by Jill Shalvis
She let out a long, shuddery breath. “You’re sure?”
“I promise you. He’s going to make a full recovery.”
She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her, and sighed. “Caleb, I’m so sor—”
“Don’t you dare apologize to me.”
“But my brother—”
“Baby, this was not on you.”
She closed her eyes. “I appreciate you saying that, but Brandon . . . he wouldn’t have done this without me opening my big mouth.”
“You’re supposed to be able to open your big mouth around family,” Caleb said and then paused. “I called because earlier today, thanks to an anonymous tip, the police apprehended two guys for B&E, felony theft, and some other stuff. They spilled their guts to reduce charges.” He paused again. “They implicated Brandon,” he said quietly. “And that, along with Arlo’s statement, sealed it. There’s a warrant out for Brandon’s arrest.”
“Okay,” she said just as quietly. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“The police are probably going to want to talk to you. Don’t say anything unless your lawyer’s with you.”
“I don’t have a lawyer.”
“Yes, you do. He’ll be in touch. And Ivy . . .” She heard the regret and sympathy in his voice. “If Brandon’s caught, he’s going to go away for a long time.”
“I know,” she said. “But he’s not coming back. He knows he detonated everything here and he’s not stupid. His healthy sense of self-preservation will keep him gone.”
“I’m sorry,” Caleb said quietly.
“If I can’t say it, neither can you.”
“Got it,” Caleb said. “Now . . . about your condo.”
“It’s no longer mine.”
“We’ll work something out.”
“No,” she said and then softened her voice. “You have no idea how much it means to me that you’d do that, but it’s not fair. I’m going to start over and get there. On my own.”
“Ivy, I understand, believe me, but it means you’ll miss out on getting into this building.”
And here she’d thought she couldn’t hurt more than she did. “I know.”
“But—”
“It’s okay, Caleb. I have to do it this way. For me.”
He sighed. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
She bit her lower lip. “So . . . Kel’s devastated?”
“Yes. Did you think he wouldn’t be?”
She wasn’t sure what she thought. “He’s not alone there.”
“So give him a chance to fix it.”
“He had it, but he didn’t want it. He’s not the right one for me if he doesn’t want me as is, Caleb,” she said softly.
“Ivy—”
“Gotta go,” she said softly and disconnected. Wincing, she shoved the phone away and turned back to her truck, coming to an abrupt stop at the sight of the girls huddled around one of the picnic tables. Molly, Sadie, Tae, and Haley and Dee—who were sitting very close together.
No. She was not ready for this, so she sneaked into the truck. She adored them, even loved them, but she was pretty sure that by now they knew what had gone down. And she wasn’t ready to come face-to-face with the consequences of her lies.
The phone buzzed an incoming text. It was a group text, with all the girls on it.
Sadie: Come back! We’re waiting for you!
Molly: I saved you a muffin. And none of that healthy shit either. I’ve got the double chocolate chip muffins.
At that, Ivy stuck her head out of the truck. Everyone waved her over and with a sigh she went.
When Molly caught her eyeballing the table for the muffins, she smiled. “Oh, I lied. Just wanted to make sure you were getting the texts.”
“Wow. That was mean.” But Ivy sat. “What’s up?” she asked, as if she didn’t know. First rule of the Screwup Club—play innocent.
“Tina told us she saw you at the coffee shop earlier and that you looked like shit,” Sadie said. “She said that men are scum.”
“They are,” Ivy confirmed.
“Yes,” Tae said. “And?”
“Hey, wait a minute,” Molly said. “Not all men are scum. Lucas made me breakfast just this morning.”
“Was that because you’d done him a favor first?” Tae asked.
Molly went a little red in the face. “Maybe. In the shower. But it took him longer to make me breakfast, so really, I’m the winner.”
“Not if you have sore knees,” Sadie said.
“If you fold up two washcloths and set them on the tile before you start the shower,” Dee said, “problem solved.”
Haley blushed tomato red.
Sadie took Ivy’s hand, looking her in the eyes. “I want to tell you something, without you getting all fidgety and weird and trying to escape with some dumb excuse so you don’t have to talk about your feelings.”
“I don’t do that,” Ivy said.
Everyone snorted in unison and Ivy sighed. “Fine. I suck at feelings. Whatever.”
“You don’t suck at feelings,” Sadie said. “If anything, it’s the opposite. Did you know that ever since you started seeing Kel, you’ve been . . . happier?”
Everyone nodded.
“And more open,” Sadie said. “You smile, and it goes all the way to your eyes.”
Ivy started to immediately pull back, both her hand and in fact her entire body, but she froze.
She was fidgeting.
Dammit.
“You do that,” Sadie went on. “Because, as I suspect, as we suspect . . .”
Again everyone nodded.
“. . . That you’re feeling things . . . things you’re not used to feeling.”
Ivy blew out a breath. “You’re not wrong.”
“We thought maybe you’d want to talk about it,” Haley said gently.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Sadie said, just as gently. “But from experience as someone who denied all emotions for too long, I can tell you that facing them head on like a badass bitch is the only way to go. Otherwise, they chase you, follow you, haunt you, and believe me, those suckers can outpace you, I swear. You need to just get in front of them and turn and fight.”
“I’ve been fighting all my life,” Ivy said. “I’m tired of it. I wanted someone to fight for me. For once.”
“Tell us what happened?” Sadie asked quietly.
“You mean you don’t already know?”
They all looked at each other.
They knew.
But Sadie held Ivy’s gaze and spoke for the group. “We want to hear it from our friend. We want to know what you want us to know so we can help. Or just stand at your back. Whatever it is you need.”
So . . . she told them. For the first time in her life, she opened up, starting with her childhood and how she’d walked away from that as soon as she could. She told them about coming to San Francisco last year and first working for the guy who owned the taco truck, and then with Caleb’s help, buying the truck. She told them about managing to scrimp and cut out all extras in her life in order to put away half of the down payment for her condo, and how Caleb had intended to match her half in exchange for her continuing to cater for him as needed.
They all nodded and made encouraging noises whenever she hesitated, wanting her to go on.
So she did. She went on to the hardest part. She told them about Brandon, about the lies she’d told them all over the past year. That she’d made up stories about Brandon being such good family because she hated the truth.
Sadie squeezed her hand. “Oh, honey, I wish you could’ve told us. I’m sorry you went through all this alone.”
“I was ashamed,” Ivy admitted, willing herself not to cry. “After hiding so much from you, I couldn’t tell. Not even when Brandon showed back up and I knew I was in trouble. It’s all on me. I let him back into my life, and he hurt a good man and ruined my relationship with . . . well, everyone.” She lowered her gaze. “I appreciate you li
stening to me. Having you guys as friends this past year has meant so much to me. I was the new girl, and not a single one of you made me feel like I wasn’t wanted, or left out.” She stood up. “But now I really need to . . .” She made a vague wave toward her truck.
Sadie caught her hand. “You know we love you, right?”
Ivy had to swallow hard. “I lied to all of you. Friends don’t lie.”
“I lied to everyone when my girlfriend was cheating on me a while back,” Haley said. “I told everyone I was fine. That was a huge, big fat lie.”
Tae nodded. “We only found out she wasn’t fine when we found her in the courtyard drunk, sobbing out her troubles to the firepit while wearing only one shoe.”
“Hey,” Haley said. “I didn’t have any coins on me so I’d thrown my shoe into the fountain to make a wish. Plus, I thought I was talking to Old Man Eddie. But he’d fallen asleep on me.”
Old Man Eddie might not live in the alley anymore, but he was still the keeper of the firepit. He had lots of sage advice—on the days he wasn’t eating his homemade marijuana brownies.
“I’ve lied too,” Sadie said. “By omission. Before I got together with Caleb, I was afraid to let people in. Thought they wouldn’t like me. I pushed away anyone and everyone who tried to be my friend.”
Haley nodded to Ivy. “Yep. She did that. Big-time.”
“And I was the ‘I’m okay’ girl,” Molly said. “Which was a huge lie. I just never wanted anyone’s help because I didn’t want to be vulnerable.”
“I’ve lied too,” Tae said and then paused. “I know I’ve been away for a while, and I came back without really telling anyone why. It’s because I got a divorce. It was bad, and I’m broke. That’s why I’m living with my brother at the marina. I tell people it’s all good, but it’s not. The relationship was toxic and dangerous to my mental well-being, and I’m still working on being okay.”
Sadie slipped an arm around her. “All of us are working on being okay. You’re not alone.” She met Ivy’s gaze. “And neither are you. None of us are. We have each other.”
“I’m so grateful for that.” Haley smiled a little sadly. She looked at Dee, who nodded at her. “I’ve never told any of you before, but my family doesn’t approve of my so-called chosen lifestyle. So really, you’re all my family. Knowing that we all love each other unconditionally has gotten me through a bunch of stuff.”
Ivy felt her throat tighten. “I’ve not had much luck with unconditional love and happily-ever-after fairy-tale stuff. In fact, you might say I’m really bad at it.”
“But life’s not a fairy tale,” Molly said.
“And if you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk,” Haley added sagely.
They all laughed at that. “But the good thing about that,” Sadie said, “is that true friends will get you home regardless. We’re that kind of friends, Ivy. The ride or die kind.”
“I’m not especially good at that either,” Ivy managed. “You’re all my first ride or dies.”
“No sweat,” Sadie said, and squeezed Ivy’s hand. “Me too.”
Ivy looked into her eyes. “Did Caleb tell you about last night? That Brandon broke into the new condo building with the intention of stealing computers and equipment to sell for cash?”
“He told me that it happened, and that one of the security guys was badly hurt, but he didn’t tell me it was your brother. Is that what happened between you and Kel?”
“How do you know something happened between me and Kel?” Ivy asked.
“Because from the day he arrived, you’ve been smiling like none of us had ever seen,” Sadie said. “The two of you seemed perfect together. But now you look like someone stole your best friend.”
Ivy drew a deep breath. “Let’s just say he didn’t take any of what happened very well. I lied to him about Brandon. And once he showed up, I continued to lie. Kel didn’t like Brandon from the start, but I kept telling him that he wasn’t a bad guy. An idiot, yes, a bad guy, no. But then Brandon broke into that building and hurt an innocent man. And . . .” She drew a deep breath. “That’s not all. He used my phone to make a PayPal transfer, stealing money from my savings account. Before I figured that out, he fled.”
“Oh my God,” Haley said. “But why would Kel get mad at you for that? None of that was your fault.”
“I was the one who told Brandon about the condo building. I was excited about buying one and he seemed excited for me.” Ivy shook her head. “Now I know he was just excited about figuring out a solution to his money problems.”
“But you didn’t know he’d do what he did. It wasn’t your fault,” Sadie said firmly. “It’s all on your brother, honey. Not you.”
“I appreciate you saying that, but I made mistakes. I didn’t turn him in when I could have. And then there was the thing with my phone. Brandon had it when Kel texted me asking if I’d seen my brother. Brandon texted him back, pretending to be me, saying I hadn’t. But I have no way to prove that.”
“I know Kel,” Sadie said. “He’s a logical, rational guy. Whatever his gut reaction might have been, when he thinks about everything, he’ll understand.”
Ivy shook her head. “I think that maybe love isn’t for me. It’s just too . . . hard.”
“None of us had an easy go of it with love,” Sadie said. “Well, except maybe Molly.”
Molly snorted. “You cannot be serious. I almost blew the best thing to ever happen to me by nearly getting Lucas killed, remember? Listen,” she said to Ivy. “If you believe nothing else, then please believe this. The right guy will believe in you when it counts. I’m not saying Kel isn’t the right guy, because I happen to think he is. I just also think he’s running scared on this thing with you. But that’s because of his own past, nothing to do with you.”
Kel had definitely been burned before, in a big way. And Ivy had played right into his fears. She got that. They were both pretty screwed up. Didn’t make it any easier to take. A few people were approaching the order window of the truck, so she got to her feet. “I’ve gotta go. The dinner crowd’s starting to show.”
“Don’t forget tonight,” Haley said.
“Forget what?”
“It’s Christmas Eve,” Molly said. “And there’s a group of us who always get together at the pub for Christmas Eve.”
Ivy knew that the tight-knit group of friends who worked and lived in the building always celebrated this night together, it was tradition. The pub was closed to outsiders, and until now, that had been her. Just a year ago, she’d watched from the outside, wondering if she’d ever be a part of anything like this.
She realized she’d come a long way. “I signed up to serve food at the Mission Homeless Center for a few hours after work,” she said, which she’d done for more than purely altruistic reasons. She hadn’t wanted to be alone.
“No problem,” Sadie said. “We’ll come volunteer with you, then we’ll all go to the pub.”
“I don’t know,” Ivy said quietly.
“Oh, you’ve got to come,” Haley said. “It’s my turn to put up the star. I mean, I might have to fight Spence for it, he seems to think it’s his turn, but he’s wrong.” She looked at her watch and stood. “Shoot. I’ve got to get going too.”
Everyone else rose to go as well, and Ivy tried to just keep breathing. Her two least favorite emotions—heartbroken and loneliness—were already swamping her again. Her brother was gone, probably really headed to Mexico this time, and he wouldn’t be coming back.
And Kel . . . well, that was over, and though she’d known it would be, and had told herself she was prepared for it, she wasn’t. But she managed a smile and saw everyone off and then went back to work. She told herself what was done was done, and in truth, she wasn’t sure she’d do anything different.
But when she and Jenny closed up a few hours later, Ivy made a point to walk by the fountain in the courtyard. She took a ridiculous beat to try and figure out which quarter on the bottom of the copper bowl was
hers, but of course she couldn’t. So she just glared at the whole fountain. “Do you feel good about yourself?” she asked it. “Giving people false hopes? Because I don’t feel good about it. You suck.”
“So you wished on the fountain.”
At the craggily old voice next to her, Ivy craned her neck and took in Old Man Eddie standing there grinning.
At her dark look, he laughed and lifted his hands in surrender. “Hey, just making conversation. But just so you know, the fountain never fails.”
“It failed,” she said flatly. “It’s just a stupid myth.”
“What did you wish for?”
Feeling stupid, she hedged. “If I tell you, it can’t come true.”
“Now that’s a stupid myth,” he said. “Tell me. Did you wish for your one true love?”
“No.” She blew out a breath. “I wished to believe in true love.”
He nodded sagely.
“What?”
“Well,” he said slowly. “Don’t kill the messenger, but . . .”
“But what?”
He smiled. “Seems like you believe in true love now, if you’re pissed off at the thing for not dropping it in your lap.”
She stared at him as the truth of his statement hit home. “Dammit.”
He laughed and pulled a coin from his pocket and tossed it to her. “Maybe it’s time for wish number two,” he suggested, and walked away.
Ivy really wanted not to throw the coin in the water. But in spite of what had happened between her and Kel, she realized that suddenly, or maybe not suddenly at all, she really did believe in love. When exactly that had happened, she wasn’t sure. So . . . with her heart tight and aching in her chest, she let go of the coin. “Thanks for helping me believe,” she whispered. “No regrets.”
At least not on that . . .
Chapter 27
We start together and end together
Thirty minutes later, Ivy stood behind a table slicing turkey and ladling gravy. She was at the Mission Homeless Center, wearing a red apron and matching hat, doing her best to look festive while on the inside she felt like the Grinch.
At the table to her right was Sadie, dishing out scoops of side dishes such as corn, stuffing, salad, and rolls. To her left was Tae, handing out dessert, which was cupcakes. In an identical assembly line just across from her, Molly and Haley were serving as well. There was a crowd of people making their way through the lines for a free Christmas Eve dinner and a few minutes inside, safe from the icy night.