by Smith, T. L
Still working on it!!!
Josh:
Okay, beautiful, see you tonight.
What do you want me to cook?
I love that he offers to cook, because I hate to cook and I’m not really the best at it. I think that’s why he always does, plus he is an excellent cook.
Me:
You’re so sweet, but I can just
grab Chinese on my way over.
Josh:
Don’t go calling me sweet,
unless you’re talking about the
taste of my man downstairs,
that could ruin my rep. lol
Me:
You’re a fool. I’ll call my
boyfriend whatever
I damn well please.
P.S he tastes quite yummy too
P.P.S now, I’m wet.
Josh:
You’re killing me, beautiful.
I’m trying to work here, and now
I’m as hard as rock. Arghhh!
Ha ha! I love stirring him up. He can never get enough, and I really hope that doesn’t change because what if Lola is right and he does get sick of me and wants someone else? I try to push those thoughts to the back of my head and focus on the now, not what everyone thinks will happen.
Chapter 15
I’ve got the Chinese and Josh and I are waiting for Lola and Blake to get here. There’s finally a knock at the door and I answer it. Blake picks me up and gives me a peck on the cheek and walks into greet Josh. I look at Lola and she looks like she doesn’t want to come in.
“Come on, Lola, you said you would give this a chance.”
She looks at me for a moment debating, but she finally comes in and gives me a hug. I drag her to the dining area where the boys are chatting away. We take a seat and start eating and listening to the boys talk sports. Lola hasn’t said too much, but she watches how Josh kisses me on the cheek and puts his arm protectively around the back of my chair.
I can see she’s finally starting to understand. Once dinner is over, I tell them all to go and take a seat in the lounge room while I get the drinks. Blake offers to help while Lola and Josh head to the lounge room.
“Do you think they will be all right in there?” I ask him, being serious.
“I hope so. Your sister can be mean if she wants to be, but I think she sees you’re happy. Anyone can see Josh is crazy for you. He hasn’t shut up about you since the first time he saw you at the bar,” Blake says, smiling at me. I give him a big hug. I hope he and Lola will work out their differences and finally get together.
We are finishing up the drinks when we hear yelling. We both take off to the lounge room and see Josh and Lola in a screaming match.
“You haven’t told her?” Lola screams at him.
“Why would I do that when neither of us remember what happened,” Josh says.
“What are you talking about?” I interrupt. Both of their heads whip around to me at the sound of my voice.
“It’s nothing, beautiful,” Josh tries to say in a calming voice. I look over to Lola and give her a pleading look.
“Josh and I slept together,” she answers softly.
I’m dumbfounded. I don’t know what to say. I just look at them both, waiting for them to tell me it’s all a lie, but I can tell by looking at both of them that it’s the truth. Everything is finally making sense. That’s why she doesn’t want me with him. That’s why she was always pushing me to stay away from him, and why she was cheering for Dylan.
“Beautiful, it was nothing. We were drunk, and aren’t quite sure what happened, short of waking up together,” he says in a pleading tone.
I look back over to Lola. “This is why you didn’t want me with him, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I know how he is, and I don’t want him to hurt you.”
“I would never hurt her, Lola. So don’t go saying stuff like that.” He turns back to me. “You know I would never hurt you on purpose.” He tries to take my hand and I just snatch it back and take a step back. He looks hurt by this, but that’s nothing compared to how betrayed I feel. I just need to get out of here. I turn around looking for my bag, find it, and start heading towards the door. Just as I’m about to open it, Josh grabs me by the arm.
“Please don’t leave. I can explain everything, but please don’t leave me.”
I can’t even stand the sight of him. I pull my arm free and walk out the door. I have no idea where I’m going to go. I don’t want to head back to the apartment because Lola will be waiting, and all I want to do is smack her across the face for not being honest with me. And Josh, God, what a dick! He should have been honest instead of weaselling his way into my heart.
God, I can’t believe I was going to move in with him. Now I just want to get drunk and forget about it all. Hopefully, that will take my mind off the two backstabbing liars.
I call up Rose and ask her to have drinks with me. I pull up to a bar near the hospital I work at, and spot her as soon as I walk in. When I get closer, I see she isn’t alone. It looks like there are a few people here from work, and Dylan is one of them.
I go to turn around and take off, but Rose notices me and waves me over. Everyone looks up, but all I can see is Dylan’s eyes scanning me from head to toe. It makes me nervous because I wonder if he knows already. He’s friends with Blake, though I don’t think he would have said anything to anyone. I walk over and wave hi to everyone. Rose asks me to the bar with her to grab a drink. I follow and she looks me up and down.
“So, tell me what’s up?”
“Just a lot going on. I just want to get white girl wasted tonight.”
She knows something’s up, but she doesn’t push me.
“Well, when you decide to talk, let me know,” she says with a hug.
Two hours later, I’m well on my way to being very drunk. I have shot after shot, and someone is always putting a drink in my hand when I’m empty. I’ve filled Rose in with what’s going on, so I suppose that’s her way of helping me drown my sorrows. I have a feeling that Dylan overheard our conversation. He has been a gentleman all night, grabbing me glasses of water and so forth. When Rose hands me another beer, I chug it back. Now I’m a stumbling mess, but Dylan grabs me before I make a fool of myself and fall head first.
“You’re so pretty,” I tell him. Okay, now I’m definitely drunk.
“Okay, Sasha, I think we need to get you home,” he says while grabbing hold of my arm.
“Noooo! I can’t go back there, and I won’t.” I stamp my foot like a two-year-old.
“Okay, where do you want to go?” he asks.
“Just a hotel will be fine.”
“How about you stay at mine and see where you want to go from there?”
“No, I can’t. You’re too good for me, and too nice.” Wow, too much alcohol for me.
“I’m not asking for anything, Sasha, just to let you sleep this off.”
“Why couldn’t have you come into the picture earlier, Dylan? My heart would have been safe with you,” I say while leaning on his shoulder.
“It still could be,” he whispers in my ear.
Now I know I’m about to pass out, but I’m not sure if it’s from his words or alcohol. I feel him carry me out the bar like a toddler. He places me in his car and leans over to help seat belt me up. While he is leaning over me, I grab his face and kiss him. At first, he is shocked and doesn’t respond, but then he starts kissing me back really slowly.
He pulls away abruptly and sighs, “Sasha, I won’t take advantage of you. I have more respect for you than that.”
I look up at him and whisper, “Okay.” He shuts my door and climbs into the car with me. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, he is carrying me into his apartment. Well, at least that is what my foggy mind is telling me. He places me on a bed and I’m pretty sure I’m in his room. The pillows smell like him. After he takes off my shoes, he places a bottle of water next to the bed. He turns to leave, but I stop him before he g
ets to the door.
“Sleep with me, please. I don’t want to be left alone,” I mumble into the pillow. I hear him curse, but I feel the bed dip. I roll over and cuddle up to him. I hear him sigh and that’s the last thing I hear.
I wake up sweating and my head pounding. I quickly discover why; I’m draped all over someone. At first, I think it’s Josh, until my memories come back of yesterday’s events. I look up and see Dylan sleeping peacefully. I make my way to the bathroom, and then head to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. I’m so lost in my own little world that I’m startled and nearly drop the mug I’m holding when Dylan says good morning from directly behind me.
“Hey, sorry, I was just going to have a cup of coffee and be on my way,” I tell him quickly.
“It’s okay, Sasha. You’re welcome to stay,” he assures me.
“Oh, no, I don’t want to intrude. Thanks again for last night, you know, for looking after me in my drunken stupor,” I say with a smile.
“It’s fine, Sasha. All you ever have to do is ask and I’ll help you out. Anyway, the reason I’m up is ‘cause your phone hasn’t stop ringing since last night.”
He hands me my phone and I know I need to deal with all this, but I just don’t want to.
“How about I take you to breakfast, Dylan, for letting me stay here last night?”
He looks up and smiles at me. It’s so warm and kind; I just want to cuddle him again.
“Sure, I’ll grab my phone and we’re good to go.”
I grab my purse and have a look at my phone while I wait. There are thirty missed calls from Josh, and quite a few from Lola as well. I also have several text messages, but I’m not ready to open them yet. Dylan walks back in as my phone starts ringing again. It’s Josh. I stare at the screen. I let out a heavy sigh and decide to put my phone on silent. I look back up and see Dylan watching me.
“You can’t ignore them forever, Sasha. It’s better to deal with it, than ignore it.”
“I know. I’m just not in the mood at the moment to hear their shitty excuses.”
“We all make mistakes. It’s what we do after the mistake is made that counts,” he states wisely. He is so forgiving and so kind. I wish I had fallen for him instead of Josh. I let Josh in and he has crushed me. I’m so glad I didn’t give him all my heart; otherwise, I would be a far worse wreck than I am.
Chapter 16
I have managed to avoid my sister and Josh all day, but I had to switch my phone off because they wouldn’t stop blowing it up. Breakfast with Dylan was pleasant. He never brought up last night again, which I’m thankful for. He has also offered to let me to stay at his house, but I don’t think that’s fair to him. I see the way he looks at me, and I know there are some feelings there, but I really don’t want to hurt him. So I’ve accepted Rose’s offer to let me stay with her.
Before I head there, I have to stop at my place to get some stuff. I obviously still have to work and continue on. I’m trying not to let this put a downer on me, but every time I think about it, it hurts so much. The two people that I loved the most hurt me so much and then kept it a secret on top of that.
I head to the apartment when Lola should be at work, but I find her in the lounge room watching a movie. I’m not sure if I should shut the door and hope she won’t notice, or just head straight to my room.
“Sasha, you’re home.” She jumps off the couch and comes over so we’re face to face.
“I won’t be here long. I’ve just come to get my things,” I say sharply.
Her face drops. “What do you mean? This is your home.”
“Look, Lola, I’m not in the mood to get into this with you right now, so please leave me alone.” I start to head to my room and feel her following.
“Please, Sasha, don’t be mad. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I thought you two wouldn’t last, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Oh, that’s rich of you. Aren’t you so thoughtful,” I sneer at her.
“That’s not what I mean. Josh never does serious. I thought you were just having fun, but I see from last night that you both do love each other and I’m really sorry.”
“I SAID DON’T TALK TO ME!”
She backs up after I scream at her. Just as she gets to the door, I walk forward and slam it in her face. I grab all my necessities, throw everything I can in a duffel bag, and head out as fast as I can. Lola stops me just before I reach the door.
“Josh has been going psycho. He wrecked his apartment and hasn’t stopped drinking. He says you won’t call or text him back.”
“What do you care, Lola? Aren’t you glad I’m not with him now?”
“Yes and no. I can see that you and he are different with each other and he really does love you. I think maybe you should talk to him.”
“You know what? How about you stop trying to fix our problem, and work out your own. Why don’t you stop whoring yourself out, and just admit to yourself you’re in love with Blake.” I stand there and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her reaction.
“Is that what you think of me? That I’m a— a— whore?” she stutters.
“I don’t think anything. Do what you goddamn please. I’m out. Stop trying to call me.” With that, I grab my bag and walk out the door.
I haven’t had a chance to talk to Rose, and I have a shift at the hospital tonight, so I just drop my stuff off in her spare room and get ready for work.
I’m halfway through my shift when I see Josh walking towards me. He looks really bad, and not just heartbroken. He looks sickly bad, and I wonder what is really wrong with him. I try to walk away, but he calls my name and I freeze. He grabs my arms and holds me in place.
“Can we please talk? It’s been torture not hearing your voice.” He looks in pain when he says this. I start to feel sorry for him, but then remember why I am angry with him and yank my arm out of his grip.
“Sasha, are you okay?” Dylan walks up behind me. I can see Josh’s face scowl.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I turn to him and see him looking between Josh and me.
“Well, if you need me, let me know.”
“What would she need you for?” Josh barks at Dylan.
“Josh, shut up. If you want to talk to me, you’re going about it the wrong way by being rude to my friends.”
“He isn’t your friend. He is just looking for a way back into your pants.”
“You have some nerve, after what you have done to her, Josh.” Dylan gets closer and he is almost in his face, and I don’t want this to happen. I step in the middle of them and look at Dylan.
“It’s okay. I’ll just have a chat with him and he will be on his way.” Then I turn to Josh. “You have five minutes to talk and you better make it quick.”
They both nod and Josh follows me to the cafeteria. I see people checking Josh out because he is just so hard not to look at. I take a seat, wave my hand for him to talk, and look at my watch.
“Come on, beautiful, please don’t be mad. I didn’t do it to hurt you. It was before we met.”
“You’re joking, right? You think that makes it okay, that you slept with my sister and didn’t once mention it to me?”
“No, it’s not all right, but what was I supposed to say? Hey, I’m in love with you, but I slept with your sister. Yeah, that would have come out great,” he says with an eye roll.
“It’s better than not saying anything at all.”
“I couldn’t risk losing you. I love you too much.”
“So you decide to lie? Well, that just makes it all better.”
He grabs his hair, pulls it, and looks back up at me.
“You don’t get it. Arghhh! I fucking love you, Sasha. I never meant to hurt you!”
“Well, I’m glad this came out now before we got too serious.” I say softly because I know he is on the verge of losing his temper, and I don’t need this at the moment.
“What are you talking about? We are serious.”
“I’m saying I don’t wan
t to see you anymore, so please leave me alone.” I get up and start to walk away when he bellows my name.
“Sasha, you can’t end us like this.” I can hear the pain in his voice when he says this, but I don’t want to turn back because I know I’ll run over to him and hug him. So I continue to walk until I’m in the bathroom and finally the tears come pouring out.
I’m near the end of my shift and Dylan has come to check up on me a few times, but I keep on telling him I’m fine. I get a call to go to the head nurse’s office; once I’m in there she drops a bombshell on me. She offers me an unexpected opportunity and possibly a much needed escape.
“I know it’s a lot to think about, but we would help you with the transfer and it’s one of the best hospitals. You can finish the rest of your studies online.”
“Can I think about it and let you know in a few days?”
“Yes, of course you can, but don’t wait long, otherwise someone else will get the opportunity.”
I walk out of the hospital in a daze. I can move, just pack everything up and go to Sydney. Or I could stay here and deal with all of this shit. I think I know my answer, but I’m going to head over and chat with Lola.
“You home, Lola?” I yell as I enter the apartment. She comes out of her room looking like she just got up.
“You’re home?” she asks looking hopeful.
“I’ve come to talk to you.”
“Oh,” is her only response.
“Look, you’re my sister and I love you, but I can’t trust you anymore. You hurt me the most because I didn’t think we kept secrets from one another. But I guess I was wrong. Anyway, I’ve come to tell you I’m moving to Sydney. I’m going to come collect all my stuff when I get a final date. Hopefully, the space will do us good and we can try to rebuild our relationship, but I can’t do it looking at you every day and wondering what else you have hidden from me.”
“Please, Sasha, don’t go because of me. I can move out.”