The Role

  I rolled my eyes, not even remotely surprised. “There’s no show, is there?”

  “Nope.” He popped the P in the most ridiculous younger-brother fashion, and I almost slugged him.

  “Why did you call then? Is everything okay with your brother?”

  “Oh, him? We can talk about him? He’s a bloody fucking mess. Working on himself, though. You’d be proud.”

  “Cool.” I sounded like a Valley Girl.

  “But as to why I’m here… I was naughty and got kicked off my team, and now I’ve got some downtime till I need to report to my new club in England. So I decided to come visit my brother, who has truly been making a mess of his life.”

  “You’re not kidding,” I muttered. “Oh my god, though, sorry. Sorry about your team! That completely sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does. Not why I’m here today, though.” He cleared his throat loudly and proclaimed, “In case you didn’t figure it out on your own, I’m here on behalf of my idiot brother. I mean, where else would I have gotten your number?”

  “Ah, yeah, I was wondering.” I retreated to sarcasm, my only defense against Matti’s determination.

  “So, you two. I’m concerned, you know? He really fucked things up, from the sound of it. Both with you and not dealing with some pretty severe emotional issues. He’s done a bang-up job.”

  I nodded.

  “Anyways, I am here to relay a message from He Who Will Not Be Named. He’s sorry.”

  I snorted.

  “More than that, though, he’s cleaning himself up. He hasn’t had more than a drink a night since I’ve been here—which actually pisses me off. Like, how can he not take his hot brother out to clubs and introduce him to his single friends? What the fuck, Markus? Am I right?”

  “Not. The. Point. Matti.”

  “No, no, it’s not.” He sighed theatrically. “Anyways, like I was saying, he hasn’t been out even once since I’ve been here, and has been meeting with that therapist he started with when he first moved here. Like, every day.”

  “That’s nice, Matti. Really nice to hear that he’s working on himself and that the rumors of him partying all the time are bullshit.” I meant it, even though I was super underwhelmed with the direction of this meandering conversation. Markus had been suffering a lot when I’d first met him, and it was clear that I’d been a Band-Aid he’d slapped over some very deep wounds.

  “Fuck, I’m really cocking this up. I’m only here as a messenger. Sorry, I’m terrible at this. The gist of it is this—he wants to see you, if you would be willing to meet with him. Hear him out.”

  “I’ve heard him out. All these words on voicemails, texts, DMs. So. Many. Words. But no actions, you know? I don’t know if I can take any more words from him.”

  “But you care about him, right? A lot, if I’m not mistaken. God forbid Markus confide in me, but he’s obviously very deeply in love with you. He knows you might not forgive him right now, but maybe you’d be willing to give him a chance?”

  I sat, silently staring at the imploring face of Markus’ little brother, gauging the truth behind his words. “I—I…yeah. I would be willing to give him a chance. How?”

  Matti slumped back in his chair, a look of total relief sliding over his face. “Oh, thank god. I really thought I was fucking this all up for him. He would have killed me. First time he ever trusts me with anything more important than picking him up at the airport and I crash and burn. Whew. Thanks—”

  “Matti, stay on track. How am I supposed to give him another chance?”

  “Oh, that. What time is it?”

  “Four o’clock. Why?”

  “Shit. And it’s probably rush hour, right?”

  “Yeah… Why?”

  “We’ve got to go! You ready for a kidnapping?” I didn’t get a word out, but managed a nod, and he whooped as he threw me over his massive shoulder then started sprinting toward a black sedan with tinted windows.

  “Matti! Put me down, you asshole!” I was laughing as I smacked him in the back, but he wasn’t budging, and people seemed to be way more interested in my attractive kidnapper than me, the obvious victim. My fellow citizens were really dicks about passive observance.

  He dumped me in the car and shouted at the driver, “On to phase two!”

  Despite my annoyance, I did kind of think it was cute that well-intentioned kidnapping was apparently a family trait.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Alina

  “If I trip and fall off a cliff because of you, Matti, I will come back and haunt your ass forever. Swear to god.” I was stumbling around, arms outstretched, with a blindfold on in what felt like an enormous cavernous space.

  “A little to your right, Alina. Yup, you got it. Now nine steps forward.” His voice boomed from somewhere to my left. Music was playing at a low volume.

  “There, I mean, no. One. More. Step.” I slammed into something warm and solid that grunted when we connected. “There! Stop, you’re good. Okay, I’m going to head out. Peace!”

  “What the actual fuck, Matti?” I tore off the blindfold and looked right into the face of the very person I’d been secretly hoping to see for days. His trembling hands wrapped around my biceps, steadying me, and his breath whooshed out in relief.

  “Alina.”

  “Markus.”

  Was this it? We were going to stare at each other and say our names over and over? It was like we were both under a spell, locked into each other, unable to move. Finally, I shifted back a bit to get out of his immediate reach and noticed the song playing. Phil Collins, letting us all know that the air tonight had some extra special feelings going on.

  “Send your brother to do your dirty work so you can set up your very own Lloyd Dobbler moment?” I asked sarcastically, trying to hide a grin.

  The corners of his lips quirked up. “Sort of. It worked, though, didn’t it? Sorry it’s not Peter Gabriel, had to go with my maestro. Plus, couldn’t be a total cliché, right?”

  Markus’ tiny smile was like sunshine after the grayest, coldest February on record, and I could feel my frozen heart unfurling toward his warmth.

  I smacked his arm. “I’m still so mad at you. And you sent your annoying brother to do all the heavy lifting! I expected public groveling.”

  “Annoying? Not cool!” came Matti’s muffled voice from…

  Somewhere? I looked around suddenly. We were in the vast entrance hall of the Griffith Observatory. One of L.A.’s famous landmarks and usually packed with tourists. Yet we were all alone. Although apparently we still had a voyeur of sorts.

  “Time to go, Matti!” Markus yelled, not taking his eyes off me. Like he was afraid I would evaporate if he shifted his avid attention for even the slightest moment.

  “Going. See you at home?”

  “Matti, get out of here!”

  “Fine, but I’m telling Mother that you were a shit host!” The door to the building clanged shut as he raced off in a huff.

  I started laughing as Markus pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s something, isn’t he?”

  “Something tragic, that’s for sure.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I mean, he got me here, didn’t he?” I stared at Markus for a long moment, observing him as he did a similar visual search.

  “Fuck, Alina.” He exhaled loudly through his nose. “I was almost too afraid to hope that he’d convince you to come. In fact, I was maybe eighty-six percent sure that he’d pull in alone and we’d get blind drunk and lie on the floor listening to Phil Collins’ greatest hits while I cried.”

  “Well, I’m here. Want to tell me why?”

  He stepped forward and grasped my hands, like touching me would keep me tethered to him. His thumbs slowly circled the backs of my hands as his stare somehow became laser focused. On me. He gulped and closed his eyes for a count of three. I could literally see him counting, head nodding, one…two…three times.

  When he opened his eyes, they blazed down at me. “Well, it’s like t
his,” he began slowly. “I’m sorry. So very, very sorry about everything that happened between us.”

  I tried to wrench my hands away. Not more words. “Markus, we haven’t even talked to each other in a month outside of work…”

  He clung tighter. “I know. I guess I mean from before that. From the moment we met. I was self-absorbed and afraid of losing everything at once. I was afraid to be completely open with you and never thought about what you needed versus what I needed from you.”

  “Oh, yeah. That,” I muttered lamely.

  “Yes, that. I’ve fucked this up. Said shit out of fear and paranoia that I can’t take back. There are so many things I regret.”

  “Do you regret it all?” I asked in the world’s smallest voice.

  “No. Never. Not in a million years do I regret the shit that led up to and resulted in me meeting you. Because—and I don’t know if I ever told you this—but I knew the minute I saw you that you were someone important.”

  He paused for a moment and blinked heavily before soldiering on. “You are absolutely everything to me. It frightened me how intensely I felt, how easy things were between us, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I used you. Used the ease of things like a security blanket, but still kept you at arm’s length with all of that talk about keeping things casual.”

  He dropped my hands and started to pace in a small circle. “It was like concentrating on this brilliant, new, shining thing that sprang to life between us gave me an excuse to sweep aside all of the turmoil in my life. I’m sorry for that, that I didn’t work through my own problems before basking in this. Because it led to our downfall, I think.”

  I grabbed his hands and pulled him to a stop. I needed him to listen now, to hear the hard words that I’d been thinking about for the last month. “It did, but I’m partially to blame as well. I went into our relationship feeling unbalanced. Feeling like I was backed into a corner. And on one hand, it wasn’t so bad because you were there with me too. But on the other, I felt like you were also the one who put me there.”

  “I’m so sorry for that.” He frowned at his toes. “But if it’s not completely obvious, I love you. I loved you from the first time I saw you, and I love you even more now, while you’re looking at me with more fear than I’d ever want to see in your eyes.”

  “Markus…I know. I love you too. I missed you even more, but you’re absolutely ridiculous.” I was crying and hiccupping as I tried to get the words out.

  “So…” He looked at me so hopefully through his own sheen of tears. “Can we work through this? Be together? It’s not too late?”

  Moment of truth. It wasn’t even a hard decision to make. In fact, that decision had been made for both of us months ago in Georgia.

  “It’s not too late for us. You’re mine, I’m yours and I’m afraid that’s going to have to be that.” I threw my arms around him and pulled him tight against me. “I love you, you stupid weiner schnitzel.”

  He threw his head back and howled, “How long have you been waiting to call me that? I love you too, and now…”

  He fidgeted with something in his pocket, and a few moments later I heard the muffled, booming whirl of a helicopter roaring up to the observatory to land on the promenade outside. Which was totally not in the slightest an over the top and unnecessary gesture.

  “Now is when I ask you to come with me. Let me make everything up to you, prove to you that my words are meaningful. That I’m truly trying to be better than the man you first met.”

  “Markus! That is the stupidest speech ever. What is this?”

  “I’m kidnapping you. Again.”

  I grinned at him then, through my tears, and started dragging him away from the sound of the spinning rotors, deeper into the building. “What is it with everyone trying to kidnap me these days? Seriously, call off the helicopter, you ass. It’s totally unnecessary.”

  Markus pulled me tight against him and smiled. “Thank God, I hate helicopters. They make me piss my pants. I’ll text David right away. Grand gesture successful?”

  I reached over and booped his stupid adorable nose again. “Yes. Just, yes.”

  Epilogue

  Two years later

  Markus

  “You ready yet? I swear, you take longer than Candace’s drag friends to get ready for a party.” Alina was leaning against the doorway to our bathroom, looking otherworldly gorgeous in what she’d dubbed her “fancy goddess dress”.

  Her makeup was light and glittery, her lips were a perfectly pouty pink and her tits looked fucking fantastic. She eyed me up and down. “Got to say, though, whatever you’ve been doing in here looks good on you.” She winked and laughed.

  I straightened my sleeves, shot my cuffs and gave her a debonair smile as I held out my arm. “Come, my lady, our chariot awaits.”

  “But of course, Mr. Nominee. I’d be delighted to ride you—I mean, ride with you.”

  We took a last look in the mirror and she whipped out her phone. “Smile for the fans.”

  I dipped her and she took the shot upside down. That was the shot, of course, that went on social media. Our social media. Which was completely weird—we had our own following, not each of us individually anymore. It was, and always would be, us controlling our own narrative.

  I helped Alina into the car. Her green-and-ivory pleated chiffon dress had an empire waist so she could move around easily and, as she put it, “hide a multitude of sins”. It wasn’t, however, a good one for climbing in and out of cars since it would tear so easily. I slid in behind her and sat back, thinking about our last two years together.

  After Alina had forgiven me, a fact that still managed to humble me to my knees, we’d made an escape to the South Pacific during our mid-season break in filming. She’d wanted to see Fiji, and I’d wanted to see her naked on a deserted island. We’d compromised—as one did in all grown-up relationships between equals. Or so I was told.

  Upon returning, we’d jumped back into filming together. Her season on Southern Gods had gone better than expected, and as Michael had hoped, ratings went way up. Apparently, people tuned in for our bullshit, and even though it had only been one season, it had bought Michael some breathing room to figure out where to take things next.

  After the show, Alina had taken on the job with her mentor, Carolina. Of course, she’d impressed the shit out of Carolina and the project was set to release in another year. Alina had been offered an A.D. credit on the next film in the franchise and was more than ready to get started with it. I’d asked if she wanted me for a part because, holy shit, I’d always wanted to do a good jump scare, but she’d smacked me and told me that she’d rather order me around our house than a film set.

  I’d ended up deciding to take the role with Sherilyn, after Alina agreed that it was the right thing to do, even though we were both unhappy with her underhanded methods for getting me to the table. But now I was done for a while and we were both looking forward to bit of a break.

  We pulled up and I looked over at her. “You ready?”

  She smiled as she said, “After you.”

  I climbed out first, waved and reached my hand back into the car to help her out. We paused and smiled for the cameras once before strolling away arm in arm and ignoring the rest of the gauntlet. Neither of us gave a single shit anymore. The pictures would say enough. They always did.

  Inside, I grabbed us drinks and we took our seats next to some of the other people from Sherilyn’s film. My nerves were starting to jangle. If I won, Alina was probably going to kill me. In fact, I knew she would. I looked up to the balcony and strained to see if everyone that I had invited had made it, but it was too shadowed.

  We sat through boring speech after speech, musical act after musical act, barely paying attention and existing in our two-person world. She made me laugh all night and I made her squirm, telling her all of the new ways I’d been thinking about stripping her naked and making her come in our outdoor shower. Until, finally, it was time.

>   Some up-and-coming action film guy made weird, inappropriate jokes with a former Disney star, then the tone changed altogether as he announced, “And the Award for the Best Actor goes to…Markus Shellenberg.”

  For probably the first time in my life I’d actually hoped to lose, because I had made another stupid bet with my brothers that I would propose to Alina during my acceptance speech if I won.

  I was planning to propose anyway, after the ceremony. That was why I’d flown all of our family and friends in, and every one of them was sitting in the balcony. Shit, shit, shit. Now I was going to have to do this in front of a live audience at a televised event.

  “Markus! They called your name! Get your ass up there.” Alina was laughing at my shell-shocked face.

  I looked at her, pulled her close, kissed her hard and whispered, “No matter what, remember that I love you. And that I take really stupid bets sometimes.”

  “What?”

  I kissed her hand and stood up. Buttoning my jacket, I walked to my certain doom. I thanked the Disney star, shook the action guy’s hand and accepted my award. I leaned over the microphone and took a massive breath. “First, I want to thank everyone who worked on this film with me. Director Sherilyn Holmes, the rest of the crew and cast, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. But most of all for the woman who has made everything possible—Alina, thank you.”

  I paused for clapping and looked over to the wings, where I nodded at the backstage crew who’d arranged for this surprise. They dropped the lights and a spotlight moved through the crowd and landed on Alina, who looked surprised, then amused, then concerned when it didn’t waver.

  “Alina, remember what I said before I came up here?” I could barely see her silhouette nod. “Could you please come up here?”

  Music started to play and the entire crowd turned around, rustling and murmuring. At first she didn’t move, frozen to her seat. When she did get up and began her march toward the stage, it was like she was walking to her execution.

  As she joined me, I said into the microphone, “This is probably not the greatest idea, but I’ve had worse.” As the polite laughter of the audience washed over us, I dropped to one knee, pulled a small box out of my pocket and grabbed her trembling left hand.