by Jill Shalvis
“And you haven’t spoken much since.”
He shook his head. “At first, that was her doing. But around the time I turned eighteen, she started coming around, trying to make things right.”
“And . . . ?”
“And by then I wasn’t interested.”
Her heart had squeezed hard when he’d first started talking, and it didn’t unclench at the thought of him feeling so abandoned for so long. “So although you knew she lived here in the city, when you saw her last night . . .”
“It was a total surprise.”
“And you don’t like surprises,” she murmured, adding up what he’d said and what she knew of him, all of which now made a lot more sense. He’d been burned by people in his life. His mom, his coworker . . . “I’m starting to understand your comment about not liking liars.”
He gave a low snort, and relaxed a little bit. From talking to her, she realized. Not Caleb, his cousin and best friend, but her. This gave her a rush of both pleasure and terror. Pleasure because she felt proud of being the one he’d chosen to trust. And terror because . . . well, she was the exact kind of person he hated.
A liar.
“I’m sorry I left like that last night,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have. Was it awful?”
“She gave me an invite to a surprise baby shower for my sister,” he said. “Remy missed her own first baby shower because she went into early labor with Harper. The party’s on the night before Christmas Eve.”
“Which is right before you go back to Idaho, right?”
He nodded, which had a little stab of anxiety going through her, but it was also a good reminder as well—he wasn’t for her. “Are you going to go to the shower?”
He lifted a broad shoulder and finished his beer. He still wasn’t giving much away, but there was a sense of longing in him that she imagined was much like her own longing for the kind of family she knew existed but had never experienced. “You should go to the shower,” she said softly. “You could reconnect with your family.”
“My sister and I are fine.”
She thought of how his mom had looked at him at the diner, soaking up his face like she’d never seen anything more important to her in her entire life. The way her fingers had shaken as they’d gripped her order pad and pen in a death grip. “I know this is none of my business,” Ivy said cautiously. “And yes, your mom had an affair. That sucks. But as awful as it sounds, lots of people do it. Not that it makes it okay, I’m just saying, maybe there’s a lot more to her staying away so long before trying to have a relationship with you than a ten-year-old could possibly understand.”
He shook his head, but she gave it one more try, from another angle. “Your sister won’t understand you not being there.”
“Probably not, but I’d have to be around my mom and stepdad.”
“I’m assuming there’ll be a lot of people there. You wouldn’t be alone.”
“It’s a baby shower.”
“Yes. And?”
“And that means stupid games like making clothes out of diapers and guessing the baby food.” He shuddered.
She had to laugh. “Maybe, I don’t actually know. I’ve never been to a baby shower.” She thought about the horrors of that and grimaced.
“See?”
“Yeah, but Kel, if I were invited to one, especially by my own sibling, I’d go.”
“Brandon doesn’t have kids yet, I take it,” he said.
She shook her head. But in truth, she had no idea. In the two years since she’d seen her brother, anything could’ve happened. “Just seems like family should go to that sort of thing for each other.”
He looked at her for a long moment and then surprised her when he said, “I’ll go if you go.”
She gave a startled laugh. “That’s not how it works, Kel. You don’t bring a stranger to a baby shower. I don’t know your family. I barely know you.”
“Fine.” Standing, he shoved his hand into his pocket and came out with some cash, which he tossed onto the bar, giving the bartender a nod in thanks. “Let’s go.”
“Where?” she asked, baffled, even as her heart started a slow, heavy beat.
“You just said you barely know me. We’re going to fix that.”
Oh boy. Her knees wobbled. “Um . . . the dart tourney—”
“They don’t need us. A date, Ivy,” he said, looking amused by her panic. “We’re going on a date to get to know each other.”
“That’s pretty extreme just to get me to go with you to the baby shower.”
“It’s not just for that,” he said.
Their gazes locked and she swallowed hard. “Where to?”
“You’re the one who lives here in San Francisco now,” he said. “You pick.”
She stared at him, at the unspoken but unmistakable dare.
“Afraid?” he asked.
“Of course not.” Only petrified.
“Then . . . ?”
She took in the challenge in those dark eyes and felt the tingle of excitement and adrenaline flood her. What the hell, she thought. She’d bluffed her way through most of life, this was nothing, right? Ignoring the nervous little butterflies in her belly, she led him out of the pub and across the dark, quiet cobblestone courtyard.
She wanted this, whatever this was. She wanted to take him out of his own head, wanted to see him smile that slow, sexy smile he had, wanted to experience Kel when he’d let loose and was having fun. Or better yet, lost in pleasure.
That last thought had her tripping over her own two feet. She would’ve gone down too, except Kel caught her, held on to her until she got her bearings.
They stood at the center of the courtyard now, right in front of the beautiful hundred-plus-year-old fountain, the water tinkling into the copper bowl the only sound in the cold night.
She stared into the water, wondering which coin was hers. Kel’s hands were still on her hips, his eyes locked on hers.
“What?” she whispered, careful not to move because she liked the feel of the heat of him warming her from the inside out.
He pulled a quarter from his pocket and she froze. “Um . . .”
“Do you know the legend of the fountain?” he asked.
“You mean the lie that harbors false hope? Yes, and put that quarter away.”
He laughed. “So you know if you make a wish for true love, that true love will find you.”
“Have you ever noticed how legends and fairy tales are really sort of nightmares?” she asked. “And anyway, I don’t believe in true love. Plus I’ve already made a wish—sort of.”
He went brows up.
“I can’t tell you,” she said. “Or it won’t come true. But it wasn’t for love.” Nope, all she’d asked for was the ability to believe. Believe in love.
Her aunt Cathy’s words swam in her head.
Be smart.
Be brave.
Be vulnerable . . .
Kel tossed the coin up and down in his palm. “If you already wished for something, then you know you’ve got nothing to worry about. Especially if you don’t believe.”
But . . . did she truly not believe? Or was she just afraid? “What I know is that it’s stupid to tempt fate,” she said.
This got a chuckle. “If you could see your face right now.” He tossed the quarter into the fountain and she stopped breathing.
He smiled. “Before you stroke out, I wished for Harper to have true love in her life.”
She nearly sagged with relief and tore her gaze off the rapidly vanishing quarter to stare at him. “That was mean.”
He just smiled.
“Like the meanest of all the mean.”
“So I take it you wouldn’t make a wish for one of your family members.”
She turned back to the fountain and pretended to be fascinated by it.
“You know, you never say much about your family,” he said quietly.
“Because we’ve known each other all of a week.”
&n
bsp; His mouth quirked and he gave another slow shake of his head. “You do that a lot, deflect with sarcasm and wit. Your mom’s a lounge singer. Your brother’s bad at keeping in touch. Tell me more, Trouble.”
Again her heart started with a heavy drumming. She didn’t do this. Not here, not now. Not ever, actually. She didn’t share, and he was right, instead she deflected and she was good at it. “I thought I was going to show you a good time.”
“You are. This first.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing exciting. Just a normal upbringing, really.” If normal was hell on earth . . .
“There’s no such thing as a normal upbringing,” he said. “You were pretty adamant about me talking to my mom. Tell me more about yours.”
She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. “Nothing to say, other than what you know. I left home when I was sixteen.”
This didn’t make him happy. “What about school?”
“I tested out and got my GED,” she said.
“How did you survive? Did you go to other family members?”
“No. And I did okay.” If okay was being scared and alone all the time.
He shook his head, eyes troubled for her. “I can’t imagine how rough that was for a young girl. You mentioned that your dad wasn’t around,” he said.
“Nope. Not at all.”
“You never knew him?”
“No. I could pass him on the street and I wouldn’t even know it.” And when Kel just looked at her, eyes solemn and sympathetic, she admitted something she’d never said out loud before. “I used to look at faces in crowds to see if I resembled any of them.”
“His loss,” Kel said with a quiet intensity that made her throat feel tight. He slid a hand down her arm to entangle their fingers, which he used to tug her into him. “I’m going to kiss you now, Ivy. Tell me if that’s okay.”
She stared up at his mouth. “Are you always going to ask me that question before you kiss me?”
He pressed into her, that long, hard, hot body against hers. “Until I can read you better and be sure of what you want, yes.”
Why did she find that incredibly sexy, as in maybe one of the sexiest things she’d ever heard? Her hands found their way to his chest and slowly slid up. “I know I’m not very easy to read,” she whispered, going up on tiptoe so that the words ghosted over his lips. And then, against her best judgment, she whispered one more word. “Yes . . .”
Kel framed her face with his hands. Ivy didn’t dare breathe for fear that it wouldn’t happen, because at some point in the past sixty seconds, she’d come to want his kiss more than anything she could think of. It was an ache working its way through her, twisting her up into a ball of hunger and desire.
Without breaking eye contact, his fingers slid into her hair and he held her gaze for a long beat, until finally she whispered “please.” In the next beat, his mouth closed over hers. She had no idea which of them deepened the kiss after that, only that she heard her own soft moan as a white-hot wave of need rolled through her. When his tongue touched hers, she shivered, pressing closer for more because he tasted amazing and she wanted to taste the rest of him, wanted to taste every single inch of him.
But he slowly pulled back and ran a thumb along her jawline. “I knew you were going to be trouble the very first moment I laid eyes on you.”
“Hello, I’ve been trying to tell you that very thing!”
Snatching her hand in his, he grinned at her, a very sexy, very naughty grin, as if maybe he thought she was the very best kind of trouble, and led her through the alley to his truck.
Chapter 14
Unleash your inner athlete
Kel and Ivy were on the sidewalk in front of the Pacific Pier Building, walking toward his truck when someone called his name. It was a female voice, and one he recognized. In surprise, he turned just in time to catch the soft female form who threw herself into his arms.
“Wow,” Janie said, hugging him tight, smiling up into his face. “It’s a small world! I’m here for a conference. What are you doing in the city?”
“Working,” he said, still stunned to see her. Janie was a middle school librarian he’d dated three years ago for six months. Until she’d dumped him, frustrated at the fact that he always put work ahead of her.
He’d deserved it.
But also . . . she’d been in love with him, and he hadn’t been able to return the feelings. It’d sucked. He returned her hug briefly, but then stepped back.
She was slower to let her arms fall from where she’d flung them around his neck.
“Sorry,” Janie turned to Ivy with an embarrassed smile. “Didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I’m Janie, Kel’s ex.”
Ivy gave a small but genuine smile. “And I’m Ivy. Not his ex.”
At that, Janie grinned at Kel. “She passes the tough-enough test. I like her. You should try harder to keep her than you did me.” She looked at Ivy. “When he won’t give you more than skin deep, just don’t let him tell you it’s work. It’s him.”
Kel grimaced. At the time, he’d cared for Janie, deeply. At least as deeply as he’d been able to, but he was well aware he’d fallen short of expectations. “Janie—”
“Nope,” she said with an easy smile and a shake of her head. “We’re all good. Don’t ruin it now.” And with that, she blew him a kiss and walked off.
Ivy slid him a look. “Sort of brings new meaning to ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ huh?”
“It was me.”
“I know. Because in my experience, it’s always the guy.”
He snorted and opened the passenger door of his truck for her. “You still want to go out with me?”
“For tonight anyway,” she said.
He slid behind the wheel and felt the weight of her gaze. He turned and faced her. “Let’s hear it.”
“Hear what?”
“Whatever’s on your mind.”
“So you screwed up, huh?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Did you cheat on her?”
“Yes. With my job.”
She looked at him for a few beats. “So . . . we’re both messed up.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
That made her laugh. “At least we both know it.”
“True,” he said on a smile. He hadn’t had much to smile about in a damn long time, but something about Ivy, hell, everything about Ivy made him feel . . . lighter.
A problem, of course. But not one he had to solve tonight. Not after that kiss. And for sure not before he let her show him that good time she’d promised. “Where to?” he asked.
She gave him directions, but refused to say where they were headed. “Should I be worried?” he asked, amused at her secrecy.
“Do you have any allergies?” she asked. “Are you opposed to heights?”
He slid her a glance and realized she was just teasing him. And he liked it.
“I’ll tell you this much,” she said. “Where we’re headed is one of the first places I ended up when I landed here in San Francisco last year. It was entirely by accident. I was walking around to get my bearings, trying to wrap my head around how much I loved it here. As in instantly loved,” she emphasized, shaking her head with a small smile. “And for someone who’d never stuck anywhere for more than a year, it was more than slightly terrifying. I was so nervous and anxious all the time, but I also knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d found home. And early on, late at night, I’d be too restless to sleep. My mind wouldn’t shut up with the onslaught of questions and worries about things like how expensive everything was here, and how I’d possibly manage to make ends meet. So I’d go walking. The first night I did that, it was storming. I was cold and wet and hungry, and . . . I got lost. I ended up at . . . well, you’ll see in a minute.”
Sometimes she doled out little tidbits of herself, little insights that had him horrified for how she’d grown up, but also made him admire her all the more for what she’d made of herself.
&nb
sp; It also made him want her. A dangerous road to go down for a whole bunch of reasons, not the least of which was that he didn’t want to hurt her.
Or be hurt.
In the past, he’d done a real bang-up job of holding himself back, always. Mostly because a part of him didn’t trust love. But he was having a hard time holding back with Ivy, and that it’d only been a week made it all the more difficult to understand.
He pulled up at the address she’d given him and stared at the building. The sign read The Trough. It was a country Western bar. “Interesting choice,” he said, idling at the curb.
“Cowboys are welcome. And you’re a cowboy, so . . .”
“Not exactly, no.” He had to park a block down and across the street, at least tonight. Apparently cowboys were popular.
“I thought you were raised on your grandparents ranch in Idaho.”
“And you think that makes me a cowboy?” he asked, amused.
“More than anyone else I know.”
That was probably true.
“And maybe you’re missing Idaho and all the wide open space and big skies and all that.” She waved a hand to indicate there was more to miss but she didn’t know what exactly. “Right?”
No. Being back in San Francisco was reminding him of a time when he’d been a young city rat, and a happy one. He loved the constant motion of the city, how he could get Thai food delivered at two in the morning if he wanted. He loved being with Caleb, like nearly two decades hadn’t gone by. The only thing to miss about Sunshine, Idaho, was feeling like he had a handle on his future.
But that was gone now too.
“They’ve got a mechanical bull in there,” Ivy said.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he had to laugh. “You do realize that no real cowboy would be caught dead on one of those things.”
“You’re going to be,” she said confidently.
“Oh yeah?” He turned to her and found her with a smug smile that was utterly contagious. “And how do you know that?”
“Because I’m going to ask real nice and sweet,” she said, making him laugh again. “Okay,” she admitted. “So maybe I’m a little short on nice and sweet. But let’s just say there’ll be a prize for whoever stays on the longest.”