by Julia Kelly
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Everyone who has regrets has played out some scenario over and over again in their head where they do the one thing that will redeem them. What’s yours?”
Jane’s chest contracted. Somehow the earl had managed to break down all of the barriers she’d erected with one question. Not even hours of conversation with her two closest friends had done that.
“I’d go find him,” she said, her voice soft but clear.
“How?”
She had it all planned out, because all she’d had to do for the last two weeks was think about the life she might’ve had. In that time, Nicholas’s words had worked their way in, casting doubts on her convictions. Why couldn’t she be a baroness? Why couldn’t she and Nicholas try to find a way to guard his sisters’ futures? Why couldn’t she just let herself be happy and stop imagining that everyone was set to leave her the way her aunt and uncle had in sending her to school? The way her parents had when they’d died so early that all she had was a hazy recollection of who they were.
Why couldn’t she accept that Nicholas might actually love her, as he said?
“I’d go to Victoria Station and buy a ticket to Kent,” she said, her voice growing stronger.
“And then?”
She thought about the train schedule she’d asked Warthing to secure for her, and then tucked into the pages of her book, believing she’d never use it but wanting to have it nonetheless.
“I’d board the South Eastern Railway. I would disembark at Trenterden and hire a cart to drive me to Madeley House.”
“And what would you say to Lord Hollings when you saw him?” Eric asked with a grin.
“That I loved him. That I was sorry I wasn’t strong enough to believe that we could have a future together.”
“Anything else?”
She pursed her lips. “Nothing that’s suitable for a peer’s ears.”
Eric threw back his head and laughed. “That sounds like quite the plan. I’ll bet you even have the train picked out.”
“The two-twenty,” she said a little sheepishly.
“And what if we were to drive you to the station, buy you that ticket, and send you to Kent?” he asked. “Chaperoned by two married friends, of course.”
Oh, the earl was a devious man. With a few simple questions, he’d made her realize that the plan that had been rolling around in her head for days might actually work. Then he’d presented her with a way to execute it, making it nearly impossible for her not to follow through. Eric had removed some of the obstacles and, with time, her own resolve to stay away from Nicholas had weakened. Her need to see him was powerful, and she didn’t know if she could live with the ache any longer.
Jane smoothed her hands over her dress and looked up at the sun that shone over the buildings of Belgravia. “I think I have just enough time to pack if I’m to catch that train.”
“This is so exciting,” said Elizabeth with a squeeze of Jane’s hand.
“Exciting or nerve-racking?” asked Jane. “What am I doing?”
“Exactly what you should be doing,” said Mary from the opposite bench of the Asten carriage.
“Exactly what you want to do,” said Eric. “It’s your plan.”
“Encouraged by you,” she reminded him.
“Very clever of you, my dear,” said Mary with a smile for her husband.
“I’ll be sure to remind you of it as often as possible,” said the earl, nudging his wife playfully.
The carriage shuddered to a stop at the front doors of Victoria Station, and Jane’s stomach flipped. She was really doing this. She was going to Madeley to ask for a second chance. She’d beg Nicholas’s forgiveness and hope he could overlook the fact that she’d allowed him to walk away. But most important, she’d tell him she loved him.
It was a risk. Nicholas might not want her any longer. He was a loyal man. Sometimes broken loyalty can’t be pieced back together, but Jane would rather know if there was still a chance for them than go through her whole life remembering how she’d ruined her happiness because she’d been afraid of what people would say and what his sisters might think.
Jane was tired of living a small life. She needed to start believing that she was worthy of all the things she secretly desired: companionship, excitement, love.
They all climbed down from the carriage, and Eric secured a porter to see after the ladies’ luggage. Elizabeth and Mary stood on either side of Jane, looping her arms through theirs and holding her tight.
“You’re shaking,” said Elizabeth.
“I’m nervous,” she said.
“Don’t be. We’ll be right there with you,” said Mary.
“What if he says no?” she asked.
“What if he says yes?” countered Elizabeth with a raised brow.
If he says yes, I’ll fall to pieces in the best way.
The huge redbrick building was a crush of people, but her friends never let go of her. Her heart pounded in her chest, but they kept her grounded as they found their track.
“We have some time,” said Eric as the passengers from an arriving train spilled out into the main station hall. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
They all looked to Jane, who shook her head. She couldn’t stand the thought of eating or drinking anything.
“Quite right,” said Mary. “We’re at the start of a journey. We can’t be stopping off for cups of tea already.”
Jane gave her a small smile.
“I think I might visit the bookstall,” Elizabeth announced. “How I managed to walk out without packing a book, I’ll never know.”
“Are you feeling yourself?” Mary teased.
“I was just wondering the same,” said her friend with a smile, her hand making a quick protective pass over her stomach. “Jane, would you like to come with me?”
“I—” But the words froze in her mouth. Coming off the platform of an arriving train and flanked by two ladies was Nicholas.
Her feet surged forward before she could even think what she was doing. He was here. Not in Kent but here in London.
“Nicholas!” she cried out, breaking free from her friends.
He turned slowly, scanning the crowd, but she knew the moment he saw her. His eyes widened and then warmed, and it was as though she were back home again.
She stopped in front of him, breathless from surprise and anticipation and desire. “You’re here. What are you doing here?”
His face fell when he saw the case she held in her hand. “You’re taking a trip.”
She grasped the handle with both hands, holding the bag in front of her the way a child holds a blanket it loves in times of distress.
“Is this her?” A woman’s powerful voice cut through the buzz of the crowd.
“This is Miss Ephram,” said Nicholas, never taking his eyes off her even as two women moved a protective step closer to him. These must be the sisters who were staring at her so intently. Jane wondered whether they knew what she’d done in their name. If they would resent her for becoming involved with their brother.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” The younger looking of Nicholas’s two sisters poked him unceremoniously in the side.
“You’ll have to forgive me, Helen. I’m trying to remember how to speak,” he said.
The slow trickle of relief began to fill her chest. She didn’t know if she should dare to dream that there was a possibility that maybe—just maybe—he might forgive her.
Clearing her throat, she said, “I’m Jane Ephram, and these are my friends Lord and Lady Asten and Mrs. Fellows. Your brother—”
“Botched the whole thing,” said the woman with her hair gathered up in a tight knot on top of her head. “Yes, I’m aware. I’m Effie and this is Helen.”
“Did you really tell him you w
ouldn’t marry him because of us?” asked Helen, her head cocked to the side.
“Don’t answer that,” said Nicholas before she could figure out the best way to address that particular question. “If you two will give us some privacy.”
“We’re in the middle of a train station,” Helen pointed out.
“I’m aware of that.”
“Very little expectation of privacy in Victoria Station,” Mary said from next to Jane’s shoulder.
Nicholas looked as though he wanted to gag the lot of them.
“This wasn’t how I had planned this reunion,” he said as he shot Jane a look.
“Nor I,” she said.
His brows rose. “You were—”
“About to board a train to Madeley to find you.”
One side of his mouth crooked up. “And I was going to Belgrave Square to find you.”
They stared at each other a moment before Jane lifted her hand. He hesitated only a moment before lifting his fingers to hers and touching the tips as delicately as he might the first rose of spring.
He let out a rush of breath. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I wanted to stay away. I didn’t think I could go through walking away from you again, but I’m not strong enough.”
Her fingers tightened around his. He might be strong enough for the both of them when it mattered, and if he wasn’t, she wanted to be there with him to lift him up. “Nicholas, I should never have pushed you away.”
“You were right. I saw you and I wanted you. I was rash and foolish. I hadn’t thought about what marriage would mean for both of us.” His other hand covered both of theirs. “Here’s my confession, Jane. I don’t just want a wife. I want a partner—someone who will walk through life beside me. That means supporting one another when we have doubts. I should have told you all of the things that you needed to hear instead of leaving you at the first sign of a fight.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I never thought that I’d meet anyone who wanted to marry me. All I could see were the obstacles.”
“And I’m here to take those obstacles away,” he said gently. “It’s also why we have our little audience right now.”
She sniffle-laughed. “By both our sides.”
He leaned in, his forehead touching hers in what was probably a shocking display of intimacy. Jane found that she didn’t care one bit that passersby might be staring. Let them look.
“I think my sisters want me off their hands,” he said with a smile. “Apparently I’ve been a monster since I returned to Madeley.”
“An absolute nightmare, moping about and snapping at every little thing,” said Effie. “And he meddles. Do you know what it’s like living with a man who meddles?”
“Absolutely,” said Mary and Elizabeth in unison.
“I resent the implications there,” muttered Eric.
“Miss Hollings, Miss Helen, your brother will have told you that I was a governess until recently,” Jane said. “We would be asking you to risk your chances of marrying well.”
Effie laughed. “Effie and Helen, please. And it isn’t as though our spendthrift father hasn’t already done that.”
“We’ve no dowries, and we live in deepest, darkest Kent,” said Helen. “Having a sister-in-law whom our brother loves with all his heart is our only concern.”
“Is that true?” she asked, looking up at Nicholas.
“Is what true?”
“That you love me with all your heart?” She was beginning to make out the glow of hope right around the edges of her vision of the future. For two weeks she hadn’t allowed herself to even entertain the picture of how it might be with Nicholas, having adventures, building a life for themselves. Now, however, she could almost see the gold-tinted image. She could hardly help it, because it was a future she wanted so much.
Slowly, Nicholas stroked the back of his gloved hand down the side of her face, a caress that reminded her keenly of the tender, passionate night they’d shared together in the hayloft. She could feel the heat rolling off his body, inviting her to wrap herself around him and find herself once again. He was steady and solid, this man. He’d told her that he wanted her to be his wife and partner, but she knew that there was more to his promise. He’d support her as she learned about the woman she could become when she was no longer beholden to a position.
Delicately, he trailed the tips of his fingers down her right arm until he entwined their hands. She thought he’d kiss the back of her hand, but instead, he flipped it over, pushed back her sleeve, and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist. The intensity of the simple gesture sent a shiver down her spine. How could she give this all up? How could she walk away from this connection with a man who seemed to know her without even needing to speak, yet who seemed content to do nothing but talk if that meant learning every little thing about her?
“Jane Ephram,” he started as he gazed into her eyes, “I love you as words cannot say. I love you with my body, my heart, my mind, my soul. You are my waking thought and my faintest dream. You are my purpose, and I am lost without you.
“I know that you may not believe me now—it’s been such a short time, and I’ve left too many things unsaid—but if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you how ardently I love you.”
For all that she’d wanted to cry since she’d banished him from her life, Jane didn’t feel tears the moment the man she loved declared his passion for her. She wanted to sing and dance and laugh. Joy filled her until she was brimming and then spilled out.
There was no way to explain it all, so instead she flung her arms around his neck and poured her answer into her kiss right there in the middle of one of London’s busiest train stations.
She might have noticed the applause and a few whoops of delight that broke out from their little party, but Jane was far too busy to take any heed.
Finally, Nicholas pulled back and framed her face with his hands. “Is that a yes?”
“Of course it’s a yes. I love you.”
He brought her hands to his lips. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
“I’m glad, because I plan to say it often.”
His thumb stroked the mound of her hand, and even through the layers of their gloves, it made her shiver. He’d shown her just how much pleasure her body had locked away inside of it, and now she wanted to learn with him.
“I know I don’t have much to offer you,” he said. “You want to travel and go places, but that will have to wait for a while. I’m a poor man.”
“We’ll figure it out together. All I want is to know that you’re mine.”
“I’m so proud that you’ll be my wife,” he said.
“Another wedding!” Elizabeth laughed with delight. “I was beginning to wonder when we’d have another one to celebrate.”
They linked arms as they turned to face family and friends. “May I introduce you to the woman who has consented to be my wife?” Nicholas asked with a grin.
“Oh, we already love her very much,” said Mary. “We expect you to take very good care of her.”
“I promise,” he said with a nod, “although truth be told, you should have seen Jane on the road. I’ve never met a more determined woman, except maybe Effie.”
“I’m just happy that you have such good taste, Nicholas,” said his sister.
“Miss Hollings and Miss Helen,” said Mary brightly, “I’ve just had a rather interesting idea. Do you have a chaperone for your season?”
Helen shook her head. “There had been some talk of hiring a lady to bring us out, but we were waiting until Nicholas returned from his journey with Merlin.”
“Merlin is the horse, remember?” Jane supplied when Mary shot her a look.
“Ah yes. Well, Elizabeth’s friend and former employer Lady Crosby more or less brought me
out last year at the ancient age of thirty-two, once Eric and I were married. I’d be delighted if you would allow me to do the same for you.”
There was no mistaking the light in both young ladies’ eyes, but Effie hedged a little as though she wasn’t certain that the offer was a real one. “That’s very kind of you, but all we can really hope for is maybe a month of a modest season, Lady Asten.”
Mary looked to her husband, who spread his hands. “As though I could stop you if I wanted to.”
“Don’t think I don’t know that you’ll corner Lord Hollings about some horse-breeding scheme as soon as my back’s turned,” said Mary with a sniff.
Eric laughed. “Guilty as charged, my dear.”
Mary turned her beaming smile onto the Hollings sisters once again. “Ladies, my home is your home for the season, but we must move quickly if we’re to launch you. If you like, you can move in by the end of the week, and we’ll take Bond Street by storm Monday morning. I’ll write to the palace in the meantime and arrange for your presentation as soon as possible.”
Next to her, Nicholas dropped his head and then looked up at her friends. “I could never give my sisters this. Thank you.”
Mary waved her hand. “What good is being a countess if you can’t ruffle some feathers from time to time while giving a couple of girls a good start in society?”
“Still—”
“Trust me,” said Elizabeth, cutting off further objections from him, “it’s easier to let Mary have her fun than to try to go against it. Besides, I imagine she’ll have a grand time putting the weight of her title behind two young ladies whose brother has just married a governess.”
“Let them dare cut you now,” said Mary with a laugh.
Elizabeth shook her head. “Edward will be so sorry he missed this.”
“Perhaps if we returned to Asten House by way of St. Thomas’s, we might catch him just as his lectures were ending. Edward is a physician and Elizabeth’s husband,” Jane explained to the Hollings clan.