“Brenda, it’s not the same anymore,” Liz said, growing agitated.
“So I should buy a gun and shoot myself,” Brenda responded, beyond annoyed at the insensitivity of the person she’d considered her best friend. “Or could it be, I shouldn’t inconvenience my friends by reminding them that their husbands might die and leave them alone?”
Liz’s body stiffened. Her shoulders drew together in a rigid manner, horror frozen on her face, and Brenda knew she’d connected with the truth. “That’s it. You’re afraid. If my George could die suddenly, so could Dean. You could be left alone with no one.”
“Dear, you’re overreacting and drawing attention,” Liz said, glancing around at the other women in the pool.
Brenda realized the ladies were gawking at them with interest, but she couldn’t seem to care. “Excuse me, I’m being kicked out of the married friends club.”
Several women gave nervous twitters.
“Let me give you a piece of advice,” Brenda told them all. “Don’t outlive your husband because, if you do, your supposed friends will have to face their own mortality and they will kick you to the curb.”
Brenda noticed Liz quietly moving away from her, and she followed, determined to get the last word in before she left this geriatric pool party. “And Liz, one more thing about our Friday evening get-togethers. The positives are I don’t have to eat your awful crab salad. I don’t have to listen to how wonderful your bratty children are. But best of all, I don’t have to dodge Dean’s sneaky hands patting my ass.”
“Brenda!” Liz said, her mouth open in shock. “You’ve gone over the edge.”
“You’re damn right I’ve gone over the edge. Today, I learned who my real friends are. I’m dumbfounded that it’s taken me fifty years to realize you’re not one of them.”
Brenda made her way to the ladder, the other women in class silently watching her. She climbed out of the pool, turned, and faced the ladies with their mouths hanging open. “Ta-ta, ladies. There has to be more to life than water aerobics and I’m off to discover it without my married friends.”
Marianne was surprised to see her mother drive up later that afternoon and realized the For Sale sign in the yard would end her peaceful interlude. It wouldn’t take long for the fireworks to prevail.
“You did what?” Brenda asked, her maple-colored eyes wide with shock.
“I kicked Daniel out, Mom. I caught him cheating on me,” Marianne said, quietly standing at the sink in the kitchen of her Highland Park home.
Cinnamon wafted through the kitchen from a burning candle on the granite countertop.
Two weeks had passed, and Marianne’s life hadn’t gotten any easier. Katie hated her, and today, her mother had shown up unexpectedly. Her mother’s forehead wrinkled in a frown, her gray hair framing her oval face.
“Please tell me you cut his balls off, so his cheating is no longer an issue,” her mother said in her commanding voice.
Marianne smiled. Maybe her Mom was going to be okay with the divorce. “He’s still Katie’s father.”
“His only accomplishment in life,” her mother acknowledged in her graveled sarcastic tone. “How are you going to take care of yourself and Katie? You’ve never worked.”
“We’ll get by,” Marianne said. She’d balanced the checkbook that afternoon and knew that without Daniel’s salary, her share of their bank accounts and home sale would not support her forever. The time to return to college was now. She required a career.
Marianne watched her mother draw a deep breath and release it slowly. Brenda walked to the kitchen table, sat down, and pointed to a chair. “Sit, Marianne. We need to talk.”
Tears welled up in Marianne’s eyes, but she obediently sank onto the nearest chair, feeling ten instead of forty.
“I understand you’re hurt. I understand you’re angry, but being alone is never easy. Starting over is hard. Single mothers live in poverty. Single men at this age are like forgotten leftovers in the fridge – cold, stinky, and rotten to the core.”
Marianne had always known her mother was opinionated and judgmental, but today she’d expected comfort, outrage, and her mother to take her side. Disappointment ripped through Marianne at her mother’s attitude. “A minute ago, you wanted me to cut his balls off.”
“Yes. Serve them for dinner and make his life hell.” Brenda pointed to the well-appointed kitchen with stainless appliances and granite countertops. “Daniel provides very well for you.”
“So staying with Daniel and getting the clap would be better than getting a divorce?”
Her mother frowned, and Marianne decided that she needed to know the truth. “This is not the first time he’s cheated on me. I have tolerated it for years for all the reasons you mentioned, but Katie’s grown now, and I deserve someone who loves and wants only me.”
“Good luck finding him,” her mother stated. “You’re not as young as you once were and men your age want young trophy wives.”
“Mom!” With sudden clarity Marianne remembered why she never confided her problems to her mother. Right now she sought comfort, not a lecture on the lack of good single men at her age.
“What? It’s true.”
Marianne stiffened and briefly imagined a lifetime of never finding a man better than her horrible husband. She imagined herself always lonely, always empty, and it was tempting to crumble and retreat back to her safe, miserable marriage, but enough was enough. She had to do this.
“Then maybe I’m meant to be alone,” Marianne sighed with a bitter twist to her lips. She reached out and grabbed her mother’s hand, needing her approval, her reassurance.
Brenda bit her lip. “Marianne, I’m not disapproving of your decision. I just want to make sure you’re aware of the hard facts of being single. You’re still young enough to need companionship. Men my age want someone younger, and men your age will too.”
“Not a problem, Mom,” Marianne said. Living alone would be easy compared to her life with Daniel.
Brenda took a deep breath. “Soon you’ll realize that women you deemed friends are nervous with a single woman coming around their husbands.”
Her mother’s maple eyes had a distant gaze to them, and with sudden realization, Marianne knew her mother spoke about her own life.
“Mom, this is about me, not you. This is about Daniel fucking a skinny blonde with a…” she paused, the image startling her yet again. The DVD in her mind automatically switched on, replaying the horror show while shudders rippled like water through her. “Oh, Mom, if only you’d seen him.”
Marianne buried her head in her hands, both embarrassed for Daniel and trying not to burst out laughing again.
“Oh honey, I’m sorry. You must be hurting something awful,” her mother said, touching the top of her head and running her hand through Marianne’s hair in a comforting gesture.
Marianne raised her head and stared at her mother. Had she understood anything she’d said? Why did they always seem to talk to each other, but never connect? “No, I’m not hurting. I fell out of love with him years ago. I feel embarrassed for him...and kind of creeped out at catching him in a dog collar and leather.”
Her mother gasped, her eyes wide in disbelief. “Oh God, you didn’t.”
“Yes, Mom, I did,” Marianne said, wanting her mother to get the full image. “His dominatrix answered the door. Daniel wore a leather thong with a dog collar around his neck. Now do you understand why I’m divorcing him?”
Her mother laughed, the sound easing the strain in the room, and even Marianne chuckled. In so many ways she was glad that she had a video of Daniel parading around in his collar. He still didn’t want the divorce, but at least he was working on the settlement. Without the video, she didn’t know if he would have been quite so cooperative.
“That’s an image I’ll take to the grave. Seems fitting for the bastard. He deserved to get whacked across the butt hard. I want you to be happy,” her mother said adamantly. She squeezed Marianne’s hand. �
��My own recent experiences have made me realize what I lost.”
“You still miss Dad?” Marianne asked, pushing back her blonde hair, knowing how difficult life was without her father.
“Every day. I never imagined I would spend my retirement years alone,” her mother said sadly.
Marianne missed her father and the stability he’d brought to their family. The way he tempered her mother and kept her calm.
“What about Katie?” her mother asked. “How is she handling the divorce?”
Marianne sighed. Her daughter didn’t understand what had happened to her loving family. Marianne and Daniel had created a happy family atmosphere for their daughter. Now that lie was working against her.
“Katie is angry at me. She doesn’t know the truth about her father’s indiscretions. She should never have to know.”
“Like hell. Katie deserves to know what happened between her parents,” Brenda replied. “She should know her father enjoys a good spanking with someone other than his wife.”
“Certainly not, Mother,” Marianne responded, a trickle of alarm skittering along her spine. “He’s still her father. Katie will not learn the truth from me, and you won’t tell her either.”
Her mother frowned. “What if I just hinted a little bit that he cheated?”
“Nothing, Mother. Don’t make me regret telling you. Promise me you won’t say anything.”
Brenda sighed and reluctantly agreed. “I promise I won’t tell Katie. But I think you’re making a huge mistake by not being honest with her.”
“Maybe, but that’s my decision.”
Brenda’s response seemed less than sincere, and Marianne worried she’d said too much.
“So what are you going to do now?” her mother asked. “I was shocked at the For Sale sign in the yard.”
Marianne wanted to keep the atmosphere chummy, and she knew the news of the move would send her mother into a nuclear meltdown. She didn’t like Paige. Yet Marianne had delayed her own life for so long that she refused to wait any longer.
“Do you remember my good friend, Paige, from college?” Marianne said glancing at the clock, knowing Katie would walk in any moment.
“That trashy girl on her third marriage?”
“That’s the one. I’m selling the house and moving to Fort Collins, Colorado to go to school. Paige lives there. Plus I’ll be closer to Katie while she’s at college.”
Her mother sat with a stunned expression on her face, her body tensing. For the longest time, she didn’t say anything and an uneasy nervousness fluttered in Marianne’s stomach. Silence this long wasn’t good! It could only mean her anger was building.
Brenda’s maple eyes flashed, and her face looked pinched, like someone had stapled her lips shut. She took a deep breath, and Marianne recognized the danger signals of an impending meltdown.
The kitchen door burst open, and her innocent, blonde-haired Katie rushed in from school. Marianne’s heart swelled at the sight of her beautiful daughter. Katie dropped her backpack on the kitchen floor, giving Marianne a momentary reprieve.
“Hi Nana,” she said and hugged her grandmother. She kept her back to Marianne, deliberately ignoring her.
Sadness slapped Marianne, like a blow to the heart. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t connect with her daughter or her mother. And now the divorce had left a rift between them larger than the Grand Canyon.
“Did Mom tell you she kicked Dad out?” Katie said with a dramatic flip of her hair.
“Yes, she just told me,” Brenda said, as if they were talking about the weather, not a life-changing event. Brenda’s anger simmered in the air, like a gathering thunderstorm.
Katie snuck a glance at Marianne. “Did you convince her that this is some kind of mid-life crisis, and someday she will regret kicking out Daddy?”
Marianne glared. “I may be at mid-life, I may even be going through a life crisis, but it’s my crisis, thank you.”
Katie marched to the sink and leaned against the counter and glowered. “Well he’s my father, and you’re dissolving our family. I mean, what more can you freakin’ want from him, Mother? He’s given you everything.”
Marianne glanced at her mother, fearful of her revealing the truth. Brenda was all but eating her lips to keep from talking. Marianne was tempted to tell her daughter exactly what she expected from Daniel, but she had vowed to stick to the high road, no matter how much she was provoked. Katie loved her father, and Marianne was going to protect her daughter from Daniel’s indiscretions.
“I have explained myself once, twice, three times to you, and I’m done. I’m sorry you’re hurt, but this is between your father and me.”
Katie’s eyes were as green as her father’s and spewed emerald fire as she faced her grandmother, her hands on her hips. “Convince her she’s making the biggest mistake of her life, leaving Dad, selling the house, and moving to Colorado. Tell her not to throw away eighteen perfectly good years of marriage—”
“Katie, you’re old enough to realize that sometimes things are not as they seem,” Brenda hesitated, glancing between them. “But moving to Colorado…did either of you stop to consider me? I’ve not only lost my husband, but now my daughter and granddaughter are moving over a thousand miles away?”
Seconds could be heard ticking slowly by in the quiet of the room. Her mother stood, and threw back her head in a way that elongated the length of her neck, giving her a regal appearance.
“I’m sixty years old, lonely, and bored out of my mind. My married friends act like I have the plague of death on me, and if they get too close, they might become the next widow on the block.” Her voice climbed steadily higher. “And now my daughter and granddaughter are moving away. Leaving me more alone than ever.”
Marianne had known this was coming, but she’d never considered that her mother had lost everything and now it sounded like everyone. But for once she had to lead her own life.
“Mom,” Marianne tried to interrupt.
“Oh, sure, you’ll come home for Christmas and holidays. There will be the once a week phone call and occasional birthday visit. In the meantime, what am I supposed to do?”
Brenda walked towards the door, her body stiff like a queen making her grand exit. At the door, she turned and gave them one last parting glare. “I’m not ready for the nursing home. I’m not ready for the grave. Damn George! I didn’t want to be a widow.”
“Mom,” Marianne jumped up, her voice rising, not wanting her mother to drive in this agitated state. “Don’t go. You know you can always visit us.”
“No! I’m sixty years old and alone. Maybe my mid-life crisis is just twenty years late in arriving. Maybe it’s my turn to act a little crazy.”
Running behind her like a small kid chases after its mother, Marianne followed her to the door.
“Mom, you’re overreacting!” Marianne resisted the urge to say, ‘like you always do.’
“No, Marianne, I’m not. When do I get to run away and act crazy? When do I get to do something besides sit in front of the TV and wait for a phone call?”
“Nana, you’re scaring me,” Katie said, softly, her voice quivering.
“No, Katie, I’m making you stronger, so that you’ll know what to do when your daughter and granddaughter abandon you.”
Marianne gasped. God, her mother had a way with words that plunged a dagger into your heart. Between her mother and daughter there was always a lot of drama. Now more than ever.
Brenda stormed out the door, slamming it shut before Marianne could stop her.
Marianne met the icy green of her daughter’s glare.
“Well, Mom, you certainly handled that well. I think you’ve just about run off everyone who loves you – except for your friend, Paige. Call up that home-wrecker.”
Did no one ever think she could do something without being influenced by someone she knew? She’d made this decision after Daniel chased her in the parking lot. It was time for her to create her own life.
“Yeah, a lot like you. Go call Paige so she can convince you, even more, that the single life is so much better. You two deserve each other.”
Katie whirled around and ran up the stairs.
“You’re acting like your grandmother!” Marianne yelled. The resounding slam of Katie’s bedroom door her only response.
Marianne sank down onto the kitchen chair. She hadn’t been the one to cheat, yet she bore the brunt of everyone’s anger. Without Katie knowing the truth, Daniel escaped all the drama.
The phone rang, and as she picked up the receiver, she recognized the number. Daniel. Just what she didn’t need. Another promise-the-world, sucking-up, begging call.
Katie answered the call and then opened her door to yell, “It’s Dad, and he wants to talk to you.”
God, Marianne couldn’t escape Daniel. She hit the button on the phone. “What do you want?”
“Dinner and a movie tonight?’ he said, his voice cajoling. “Or I could get away from work for a few days, and we could fly to Cabos San Lucas. You loved it there.”
“Why do you think today’s answer will be any different from yesterday’s when you called? The answer is still the same. No. No. No.”
“I’m not giving up on us.”
“You gave up a long time ago, when you cheated. It’s over.” She took a deep breath, relishing the news she had to tell him. “By the way, I have a buyer for the house.”
“Damn it, Marianne. I don’t want to sell the house. You’re fucking everything up!”
“Goodbye Daniel.”
She hung up the phone and sighed. She should call her mother and make sure the older woman made it home safely, but right now she didn’t have the energy.
The phone rang again. She glanced at the caller I.D. It was Katie’s boyfriend, Matt. Marianne laid the receiver down. The kid was nice, but hormones exuded from him, and she could see that he so wanted in Katie’s pants.
Marianne couldn’t move them to Colorado quick enough.
Secrets, Lies, and Online Dating: Three Generations Learn to Love Again (Women's Fiction) Page 2