that even Carah with her abrasive manners and tactless way of speaking would have been a better instructor or at least the lesser of the two evils. That was only for a moment though. My overall dislike of her quickly beat the idea back and I sighed to myself with resignation.
Artur’s rooms were on the level just above Herrik’s so once we were beyond the garden and on the elevator it was less than a minute before we were at his entryway and ringing his buzzer. He answered almost immediately and after saying hello to each of us nodded a dismissal to Avery.
“I’ll let you know when we’re done.”
“Penny wanted me to remind you that she needs to eat.”
“Yes, yes, of course. If we are not done in time I will send you for something for her,” and Artur closed the door without waiting for a response.
“Ah, Emily,” he said and quickly looked me over.
It was terribly unsettling being there alone with him and I wasn’t sure what to expect or what was expected of me. I looked around the room while I waited for some indication.
“Come,” Artur finally said and laid his hand on my shoulder to spin me down the hallway towards his study. “You and I, we have not gotten off to a very good start have we?” There was nothing I could say that wouldn’t sound like a lie so I didn’t say anything at all. “I am sorry for the way I have acted towards you,” he said as we walked. “You have had a great many burdens already and I had no right to add to them. I didn’t mean to upset you and I don’t want you to feel like you’ve done anything wrong. Herrik either for that matter.”
It was very hard for me to hear and I had to force the swell of tears that were pooling in my eyes back.
“What’s done is done and even though we don’t yet know the why, I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason.” He stopped and faced me, “I want us to be friends, Emily. If there were any way we could put our initial feelings behind us and start again that is where I would like us to begin; as friends.”
I nodded nervously and agreed.
Artur took a deep breath and though he wasn’t completely convinced by my response his expression lost a good deal of the seriousness it typically carried. He held a chair for me and I eased myself into it as he took the one across from me. He looked like he was wondering where he should begin so I just waited expectantly.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Uh,” it was completely unexpected. “No,” I wanted to blurt out but even in my distressful state of mind I knew the correct answer and quickly offered it up, “I guess so.”
“Ah,” he sighed and smiled, “I miss sleeping.”
“You don’t sleep,” I asked somewhat awed and intrigued by the idea.
“Well, I rest but not the way you do,” he chuckled. “I just sort of shut down…my awareness fades, my mind goes blank and…well, I guess that’s it. Then there’s nothing…no dreams, no tossing or turning, no waking up to go to the bathroom,” he laughed.
I tried very hard to imagine what that would be like. The prospect of not dreaming sounded incredibly enticing especially considering that even the few bits of sleep I was managing to snag each night were as terrifying as the waking nightmares I had been having. I longed to sleep…to sleep soundly again.
“Is it like that for everyone?” I asked, my curiosity peaked by the idea of not being able to have dreams.
“Yes, I believe it is. I’ve never heard anyone say anything any differently.” Then he cocked his head at me and grinned, “You smell like cinnamon; what did you have for breakfast?” his eyes widened and he looked anxious to hear my response.
“Penny made French toast for us. She put cinnamon and nutmeg in the batter so they were a little spicy and we had sausage and fruit, too.”
“Oh,” Artur raised his eyes to the heavens. “That sounds delicious!”
“It was actually pretty good,” I had only had a handful of bites but Artur’s enthusiasm made me realize that I might have enjoyed eating more if only I had felt better.
Somehow he had managed to break the ice by this unexpected conversation and after a few more minutes of small talk he finally got around to speaking about what he expected to teach me.
He went to one of the bookshelves and brought several large texts back with him. Artur laid them in front of me and sat down. “So, I would like to give you a full curriculum; math, science, history, English, but there are other important things for you to learn, too. Are you interested in an instrument?”
I frowned, “No…not really…”
“Piano then.”
I tried to hide my disappointment.
“No, not piano?”
“It’s OK, I just didn’t think I would have to…I didn’t know…”
“Don’t worry, it won’t be nearly as bad as you imagine!” Artur smiled mischievously, “We can cheat a little,” and I felt him giving me a kind of demonstration in my mind
.
I reflexively threw my defenses up before I realized what he was suggesting.
“We’ll work on that when we trust one another a bit better.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
“Nope, no need. It’s better to act than to regret your inactions,” he said conclusively. “Herrik wants you to work with Avery, too. Would you rather spend the mornings with him or afternoons?”
It didn’t really matter to me either way, I was already overwhelmed by everything else Artur was proposing.
“You look terrified. I know it sounds like a lot but I have a feeling you’re going to surprise yourself with how much you’re capable of!” Artur insisted. “You’ve had a remarkable experience and judging from what Herrik has told me you are a remarkable girl,” I colored at the commendation.
I wasn’t sure if it was really what Artur believed or if he was just saying it to strengthen the goodwill I had begun to feel towards him.
We talked a while more, not so much about what he wanted and expected me to learn but more about myself and what my life had been like prior to my experiences there. It completely surprised me when I realized how very easy he was to talk to and that he seemed genuinely interested in all that I had to say so I said a great deal more than I ever thought I would. As lunchtime drew near he remembered Avery’s warning from Penny and offered to take me back to the garden.
Avery was waiting for us at the main entryway and before he said goodbye Artur tucked a scrap of paper in my hand with notes of what he wanted to me to go over in each of the texts before we met again the following morning.
Chapter 8
Despite my reservations Artur proved to be an excellent teacher. He was witty and fun and understood that there were some things I would grasp quicker than others. He also seemed to anticipate my limitations and knew which approach would work best in order for me to learn whatever lesson he intended to teach me.
Other than Penny he was the only other person I felt relatively at ease with and I was anxious and eager to impress him as a student. I never completely got over my fear of him; the night he told me what Herrik had done and how upset he was for all the trouble I had caused still lingered in the back of my mind and I was determined never to rouse his anger again. As a result I accepted all his ideas and recommendations as to what I should study. Unfortunately Artur misconstrued this for an eagerness to learn and as a result he began to work me harder and harder each day.
There were a number of times that I wished I could speak up and tell him that I felt overwhelmed by the workload but I could never find the courage. Studying so hard only contributed to my sleepless nights and my inability to eat more than a few scanty bites here and there. Coupled with the misery I felt from missing my family and the physical pain that Avery and Carah persistently inflicted on me during our training sessions my despair was leading me to believe that I just wasn’t capable of living in their strange, preternatural world.
I did my best to keep a happy exterior but I was so exhausted and mentally taxed by the time Artur sent me home at night that Penny couldn’t help noticing that something was seriously wrong. When she asked I shrugged and said I wasn’t really sure; that I was just tired.
After a few similar days like this in a row she privately implored Artur not to overwork me and insisted that despite my readiness to learn I needed time to rest, relax, to be young and have fun, too.
His answer to her concern was simple and dismissive, “Herrik has approved of everything in her schedule and Emily has made no complaints.”
That night when I went home I could barely keep my eyes open through dinner and as soon as I finished eating I asked to be excused so I could take a shower and get ready for bed.
“Of course,” Penny reached across the kitchen table and caressed my hand in understanding.
I trudged to my room utterly weak and weary. I managed my shower but had to sit down for a few minutes halfway through. I didn’t know why but I was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, shaking with exhaustion and that strange emotional deprivation you feel when you honestly believe that no one in the world cares about you.
When I went to bed I lit the candles in each of the holders Herrik had given me and slipped beneath the covers. For the first time since I could remember I slept. I slept and I dreamt. In my dream I was someone else, someone who seemed quite familiar with the compound and the layout of the garden and all its paths.
It was nighttime, or the edge of nighttime very close to dawn and as I wandered through the garden I realized that the path I was on was the one that would lead me to Herrik’s door. I seemed confident, like this was something I had done quite frequently and that there was a purpose to wherever it was I was going. I strode through the door to his apartment and down the hallway that led to the oval meeting room. After walking up to one of the panels I pressed my palms flat against it and the entire panel popped open to reveal an elevator door.
I punched the button I knew would call the car and waited patiently until the door slid open. It was much smaller than the main elevator beyond the garden – designed to carry maybe one or two people only. After I stepped inside I reached out and pressed a button on the control panel that was set apart at the top from all the others. It had a strange symbol on it, like a hieroglyph or some other ancient text.
I leaned against the back wall while the elevator went up and watched the light indicating the number of the floor flashing on the screen above the door. Eventually the garage floor lit up but the elevator didn’t stop. A minute or more passed and still the garage floor was lit but the elevator did not stop and the door did not open. Then I felt the car slowing and finally the light changed and the strange symbol lit up on the display.
When the door opened and I could see out of the elevator it appeared similar to the receiving areas at the entrance to the apartments but the door rather than being directly in front of me was up a short flight of stairs and built into the ceiling. I knew the code and punched it into the keypad. The door swung upward and open and there above me was the night sky dotted with stars and dappled with clouds crisscrossing before a sliver of the moon.
“Ah,” I felt myself, or whoever I was sighing and taking in the night air.
It was such a vivid dream, such a realistic experience that I woke up with a start. It filled me with longing and I immediately hopped from my bed determined to find out if such a thing existed. I quickly dressed and hurried from my room.
“Avery!” I thought to myself as I reached for the handle on the front door.
I used Herrik’s trick and cloaked my mind then cautiously pulled the door open inch by inch. Much to my amazement he wasn’t there. Neither was Carah. I scanned all that I could see around the perimeter of the apartment and realized that I was all alone. It was hard to make out the paths in the dim light but I tried to imagine that it was daytime and I was on my typical morning stroll which would take me to the pond.
Before I knew it I was there and weaving my way around the water's edge to Herrik’s apartment. “My door is always open,” he had said and sure enough the handle turned quite easily. I pulled the door wide enough to squeeze through and slipped into Herrik's apartment.
Once I was inside it took a moment to get my bearings but I managed to find my way to the hallway that would bring me to the meeting room. Surprisingly I had no fear at that point. I didn’t worry about being caught or getting in trouble or have any thought really other than to get to the elevator and get outside.
I found the panel and called the car. Everything was exactly as I had dreamt it would be. Up and up I went, soon the garage floor lit up and for a long, drawn-out moment it stayed lit. Then finally the strange symbol brightened and the elevator came to a stop.
Smiling I stepped into the receiving area and walked up the stairs. I closed my eyes and pictured the code then entered it into the keypad.
“Oh,” I gasped completely elated when the door swung open.
I had to bli
nk and shade my eyes. It was so bright and sunny. It wasn’t dawn as I had imagined it in my dream. It seemed to be just the opposite; late afternoon or early dusk. The air was cool, crisp and fall-like. I took a deep breath and climbed the rest of the way out.
When my eyes adjusted and I could finally withstand the brightness I spun around and took in the entire scene. I was in a small field on what I imagined to be the summit of the canyon where Herrik’s compound was. There was nothing all that remarkable about it. It was level and grassy and there was only one tree with an expanse of foliage that seemed just ready to change into its autumn color and a large boulder that rested precariously close to the edge where the field suddenly dropped off.
For a long while all I could do was wonder at the idea that I was outdoors. Then I explored the perimeter of the field and looked over the edge of the plateau I was on. The sides leading up to the field were rough-looking with very little slope to them but there was a small section of the ground that had some well-worn tire tracks in it and when I investigated the area I saw that there was a gravel road of sorts. Other than the elevator it was likely to be the only way anyone could have gotten from the canyon up to where I was standing.
The sun began to set and I decided to enjoy the sight while I considered my circumstances. I walked to the edge of the summit and sat on the boulder with my feet dangling down towards the canyon below. The road seemed the safest route if I wanted to escape. I imagined myself following it while keeping myself concealed among the weeds and shrubs that were off to either side.
“And then what? Where would I go if I actually managed to get beyond the compound and the canyon? How far is it to town? Would I find anyone to help me once, if, I got there?”
In my mind I pictured a happy reunion with my mother, father and brother. I saw them clearly, welcoming me home with hugs and tears of disbelief and joy.
It filled me with determination, “I’m going home!” I thought and pushed myself to standing.
“And what do you think will happen to you and your family if you do?”