by Candy Caine
* * *
Lauryn had had terrible morning sickness for the first few months of her pregnancy, but Claudia lucked out with hardly more than a few bouts. In fact, her doctor told her pregnancy agreed with her, but she assured him that she didn’t intend to make it a habit. Lauryn delivered a beautiful baby girl a month-and-a-half before her. She named her Leanne. Claudia’s delivery went as smoothly as her pregnancy and she had a little boy she named, Cory.
Cory was a beautiful baby. Unfortunately, all her wonderful genetic research had gone under the wrecking ball. After checking to make certain he had ten toes and ten fingers, she studied his beautiful, pale, pink skin. Then her eyes took in his deep mahogany-colored hair and blue-green eyes. It was as if all her genes had been by-passed. Perhaps she should keep his birth certificate in her purse for fear she be accused of kidnapping him. All kidding aside, she honestly didn’t care what he looked like, because she already adored him. That child was going to know how much he was loved.
She still hadn’t found a competent babysitter by the time Cory was born, so she decided to continue her leave of absence to be with him until she could find somebody she could trust his care to.
Entering the world at eight pounds and five ounces, Cory was a big baby to start with. Add a healthy appetite and you had a baby who was in a rush to grow. The kid always seemed to be hungry. Afraid that he’d turn into a blimp, she discussed the situation with his pediatrician. The doctor assured her that once the child became mobile, whatever extra weight Cory had on his frame would be worked off.
Whenever she held Cory or gazed down at his beautiful face, she saw Robert. As the baby got older, the resemblance became more pronounced. If this trend continued, there’d be no mistaking who the father was. She was going to have a major problem if Robert ever saw him. She could almost hear Lauryn’s words warning her about seducing Robert. “Sometimes, things don’t always work out the way you plan them.” Ain’t that the truth?
Cory was a curious child, responsive to everything around him. Though she promised to be a rational, intelligent and not prone-to-panic mother, she sometimes listened to him breathe at night. She feared Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) where apparently healthy infants stopped breathing and died. Now that she was responsible for another life, overnight she’d been reduced from a self-assured, intelligent woman to a person who debated and doubted nearly every decision she made. She was petrified that she’d make some mistake that might harm Cory.
She knew she was going to love Cory, but she never expected to care for him with the depth of emotion that she did. Just looking at him sleep in his crib brought tears of joy to her eyes. She read every book on raising children that she could find. Wanting him to grow up with the love of books that she had, she began to read to him. She didn’t care if he was an infant and was too young to appreciate it. All she knew was that there’d come a day when he did and that was all that mattered.
Despite all her happiness with Cory, Claudia always had one terrible thought lurking in the back of her mind. What would she do if Robert were to come back to Pennsylvania on a visit during school breaks? Lauryn thought about it, too.
Claudia had just put Cory to bed when her phone rang.
“Hey girlfriend, just calling to see if you’re drowning in diapers yet.”
“You should talk,” Claudia replied.
“I called to officially invite you to spend Christmas with us—unless you expect Robert.”
“Are you crazy? You know what will happen if he sees Cory.”
“All hell will break loose?”
“Something like that,” Claudia said and sighed. “I think about it all the time. It worries me.”
“So much for grand schemes. Has he told you what he’s doing for the holiday?”
“He emailed me just yesterday and told me that he’d wanted to come back for Christmas, but that his mother wasn’t feeling too well. She’s getting on in years and he needed to spend some time with her.”
“She lives in Arizona?” Lauryn said followed by a loud “ouch.”
“What the hell was that?” Claudia asked.
“Seth. He just ran over my foot with his trike.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. I’ve got two feet, remember?” Lauryn replied. “You’re one lucky woman, Claudia. Had he come back last Christmas, he would have seen you very pregnant. What will you do with Cory when he does come back?”
“I honestly don’t know. With enough warning, hide Cory with you, I guess.”
“Another great idea,” she replied.
Claudia heard the sarcasm in her friend’s voice and shuddered.
* * *
While she was reveling in her love for Cory, Robert began to email her how lonely and miserable he was living so far away in Arizona. What would she do if he actually came back for a visit? Fortunately, with his full roster of classes, and ailing mother, he’d never found a good time to get away. Therefore, they continued to email one another and once a week he’d call.
Her life was now full and wonderful. She almost felt guilty that she’d been so blessed. And then the inconceivable happened…
Chapter Ten
She was in the kitchen preparing dinner when she heard a loud bang coming from Cory’s bedroom. She dropped the knife on the counter and ran toward her baby’s room. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw the side of the crib down and Cory lying on the floor, blood pooling around his small head. Why wasn’t he crying?
Her precious son lay on that cold, hardwood floor so still that she feared the worst. The blood pulsed so hard in her head that she heard the echo in her ears. On rubbery legs she went to him and fell on her knees. With a trembling hand she felt his neck for a pulse. She needed to reassure herself he was still alive. His breathing was so shallow; she nearly didn’t feel a pulse at first. Frantically, she forced back the panic that was grabbing hold of her, making it hard for her to breathe. She needed a clear head. Afraid to move him, making things worse, she ran to the phone in her bedroom and dialed 911 through a heavy veil of blinding tears. Somehow, she got all the information across to the dispatcher, knowing she sounded like a basket case.
She couldn’t bear to lose Cory after finally finding the love she needed for so long. Though the EMTs had responded as quickly as they could, it felt like forever. She watched the clock fearing that each second that passed had been taken from her precious child. If the Devil had asked her to sell her soul for Cory’s recovery she would have opened a vein and signed the contract with her own blood.
Cory was airlifted to the Children’s Hospital. Unfortunately, by the time he was rolled through the hospital’s emergency doors, he’d lapsed into a coma. Her entire world had come undone hearing that one word: coma. She had never felt so helpless. She was not allowed to go into the procedure room, so one of the nurses promised to bring her news as soon as Cory had been thoroughly examined and tested. She suggested she go into the waiting room and have some coffee.
Claudia called Lauryn. Half-talking, half-crying, she related to her what had happened. Lauryn asked where she was and promptly told Claudia to sit tight. She was on her way. At least she wouldn’t be alone.
Thirty-five minutes later, a tall, harried-looking man wearing soiled scrubs that looked more like the canvass of a modern artist, called out Claudia’s name. She popped out of her seat like a Jack-in-the Box. She was surprised she’d heard him over the loud, erratic beating of her heart.
“I’m Dr. Howard.”
“How is he?” Claudia asked, her voice quivering.
Perhaps he saw the terrible fear in her eyes or maybe he was a compassionate man, his voice softened as he motioned for her to sit.
“Even though nothing is written in stone, doctors rate comas according to the GCS or Glasgow Coma Scale. The higher the number, the milder the coma. With that in mind, though Cory’s coma is serious, he scored a 14 and that’s considered a mild one.”
“Please! Just tell me. W
ill he be all right?”
“We have him stabilized and have reduced the swelling. The prognosis looks good, but with head trauma there are no certainties at this stage. We just have to wait and see. The next twelve hours are crucial.”
“Thank you, Dr. Howard.”
He patted her hand and smiled. “It’s my job.”
“Can I see him?”
“I don’t think a peek will hurt. I’ll send a nurse over to take you. But only for a moment.”
Five minutes later, a short nurse who seemed as wide as she was tall, called her name. She gave Claudia a comforting smile and led her down a corridor to a glass-enclosed room. Her poor baby’s head had been covered by a huge bandage and his little body was hooked up to more tubes and cables than Frankenstein’s monster.
The nurse turned to Claudia and said, “Your baby’s in good hands now. Jesus will do right by him.”
She certainly hoped the woman had inside information.
The next twelve hours were the hardest Claudia ever lived through. Lauryn came to the hospital to hold her hand for a few hours before she had to return home so Ray could go to work. After she left, Claudia went to the hospital chapel to pray.
She felt like a stranger not having been in a church for ages. She’d divorced God a long time ago. It was hard for her to believe that a good, loving God could allow a decent church-going woman like her mother to be beaten by a miserable excuse of a man like her father. After reintroducing herself to the Almighty, she made it perfectly clear that it was on Cory’s behalf that she begged his help, not her own. That was just in case He held grudges.
Kneeling, she begged God to hear her plea and save her son. She prayed as she’d never prayed before. Then she proceeded to recite every prayer she knew and made deals with God. Cory was an innocent and she pleaded with God not to hold him accountable for the sins she’d committed. Leaning on the pew in front of her, a terrible thought occurred to her. Was Cory’s accident her punishment for deceiving Robert? If it was, would God take Cory away from her because of it? She’d die if Cory didn’t recover. He’d become her entire life. She tried to banish the thought, but it was an exercise in futility.
It was close to 4:00 am when she made her way back to the waiting room and sat down. There were four other people already there most likely waiting like her to hear about their loved ones. Though the TV was on, no one was watching it. She assumed everyone was lost in their own little hell. She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, a nurse was trying to wake her up.
“My baby—how is my baby?”
The nurse was smiling. “Cory is going to be just fine.”
Cory had regained consciousness and was calling for her. Hearing that little boy say,
“Mama,” was the sweetest sound she’d ever heard.
He remained in the hospital another day before she was able to take him home. Lauryn came to pick them up.
If Claudia hadn’t believed in miracles, she did then. The first thing she did when she got home was to order thick-piled carpeting for Cory’s room. She was a very thankful woman. Lauryn had been a big help in managing all this and Claudia was glad she’d been around for her. If she’d been alone, she probably would have lost her sanity. Lauryn had once told her it was easier to share grief and worry with another. She was so right about that.
Chapter Eleven
The months flew by and the terrible incident had become history. It was August and Cory was 21 months old when Claudia got a phone call from Robert.
“Hi, Claudia. I’m glad to catch you in.”
“How are you, Robert?”
“Okay, I guess. The heat here is unbelievable. I should have bought shares in Coppertone. On my good days I look like a cooked lobster.”
He had written to Claudia earlier in the year excited about a special project he was going to be part of. It had to do with excavating old Indian land looking for ancient relics. That meant he had to be outside a good part of the daylight hours when the heat was the fiercest.
Claudia laughed. “Don’t get too cooked on one side. And stay away from pointed objects.”
“I miss your humor. And our talks and walks and…ah, oh damn…I just miss you so much.”
She’d thought about him a great deal, as well. Every time Cory smiled she saw Robert’s face. He’d love Cory. Then she realized what she was thinking was sheer craziness.
“I miss you, too.”
“Good, because I’m coming home.”
“Home?”
“Back to Pennsylvania.”
“For good?”
“Yup!”
“When?”
“In two weeks. I’ll be teaching at the university with you again in September.”
“I’m glad. There’s so much I’ve got to tell you—”
She caught herself. What was she doing? She wasn’t exactly sure how she felt about his coming home. Half of her was thrilled, while the other half was totally scared. She was frightened of what her feelings would be like when she saw him again. She’d entertained the idea of telling him about Cory, but she was still afraid of forming any attachments, especially marriage. Now she feared how he’d react. The best thing would be to tell him that she got knocked up by some other guy.
She called Lauryn and told her that Robert was returning.
“That’s terrific!”
“Not really.”
“What’s the matter? Tell me you don’t miss him.”
“I do…but…tell me what am I going to do about Cory?”
“Try the truth for a change.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want him getting any crazy ideas.”
“Like making an honest woman of you?”
“That’s exactly right.”
“How will you explain Cory, then?”
“I’ll tell him it’s someone else’s.”
“That certainly should go over real big. You know I don’t agree with any of this. The man is entitled to know that he has a kid.”
“I can’t tell him.”
“Well, I hate to tell you the facts of life, Claudia, but the time to tell Robert is long past. Besides, you’ll have no choice. He’s going to see the kid eventually.”
“What am I going to do?” Tears streamed from her eyes.
“Claudia, a lie is like a snowball. It gets larger as it moves along. Come clean. Tell
Robert the truth. He’ll understand.”
“I don’t think so. I have this awful feeling that you’re right about the time to tell is way overdue. I think it may be too late.”
“No. I disagree. It’s never too late to confess the truth.”
“Even if you’re right about that, telling him will ruin our friendship.”
“Why can’t you ever see the positive side of things, Claudia?”
“Because I fear if there’s a possibility of things going wrong, they will.” That she knew first hand.
“If Robert really cares about you, maybe the disclosure will only rock your friendship and not destroy it.”
Despite what Lauryn said, in the deepest part of her heart and soul Claudia knew that if she told Robert about his son their friendship would never be the same. Even if she told him Cory was somebody else’s child, she still risked the loss of his respect and that could ruin their friendship, as well. However, that notion, in itself, was a pipedream, anyway. The minute he saw Cory he’d start doing the math and her goose was cooked. The answer was to keep the two apart.
It turned out that Claudia had never been more right.
Chapter Twelve
Claudia figured Robert would call from the airport to let her know he’d landed. Forewarned, she’d drop Cory off at Lauryn’s and go to meet him. A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Opening the door, she found Robert standing there, deeply tanned and looking wonderful. They hugged hello and held one another before he came inside.
“You’re early.”
“I was able to get an earlier flight and jumped at the chance. I missed you, woman.”
“I missed you, too,” Claudia replied, but realized something was wrong. His back had stiffened. She pulled away and noticing the look of shock on his face, she turned to see what he was looking at. Cory had followed her and was peeking out from around the corner of the kitchen.
“Come out and say hello, big boy,” Robert called to the child.
Cory toddled over to him. Robert stooped and scooped him up into his arms.
“What’s your name?”
“Cory,” Claudia said.
Robert’s narrowed eyes met hers. He didn’t say anything. She felt the tears welling in her eyes. Cory seemed quite content in his arms.
Then out of nowhere Robert asked, “Is this our child?”
The tears began to slip down her cheeks.
“Claudia, I asked you a question.”
“Yes,” she heard herself say in a very tiny voice.
“Why in God’s name didn’t you tell me?”
“You had your life, I had mine. We wanted different things.”
“What kind of stupid answer is that supposed to be?”
“You wanted that grant above all things. I didn’t want to ruin things for you.”
“How could you keep this to yourself? I would have been there for you. There must have been moments when you needed me.”
“We were friends—dearest friends. That’s all I wanted.”
“How selfish of you. I can’t believe you’d keep something like this from me.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You didn’t want to hurt me? You don’t think I’m not hurt by only now just learning about our child?” he said through clenched teeth, putting Cory down.
What could she say to him? How could she mitigate the circumstances? All she could say was, “I’m sorry.”
Without another word he turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
Claudia knew this would happen, she just did. Why didn’t she trust her own instincts? But even if she attempted to lie, she still thought he would have known the truth. Her foolproof plan had been flawed from its inception. The one question remained: Why did she care how Robert felt if she didn’t want any tangling relationships? She should be thrilled. It was over. He was gone out of her life and from the looks of it, most likely permanently. Wasn’t this what she’d desired all along? So why wasn’t she happy about it?