Smoldered

by Rachel Blaufeld

This is what my life was turning into. The stubborn man was infiltrating every little corner of my existence, including my sleep. I pulled my shit together for my son and said, “Yeah, baby, go ahead. You two can hang out and have some time together.” I had already denied Quinn close to a decade with the man; I was in no position to keep him from his dad.

  I had just rolled back over and started to doze when I felt the bed shift and dip on the other side. By the weight of it, I knew it wasn’t Quinn long before I heard the sound of boots falling to the floor.

  “Good morning,” he said in a gravelly voice. Wetness flooded my panties, soaking them at the sound of two words.

  “Trying to sleep, Ash,” I said without turning over.

  “I can see that, doll. Want you to rest. Came to make you breakfast, but then I couldn’t resist seeing you all sleepy and natural.” He ran his hand down the length of my back, heat burning through the sheet. With his palm firmly settled on my lower back, I became immobilized with want and need for him. For Asher.

  Turning slowly, forcing him to move his naughty hand, I found the man who haunted both my private fantasies and everyday life lying comfortably on the other side of the bed, his muscular arms tucked behind his head as he smirked at me. Of course.

  “Now you see me,” I said with a bit of snark.

  He reached his arm down again and lifted the cover, eyeing what was underneath before sliding his hand under and down my thigh.

  Swatting at him, I said, “Ash, you do know your son is right out in the living room?”

  “Uh-huh. Babe, he’s so involved in a video game, he’s gonna be there for an hour. I know this shit now that I’ve been a dad for a month.” Bigger smirk for him; huge gush down below for me.

  “Well, we’re not at this stage right now.” I moved his hand. Reluctantly.

  “I know, but I want that to change.” His eyes turned a light silver, softening both in color and intensity.

  I shook my head.

  “Come on, Nat. I told you I need you, I love you. I’m trying more than I’ve ever fucking tried at anything. What else do you want? Because all I want is you. And my son.” His eyes darkened a bit, the color starting to smolder and burn right in front of me.

  “I can’t, Asher. Not yet. There are too many unknowns. Like whether you can survive the next few decades without a threesome? Imagine if Quinn ever walked into a scene like I did? Or what about your dad? You never talk about that. Ever. That’s why I rushed back. He’s Quinn’s grandfather, you were so distressed over the man, and now—nothing. I’m not sensing anything long-term from you. Do you understand what lifelong means?”

  I felt my ever-present tears welling up and prickling the back of my eyes as my constant state of anxiety rose and fear pooled in the pit of my belly. I worried I was pushing the man too far, but I couldn’t stop. I was my own worst enemy, sabotaging my own hopes and dreams with my big mouth and inability to surrender to what I wanted. It was right there for the taking. The man, the promise of a family, a life I never believed to be within reach was all there for me, and I was pushing it far away.

  Asher ducked his head and lowered his blond lashes, his hair falling into his eyes. “I don’t know what more long-term you want from me. I’m trying to make a life with you. I wanted you to move in, build a home with the three of us, provide for you and Quinn, but you insisted on living here in this crap apartment. You work night in and night out, going out of your way to shove your assets in other men’s faces with me watching, and refusing to give at all. You haven’t given one bit. And as far as my dad is concerned, he’s a closed subject. End of. Period. He hasn’t been in my life, and he’s not going to be. I’m doing things differently with Quinn, that’s what I learned from that jerk.”

  “I have given, Ash. I gave you access to Quinn.”

  He stood, bent over to put his boots on, and said, “I can’t take it anymore, Nat. It’s all too much. I’m trying and fucking trying, but it’s not good enough, and I’m sick of feeling like a failure. Sick of it. You know what? I’m not going in to work tonight. I can’t take that bullshit tonight either. How about I keep Quinn all day and night so you don’t have to pay a stranger while you go shake your ass for someone other than me?”

  The dam on my tears broke, and they began flowing like a rushing river. The wetness burned down my cheeks, making its way over my collarbone before pooling in the neckline of my T-shirt. My throat was clogged with something else.

  A huge lump of regret and confusion made it impossible for me to respond, growing bigger with every step he took toward the door.

  “Is that cool with you?” Asher turned and pinned me with his stare when he was at the threshold to the hall. “I would love to have my son overnight, but I’m a slave to you and your decision making, Nat.”

  I barely made out a yes before I heard celebrating in the kitchen and Quinn’s quick footsteps running to his room so he could pack a bag.

  Curling back up in a ball, I only sat up to give my son a kiss and hug good-bye. As soon as the dynamic duo was gone and I heard the door lock shut did I allow the saltiness to drown me, washing over me like a tidal wave. Unable to bat it down, I was forced to ride it out, gasping for air, and treading for my life.

  Playing House

  Asher

  SPENDING TIME with my son was the only way I quelled the anger stampeding through my veins, threatening to gut me, urging me to do something very stupid. All because Natalie was at work. The girl was downright crazy. She was the one who rushed back to Vegas to save me, held me in the shower when I felt my world crushing down on me, made love to me, took me to meet our son, and allowed me to get to know him.

  Then, bada-bing bada-boom, suddenly she was little Ms. Independent, not wanting me to buy her a car or handle anything when it came to her and my son.

  And they are mine.

  What the fuck?

  As for this bullshit with her being back at work, it was getting fucking ridiculous. Yeah, there was nothing wrong with the Tunnel, and I made the place as good as it could be for my girls, but Natalie was my woman. I made millions—why the hell did she need to work? Let alone be rubbing her bits all over some other dickwad, when the only man she should be rubbing against was me.

  I wasn’t stupid. I knew she was overdoing it with those pricks, making her point that she made up her own mind. She didn’t need to let those jack-offs’ hands roam what was mine to make her point. Staying out of my bed, refusing to move in, not allowing me to help…everything she did made it crystal clear.

  The only way I could keep my head from blowing up was to do something permanent about the other person who was mine. My son. We spent the afternoon buying gear for his new room at my place. I was transforming one of my guest rooms into a preteen’s mecca complete with a double bed, locker shelves, a huge freaking TV, DVR player, video game console, and a life-size soda vending machine.

  Quinn was pumping his fist into the air at the moment as he watched the furniture delivery guys bring everything in from his haul.

  My heart was pumping as fast as his fist at the sight. I had a son, and I was already more of a dad than I’d ever had. The idea of what lay ahead thrilled me.

  Except for the fact that his goddamn mother was probably making her way onto the floor at this time to shake her ass for another dude. Why couldn’t she be with us? See how serious I was about treating the two of them right?

  Fucking hell.

  Blast from the Past

  Natalie

  I WAS definitely in a pissy mood by the time I pulled into the Tunnel. Hauling open the heavy back door while shuffling two coffees—one for me and one for Billy—only reminded me of when I used to do that for Petey. Where the fuck was he? I thought he was doing better, and I was shocked he didn’t swing by the club to say hello to everyone. Asher was being crazy weird and removed regarding him, even more so than before.

  There were so many holes in the stubborn man’s excuses and reasons, I was back to not trusti
ng him. Whether it was unfounded or not was pointless; I had full-on convinced myself that Asher was no good for me.

  I didn’t have time to think on it much, though, because as soon as the door slammed shut behind me, Billy was there to escort me down the hall to my dressing room. I was back in my same old room with Petal, except she was moving out soon to take over Sienna’s palatial space. I only had to stomach a few more weeks with Ms. Perky Pants.

  Or Ms. No Pants At All, like at the moment. I walked into our shared space to find my roomie stretching in a thong and sports bra. What was with her? I didn’t mind nudity, but Jesus, the girl could at least try to cover up.

  “Hey, Nat!”

  I hurried and closed the door behind me, so Billy didn’t get a glimpse of her ass crack peeking out at me.

  “Hi,” I muttered. Sitting down at my vanity, I started to put on my makeup, examining my face in the bright lights.

  Petal strolled over and placed her hand on my shoulder. “You okay, Nat? You look kind of emotionally spent.”

  “Is that a nice way of saying I look old, past my prime?” I turned and asked my much younger coworker.

  “No,” she said slowly as she frowned at me. “Seriously, I just meant you look like you have too much on your plate, and I’m worried about you. I mean, you were always a bit distant and sad, but we loved you despite it. It’s just now—you’re almost like an island, alone, floating in the ocean. I don’t know why you want to be that way.”

  She knelt on the floor and took my hand, running her thumb back and forth across my knuckles, consoling me for something she didn’t know the first thing about. What could someone like her possibly know about heartbreak, misery, never-ending loneliness, and chest pain from a broken heart?

  I sighed. “It’s not you, Petal, it’s me. I’ve made my life this way on purpose. I know it sounds crazy, but now that you all know Asher is the father of my son, I just want to be left alone. At one time I dreamed of making a life with the man, but it’s not a reality for a girl like me. I just have to earn a living and support myself, because now that Quinn has a dad, he’ll be taken care of. That’s all I can hope for.”

  I pulled my hand away and stood, pretending to choose my outfit for the night, when I really wanted to curl up in the younger woman’s arms and have her tell me what to do. Tell me that it was okay to want to run back to Asher and believe everything he said.

  Sliding the clothes along the rack, the hangers screeching on the bar, I might have taken my growing anger out on the poor thing, but I was so confused. My mom was zero help. She had actually distanced herself more since I moved back, telling me it was time I made some big-girl decisions, lecturing me on how she knew for years that Asher deserved to know the truth. Stubbornly she refused to take responsibility for telling me to let the idea of him go in the delivery room. She also stopped babysitting Quinn while I worked, like she was in cahoots with the father of my child, saying she “would spend time doing stuff together, but a real plan, not babysitting.”

  So it wasn’t exactly me who put myself alone on an island. Was it?

  I slipped into a bright green bodysuit, mostly cut out. It ended up being a thong connected by one skinny strip of fabric up my abdomen attached to tiny slivers covering my nipples, highlighting the outline of my piercings. Surveying my side cleavage, the front of my boobs, and my mostly flat stomach in the mirror, I tried to tune out the other woman in the room.

  I didn’t look that bad, did I? Years of dancing had kept me young and toned.

  From somewhere behind me, I heard, “I call bullshit, Natalie. You, me, and everyone else who works here knows Asher is ripped up over this. He spent the last two years freaking out every time you went in the back with a man, openly hated you working the VIP areas, and totally lost his shit when you left. Now you’re back and you mean even more to the man, if that’s even possible. Because you’re the mother of his son.”

  Holding up my palm, I said, “Please stop, Petal. I need to get ready for work.”

  “No, I won’t. If you thought we hated working for Ash after what went down with that Ecstasy guy close to a year ago, you were right. Now with you being back on the floor, it’s worse. Ash is a good guy. I never said he wasn’t confused, but no one is going to deny he is good. The best. Get your head out of your ass, Nat. And do it soon.”

  As I leaned over to take off my hamsa and place it in my drawer, Petal stuck her round butt in my face as she bent over to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, and said, “Now, I’ll stop.”

  WALKING ONTO stage right to perform my first dance of the night, I was already fit to be tied. How dare Petal take me on like that? Who did she think she was? We weren’t really friends, were we? Except, I didn’t think Sienna was my friend either, and look what she did by coming down to Miami to get me.

  The platform darkened as I made my way to the pole, and a premade mash-up of that young pop girl and a techno rock group blared from the speakers. I wrapped my legs tightly around the metal, squeezing my leg muscles, gripping hard with my inner thighs. As the purple and blue strobe lights lit up and spread across center stage, I released my grip and spun around the pole with my arms, my hair flying with the motion, my skintight outfit staying in place although the audience probably would have liked it to shift to the side an inch or two.

  I could have sleepwalked my way through the song, gyrating and pulsing, tweaking my hips, flipping my auburn-highlighted tresses, winking, and spreading my legs just the way the crowd had dreamed about all week.

  At least, that was what I kept telling myself. But my stupid brain wouldn’t absorb my own arguments, and now I had Petal in my ear about the whole situation too.

  I wanted Asher in the worst way, which was why when I moved to the front of the stage to let some of the men stick bills in the side of my panties, I saw Penelope having a drink at the back bar. Immediately, I saw red. And I didn’t mean her hair.

  Finishing out the song, I immediately jumped down from the large platform and started moving like a lioness on the prowl, my tiny green outfit shimmering in the bright lights, all the way to the back of the club. Catching Billy off guard with my quick and unconventional stage exit, combined with years of experience of dancing on platform heels, I beat him to my destination.

  As soon as my feet came to a stop, the red-haired bitch smiled. She was freaking gloating, waiting for me to come over and make a scene. I couldn’t fucking believe it. This woman had been our friend forever, and now after showing her true colors, Penny had the nerve to show back up at our club to embarrass me? For fuck’s sake, she’d waxed my pussy. She knew damn well I was sleeping with Asher. Everyone did.

  Of all nights for Asher not to be at the club, he picked this one. The one where the woman who he was screwing in a three-way when I wasn’t available showed up. They could make a TV mini-series about this type of stuff, and this was my reality.

  With a smirk, Penny spoke first. “Hey, Nat. Glad to see you back.”

  I cocked my head to the side and glared. “How did you even get in here?”

  “Oh, that was easy, Mike was busy with Petey and some old dude, who looked surprisingly like Asher, and I slipped right in past some new idiot. I guess the person filling in for Petey.”

  She took a sip of her drink, vodka straight up with a twist of lime. I knew this because we had hung out plenty of times.

  “Well, why don’t you leave before I have Billy escort you out.” My cupcake of a security detail had finally pried himself away from watching Sadie and was standing behind me, watching, so close I could feel his body heat.

  Penny smirked. “This isn’t your club, Nat. I know you have a bastard child and all with Ash, but I heard you’re back living in that tiny dump, begging for any scrap of attention from Asher you can get. How come you’re not living the fairy tale like in Pretty Woman, playing housewife in Ash’s gorgeous house?”

  My blood pressure skyrocketed. “I’ve heard enough. I don’t know where you get your
information, Penny, but you’re wrong. Trying to explain anything to you is a waste of my time.”

  I turned to walk away and said to Billy, “Take care of this bitch.”

  Without even turning to see what happened, I went straight to the VIP area to find myself a lucky victim to take my assertive nature out on.

  Mr. Mom

  Asher

  MY PHONE started blowing up as soon as Quinn and I finished having pizza and tried making his bed. Jesus, I really couldn’t take a night off. As I swiped the screen, I also saw I missed a call from Mike. He knew what he was doing; he’d figure it out on his own.

  But my whole fucking heart dropped to the ground when I saw Billy’s name come up on the incoming call. That sweet-as-all-get-out dude was on Natalie duty, and I was going to kill him if something happened.

  “Talk to me,” I ground out after accepting the call and walking outside on the back patio, signaling to Quinn I would be one minute.

  “Asher, I’m sorry to do this, but I think you got to come in. Here’s what happened—”

  “Get to the motherfucking point, Billy,” I said, interrupting the kid.

  “Penelope is here and won’t leave. She and Nat got into it, and now Natalie is back in the VIP room…with two sets of eyes on her, don’t worry. But Mike is tied up out front with some other scenario—Petey’s here apparently too—and I can’t get Penny to listen to me. She’s saying she’ll only deal with you. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Jesus Christ. What the hell happened? I take one night to be with my son and there’s more drama than a sorority. Where is that little bitch, Penny?”

  “She’s at the back bar.”

  I began pacing the length of the stone patio. “Take her to my office and stay with her there until I can get in. Now, who’s watching Nat? Please tell me they’re on her like white on rice?”

  “Yeah, Theo, the new guy, and Brad are both stationed back in the VIP area.”