by Cali MacKay
“In other words, he wants you to leave your life—leave me—and trap you in a dangerous situation where you’ll have few options but to stay with him.” Jake glared at her in anger, though she knew his anger was directed elsewhere. “Please tell me you’re not seriously considering this fucking asinine scheme.”
She swiped at her tears, her own anger and guilt flaring up. “How the hell can I not? He’s my husband—and this is the last chance to work on my marriage and not throw out the years we’ve had together—especially when so much of our problems were my fault.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that, Hannah? How the hell is his neglect your fault? Are you fucking kidding me?” Jake looked ready to break things, or put his hand through a wall—and in that moment, she knew it was a good thing Will was long gone, because she swore, she didn’t think he’d have survived Jake’s wrath.
She knew Jake wanted answers, but she could barely put the words together through the pain. “It’s because he could tell I still wanted what you and I had together. So he pushed me away rather than have to disappoint me.”
“So instead, he’d rather tear your self-esteem to shreds—he’d rather break your fucking heart and destroy your marriage. Yeah—I could see why you’d want to hold onto all that hurt rather than start new with someone who’ll treat you right.” Jake’s frustration poured off him in waves as he paced the floor, looking ready to put his fist through the wall, before he finally spun to face her, his jaw clenched tight. “If you can’t see that he’s wrong for you, that he’ll never truly make you happy, and that your joke of a marriage will only result in you being hurt and neglected once again, then fuck it. Go back to him, Hannah. Fucking leave.”
His words were like a knife to her heart, a sob escaping her as she turned away, feeling shattered and never more alone, her thoughts racing and going nowhere, all at the same time. She was now desperate to feel Jake’s touch, to feel his arms tight around her and his lips pressed to hers as he comforted her and reassured her that everything would be okay, that he’d be there to see her through it.
Yet he didn’t—and she couldn’t blame him.
She went to his room to gather her things, her tears refusing to slow as she swiped at them, cursing herself for being such a mess. If her marriage was in pieces, then she surely had to carry some of the blame, because maybe he was right. Maybe she had let her past relationship with Jake taint things with her and Will. But it’s not as though she’d done it on purpose, and he should have spoken to her from the start so they could work through their problem, instead of pushing her away and breaking her heart and her spirit.
She felt Jake’s presence as he entered the room, as if her body, her soul was immediately drawn to him. “Am I taking you to see Will?”
Wiping her tears away, she took a deep breath and steeled herself as she turned around. “No. But if you could call me a taxi, I’d appreciate it.”
“Hannah…you don’t have to go. You can stay here. Stay with me.” He bit his bottom lip, his brows drawn together. “I fucking love you—and this is making me crazy. I don’t want to lose you, little red.”
She was desperate to have him hold her, but in the end, she knew it would only muddle her thoughts. Maybe what she needed was time away from Will—and Jake. Time to think of what she truly wanted—and time to sort out her past. “I don’t want to go—but I think I have to.”
Was that the solution? Because she already missed Jake like someone had torn away a part of her soul. And what of Will? Thinking of him—of their marriage—filled her with such pain and sorrow. But whether or not that meant she should go back to him and try to make things work, she still didn’t know.
“So you’re going to leave with Will? Disappear for six months—or more—without a trace?” Jake closed the distance between them, cupping her face and pulling her to him, nuzzling her before he caught her mouth in a kiss that consumed her very soul, his tongue darting against hers as his hands slipped down her back, holding her to him, the feel of him solid and reassuring. And when his kisses slowed, all she could do was hold onto him, as if she might crumple without him. “Don’t, Hannah…he doesn’t fucking deserve you.”
Somehow she found an inner strength she didn’t think she had, and was able to shore herself up so she could stand on her own two feet. “Maybe he went about things the wrong way, but I’m not ready to walk away from my marriage, Jake. Nor am I ready to give you up either. But…I think that’s exactly what I need to do. I think I need some time away from everything to clear my head.” Not that there was any guarantee she’d find the answers she was looking for. Nor did she know how long it’d take.
His brow furrowed and his eyes darkened with worry as he reached out and twined his fingers with hers. “It’s not safe, Hannah. You can’t go.”
And yet she had to. That much, at least, had become clear. “I think it’s a chance I need to take. I’m sorry, Jake.”
***
Hannah knew Will needed an answer from her, but she swore the few days he’d given her weren’t anywhere near enough time to sort through her thoughts and emotions. And it sure as hell wasn’t enough time to make a life-changing decision.
“I wish I could come with you, Will—but I can’t. I’m sorry. I need more time to figure things out, to figure out what I want, what I need.” Hannah looked down at their linked hands—at the wedding bands they still wore—and wondered if she was making a mistake. Six months was a long time to step away from a relationship, and she didn’t know how she’d feel at the end of it.
“Please, don’t say no. This could be a new start—a new us.” Cupping her face, Will brushed his thumb across her lips, making her breath catch. It had been so incredibly long since they’d had any sort of physical relationship, yet her body remembered his touch, and her reaction to him was immediate, despite all their difficulties. And if she had ever shown him any disappointment, she certainly hadn’t felt it. Will bent his head to hers, his voice thick with emotion. “I love you, Hannah…I swear I’ll do everything I can to make things right between us.”
A big part of her wanted to give him another chance—to not let their years together come to an end without making a last-ditch effort to save her marriage. Yet her mind immediately went to Jake. “I need more time to think things over, Will—and you’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Hannah, don’t do this. I’m begging you. Six months is a long time—and you know Jake will do everything in his power to steal you away from me.” Cupping her cheek, he brushed his lips against hers in a kiss.
She looked down, breaking the contact between them as her eyes stung with threatening tears. “I won’t be seeing him either—not until I’ve made my decision.”
Will scoffed with a shake of his head. “And in the meantime, he’ll fuck anything that moves. Don’t think you’re anything special to him, Hannah, because you’re not. You’re just one in a long line of many.”
His words had her tears spilling over. Not because she believed them to be true where Jake was concerned—but because it reminded her of how seldom she’d felt special during her marriage to Will. That was what hurt the most, and his words only served to remind her that he’d never treated her as if she was his all, even if she was partly to blame.
Yet Jake…he’d made her feel loved, worshipped, as if his sun and moon rose and set with her. He’d made her feel like she was all that mattered, and that he’d do everything in his power to make her happy.
She got to her feet, and swiped at her tears before leaning in to kiss his cheek. “I love you, Will. But I’m not coming with you. Please stay safe.”
“Hannah, please… Don’t leave me.”
But in the end, she did just that.
Chapter Eighteen
Jake threw back his whiskey, savoring the burn of it as it went down his throat, and proceeded to ignore the looks his brothers were giving him. He not only had Marshall to contend with but also Keane. He motioned to the bartender to get him anothe
r round. “Don’t start with me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Jake… You’ve been a mess since Hannah left.” Marshall gave him a scrutinizing shake of the head, and took a long pull from his pint before setting down the glass of cold beer. “It’s only been two months. She just needs a bit of time to sort herself out. You yourself said she’d been through a lot in the last few years.”
“Which is why I should be there with her. She shouldn’t have to go through this alone. Not to mention, she could be in danger. But instead of staying with me—or having me stay with her so I can keep her safe—she’s in her house all alone.” Every time he thought about her on her own, he was tempted to drive out to get her, and drag her back into his bed where he could do a more thorough job of convincing her that she should be with him.
Keane threw back his whiskey, happy to commiserate with his older brother. “You can always find other ways to pass the time while you wait—though why you’re waiting is beyond me. You’ve never had a problem finding distractions.”
“I’m waiting because I’m tired of wasting my time on women who don’t fucking matter.” And yet waiting was doing him in. He was trying to be patient, but he was finding it near impossible when it came to Hannah. Especially after they’d rekindled what was between them. He wanted nothing more than to get his hands on her and remind her of just how good they could be together.
“And what about her husband?” Marshall gave him a sideways glance, his brows perked up in question as he pinned him with a stern glare. “I told you she wasn’t ready to move on.”
“As far as I know, Will is still in witness protection and she hasn’t had any contact with him.” The fact that she’d opted not to go with Will was what still gave him hope that she’d eventually come back to him. If she was going to give her marriage another chance, then he figured she’d have done so while waiting for Will to testify. Not that she couldn’t join him after she’d thought things through, or wait until he was out of witness protection to start fresh. “I know what we had—and Will wouldn’t stand a chance if it wasn’t for their history together.”
Keane clapped him on the back. “All I know is that she better make a decision soon, because you’re grumpier than fuck these days.”
All Jake could do was shrug, knowing it was the truth—and vowing to do something about it. Because he’d already spent two miserable months without her, and he wouldn’t last another day.
***
Jake pounded on Hannah’s door, knowing it was pretty damn early, but not caring. Not when he had to see her. He’d take his chances on her being angry with him. Anything to see her again, to hold her in his arms, to kiss her. And then he heard her fumble with the locks, sending his heart racing.
“Jake?” She blinked against the bright sun, her hair a tumbled mess of spun copper as sleep clung to her like a lover’s touch, making her look all the more gorgeous. And fuck…she was wearing nothing but a long t-shirt. “What on earth are you doing here? It’s barely seven in the morning?”
It might be early, but she was already stepping aside to let him in. “I can’t take it anymore, Hannah. I’ve tried to stay away, to respect your decision, but I’m going fucking crazy.”
The moment she shut the door behind them, he pulled her into his arms, the feel of her body against his making his pulse skitter and his cock go hard. By the gods, he’d never wanted anyone more. But when he tried to kiss her, she looked away. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, Jake.”
“Why the fuck not? Is it Will?” Whom he’d fucking murder with his bare hands at this point.
“No—it’s not. I said my goodbyes, and I haven’t spoken to him since. But my head—my heart—are still a goddamn mess, and you—you make it so I can’t think.” She tried to pull away, but there was no way he was letting her go.
“That’s because we’re meant to be together, little red. I don’t know what you’re going through, but whatever it is, I want to be here to help you get through it.” Those few days together after Will had been injured had somehow hit a reset button with their relationship, allowing them the chance to start over, and if she was walking away from their marriage once again, then it had to be hard for her.
“I can manage on my own, Jake.” Yet she hadn’t pulled out of his arms, her curves still pressed against his body as he held her close.
“I know you can, love. I’m just telling you that you don’t have to. I’m here if you need me.” He brushed the hair from her eyes, letting his touch linger as he fought the urge to kiss her. “But honestly? I’m here for selfish reasons, because I’m the one who can’t manage on my own. I can’t stop thinking about you—and it’s made me a goddamned fucking mess. I swear I’ve tried to be patient, to give you the space you asked for, but I need you in my life, Hannah, and every moment away from you is killing me.”
She shifted away from him, her eyes clouding over with a hurt he didn’t understand. “I’m sure you have ways of keeping busy, Jake. You’ve never been at a loss before, that’s for sure.”
So that was it…that was what she’d been thinking. That he’d been killing time by whoring around.
“I’m not looking to stay busy, Hannah—and I’m not interested in anyone but you. Do you hear me?” It pissed him off that she didn’t think he was taking their relationship seriously. “I meant it when I said that I love you. It wasn’t just something I was saying to get you into my bed or to weaken your defenses. I said it because you’re the air I breathe, the blood in my veins, and the reason my heart beats. Without you, I’m nothing but an empty shell, a ghost walking through the land of the living. So don’t you dare belittle the way I feel about you by assuming I’m sticking my dick into anything with a pussy.”
“I’m sorry…I didn’t…” She shook her head and pulled away—and he fucking let her, too angry to forgive her just yet. Yet when he saw her mind churning, he had to wonder who’d planted that seed in her head.
“It was Will, wasn’t it? He’s the one who got you thinking that you didn’t matter to me.” He saw the confirmation in her eyes, in her face, and knew it was the truth. “That fucking asshole.”
Wrapping her arms around herself, she headed into the living room and distracted herself with folding the throw and straightening out the pillows on the sofa, as he followed behind her. “Would it have been all that big a shock if you had distracted yourself with someone like Lizzie? I am sorry I thought it, but…shit, Jake. It’s not exactly a stretch of the imagination.”
“No, maybe it’s not—just like I’m guilty of thinking you may have gone back to Will because it’d be the easy way for you to avoid taking a risk and trusting me.” And Jake supposed that was what hurt the most. That she still saw him as a bad bet. That she still didn’t trust him not to break her heart.
She spun to face him, abandoning the pillows and focusing on him, her aqua blue eyes alight with emotion. “I do trust you, Jake. But this isn’t about that. It’s about giving me the time to figure out what I truly want and need. And I can’t do that if I’m jumping from one relationship to the next without giving it any thought.”
“What is there to think about if you love me and I love you? Because let’s face it, if there was any real chance of you getting back together with Will, you would have gone with him into witness protection. But you didn’t, little red.” He brushed her cheek, letting his fingers tangle in her hair. “You didn’t, because deep down you know Will can never love you the way I do. And I do love you, Hannah. Down to my very soul, I fucking love you.”
Why the hell couldn’t she see that? Things might be moving fast, but it wasn’t as though they didn’t have a past. And after waiting in the wings for eight long years, he couldn’t take waiting once again. Not when he knew what it was like to have her in his arms once more.
“You know I love you, Jake. But…I now know that if I go down this road with you, there’ll be no turning back—and that scares me, given our past.” She let out a deep sigh and then looked up
at him as he held her tight, her fingers fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. “I know you’ve said it’s different this time around, but you’ve never been in any relationship that’s lasted any length of time, and I love you enough to know that if you leave this time, I won’t get over it.”
“Hannah…I don’t know what I need to do to convince you that I’m going nowhere, but maybe this will help.” He couldn’t actually believe he was doing this, but after carrying the ring around in his pocket for over a month, nothing had ever felt more right. He dug the ring out and got down on one knee, holding the ring out to her. “I’d wanted this to be a hell of a lot more romantic, but I love you, Hannah. And I need you to know that this isn’t some fling for me. There’s only ever been you, little red, so please… Will you marry me?”
“Jake…you can’t be serious.” Hannah pulled him back up to his feet, her eyes glistening with tears.
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Marry me.” Cupping her face in both his hands, he nuzzled her, brushing his lips against hers in a sweet, lingering kiss, desperate to make her see what she meant to him. “I love you with all my heart. Say yes, little red.”
“You’re not just doing this as some last-ditch effort?” She still looked so worried, it killed him.
“I wouldn’t be asking you to marry me if I wasn’t completely serious about how I feel about you, Hannah. You’re my everything, so please, make me the happiest man ever and say yes.”
Chapter Nineteen
Hannah couldn’t believe this was happening. She had wanted more time, but not because she didn’t already know that she loved Jake and wanted to be with him, but because, somewhere along the line, she’d screwed up. Big time. And she’d yet to figure out how to deal with her mistake. But if Jake was asking her to marry him, then he needed to know the truth before committing to this sort of decision.
“Jake…before this goes any further, there’s something you need to know.” Her tears spilled over, now worried that she’d gone and messed up everything between them. “I swear, I never meant for this to happen.”