by Smith, T. L
“Hey, watch out.” I turn and see Josh staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Sasha, can we talk?” he asks, looking from me to Brandon.
“Sorry, man, trust now is not the time to be talking to Miss Firecracker here,” Brandon adds, butting in and saving my ass as always.
“Sorry, didn’t know I had to ask you for permission,” Josh spits out at him.
“Look, I’m not sure what is going on here, but now is not the time,” Brandon says, once again to my rescue, stopping me before I have a chance to go ape shit on Josh for talking to Brandon that way.
“Josh, please, just leave it be. I’m not in the mood for an argument.”
“Wait, this is the Josh?” Brandon asks, finally piecing the puzzle together. I nod my head in agreement. Brandon grabs my hand and we’re off again. We pass by Adam and say our goodbyes. I tell him I’ll stop in soon to see them before I leave, and then we’re out the door.
We’re almost to the car when I hear my name being called. I turn around to find Josh strutting over to us. “Oh no,” I mumble under my breath. Brandon turns around and stands high like he won’t be taking Josh’s shit. I want to laugh at him for being so good to me.
“Sasha, can we have a coffee and talk, please?”
“No, she is busy and needs to rest,” Brandon tells him.
“Who the fuck do you think you? Are you her bodyguard or something?”
“Yeah, something like that,” Brandon says with a menacing grin.
“It’s okay, Brandon. I’ll go and have a coffee. I’ll call you later, okay?” I’m not in the mood to have these two arguing today. I just don’t think I can deal.
“You sure, Sash? We can leave right now.”
“Yes, it’s fine. I love you and I’ll call later, promise.” I lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. When I turn around to Josh, face is contorted with anger. “You ready? I’m tired and don’t have long.”
“Yeah,” he says and storms off, leaving me to follow.
We end up driving around in circles and not talking. I’m starting to wonder why he even wanted me to come if he isn’t going to talk. After driving around for another ten minutes, he finally breaks the silence.
“Is that your boyfriend?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“Is that all you have to say? Is this why you wanted to talk?”
“Yes and no.”
“No, he is not my boyfriend,” I say because I don’t want to play games with him.
“Are you engaged or something?”
“God, Josh, no, we are not. He is my cousin from Sydney. Any other stupid questions?” I turn to glare at him and I see his body relax. I realise how tense he’s been since I first saw him this morning. I take in his looks for the first time. His hair is buzz cut short. He is wearing a suit, which looks ridiculously handsome on him. He is way better looking than I remembered. He is absolutely scrumptious, but I can see that he has lost weight and still looks a bit sick.
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure.”
Josh is not the apologetic type, so now I feel bad for yelling and ignoring him. I realise he also lost a friend today, not just me.
Chapter 21
We pull up to a really nice modern two-storey home. It’s so gorgeous my mouth literally drops just looking at it. It has a wraparound porch, a water feature, and a very large yard.
“Wow, this is beautiful. Whose home is this?” I ask in awe.
“It’s mine,” he says, not looking at me at all and I can tell by his body language that he wishes I hadn’t asked.
“Well, it’s very nice, but why are we here?”
“I thought we could talk in private, and this way, you can’t run away. And it’s a really long walk if you try.”
He gets out and comes over to open my door. I follow him into the house, and the inside is just as gorgeous. It has hard wood polished floors, granite top benches in the kitchen, massive all new appliances everywhere, a very large TV, and a beautiful corner couch with cinema chairs around it.
He has really outdone himself with this home. I’m so awestruck at everything, trying to take it all in at once. Something in the lounge room catches my attention. Josh was never one to hang photos up in his last home. There wasn’t even a single one anywhere. But here, there is a very large canvas photo hanging above the lounge. It stops me dead in my tracks when I see it. It’s of the two of us taken at one of Blake’s parties when we first started dating.
I didn’t even know he had this photo. I’m leaning in on his shoulder laughing, with a massive smile plastered on my face and Josh is staring down at me like I’m the only person he sees.
It actually hurts me to see it, but I can’t take my eyes off it. That’s how he always looked at me, like I was the only girl in the room with prettiest dress on and he just couldn’t ever take his eyes off me. My thoughts get interrupted as I hear Josh make his way over to me.
“I love that photo. Brit gave it to me one night and I always wanted to get it framed, but never got around to it.”
I look up at him and see he is looking at me that way again. I take a step back because he jumbles up my thoughts when I’m around him.
“It is beautiful.”
“Indeed it is.”
We stand there looking at each other without speaking, and I can feel his eyes roaming my body. I feel a bit flustered, and turn back toward the picture so he can’t see my face.
“Take a seat. I’ll get you a wine, Sasha.”
Not long after he hands me the wine, he takes a seat across from me on the couch.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I ask because I’m getting sick of the silence.
“How are you liking Sydney?”
“It’s great. I love it there.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“Sorry, Josh, but I don’t want to talk about that with you.” I don’t understand why he going with small talk. I just want him to get straight to the point. I’m tired. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster and I’m ready to get off.
“Okay, well, have you at least forgiven me?”
“Yes, Josh, I have. I forgave you and Lola a while ago now.”
“Would you consider having dinner with me sometime?”
“Look, Josh, I’m not here to talk about rekindling. If that’s why you thought I came, you have the wrong impression and I’m sorry for that.”
“To be honest, I just wanted to talk to you. To make sure you didn’t hate me.”
“Well, I don’t. Would you mind taking me back to the hotel now?”
“You shouldn’t stay at a hotel. You can stay here. I have more than enough room.”
“Thanks, but no. I’m staying with Brandon and we’re leaving tomorrow after I say bye. I have to get back to work.”
“Okay, can I have your number?”
“Why on Earth would you want my number?”
“I just thought when I’m in Sydney next, we could have coffee.”
I reluctantly agree because I know he is trying to make amends. After I give Josh my number, he drops me off at the hotel. We say our goodbyes, and he says he will stay in touch. I’m not sure how I feel about that. My feelings for him are so mixed after seeing him after so long.
“Hey, you made it back. I didn’t think he would let you go,” Brandon says opening the door for me
“Yeah, he just wanted to talk to make sure I forgave him.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s all it was.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, Sasha, I saw the way he was staring at you from the moment I got to the funeral home. He looked like he wanted to pummel me when I was hugging you. I can’t imagine what he would have done if I kissed you even on the cheek. That boy is crazy about you even after all this time.”
“I know, but it’s the past and I want to move forward, not go backwards.”
“You aren’t going backwards if you love him. Just don’t deny yourself happiness because you thi
nk everyone will hurt you.”
I nod my head and go to the bathroom to shower because it’s been a crazy day. I’m standing in the shower thinking about everything, Brit, Josh, and Adam. The dam finally breaks and I can’t hold it in anymore. Why would someone want to hurt such a beautiful woman? I have lost my best friend. Did I ruin everything with Josh by not giving him a fair chance? I can’t handle it anymore. I drop to floor of the shower and hug my knees, hoping this pain in my heart will stop soon so I can put my walls back up.
I get up early the next morning and head over to Adam’s to say goodbye. Everyone is there, a few of Brit’s work colleagues, Lola, Blake, and even Josh. I walk in with Brandon behind me and go to Lola who is holding Kasey. I pick her up and give her the biggest kiss. This little girl sure knows how to make me smile when I’m feeling down. I see Brandon walk over and give Lola a hug. He then introduces himself to Blake and Josh. While Brandon shakes hands, I decide to let them be and go to the lounge room to get my time in with Kasey before I leave today.
“Who is Aunty Sasha’s favourite girl?” I coo to her.
“Me! Me, Aunty!”
“Yes, beautiful, you are.”
We sit and play with Lego blocks for a bit when a voice interrupts us.
“You’re really good with her.” I look up and see Josh staring down at us. I nod my head in agreement. Kasey gets up and runs over to him.
“Josh! Josh!”
“She seems to love you, too.”
“Yeah, I’ve been around her a lot.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know he hung around them. I assumed they were all good friends, but didn’t consider how close.
“Well, I’m going to say goodbye to everyone else. Bye, my little beautiful girl.”
“You come back soon?” Kasey asks me.
“Soon as I can, baby.”
I walk out of the lounge room and let them play. I find Adam talking with everyone.
“Hey, Brandon and I have to leave, but if you need me, please phone.” I lean in, kiss him on the cheek and give him a hug.
“Can I walk you out?” he asks, looking up at me.
“Yes, of course.”
I say my goodbyes to everybody else, and I notice Lola hasn’t left Blake’s side since I’ve seen her. I’ll have to ask her what is going on with them.
“Look, Sasha, I know it’s not my place to say, but Brit and I felt strongly about it and now she isn’t here to say anything to you. So I will. I think you made a bad choice by moving away and not sorting out what you and Josh had. We could tell you were crazy about each other, and after you left, Josh went crazy and wouldn’t talk to anyone.
“The only way we could get him out of his funk was to bring Kasey around to cheer him up. He was constantly fighting and drinking. He has only just come back to being semi-normal. If you plan to see him again, please make sure it’s something you want. I can’t stand to deal with all that again. He has a lot of issues, and it’s not my place to tell you about them, but he has to.”
Wow, I don’t know what to say. Brit felt this way and never told me.
“I don’t plan on hurting him again, and it might not have been the best choice to move away, but I’m happy there.”
“Okay, that’s all I can ask for I guess. Thanks so much for coming and helping, I really appreciate it.”
“Call me anytime you need me, Adam. I’m not far away and I’ll be on the first flight out, I promise.”
Chapter 22
It’s been a busy week since being home. Going back to work and dealing with all these emotions I have about everything, has been hard. I feel if I take a wrong step, my world will come to halt and I will have to face everything. So instead, I keep myself busy with work, and my cousins do their part to keep me occupied as well. I’ve also been seeing Brax.
He has been a great friend. He usually picks me up from work and often buys take out. We sit on the couch and watch movies. He really is a great guy, but my mind continually wanders back to Josh. I sometimes wonder where Brax and I would be if I hadn’t seen Josh again. I think I would have pursued him, and probably given in to my feelings for him. But I know it’s not fair to give him pieces of me when my heart belongs to someone I thought I would never see again. Brax is about to go and get us take out for the night when I hear my phone buzz. It’s from an unknown number.
Unknown:
Hi, I’m in Sydney and
would like to take you
out for dinner. Josh
I’m a bit surprised he wants to have dinner; to me, dinner is a date, but I’m hoping he just wants to be friends because I don’t know if I can handle another heartbreak again from him.
Me:
Ok, text me where.
I look at Brax and notice he is waiting for me.
“Would you mind if we don’t have dinner tonight? A friend has just arrived and wants to meet up.”
“No, that’s fine, Sash. Just call me if you change your mind; otherwise, I’ll see you soon.”
He leans in, kisses me on the cheek and goes. I go to my bedroom and change into a pair of jeans and a nice top and head out the door. I pull up to what I guess is the hotel he’s staying at. I park my car, and instantly, I see him standing at the entrance waiting for me.
“You look lovely as always, Sasha,” he says in greeting.
He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. At just that simple gesture, I feel electricity race through my body.
“Thank you.”
He gestures for me to follow him and places his hand on the small of my back as we get in the elevator. I can feel his stare on me. I turn and see he is looking at me like he is trying to work something out. Just as he is about to say something, the elevator dings, and he doesn’t speak. I follow him to what I guess is his room. We take a seat on the couch and he orders room service. I twitch my fingers nervously.
“Have you missed me at all?” he asks me quietly.
I wasn’t expecting that to be the first words out of his mouth, but I can see he wants an answer. I really want to tell him he is in my dreams as well as my nightmares. There has been absolutely no escaping him, even with me putting the distance between us, but I don’t say any of that.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Josh,” I say with a shrug.
“Honesty would be good.”
“Really? Honest like you were with me all the time?”
I know I am being bitchy, but it’s my defence mechanism to protect myself.
“So when I asked you if you forgave me, you really didn’t?”
“I do, Josh, but why ask such a thing?”
He places his elbows on his knees and grabs at his head. I can tell he is getting worked up at this conversation, but I think it’s one we need to have.
“Because… I have loved you since the day I saw you, and you don’t seem to care. I tried so hard to forget you, but it never worked. Then you show up with another guy, telling him you loved him, I almost ripped his throat out there and then. If it hadn’t been for Blake standing next to me, there would have been another funeral, Sasha.”
“I can’t believe you would say that. He is my cousin.”
“I know that now, but it doesn’t change the way I felt. I could never stand to see a guy touch you.”
“I know that Josh, but I’m not yours to go all caveman over.”
There’s a knock at the door and I guess it’s room service. Josh goes out to answer the door. I’m waiting for him to return when I hear a girl’s voice complaining about not being able to come in. I stand up and walk closer so I can hear their conversation.
“Come on, Joshy, you know you want to let me come in and have some fun.”
I can’t believe I’m here listening to this. Did he really expect me to forgive him when he calls other girls around to satisfy his needs?
“Rebecca, you need to leave. I don’t even know how you knew I was here. I told you it was a onetime thing. Please fuck off.”
“Oh, come on.
I can get down on my hands and knees for you, like before,” she begs.
That’s enough. I have had it. I grab my bag and go to walk out, but then it dawns on me I’ll have to pass by these two idiots on my way out.
“Excuse me,” I say and get a hateful glare from the girl. Josh automatically sees my bag and goes to shut the door on her face.
“Please, don’t go. I didn’t call her. You know I wouldn’t have done that,” he pleads.
“How would I know what you would or wouldn’t have done, Josh? Please just let me leave. It was a mistake to come here.”
“God, woman, you never ever hear me out. You just run. Yes, I fucked her. Are you going to tell me you haven’t been with anyone? I have had sex with many other women since you, but I never made love to any of them. I always took them doggy style so I didn’t have to see their faces. That way I could think of you.”
“Does that make it all right then, that every time you fucked someone you thought of me?” I stand with my hand on my hip.
“God, you are such a frustrating woman!”
With that, he grabs me, picks me up by my ass so my legs have to wrap around him, and slams his lips on to mine. It’s not a slow torturous kiss, but it’s a painful ‘I want you so bad, you annoying twit’ kiss. And oh, my God, it’s heaven. I forgot what a great kisser this man is, and how he makes my butterflies feel like they’re trying to escape my body.
He slows down the kiss and I feel him massaging my ass. He pulls my bottom lip between his lips and sucks on it. Then slowly, but surely, he starts kissing his way down my neck. He removes one hand from my bottom and glides it ever so slowly up my back. He reaches around and cups my breast. I know I should be pushing him away. My head is screaming at me to make this stop because it’s only going to hurt worse, but my heart is so full of joy, I want to scream.
Josh carries me to the bedroom and lays me down on the bed. All the while, never moving his mouth away from me, constantly keeping in contact. It’s like he thinks if he lets go for a second, it will all be over. He tortures my breast with his tongue and I’m squirming for more. I can feel his chuckle as I squirm. He knows what I want, but he is torturing me on purpose.