by Piper Rayne
“How would you feel if you witnessed what I just did?”
He shrugs, and my hand itches to slap his don’t-give-a-shit attitude off him. “I threw it away. I had no intention of calling.”
“Let me call Lyle in here so he can pat my ass then. That’s okay?”
A condescending laugh erupts out of him. “Lyle wouldn’t do that unless he wants to get fired.”
“See? There’s a problem that you allowed her to.”
“She’s a client.”
I blow out a breath. “You’re sabotaging us, aren’t you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now do you want Italian or Mexican? I kind of feel like eating a taco.” He waggles his eyebrows.
I throw my hands in the air. “Stop acting like there’s nothing wrong. Just stop.”
His jaw clenches. “You’re seeing things. You can’t be insecure if you’re my girlfriend.”
All that fight in me crumbles. The Dylan I know is gone. “So that’s the way we’re going to play this? You’re going to shut me out?”
“Babe, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He stands to approach me, but I put up my arm to stop him.
“Babe?” He’s never once called me that. He always says my name, or calls me brainiac if he’s teasing me. “You want me to break up with you?” I almost whisper, unable to meet his gaze.
He says nothing.
“Just be straight with me, Dylan. If you’re done with me, say so. If you don’t want to continue this, please don’t play games with me. Just be straight. Is this because of the job in Houston? Are you scared? You have to talk to me.”
His face softens and his shoulders sag. Finally we’re getting somewhere. But then his cell phone rings, and he turns around to grab it.
“Please don’t pick it up,” I say.
“It could be a client.” He answers it.
I have no idea what he even says because my thoughts are on how he’s chipping away pieces of my heart. When I leave this office, I have a feeling we’ll be done.
He tosses his phone onto his desk. “Are you sure you’re not seeing things so you have an excuse to go to Houston?”
Every cell in my body heats with anger. He did not just say that. “Are you sure you’re not trying to push me away?”
“Why would I push you away?” His face distorts into a “you’re crazy” look.
“Oh, I don’t know, look around your office.”
He actually scans the room and looks back at me, waiting for me to explain.
I say, “You don’t have one personal effect in here.”
“You want me to put up a picture of you? Is that what this is about?”
My frustration is so great, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I settle for digging my nails into the palms of my clenched fists. “You keep everyone at arm’s length, and I thought we were over that. I thought you were all in. One roadblock and you’re doing everything you can to push me away?”
He scoffs. “You being jealous of a girl whose tits I had to tattoo isn’t me pushing you away. It’s me paying the bills.”
“Come on, you know what you’re doing here. I know you do. I’m not even sure I want the job.”
Like a cord snaps, his back goes ramrod straight. “I gotta go.”
“What?” I run to the door, blocking it. “We’re talking this out.”
He pockets his cell phone, grabs his jacket off a hook, and puts his hand on my hip, nudging me out of the way. “Take the job.”
“Is that what this is about?” I ask. “You think you can force me to leave? Pretend that you made out with some girl in the back room, get me pissed, and I’ll go to Houston? And what? It’ll prove your theory about life?”
His gaze locks with mine. I shiver at the chill it sets off, but I won’t shy away at this point.
“I know you didn’t do anything with that girl,” I say. “You wiping your mouth with your shirt to pretend like she kissed you isn’t the Dylan I’ve fallen in love with. You did that for your own benefit so you can blame me for leaving.”
He tears his eyes away from mine, his hand landing on the doorknob. “You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”
“You’re not that guy, and I will not run off to Houston because of some lame attempt to force my hand. I know you would never cheat on me.”
A cruel smile crosses his lips and he turns the knob, but I use every muscle in my body to keep the door shut. If he gets out, he’ll be gone. “You have no idea the man I am. You think you love me? You love an illusion.”
“You have it wrong. That is the man you are. That is the man I’m in love with. You’re the one who’s scared of him. You created this illusion for yourself so you can always be the victim. It’s easier that way, right? It’s never your decision, never your fault. Everyone else leaves.”
He scowls and turns the knob, pulling forward. My body loses all strength as he opens the door and flees. I slide along the wall and sink to the floor, my face buried in my knees.
The door slowly opens, and when I peek up, Jax is there, eyes closed, shaking his head. He crouches, pulls out his cell phone, types out a message, and puts it back. He doesn’t say anything to me, just sits in a similar position, his arms wrapped around his propped up knees.
“I don’t understand.” I rest my chin on my knee. Jax has known him the longest. Shouldn’t he have an answer for me?
He shrugs. “The way we grew up… it comes with a lot of fucked up beliefs.”
“But we were doing so well.”
He nods. “I thought for sure you were in it for the long haul.”
“Were?” My voice cracks. “Past tense?”
He blows out a breath. “Don’t listen to me. Phillips isn’t one who runs forever. He’ll be back, but…”
He doesn’t have to finish. I know exactly what he’s saying.
I put my forehead to my knees again and tears seep out of me like a faucet. Still Jax sits with me, offering no words of consolation. I prefer it that way. He’s not making any promises he knows to he can’t keep.
What feels like ten minutes goes by before a soft knock lands on the door. Jax stands. I don’t even look up. It’s probably Lyle.
Blanca sits down on one side and Sierra on the other side of me. I offer Jax a soft smile before he nods and shuts the door behind him.
“Oh, sweetie,” Sierra says, putting her arm around my shoulders.
There’s nothing they can say, so I allow them to do what girlfriends are supposed to do in situations like this. Tell me bullshit lines like I’ll get through this and he’s not worth my time. I see now what Dylan was so scared about. These two have already turned on him. He’s right—we were stupid to risk our friendship for something more.
But my heart aches as I walk out of his office with a friend on each arm, knowing I’ll probably never be back to Ink Envy. Jax sees us and follows.
“You can’t leave me responsible for the place,” Lyle frantically says to Jax.
Jax pats him on the shoulder. “Sure, I can. Tell any of my clients I had an emergency.” Jax tosses his key to Lyle. “No parties, and don’t burn the place down.”
Lyle laughs. “You sound just like a dad.”
Jax scowls. “Fuck you. That’s an insult.”
Ethan walks in and gives Blanca a kiss on the cheek.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“We’re going after Dylan.”
“Let him rot,” Sierra says.
I squeeze her hand for being a protective friend, but I don’t want Dylan suffering out there by himself.
“Do you know where he would’ve gone?” I ask.
Jax eyes Ethan as Knox, Seth, and Adrian join the party in the waiting room.
“You’re going too?” Sierra asks Adrian.
“Take me with you,” I say, leaving the arms of my friends.
Knox steps in front of me, blocking my way. “Let us talk to him first, okay? We’ll text you when we find him
.”
I nod.
“Who rides with who?” Seth asks.
“What do you mean?” Knox asks, putting on his leather coat.
“Whose bike am I on?” Seth adds.
Knox looks at Jax.
Jax raises his eyebrows. “You are not riding bitch on my bike.”
“You three can go in Adrian’s fancy car,” Knox says.
Seth’s shoulders deflate. “You guys get to act all cool on your motorcycles and I ride in the back of a Range Rover?”
Knox nods. “Get your motorcycle license and a bike and you can ride with us.”
Seth rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”
Adrian and Ethan say goodbye to their girlfriends.
Seth hugs me before they leave. “I’ll bring him back to you.” He winks.
Jax and Knox roll their eyes because I’m pretty sure they’re the ones who know where Dylan might have gone. I mouth a thank you to Jax and he nods like always. A man of few words. We watch them leave.
“Um, Rian, can we call Frankie?” Lyle distracts me as they disappear around a corner.
“I’ll run to the liquor store,” Sierra says and runs her hand down my arm.
No way we can leave Lyle in charge of Ink Envy even for a half hour. He’s clearly not ready.
As I sit on the couch in the waiting room, I remember all the times I came in here and dreamily looked at Dylan. It feels as though we’ve come so far since those moments, but now I’m lost on where we’ll end up. One thing is certain—I don’t belong in Texas. Even if Dylan returns and sells Ink Envy and disappears forever, or if we find some new normal for our friendship, or if we work out as a couple, I’m meant to be in Cliffton Heights. It’s where everyone I care about lives.
I pull out my phone and email Dr. Quinton my decision to decline the job. Just like math, I’ll narrow down my choices one by one. Eventually I’ll find the solution to my problem.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Dylan
The headlight from my bike shines on Joyland’s closed sign; the S is tipped upside down. I ride down the long driveway and through the vacant parking lot that’s overgrown with weeds and grass.
Once I weave through the opening where I used to witness thousands of families anxiously waiting to get in, I stop at the pool that’s now dried up. No one has been here in years. The park was abandoned after they closed their doors due to bankruptcy. I continue on past the merry-go-round that’s missing some animals and poles over to the children’s area. I park my bike by the bumper cars and game booths, then sit up on a concrete ledge.
Rian’s blazing eyes are all I’ve seen since I left Ink Envy. Truth hurts, and Rian knew what she was talking about. I can’t deny it. What she expects from me isn’t feasible. I’m not the guy she thinks I am. And I’m sure as hell not gonna be the reason she misses out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
The sound of two bikes rumbling through the park alerts me that my friends have found me. I had hoped they wouldn’t search me out or would overlook this place. I guess our time here meant a lot to them too. They stop near my bike, each cutting the engine and taking off their helmets.
“Funny meeting you here,” Jax says, climbing off his bike and hitting the kickstand.
“Why did you follow me?”
Jax sits next to me on the concrete ledge. “Someone has to talk some sense into you.”
I desperately want to ask how Rian is. Is she crying? Is she packing her bags? But I leave those questions where they should be—far out of my concern.
Knox leaves his helmet on his bike and joins us. The three of us sit in line, just like when we were younger. We’d come here for an entire day and always end up on this piece of concrete, watching the families wind down for the day as the sun set. I’d see kids fall asleep on their dads’ shoulders, or mothers cleaning faces and hands after buckling them up in the stroller. The parents exhausted but with smiles as they looked at each other with happiness in their eyes. I always envied them.
“Remember that time that dad had his son’s arm twisted behind his back?” Jax says. “The kid was, like, nine.”
I nod. “Knox jumped down and surprised him, told him if he ever saw him do something like that again, he’d find him and cut off his dick.” I glance at Knox.
He shakes his head. “I was such a punk, but hopefully nothing else happened to that kid. What about that time a mom hit on Jax?” We all laugh. “And you told her she should be watching her kids and not hitting on a high schooler unless she wanted to be arrested.”
“She just left them for anyone to kidnap,” Jax says. “What kind of mother is that?”
We saw so many different versions of parents while we sat on our perch, judging. We intervened more than we ever should have.
“Then you have Phillips, always giving his stuffed animals to the kids.” Jax’s hand clasps the back of my neck and squeezes.
“What was I gonna do with them?” I shrug as though it wasn’t a big deal, but I loved the way the kids’ eyes would beam and the parents didn’t look at me as if I was trash.
“You always were a family man.” Knox nudges me with his elbow.
I shake my head.
“Phillips, don’t even try to deny it. How many times did you say that you wanted what those people had?” Jax says.
I jump down from the ledge. “Because I was a foster kid. What foster kid doesn’t want parents? A family?”
They jump down and join me walking around. It’s sad and desolate and depressing here now.
“You wanted your own family,” Knox says. “I remember you saying, ‘I’d never treat my kid like that,’ and ‘My wife is going to be smoking hot with a great pair of tits.’”
I huff out a laugh. We really were punks. “I was young and stupid.”
“You knew what you wanted, so what changed?” Knox asks. “I see the way you look at her, man.”
I clench my teeth. “She’s better off in Houston. She has so many possibilities for her life and I want her to realize all of them.”
“Bullshit. Come on. Own it, Phillips.” Jax’s voice echoes through the empty park as we all hang on metal beams from a ride that’s half rotted away.
“Own what?”
Jax looks at Knox and shakes his head. “You fell in love with her and you’re scared because what happens when you love people?”
“They leave you,” Knox fills in for Jax.
“You two are psychologists now, are you?”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to leave? Maybe she doesn’t want the job.” Jax walks up to me. “Maybe she doesn’t want to leave you.” He jabs me in the chest.
“Do we really have to give you the ‘you are worthy’ speech?” Knox puts his arm around my neck and rubs his knuckles along my skull. “People have been assholes and yeah, maybe your dickhead parents abandoned you, but that doesn’t dictate everyone’s actions.”
I get out of his hold. “My head is all kinds of fucked up right now. She called me out on all my shit. She figured me out.”
Jax laughs echoes in the night. Only the moon lights our path as we continue along. “You’re not a Rubik’s cube, moron. And I should kick your ass for that stunt with the client.”
I nod. He should. It was low. “What if I fuck this up?”
Knox slaps me on the back. “Too late for that.”
He’s right. I have fucked this all up. When Lyle said she was there, I purposely got Colleen out quickly so she would still be adjusting herself. Wiping my mouth on my T-shirt was playing dirty.
“I guess we’re all gonna wait around for her to meet that accountant, huh?” Jax jumps up on a concrete ledge and walks it. “Watch her pop out a few perfect kids. Sit on the sidelines and let some other fucker get the life you want? Just like we used to watch those families here when we were kids.” Jax jumps down in front of me and I rear back. “It’s time to grow up. You love Rian and she loves you. Shit, I’ve witnessed so many gooey moments the last few months that I need f
ive root canals.”
Knox nudges my shoulder with his. “He’s right. It’s time you take what’s yours and fight what’s holding you back. We all have our demons. Everyone grows up with them. You and Jax were dealt a shitty hand, so toss the cards back into the deck and reshuffle. Or better yet, pluck out your cards so that you end up with a royal flush. It’s in your hands. You’re the one in control, not that jealous boy who used to watch all the families here.”
“Man, Whelan, I’m impressed,” Jax says.
Jax is right—Knox did good. He’s wrong about one thing though. The jealous boy inside me is the one I should be listening to, because he’s the one who said fuck this life he was given, he was gonna have the wife and the kids and the whole family. He wasn’t scared.
“Where is she?” I ask, my hand digging into my pocket for my keys.
“She’s packing for Houston. Leaving on a red-eye, I think,” Jax says.
“Fuck.” I turn and run back to my bike.
They follow suit.
“I’m not sure you’re going to catch her,” Knox says.
All three of us climb on our bikes, and with me in the lead, we head out of the park—except we come upon three guys using their cell phones as flashlights when we reach the merry-go-round. I stop the bike, and my friends stop on either side of me.
“Fuck, guys, you knew we couldn’t get Adrian’s Range Rover through those openings,” Seth says.
Jax and Knox shrug.
“Sorry, we weren’t thinking,” Knox says.
“I gotta go.” I rev my engine.
“This is bullshit, I wasn’t able to give him his ‘come to his senses’ speech.” Seth holds up a piece of paper. “I wrote down notes on the way here.”
Jax inches forward on his bike. “All taken care of. Now we need to stop her from getting on the plane.” Jax pats Seth’s back.
“Thanks for coming, guys, but my head’s on straight again.” I wheel by them and out of the park, right to the highway.
I zoom and weave through traffic with confidence and ease. We pull up to the apartment, all of us killing our engines. The guys tell me they’ll park my bike.
I run up the stairs of our apartment building, winded when I bust open the door to nothing but darkness. I slam the door and run down the stairs. Jax and Knox are still parking my bike curbside.